To think DP ex is effectively bullying my child!

[Maidmummy]

For clarification my DD is 6 and DP isn't her father. DP and ex have 2 girls 7+4 he is currently going through court to sort custody out and at the minute she only allows him access one weekend a fortnight. I've never met her and vice versa and tbh I don't want to. I have 3 DC with my ex and 1 with DP. When he picks his girls up on the weekend they are telling him "mummy said we aren't allowed to play with DD". She even tells them not to talk to me.

Surely that comment about my child to her children is some form of bullying?

DP has a phonecall with cafcass this afternoon and plans on bringing it up.

I wouldn't dream of saying that to my children, what the hell has my DD ever done to a woman she doesn't know and vice versa.

[Cocomarine]

So, at what point in all this shit show with his ex did your boyfriend decide it was a good idea to bring another child into the mix, having one with you? 🙄

She sounds awful, but neither of you are covering yourself in glory here.

You should never have made that comment about the clothes in ear shot of the child.

He has absolutely no reason to be calling her about headlice. He should have just treated them, and let her know on their return to keep an eye open for them. I’d be pretty pissed off if my ex asked if he should treat instead of just bloody doing it! You see lice - you treat lice.

[LuaDipa]

She sounds like a nightmare but the only thing you should consider is those poor dc. Please be careful to not make comments about clothing etc. The mother may be in the wrong, but the dc should not have overheard a comment like that from you. If their dm is as toxic as you say, you need to bend over backwards to be their safe space and ensure that they feel comfortable with you.

I also agree that csa is an absolute joke, and if your dh can pay more he should. Your dc should not come before his own and I think it is utterly wrong that someone else’s children affect the calculation. They don’t suddenly cost less just because he moved in with you.

[GreenSlide]

'Seems men get the shitty end of the stick in court doesn't it, it took 2 to make that child not just 1 so why shouldn't both parents get 50/50 otherwise whats the point, unless both parents are still together then what's the point of a man's involvement being only part time may as well not be there at all. Both parents have equal responsibility for that child until it comes to contact after separating, then it's a case of "thanks for your deposit all them years ago you can fuck off now I'll do the rest". Pretty shitty imo. '

It's about what's best for the children.

[IbrahimaRedTwo]

Funny how she never once took him for maintenance until he started court proceedings, she was doing fine on her own apparently for 9 months, but because things are now out of her control she's bitten back

Funny how he didnt pay anything for his kids until she made him! You disgust me.

[LaceyBetty]

I'll wash and dry these clothes to take back but I want the others back when you next pick up the girls, I'm not going out and buying clothes for someone else to keep". Eldest DD overheard me

I would just say that you should try to be careful that they don't overhear stuff like this. Not that you are necessarily wrong, but I used to overhear stuff like this when I was a young SC and it really stressed me out. They are getting it from their mum, so best to be a safer place for them away from any pettiness.

[GoldBar]

So he pays the minimum he can get away with, which is not enough to actually support his kids, while he has more kids with you and supports your children?

Said more succinctly than I could. Why did he have a third child that he couldn't afford at the expense of the two children he already had?

OP, does their mother have a job or do your DP's children survive on benefits? If she's having to watch her children go without while your DP pays her £10 a week, I'm not surprised she doesn't like you all very much (though she should still leave your DD out of it).

[Cocomarine]

When you say so dismissively that her boyfriend, “got her pregnant”, how is that different to your joint child with your boyfriend?

[SakuraEdenSwan1]

@Maidmummy

It's not about growing up or being difficult, why should DP and myself put up with all the shit she throws at us but bow down to her and pick up her slack because she's decided to have another child, a child she was told 4 years ago not to have as she will be putting her life at risk. Yes DP would jump at the chance for more time with his children but why should he do it just so it benefits her. Our home life can't be rearranged or altered at the drop of a hat because shes knackered from night feeds and can't be arsed to do the school run, there is 4 children in the house ranging from 6 years to 4 months we can't just drop everything for her. I don't expect my ex to do it with my eldest 3 so when my youngest isn't even his so why should we be expected to. There should be no double standards here.

CAFCASS and the court will see straight through you, you really do need to grow up and put the kids welfare first which your clearly not doing going by what you put.

[GoldBar]

She works part time and the rest topped up in benefits and if you want to know who's paying for those children to have a comfortable life then I'm sorry to say but it's you and all those other adults out there who are working hard as she's illegally living with her boyfriend who works full time while she's receiving a top up in UC and getting most of her rent paid. She's living a cushty lifestyle while the rest of us are struggling most months.

Actually, putting the potential benefits fraud aside, the main reason that a lot of single mums require benefits is because most non-resident dads pay an absolutely pathetic sum in child maintenance which in no way meets 50% of the costs of bringing up their children.

We're subsiding your DP as well. He should be paying his share of bringing up his kids. He isn't.

[LaceyBetty]

if you want to know who's paying for those children to have a comfortable life then I'm sorry to say but it's you and all those other adults out there who are working hard

Their father should be paying for comfortable life! Where is he in all this? Oh yeah, paying the bead minimum because you all have 7 kids between you!

[LaceyBetty]

*bare

[whiteshark]

Funny how she never once took him for maintenance until he started court proceedings

My DC's Dad pays an insulting small amount. I have given up asking for school uniform, clothes, money etc because its not worth the headache and abuse from him. just because she hasn't asked doesnt mean the CHILDREN havent needed it.

Honestly you, the mum and your 'D'P sound like awful people. the poor children stuck in this war zone must be struggling.

[ForwardRanger]

Frankly I feel sorry for all the children involved with the adults in this saga. What a miserable mess.

[GreenSlide]

@whiteshark

Funny how she never once took him for maintenance until he started court proceedings

My DC's Dad pays an insulting small amount. I have given up asking for school uniform, clothes, money etc because its not worth the headache and abuse from him. just because she hasn't asked doesnt mean the CHILDREN havent needed it.

Honestly you, the mum and your 'D'P sound like awful people. the poor children stuck in this war zone must be struggling.

Yeah OP says she doesn't like to ask for money for things like uniforms, and I wonder why she doesn't want to ask. I'm guessing she gets a load of grief in response and ends up with nothing anyway.

[GreenSlide]

By 'she' I mean the ex.

[GoldBar]

@ForwardRanger. Agree.

How unedifying. You all have more children than you can comfortably afford between you, your DP has decided that his financial responsibility to his two oldest is limited to, what, £10 a week each, and you can't even get along and have a sensible working relationship with each other in order to make the best of it for all the kids.

[Maidmummy]

Funny how he tried and she refused it. Didn't need him apparently.

@GreenSlide I support my 3 children with their father my youngest is DP we are a blended family we support each others children because that's the way it is in our home, one needs something then who gives a shit who pays for it as long as the child gets what's needed.

@Cocomarine he didn't call her she called him and he casually mentioned it, she told him they'd been there for a while so why didn't she sort it then when she first noticed them.

Seems from most people's opinion on this thread, ex can do/say as she pleases with the children and DP has to bow down to everything she throws at him bend over backwards in every aspect while she went NC, refused mediation, claimed them as her children, won't hand over on holidays and weeks days, slags off children she doesn't know, sends abusive texts, calls being abusive, slags off a woman she doesnt know etc but fuck me the second me and DP casually mention clothes and headlice we are the bad guys and why is it the fact I have 4 children seems to offend some people on here.

Another thing that may come as a shock too, my ex doesn't pay the full amount in maintenance that he's supposed to but I wouldn't dare ask for more as he has to live too.

DP has had to fight to get to where he is now why the hell should he back down to the likes of her

[Maidmummy]

So the amount the law says he should pay is based on his earnings, I haven't once said what he earns and what she gets your all just assuming she gets a pittance 🙄

[Lou98]

Seems from most people's opinion on this thread, ex can do/say as she pleases with the children and DP has to bow down to everything she throws at him bend over backwards in every aspect

That's not what posters are saying - they're not saying she's in the right and should be able to do as she pleases - they're saying that all three of you sound as bad as each other

[Cocomarine]

So why did the pair of you decide to start trying for a baby when you’d only been together for 6 months, and he was having trouble over access?
Why would you do that?

[GreenSlide]

'Another thing that may come as a shock too, my ex doesn't pay the full amount in maintenance that he's supposed to but I wouldn't dare ask for more as he has to live too. '

Well you don't have to do you? You've got your boyfriend paying for all your kids while he pays the bare minimum for his own.

[whiteshark]

Another thing that may come as a shock too, my ex doesn't pay the full amount in maintenance that he's supposed to but I wouldn't dare ask for more as he has to live too


A) two wrongs dont make a right
B) ive just done a quick advanced search - you say very differently on previous threads.

[GoldBar]

So how much does he pay, OP?

Tbh, neither the ex nor your DP sound great. She sounds awful and abusive. He's not meeting his financial responsibilities to his kids.

[IrmaFayLear]

This all sounds like a warning about blended families, rather than an advert for them.

Poor ex’s kids, having to turn up at a house with four resident children. And a new half-sibling on the way at their own home. No wonder one of them is playing up.

[Maidmummy]

Shockingly the children are all unaffected by the court proceedings, apart from what ex says to them before they leave the house they are very happy go lucky children, they spend all weekend singing, playing, going outside, lots of laughter and chasing each other, the eldest 4 all doing well at school, hardly the children sat in a corner crying rocking backwards and forwards image you seem to be painting.