Do I challenge how my DS described this boy?

[RickyZoom]

My DS is 4 and will make friends with anyone wherever we go.
Recently we went to an playground and he made friends with a boy around his age. When asking him if he enjoyed his day he said "yes, first I had an ice cream, then I played with the black boy." Now AIBU just to let this description pass as a 4 year old describing what someone looks like, the same as if he was telling me his hair colour or should I be starting to discuss what is and isn't appropriate ways to describe people. Or am I worrying about nothing?

Is "my child wouldn't even know the term black" the new "I don't see colour"?

@longestlurkerever

The child in the op is 4 though, as mine was throughout reception, when the BLM stuff was most in the news, and the comments about "where on earth would they hear the word black?" Seem to come from a place of thinking that the only people who might use the word black in the presence of children would be saying something racist. Wtf.

Quite.

I think brown is far more likely negative.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Is "my child wouldn't even know the term black" the new "I don't see colour"?

I do think it happens

One of my pupils had learning difficulties and one was from a different skin colour

During a task about why they were similar or different or best friends, neither mentioned these things. There's a fab video on kids talking about difference.

@Butwasitherdriveway that is totally fine.

However to be shocked/surprised/whatever that a 4 yo used to word black, like it's some kind of anomaly is ridiculous. Coupled with "I wonder where he learned that from" it definitely has that kind of vibe.

The point really is “black” is not an offensive descriptor but using a descriptor unnecessarily can be othering. That is quite difficult to explain to a 4 year old but it also seems to be lost on a lot of adults on this thread. “Brown” as a descriptor isn’t generally acceptable and although forgivable in a child I would personally correct my child if they described someone as “brown” by saying “we usually say “black”” or “Asian” or whatever was most appropriate to the context. Prepared to be educated but I hope this is reasonable.

I find it very odd that a four year old uses the word “black” to describe a black child.
He must have heard it from someone (you?) so why do you look so offended?
When that age, my children (and their friends) would always use the word “brown” when referring to black children in their primary school, because that’s the color they saw (they had never heard the word black at home to describe a person).

My children are mixed race and I wouldn’t have a problem with this. I’ve often heard children say the brown boy or the brown girl when referring to my children on holiday or at the park. They are brown, there’s no issue.

@RoseEmelie

I find it very odd that a four year old uses the word “black” to describe a black child. He must have heard it from someone (you?) so why do you look so offended? When that age, my children (and their friends) would always use the word “brown” when referring to black children in their primary school, because that’s the color they saw (they had never heard the word black at home to describe a person).

Well some people live in more diverse environments, with black family members,friends etc that describe themselves or others that way so their children are exposed to the term black people/woman/man/child . Or watch TV programs where it is mentioned.

What absolute wide eyed faux naïveté bollocks! Where could they have possibly heard it indeed.

I find it more worrying and suspect when people claim their kid has never ever heard it and wouldn't know how to use it.

What is this madness. Describing someone who is black as black isn’t an insult.

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@Butwasitherdriveway that is totally fine.

However to be shocked/surprised/whatever that a 4 yo used to word black, like it's some kind of anomaly is ridiculous. Coupled with "I wonder where he learned that from" it definitely has that kind of vibe.[/quote]
I don't disageee at all.
My point is brown in that context is far more offensive and suspicious.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose I have just read some responses on this thread and it sounds like very young children using the word “brown” (which is the natural word if children haven’t heard the word black in this context before) isn’t that unusual. So we must not be the only ones whose children don’t live in a diverse environment like yours, don’t watch TV (mines would only watch DVDs/cartoons at that age) etc

[quote RoseEmelie]@AccidentallyOnPurpose I have just read some responses on this thread and it sounds like very young children using the word “brown” (which is the natural word if children haven’t heard the word black in this context before) isn’t that unusual. So we must not be the only ones whose children don’t live in a diverse environment like yours, don’t watch TV (mines would only watch DVDs/cartoons at that age) etc[/quote]
Kids say as they see.

If he's black they will say black.

If he's brown they will say brown.

People trying to pretend they are the same is ...odd.

[quote RoseEmelie]@AccidentallyOnPurpose I have just read some responses on this thread and it sounds like very young children using the word “brown” (which is the natural word if children haven’t heard the word black in this context before) isn’t that unusual. So we must not be the only ones whose children don’t live in a diverse environment like yours, don’t watch TV (mines would only watch DVDs/cartoons at that age) etc[/quote]
I agree brown is not unusual. I have no issues with that.

What I have issues with is saying black is odd,wrong,shocking,surprising etc. It's not. It's just as normal and common as brown. So why try and make it sound like it isn't?

Not to mention the "well he must've heard it from you" /"where has he heard it from" addition that usually accompanied those posts.

Don't schools do Black History month anymore? I know op's child is only in Reception, but all this "young children don't use the word black, where on earth could they have heard it?" stuff is weird.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Don't schools do Black History month anymore? I know op's child is only in Reception, but all this "young children don't use the word black, where on earth could they have heard it?" stuff is weird.

Not at the age of four or five funnily enough

What's funny? It's a whole school thing. (primary school).

@GreyhoundG1rl

What's funny? It's a whole school thing. (primary school).

Nothing funny, just I think it's obvious four year olds don't understand the implication of black rights.

At 4 my children would of said black most likely as opposed to brown as we have black friends who would of said about being black in front of them and also even at that age they knew about racism to a degree and I would of thought a child now would be even more aware with Black lives matter and possibly use the term black and of heard of it .
Probably I would just say and do you know his name ? If no , why don't you find out his name next time or something like that.
I had to report a crime and the police asked me to describe ethnicity, I could only really say black , white , asian etc as how else would I describe ?

@Butwasitherdriveway black history month will be taught in age appropriate ways and obviously four year olds it wouldn't 't be about rights etc , doesn't mean it isn't covered in other ways in some schools

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Butwasitherdriveway black history month will be taught in age appropriate ways and obviously four year olds it wouldn't 't be about rights etc , doesn't mean it isn't covered in other ways in some schools[/quote]
It isn't taught. It just isn't. Let's stop fluffing around it.

Nothing funny, just I think it's obvious four year olds don't understand the implication of black rights.
I don't know whether you're acting obtuse or you are obtuse. The younger kids would be told stories of the Windrush, etc.
My point is that they're aware black people are called black.

@Butwasitherdriveway maybe not in your school , but there are lots if schools around you know

It isn't taught. It just isn't. Let's stop fluffing around it.
I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but no, I was right the first time

Yes they are. Which I agreed earlier and didn't understand that four year olds should be taught to say black if the boy isn't.

But this idea being bandied that four year olds are somewhat formally educated about race is....interesting.

@Butwasitherdriveway what are you talking about ? Why can someone not say black, thats how my friends described themselves to my children ?