To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

[Urbanhymngirl]

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

It was like this in the early 90s too. It wasn't my friends, but other girls (and boys). They would just find anything- the way you wore your socks, your hair, your trainers, your coat, your bag... and go out of their way to let you know you had it wrong. Twats. Bet they're first on the phone when their kids are feeling a bit upset.

I've worked in schools forever and I hate it. What's it to you if some other kid isn't like you?

So you couldn't get new friends; these were kids who just felt the need to comment on you in form or in pe or at break or on the bus.

@Tessabelle1 No, I think Boden is an expensive brand that (generally) lasts through a few children. It’s a budget brand when you buy second hand or have cousins cast offs though!

teach your ds to tell then to fuck off (in a non sweary way ). It's better to be an individual and like what he likes rather than trying to keep up with the chavvy scrotes who all have to have the same shit!

@jinglepies I'm pointing out that your children are blissfully unaware of the importance of labels as they're wearing expensive clothes! Send them in Primark and see how quickly those kids that don't give a stuff about labels jump on your kids

@Tessabelle1 They wouldn’t know the difference. I avoid clothes with any visible labels. I don’t like buying very cheap clothes new because I’m never sure that whoever has made this has been fairly paid. Boden quality is much better than Primark and when clothes are outgrown I pass them on again. I don’t only buy Boden. Was just an example. I got a new wetsuit this week for my oldest child. £100 new. Was £8 on eBay. And no, can’t remember the brand but my children think that all wetsuits look cool

He needs better 'friends'.

The trend I've noticed more of is kids being honest about their family situations. Quiet open about being on FSM etc.
Maybe it's just that my kids learnt the hard way in primary about picking the right friend so don't give headspace to the brand wankers.

We've also talked a lot about the fact we are luckier than most and that anyone who brags about wealth is not a nice person. We frame a lot of stuff in terms of how long it would take to earn the money to buy it.

@jinglepies you're completely missing the point of this thread! Your kids don't know BECAUSE THEYRE WEARING EXPENSIVE DESIGNER CLOTHES! Their school friends don't give a stuff for the same reason. If your kids go to school in Primark stuff, I guarantee it WILL be noticed and commented on

This sort of thing boils my piss

I heard the other day, a parent worried cos she could afford her kids chosen cost which costs £250

Can we all just make a pact? Let's not feed this toxic greedy competition amongst kids

Have the balls to stand up and say no. No you're not having a top do the range bjke. I mean, wheee the hell is he going cycling? The alps?

[quote Tessabelle1]@jinglepies you're completely missing the point of this thread! Your kids don't know BECAUSE THEYRE WEARING EXPENSIVE DESIGNER CLOTHES! Their school friends don't give a stuff for the same reason. If your kids go to school in Primark stuff, I guarantee it WILL be noticed and commented on[/quote]
Not necessarily. Most of the girls in DDs year spend/spent most Saturdays in Primark, they love a bargain

@Tessabelle1 Primark Red T-shirt. Boden/John Lewis/M&S Red T-shirt. They all look the same to children. I can honestly say that my children would have NO IDEA which is which and they wouldn’t be interested. They’d be interested in which was the softest. That’s it! I don’t like clothes with labels/brands so they all do pretty much look identical.

@Tessabelle1 and if second hand clothes are “designer” then... I just don’t know. I could afford to buy new designer clothes. Could kit my children out head to toe in Burbury or Nike or whatever is considered to be “designer”. I choose not to. I buy a few new things and am really grateful for family hand me downs and eBay bargains. I don’t go searching only for one or two brands. They wear whatever is in good condition and fits the season. We pass 80% on to other friends/family and 20% is knackered by the time it’s been through my children so gets recycled.

I think your son may need a reality check - my daughter has a number of friends who live in mobile homes and have very little - no phone, no bike, often no food. But they are her friends and she values their company.
Insecure twats feel the need to bully due to status.

It was the same when I was a kid, jelly bean bags and shoes, head bags Farah trousers for boys. I had some of it but not all. It does kids good to not have it all -sometimes life is hard kids need to learn how to cope

@Urbanhymngirl tell him his friends are idiots.

My son's friend's dad picks him up from school in a car that he claims costs £250k and the friend laughed when DS said we had a Nissan Qashqai. We just tell DS his friend is an idiot and his dad probably has a self esteem problem. He gets it now, and agrees. The sooner they learn to scoff at it the better.

[quote JinglePies]@Tessabelle1 They wouldn’t know the difference. I avoid clothes with any visible labels. I don’t like buying very cheap clothes new because I’m never sure that whoever has made this has been fairly paid. Boden quality is much better than Primark and when clothes are outgrown I pass them on again. I don’t only buy Boden. Was just an example. I got a new wetsuit this week for my oldest child. £100 new. Was £8 on eBay. And no, can’t remember the brand but my children think that all wetsuits look cool[/quote]
I'm the same.

I try and avoid buying obvious designer clothes. But I do buy good quality clothes. Primary clothes are not good quality. Bought many clothes from there and within 4 months, they are ruined and look worn out. Same with Uniqlo, I love their clothes but after a couple of months (more than primary to be fair) their clothes start to look worn out.

Bought a couple of shirts s from H&M and they are good. I think Nike trainers and clothes are good quality though. When they are on sale, I buy a few of their tracksuit bottoms for DS and buy the trainers.

I remember watching as my peers wore Kickers, Naf Naf, Oilily, Benetton branded jackets and shoes to school. I knew not to ask as my parents did not have the money. I hated 'own clothes' day as the cool, fashionable kids mocked the not so cool kids. You were accepted or discarded depending on what you were wearing. I bunked off a few times and sat in a park with friends. I now ensure my children have a range of fashionable but not highly expensive clothes. Thinking about school brings back horrid memories for me. So thankful the work environment is different to a certain extent.

Oh gosh it’s always been like this about everything (mostly) but I thought competitiveness over bikes was reserved for middle aged men!

Quadbod
A Nissan Qashqai is hardly a banger. Some children live very comfortably and have no idea how fortunate they are. Their lifestyle is the norm to them, they will wonder why others do not live as they do.

A school 'friend' complained that I wore my school coat when we went out on weekends. My mum could only afford one coat. Funny my 'friend' who was of a similar size never once offered to lend me one of her many coats - just made me feel like shit instead.

I’m not looking forward to dd going to Senior School in September. She’s going to school in the next town where there are wealthy families. My dd is pretty grounded so I’m hoping she’s carry this over with her to the next school.

Agree that a lot of parents do seem to give into this stuff quite easily. On my journey to work, I'm usually stuck in traffic on the main road to several of the secondary schools, and there seems to be an endless parade of Fjallraven backpacks marching past (or there was last year, they seem to be a bit less cool this year). I mean they're what, £100 a pop? Why on earth are so many parents shelling out a hundred quid on a kid's schoolbag?? It seems bonkers to me.

My private school was like this but my DC don't get this shit at their state schools.

@ZaraW

It's ridiculous. I have a friend who is struggling on furlough. He bought his son £700 Balenciaga trainers. Which he is now bored of.

Wow....

Tell your son to tell these stuck up prats to fuck off! I write as a victim.of bullying who never gave a toss about brands.
How about a campaign for buying cheap and telling kids not to care about brand names or take a pride in their appearance?

Had conversation with now adult son re this recently. A non uniform school, I refused to buy expensive trainers, etc as he was growing like a loon. Cheap phone as was constantly lost.
Years later, I asked, were you bullied over this? He replied, ‘yeh some comments, but I just told them they were losers for bigging themselves up with product names’.
And says he’d do the same with any future child of his!
Having said that, his friendship group were pretty nice and he was secure and centred within himself.
In a different group or school, may have been a lot harder for him.