Defeated by my fatness - am I alone?

[BreathingDeep]

Today marks yet another day where I wake up, full of good intentions that today will be the day I change things and take steps to make my life better, and yet by lunchtime, it's all turned to rat shit and I'm back to feeling defeated by my eternal chub.

I currently weigh around 5 stones more than I should. I know this is horrendous. I am unhealthy, unfit and unhappy. I avoid mirrors at home and reflections while I'm out. I turn down invitations. I have a wardrobe bursting with clothes that don't fit and I loathe myself for staying this way.

My weight weighs me down ALL the time - from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. Yet, despite this as a driver, I seem unable to tackle it once and for all which makes me feel even more ashamed.

Away from my weight, life is good. I'm capable, energetic, positive and decisive. I'm incredibly ambitious. I have a wonderful family and great friends but I'm aware I use 'being busy' as an excuse not to do a lot of things, losing weight being one of them.

I've gone deep and challenged myself on how I feel right now, how I want to feel, what my goal is, visualised how it would feel to be at that goal, examined what steps I need to take to make it happen, and still... it's always something I put off until tomorrow.

How can I be so capable in life and yet feel so lost when it comes to the food and drink I put in my mouth? This isn't a call for sympathy or derision, I just wondered if I'm alone in this?

Oh and for me the faddy “diets” that are designed to keep you fat (Cambridge/slimming world/weight watchers etc) all make it worse for me. I’ve never been as big as I was on the Cambridge diet and the slimming world one worked for 2 weeks then I was really ill.

When I feel blue about weight I try to remember:
What you weigh isn’t the sum of who you are
You are worthy
You are enough
Diet culture is the patriarchy

@BagLadyy I recently watched Fat Fiction too, and I have to say it was a bit of a revelation. It definitely helped explain why WW/SW haven't worked for me in the past and made me feel so rubbish - the reality is that I am likely (at least) prediabetic. But encouraging to know that it can be reversed. I don't know if I could go full keto because I still think fruit/whole grains are important for other health reasons but carb restriction does seem to work well for me. I can't believe the difference in energy!

Anyway I'm feeling quite proud this weekend as I have managed to limit myself to one bottle of wine, split between Friday and Saturday night. And I made a low carb pizza with a ground almond base and it was delicious - will definitely be making that again, even the kids were impressed!

I'm 5 stone overweight and I'm exhausted by it!
It's mentally draining knowing where to start.
It's not that I can't cook healthy meals ( I'm a chef) it's that I just don't!
I'm going to read up on intermittent fasting.
This thread has been an interesting read.

Hello everyone,

So many more messages, it’s wonderful but heartbreaking to know there’s so many of us feeling this way. What comes over though is how many of us desperately want to change – it’s like the slow return to normality is a catalyst for us all to say enough is enough. I know I feel the need to change almost overwhelming and I need to be able to tap into this to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Yesterday I decided to embrace the ‘treat yourself well’ approach and so before I headed out on some errands, I had a long shower, did a hair mask, then got ready and for the first time in ages, I felt pretty good. I even wore some new sunglasses (which I’ve had for ages but hadn’t allowed myself to wear because they were for when I looked and felt better). Then I caught sight of myself in a window and my heart sank. I looked like NOTHING like I did in my head. BUT, rather than let this be the beginning of a ‘I look shit so I’ll treat myself like shit’ cycle, I breathed deep. I made good choices all day, even when faced with cake when I bought coffee, sweets at M&S and then a BBQ at home.

The fact is, we can always find a reason to abandon hope, can’t we? I set off on the path so optimistically but when I’m faced with the reality of how long it will take to see change, I feel overwhelmed and want to give up. But not this time, and I swear it’s due to the accountability on this thread.

Every single step we make to move forward will make us feel better. And while we wait for changes to happen, we need to be kind to ourselves, rather than mentally beating ourselves up. This is tricky for me, but I'm going to try and reward myself as I go - good book, a takeaway coffee, nail appointment, etc.

I’ve loved your messages, and thank you to everyone who’s been so honest or sent supportive messages about what they’ve achieved – there’s some amazing success stories! Thanks too for the suggestions of books and things to watch, I’ve noted them all down and will start reading/watching.

SecretSpAD
Bravo you on the hair, but please, never say you’re grotesque. You will have so many wonderful qualities that those who love you see. I’m so pleased you love the new haircut, and huge well done on the wine-free days. How was the curry?

JeffVader
I almost clapped when you said you were going start wearing colour again. I bloody loved this! I'm going to channel this too - why should we feel like we have to be less than ourselves because we're bigger than we want be. Bloody yes!

Halfwoman
Your decisions were awesome. Huge well done! And yes, a thread - do we want this to fill up first and then move it, or just do a new one now? Hmmmm

MorningtonCrescent62
Yes to the yo yo – I’m always convinced that THIS time I’ll crack it, and it will never happen again but of course it does. As for any tips, I think the key has to be realising that we always have to be mindful of eating and drinking, and find a balance where we’re careful most of the time, but have moments where we can indulge. I’ve never found that balance, though plenty on here have.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun
Thank you – you’re so right. In my head, I connect being this overweight with ‘being bad’ when actually, I know I’m not. I’m sure all of us struggling with our weight give it too much power.

MattDamon
Go you! I know I feel ten times better when the first few pounds melt away, let alone stones so I’m not surprised you’re feeling awesome.

MrsSlocombe’sPussy (brilliant name)
Yes, I’m guilty of holding off from fun ‘until I’ve lost more weight’. All this means so far is that I've missed out on loads. Enough!

Rousette
WAY TO GO!

WalkingDownTheStreet
I think any reliance on anything, be it food, sugar, alcohol, is what we’re fighting. Making changes to improve your life is what this is all about, and you are absolutely more than welcome to join us.

So sorry to miss anyone out - so many messages struck a chord.

So, my plan for the week ahead is:
Stick to Cambridge
Drink 2-3l of water each day
Walk at least once
Look after my nails and hair
Dress better
Focus on progress, not beat myself up about getting to this point in the first place.

I want to shift the first couple of stones fast (hence Cambridge) and then will look at intermittent fasting as this sounds much more sustainable.

Have a brilliant day, you lovely lot.

Thank you so much for starting this thread - I could have written it myself (if I were as articulate as you!)
I thought of it when I reached for the sourdough bread and rhubarb conserve this morning and chose a banana instead.
We can do it with the right mindset - let's keep supporting each other!

I want to shift the first couple of stones fast (hence Cambridge) and then will look at intermittent fasting as this sounds much more sustainable.

@BreathingDeep I strongly recommend you read the Andrew Jenkinson book at least (of the three) before going on a diet - honestly, there’s a lot of research now, showing that diets not only do not work, but will mean that you gain the weight back (and more) and make it harder to lose weight in the future. Start intermittent fasting, by all means, but ‘deprivation’ diets are totally counterproductive.

I have not been eating bread for weeks but this morning had toast and marmalade because I really felt like it. Two hours later I had the shakes and felt foggy and ill. I think carbs are really really bad for me.

Noom was terrible for me. I found it so glib, clichéd and annoying. Different things work for different people though.

I genuinely don't understand how - feeling as you do - you don't just not eat that extra food. I'm not being a dick, I just genuinely can't imagine doing something day in day out that made me feel so dreadful about myself.

you are being a dick, if it was that simple then there would not be overweight people. My doctor had the same unhelpful attitude as you I asked her would she tell a drug addict who came to her for help to just not take drugs, an alcoholic to just not drink or someone who smoked to just not do it? telling me to eat less move more, which I already know is not helpful. The reasons for being obese or overweight are about eating to much but its far more complex issue than that for many overweight people, why do people do it. its the same as people taking drugs or drinking, we all need to eat to live, its so easy to overdo it.

I haven’t had time to read the whole thread but massive respect to you all . I have struggled for years with my weight , sometimes winning , sometimes losing but the issue was always on my mind.Any junk food , or any food really was my “ support “and I binged daily . Until this week. I finally ( after half a lifetime ) confronted a situation I had tried to ignore. That was a few days ago . Today I realised that there was chocolate in the cupboard and other “ treats” . I had not given them a thought . I have not thought about food at all but have eaten a very healthy diet . Usually I would ignore the healthy stuff I had bought in favour of the crisps and chocolate which I just had to buy too. Unhealthy and very wasteful .
This new attitude may last . I hope it does . But it shows me how overeating is a very complex issue and no , we can’t just stop . Good luck to you all

@HarebrightCedarmoon

Noom was terrible for me. I found it so glib, clichéd and annoying. Different things work for different people though.

Same. I listened to the rave reviews, downloaded it and started a trial. Deleted it the same day 🙈

What is noom? Can anyone explain what you have to do on the app?

Have lost 6 stone in the last 8 months on a meal replacement diet. Have another 2.5 stones ish to go. I find meal replacement really good as it doesn’t imitate proper normal food, so I’m not comparing my dietary version with the full fat version that I’d probably prefer the taste of!

But it’s taken me a few years to be able to do this. Lockdown provided me with a slower pace of life and the headspace to actually kickstart this (wfh and no school run).

@MrsRagnarLothbrok

I genuinely don't understand how - feeling as you do - you don't just not eat that extra food. I'm not being a dick, I just genuinely can't imagine doing something day in day out that made me feel so dreadful about myself.

you are being a dick, if it was that simple then there would not be overweight people. My doctor had the same unhelpful attitude as you I asked her would she tell a drug addict who came to her for help to just not take drugs, an alcoholic to just not drink or someone who smoked to just not do it? telling me to eat less move more, which I already know is not helpful. The reasons for being obese or overweight are about eating to much but its far more complex issue than that for many overweight people, why do people do it. its the same as people taking drugs or drinking, we all need to eat to live, its so easy to overdo it.

Lol, that's exactly what alcoholics are told! You see it all the time on here - just don't drink as much! Yeh, it's that simple. I don't judge anyone overweight and state the obvious.

As a result of this thread I’ve been reading the Andrew Jenkinson book - am two thirds of the way through. I knew quite a lot about the impact of carbs on insulin but there’s so much there that I didn’t know and it makes total sense and explains why so many of us are feeling the same way - heavier after each diet and no willpower and blowing our diets each day. Please read it. Today I have eaten proper normal food and felt happy and satisfied. I ate lunch out - a roast. Didn’t eat the Yorkshire pudding, the free smarties or have even a mouthful of pudding. I didn’t want it because I finally understand how food works. For the first time ever I feel like a light has been switched on and I know what to do. The idea of eating sugar and refined carbs has lost its appeal. I feel quite astonished and hugely relieved.
I would very much like to join a group of others embarking on this journey - if anyone fancies starting a thread in weight loss talk.

Wow @Cowbells what exercises do you do?

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun

Wow *@Cowbells* what exercises do you do?

I do bootcamp 4 times a week and walk 3-5 times a week - 3-6 miles which isn't loads but on top of boot camp, it helps. I used to do yoga, swimming and kayaking too but all got closed locally during lockdown, so I just upped bootcamp to four times a week. I love it.

@Janeaustensquill

I have ordered the book. Would definitely be up for a support thread.

Morning all,

Righto, I've created a support thread for us all on Weight Loss - here it is!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/4228839-Defeated-by-fatness-no-more?watched=1

Fantastic!!

@Janeaustensquill

As a result of this thread I’ve been reading the Andrew Jenkinson book - am two thirds of the way through. I knew quite a lot about the impact of carbs on insulin but there’s so much there that I didn’t know and it makes total sense and explains why so many of us are feeling the same way - heavier after each diet and no willpower and blowing our diets each day. Please read it. Today I have eaten proper normal food and felt happy and satisfied. I ate lunch out - a roast. Didn’t eat the Yorkshire pudding, the free smarties or have even a mouthful of pudding. I didn’t want it because I finally understand how food works. For the first time ever I feel like a light has been switched on and I know what to do. The idea of eating sugar and refined carbs has lost its appeal. I feel quite astonished and hugely relieved. I would very much like to join a group of others embarking on this journey - if anyone fancies starting a thread in weight loss talk.

It’s quite an epiphany, isn’t it @Janeaustensquill! The Diet Myth is equally revelatory, particularly about the crucial role our microbiome plays in all this (which the Jenkinson book doesn’t go into).

woke up with good intentions. was sitting in a kfc car park in my car eating drive thru junk by 11am

I don't know why I am like this.

pepsi

I see you. I hear you. I am you mostly.

I fail myself a lot. I don’t know why either. My shame today was toast. With more toast and a great lot more of hummus than I’d care to admit.

I’d the munchies after a nightshift and if I’d gone to bed straight away it wouldn’t have happened.

@UnderTheSkyInsideTheSea @BreathingDeep
The book seems to have made sense to me in a way that nothing else has. I checked my kindle and I have 26 food/diet books that I have bought over the last 3 years whilst gaining 2.5 stone. I’ve got the diet myth so will read that now. I feel v calm at having a way forward that doesn’t involve no breakfast, starving, avoiding all fruit, in fact anything drastic at all simply avoiding sugar and wheat and bringing omega 3 and 6 into better balance. Yesterday morning I was 13 stone 10. After my calm day yesterday I was 13 stone 6.5!!!

@pepsicolagirl

woke up with good intentions. was sitting in a kfc car park in my car eating drive thru junk by 11am

I don't know why I am like this.

You're not alone. I started off really well. Had some bad news and now mostly made of chocolate..