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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

275 replies

Urbanhymngirl · 22/04/2021 11:48

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

OP posts:

cherry425 · 22/04/2021 23:21

thing is you could buy him a real expensive bike and it could get stolen whilst he's out and about. think the kids are being twats tbh. hopefully your son is confident enough to not give a shit.

secular39 · 22/04/2021 23:22

Some of these mountain bikes are stunning. But to the people who own these, how do you safely lock them up?! I'm so worried that these expensive bikes are just an attraction for thieves and most bike locks can be easily hacked into- if you have the right tools!

Titsywoo · 22/04/2021 23:26

Teenagers are pretty much all insecure and some choose money/status as a way to lord it over others. Dd was teased over the fact her pen wasn't a Parker in year 8! All the kids were wearing Gucci and other designer stuff (must have been fake as I don't think any of these kids come from wealthy families!) from year 7 onwards. Luckily my kids don't give a shit about all that and actively avoid labels. We are pretty well off and could afford it but to be honest everyone in our family thinks it is a ridiculous waste of money.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 23:30

@ShrikeAttack Indeed, high class crass.

OwlBeThere · 22/04/2021 23:31

I can’t say this is something I’ve experienced with my teens, 2 are autistic and couldn’t care less about ‘stuff’ anyway. The other two are quite alternative so maybe that’s why. I don’t know. I’m just glad. As for 13 year olds discussing house prices that’s seriously weird!

MrsAvocet · 22/04/2021 23:38

I know this isn't really what you are asking about OP, but if your DS does get into MTBing and wants a better bike you could do a lot worse than look at Calibre bikes. They are sold by Go Outdoors and a few other general outdoor shops like Millets and Blacks I think.
Now this won't solve the "status" issue if your DS's classmates only know the trendy brands but they really are surprisingly good bikes for the money. The Calibre Bossnut for instance regularly comes out very well in comparisons with other brands done by the main MTB magazines. No, it's not the same quality as a top of the range Santa Cruz or Nukeproof etc, but it's not the same price either! A lot of very serious mountain bikers that I know really rate them for the price and recommended them to me ahead of the bottom of the range offerings from better known brands which are around the same cost.
And you know, I don't think any of the really good MTBers that I know (including an ex national champion) would ever make fun of a new rider's bike, whatever it was. Sure, they would offer advice and explain why a particular bike wouldn't be safe to ride on certain trails or whatever, but everyone I know that really knows their stuff would just be keen to encourage a new comer. So I suspect your DS's "friends" aren't quite as knowledgeable as they think they are! I hope he finds some people to ride with who will be kind and more helpful than those who have upset him.

Shrivelled · 22/04/2021 23:49

I MTB and everyone has to start out somewhere and if it’s a Halfords bike then who cares. Mountain biking is about being outdoors and having fun with friends. This whole issue isn’t going to be resolved by getting a new bike. The issue is going to be resolved by teaching your son to be proud and resilient and maybe getting some new friends.

Porcupineintherough · 23/04/2021 00:06

@secular39 bike security is a massive, massive problem. Mb Facebook goups are always full of posts from people whose bikes have been stolen and the shops selling them are often robbed too.

MyNameIsH · 23/04/2021 07:19

I just don't remember this being a thing when I was at school. There was bitchiness, sure, but it was more about your taste/style/looks, rather than about brands and money. But then I was never remotely in the cool gang, so maybe it existed there. DS1 (Year 9) has never experienced this either, and has never asked for a particular brand of anything. DS2 was just starting to talk about what kinds of 'stuff' his friends had when he was approaching the end of Year 6, but luckily that all stopped when he moved to secondary, and it hasn't restarted in his new group of friends. Just as well - I don't think I've ever spent more than £50 on an item of clothes or footwear for either of them, and I have no plans to start now.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 23/04/2021 07:52

@secular39

DH has several overpriced mountain bikes and at home they are stored inside a windowless shed in the garden, which is locked every night. We have a dog who would bark if anyone came into the garden but his bikes are also insured just in case.

In terms of being out, the bike is just never left unattended. If he's not riding it then it's locked in the car (it can be taken apart) or locked to the bench next to where he's eating etc.

He would never leave a bike locked to a lamppost or similar - neither would I tbh. It's not hard to get through a bike lock in seconds if you know what you're doing!

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2021 07:55

@EmeraldShamrock

I find it exceedingly annoying when privileged people love to bang on about how completely relaxed their privileged children are about such embarrassing trifles.

newnortherner111 · 23/04/2021 07:57

Sit him down and show him the documentary with Marcus Rashford and children (or their parents) going hungry in school holidays. A pity you cannot show it to all the other children who are being entitled little brats.

Dogfan · 23/04/2021 08:15

When I was younger if I teased someone I quickly shut up if they made clear they were happy with their item. If this is a good bike he could just say so what, this is the spec, it has good reviews, I like it. What can his friends say after that?

ShrikeAttack · 23/04/2021 08:32

No @Hoppinggreen, but these threads always have people falling over themselves to tell others that 'it ain't like that at independent school', ergo, 'this is a pastime for poorly educated pikeys'.

Plus ça change.

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2021 08:38

Well there were only 2 of us who said that and I posted quite normally without actually falling over myself to do it.
Lots of projection going on there with your “poorly educated pikeys” comment, horrible term and not one I would ever use myself.

Of course this happens at Private schools as well as State but for some reason it doesn’t seem to be an issue for my DC, but is for some of their friends at a different school.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/04/2021 08:38

Would it make you happier if I lied and said my so called “privileged children” were label obsessed?
I find it exceedingly annoying when people instantly react and don’t think you can have a valid opinion on anything school related because your DC aren’t at State school
It is nothing to do with private school.
It is widely known those with money don't feel the need to wear labels to show they've money and those who don't have money feel they need an armour.

MargaretThursday · 23/04/2021 08:58

I've got 2 teens and one in her 20s and actually none of them have been like that at all.
I did once have from one of them "everyone else has an iphone" and I laughed, told them one cost more than our car, but I don't think I've ever had any other branded comment from any of them.
Two of them are much more concerned that they are comfortable and like what they have to worry about branding. The third is much more bothered about appearance, but brands generally haven't come into it, unless it's a hoodie with her favourite youtuber on (which she pays for!)

Tbf me and dh are totally unbothered, which probably helps, although obviously isn't the entirety.

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2021 08:59

Emerald I think you are absolutely spot on there.
People with money can choose to shop at places that are seen as cheap or low status but it’s different when it’s necessity not choice. I hadn’t thought about labels as armour before but I think you are right.

Whiskeywithwater · 23/04/2021 09:02

My DS is into MB too, and has been for a while. He’s worked up to it but have to admit his is now a lot more expensive than that. But he put all his savings, sold old bikes, birthday money towards it. What a lot of the MBers do is ‘build’ their bikes. How about him treating it as a project and he can buy (on eBay) shocks, forks etc to have a customised bike? MBing is a truly eye wateringly expensive hobby though!

Whiskeywithwater · 23/04/2021 09:07

And also as someone else has said above, the real MTB community, we always found right from when my DS first started out, are incredibly inclusive and welcoming. All the older kids (& adults) were falling over themselves to offer tips and advice. And the expensive bikes get scratched up, dented, chipped just as much as the cheaper ones - not one person we encountered ever even mentioned the brand of bike he had (which was also a Halfords one starting out)

UniversitySerf · 23/04/2021 09:13

It happened at my school donkeys years ago but it was Adidas sports bags and Harrington jackets. Myself and my other nerdy mates didn’t care though.

DS seemed to know everyone at secondary school, he was friends with the really popular kids, though they were not his inner circle. These were the ones that cared about brands the most.

I have always said to DS, school is just a small part of your years on earth. I have also told him how people turned out at my school and that when at school it’s not what people may have thought. Myself and my friends were picked on a bit for being nerdy, the swots, not in to fashion. We all ended up with very decent careers. I’m still not fashionable :)

LadyEloise · 23/04/2021 09:25

M*onicuddle - "It's not a new bike he needs. It's new friends."
*
Well said.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/04/2021 09:40

If you're rich and don't have the item it's because you don't want the item.
If you're family is on the breadline and you don't have the item it's assumed you can't afford it, even if you don't like whatever fad it is.

TrixieFatell · 23/04/2021 10:35

I think I've been very lucky with my children. I've got 15 and a 13 year old girls and neither of them are label obsessed. We do offer to get them labelled brands but they really don't care. Their friends don't seem to either. I remember it from when I was a kid though and the shame of Dunlop trainers 😆

I think perhaps helping him develop strategies for dealing with peer pressure may help?

TrixieFatell · 23/04/2021 10:40

I feel I need to add that we are not rich or privileged. Just lucky that our kids have good friends and that we ourselves are not driven by labels etc

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