Do I challenge how my DS described this boy?

[RickyZoom]

My DS is 4 and will make friends with anyone wherever we go.
Recently we went to an playground and he made friends with a boy around his age. When asking him if he enjoyed his day he said "yes, first I had an ice cream, then I played with the black boy." Now AIBU just to let this description pass as a 4 year old describing what someone looks like, the same as if he was telling me his hair colour or should I be starting to discuss what is and isn't appropriate ways to describe people. Or am I worrying about nothing?

@DietrichandDiMaggio

I think it is quite unusual for a 4 year old to use the word black; they are usually much more likely to say someone had brown skin, and then often only if someone asks what their friend looks like.

I've never heard any child say brown.

My little boy will say "James" is brown (his family is Indian) he has brown skin...he calls his own skin peach. They just say it how they see it

No, it didn't go unchecked.

@Veryverycalmnow

No, it didn't go unchecked.

I hope not. Appalling behaviour.

Lol some of you really really need to step away from the world of social media and actually engage with black people!

No one in my family would give a shiny shit if we were described as ‘black’ , we live in a majority white area and I’m not ashamed of being black. Honestly it’s far better to acknowledge and celebrate differences than to pretend they don’t exist.

But why did he say black and not brown🤔
My daughter would (and has) said brown girl before because that's what the girls colour is ,she also describes herself as pink.

Butwasitherdriveway
Some 4 year olds saying the colour of another child's skin to differentiate between them when communicating needs or explaining something that had happened- I would disagree with you that this was 'appalling behaviour'. They all wore the same uniform, so they used the visual information they had.

We had someone come in to talk about racism to all the classes in school. Part of that was also using black as a description . To start it off he asked the kids to describe him. The younger ones all used black while the older ones tried to use anything but (brown,coffee coloured, tan, dark etc) He told them them it's fine, it's acceptable,it's not a bad thing etc. Gave them several examples, encouraged them to repeat and use the word black.

Interesting to know that if they came on mumsnet they'd get told off and called racist for using a term that a black person taught them it's ok to use.

@Veryverycalmnow

Butwasitherdriveway Some 4 year olds saying the colour of another child's skin to differentiate between them when communicating needs or explaining something that had happened- I would disagree with you that this was 'appalling behaviour'. They all wore the same uniform, so they used the visual information they had.

Are you for real?

You think it's acceptable ?!

I have had many children where there are more than one in one classes. I'm absolutely discusted that anyone would allow them calling them brown Tom and white Tom, or that anyone funds that acceptable!

@santabetterwashhishands

But why did he say black and not brown🤔 My daughter would (and has) said brown girl before because that's what the girls colour is ,she also describes herself as pink.

Maybe because he's black.

I can't cope with grown adults who don't know there is a difference between black and brown skin.

I dont think it is ever too early to start talking about race with kids - in an age appropriate way.

@santabetterwashhishands

But why did he say black and not brown🤔 My daughter would (and has) said brown girl before because that's what the girls colour is ,she also describes herself as pink.

I just really don't get what you're trying to say here. Children sometimes say brown because they've not yet learned the accepted way to refer to someone's ethnicity but surely as an adult you'd say "it's better to say black" or something? This is such an awkward thread to read.

@Butwasitherdriveway

I can't cope with grown adults who don't know there is a difference between black and brown skin.

And what on earth does this mean?

@longestlurkerever what it says. On this thread people repeatedly asking why he called him black and didn't call him brown!

@longestlurkerever no, you wouldn't tell anyone it's better to say someone with brown skin has black skin.....

As for the posters wondering how a 4 year old would know to describe a person as black. The Black Lives Matter campaign has been so predominant in the news and especially sport that I would be surprised if any child over 3 was unaware of this and not know what a black person looks like.

Then you need to be surprised.

Oh I know, sorry, I think I misunderstood where you were coming from. It's not normal to refer to someone as "brown" whatever their skin tone and I thought you were suggesting it would be preferable, as some other posters seemingly have.

Oh we are talking at crossed purposes. I am not sure what you are trying to say. The child didn't refer to skin at all, for a start. "Black" is a race descriptor.

My daughter is "black " she has Down Syndrome and she has told us she is black and does not like being called coloured!!

@YellowGlasses

As for the posters wondering how a 4 year old would know to describe a person as black. The Black Lives Matter campaign has been so predominant in the news and especially sport that I would be surprised if any child over 3 was unaware of this and not know what a black person looks like.

Then you need to be surprised.

Why would you be surprised if they had though? My children have been learning about black history month since nursery days, and black lives matter in reception, certainly.

@longestlurkerever I wouldn’t be surprised if lots have but the poster I was replying stated they would be surprised if there were any children over three.

Some three year olds have yet to go to nursery and will have been protected from the news due to the pandemic or else their parents don’t have it on. The same with sport; not all families watch sport for their three year old to understand. Furthermore, most toddler groups have been closed for the last year. I think there will be many three year olds who have barely left their homes and household surroundings who won’t know.

No three year old goes to YR so that’s not really relevant.

@longestlurkerever

Oh I know, sorry, I think I misunderstood where you were coming from. It's not normal to refer to someone as "brown" whatever their skin tone and I thought you were suggesting it would be preferable, as some other posters seemingly have.

No I wasn't.

I was wondering why posters are insisting they should have said black when he isn't

Black is not a race.

The child in the op is 4 though, as mine was throughout reception, when the BLM stuff was most in the news, and the comments about "where on earth would they hear the word black?" Seem to come from a place of thinking that the only people who might use the word black in the presence of children would be saying something racist. Wtf.

Not an issue unless said as a derogatory term. If I was in a group of black people and needed to be identified I would expect to be identified as the white one. I also worked with someone of the same name and was known as 'old' cherry whilst she was 'young' cherry. No malice in it, just the simplest way to identify the difference.