To think DP ex is effectively bullying my child!

[Maidmummy]

For clarification my DD is 6 and DP isn't her father. DP and ex have 2 girls 7+4 he is currently going through court to sort custody out and at the minute she only allows him access one weekend a fortnight. I've never met her and vice versa and tbh I don't want to. I have 3 DC with my ex and 1 with DP. When he picks his girls up on the weekend they are telling him "mummy said we aren't allowed to play with DD". She even tells them not to talk to me.

Surely that comment about my child to her children is some form of bullying?

DP has a phonecall with cafcass this afternoon and plans on bringing it up.

I wouldn't dream of saying that to my children, what the hell has my DD ever done to a woman she doesn't know and vice versa.

maybe he should try to get a better paid job to provide for his children. Or not continue to have more children with you that he obviously cant afford.
This.

OP you are coming across as very bitter and unreasonable. You need to take a step back. Read what you've written and imagine someone had written that about you. It's awful.

You exaggerate so much and twist everything to align with your narrative of the ex being the evil monster but every sane person can see that your focus is to continue fighting rather than to provide a safe and loving home for the children.

I guess the question is, do you want to "win" or do you want to move on?

I'd agree with the posters who suggested you need to grow up. You're coming across as petty and immature. It's time to rise above this crap and focus on the children's needs. If nothing else, please start saving for their therapy, they're going to need a lot of it.

@Maidmummy

So the amount the law says he should pay is based on his earnings, I haven't once said what he earns and what she gets your all just assuming she gets a pittance 🙄

To be fair, you said this:

He pays what the law tells him he should be paying, his wages aren't a lot and after her maintenance plus the responsibility of a house and 4 other children it doesn't leave a lot left over.

So I don’t think you can blame anyone for the fair assumption that “his wages aren’t a lot” mean that, well... his wages aren’t a lot 🤷🏻‍♀️

To be fair, IMHO, she's emotionally bullying her own DD's more than your DD with your DH

Shockingly the children are all unaffected by the court proceedings, apart from what ex says to them before they leave the house they are very happy go lucky children, they spend all weekend singing, playing, going outside, lots of laughter and chasing each other, the eldest 4 all doing well at school, hardly the children sat in a corner crying rocking backwards and forwards image you seem to be painting.

They sound more mature than the lot of you. The three of you should be trying your best not to let them down any more than you collectively have already.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3865864-To-expect-more-from-DP

Also OP, dont pretend this man is a prince among men. what a fucking catch

I said we struggle some months not that we can't afford another child. Nothing is reflected in the children's behaviour when they are with us that they are picking up on anything, they are very pleasant kids and show no signs of being affected by what's going on. I've no idea what they are like with their mum but I assume they are different as it's an environment they are slightly more comfortable in.

Everyone needs to calm down on this thread. We all have experience with relationship breakdown and parenting. Most of us are doing our best but we all know there's a minority of parents out there who care more about vengeance and scoring points than stability for the children. There's a lot of emotions and projecting going on with this thread

@whiteshark really 🙄 digging around for a zombie post to try and belittle me, now wondering who the bully is right now 🤔. I'll update that thread for u shall I, we had a discussion DP changed things been great since, 👍👌

@whiteshark so mean! For anyone who doesn’t read more than the OP on that thread complaining that he’d moved in and done fuck all, you really do need to read further to find out that he just didn’t want to read on her toes and she should have asked 🤣

OP, He saw you coming, with your own council place (so nice and secure and probably relatively cheap) when he was having to stay with family.

Still wonder why you decided to actively TTC 6 months after meeting him, when he had unresolved issue with ex.

Funny how she never once took him for maintenance until he started court proceedings

Considering he was a carer for his mum until pretty recently there would have been no point for a shitty couple of quid per week, she probably went for maintenence when he got a job and it was worth the hassle.

It is just so wrong, and ingrained, that the mother gets to dictate when the father has the children. Maintenance complicates it as he needs to pay whether he sees them or not as their requirements don't stop whoever they are with.

This is a mess but it is made worse by adults behaving badly.

When I used to visit my mother she would keep the lovely clothes I was sent in and change me into rags. I didn't even stay over so no need to undress. I then didn't see her for months so I can only imagine she sold the clothes or gave them to her mates kids who she liked more.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Poor kids, caught between two shitty parents and two families trying to score points with them.

They need an adult in their life thats going to centre them and their needs.

My thoughts exactly.

This all sounds like a massive mess - why would you bring this man and his difficult family situation into your children's lives like this?

I asked an opinion on whether or not an adult is bullying my child yet seems a straight forward yes or no response is out of the question nowadays, nobody has the right to judge other peoples parenting for all I know most of u in here are childless or have never been a separated parent going through court. Unless you have openly experienced it yourself I say your in no position to judge. Seems my title for this thread should have been "to think most members on MN are bullies and keyboard warriors".

Thanks to those who have responded to the bullying question

🖕 to those who just love sticking their nose in where it's not wanted with opinions that are best kept to yourself if all your going to do is judge and belittle as you seemingly have nothing better to do.

The court would view what she is saying as emotional harm. If she is telling them not to call him Dad, then the Court needs to know that. What's happening isn't in the best interests of the children.

Re 50/50 isn't always workable. A lot of men actually don't want it. A lot of time it affects friendships, hobbies and homework. It's often used to score points. As for 'why should we help her', even if it is a bit of a piss take, your DH should be acting in the best interests of the children. You are well supported by him and your ex. She could effectively end up alone and while it's her own doing, it will impact on his children.

@whiteshark

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3865864-To-expect-more-from-DP

Also OP, dont pretend this man is a prince among men. what a fucking catch

Jesus wept So you moved him in after 6 months , claimed your ex never paid child support, yet in your old thread he never let your children go without anything, and your partner was a massive lazy cocklodger who can't look after the kids he lives with yet wants more access to his kids he left you for!!

nobody has the right to judge other peoples parenting for all I know most of u in here are childless or have never been a separated parent going through court

We can judge as we like and we judge you. And him. And her. You're all as bad as each other.

Shockingly the children are all unaffected by the court proceedings,

That's what you think. So sad.

WTF has an old thread got to do with the current situation, please find something better to do other than trying to find other faults in me. Fuck me are humans not allowed faults and mistakes, seems not on here, suppose we should all be childless and very financially well off when getting into relationships and having children. Didn't realise everybody else's relationship bar mine is a complete bed of roses with no complaints 🙄

Why do people have so many children?! It baffles me that a couple have children, split up, quickly have new children with new partner (who already has children) and on snd on. Where are the children in all this? Why have children if you can’t afford it? Then it’s like you’re enjoying revelling in all the drama of ‘he said, she said’

Controversial but stop having children and focus on the ones you’ve got!

Yeah the contempt and hypocrisy is rolling of you in waves.

Your dp doesn't have 4 children in your house to support. He has 1 your joint child. Your 3 children are the responsibility of your and your ex. Unless your partner can afford to do it with out reducing the financial responsibility he has towards his actual biological children.

Your they don't hear xyz in our house is bullshit because his daughter did hear it.

You have all fallen into the trap of petty tit for tat one upmanship that happens in seperated families.

I highly doubt you and your partner are as child focused and whiter than white that your implying.

So bullying a person you know nothing about or the full extent of the current situation is okay is it because your allowed to. I think the law says different

Actually him being in my house with my 3 children does give him a financial responsibility, one of the questions asked by CMS is how many other children does he live in the house with not how many in the house are biologically his but all that live here

Just read the old thread. Take responsibility, be on your own if this relationship doesn’t work out. Prioritise your children. I can’t understand why you moved a new boyfriend in who you were already complaining about and who was doing nothing when your youngest was 18 months! Sad for the children.