Defeated by my fatness - am I alone?

[BreathingDeep]

Today marks yet another day where I wake up, full of good intentions that today will be the day I change things and take steps to make my life better, and yet by lunchtime, it's all turned to rat shit and I'm back to feeling defeated by my eternal chub.

I currently weigh around 5 stones more than I should. I know this is horrendous. I am unhealthy, unfit and unhappy. I avoid mirrors at home and reflections while I'm out. I turn down invitations. I have a wardrobe bursting with clothes that don't fit and I loathe myself for staying this way.

My weight weighs me down ALL the time - from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. Yet, despite this as a driver, I seem unable to tackle it once and for all which makes me feel even more ashamed.

Away from my weight, life is good. I'm capable, energetic, positive and decisive. I'm incredibly ambitious. I have a wonderful family and great friends but I'm aware I use 'being busy' as an excuse not to do a lot of things, losing weight being one of them.

I've gone deep and challenged myself on how I feel right now, how I want to feel, what my goal is, visualised how it would feel to be at that goal, examined what steps I need to take to make it happen, and still... it's always something I put off until tomorrow.

How can I be so capable in life and yet feel so lost when it comes to the food and drink I put in my mouth? This isn't a call for sympathy or derision, I just wondered if I'm alone in this?

I sympathise. I am in your position, and have been for many years.
What was a great help (pre lockdown) was attending Overeaters Anonymous.
What I am doing now is following the advice in Michael Mosley's Good Gut Diet book. I have had it on my shelf for a couple of years, but finally picked it up and started using it. My weight loss is slow but I feel healthier, both mentally and physically. And, most importantly, in control.

Hi @stackemhigh it's here drive.google.com/file/d/1mjaVTijjOxYjXruqLq14A113BVyhDBph/view?usp=sharing

Just download and save locally and use as you like 😁

I haven't read the full thread but you're not alone OP. at my heaviest I was 16 stones and 12 pounds! And I felt awful. I started doing Noom last year and lost a bit then my mum died and I lost my way completely with everything.

I started noom again in January and I've lost 21lbs so far and kept it off and I feel so much better. Its really hard but maybe just break it down in to smaller half stone chunks. Lose the first few pounds and just keep on. Good luck OP

Thanks so much @HalfShrunkMoreToGo 😊

I know how you feel. Although I'm further down the road than you currently. This time last year I was 21stone. Now I'm 14 1/2. I've spent my entire life being fat and miserable.
What changed for me was a health problem scared me. I started logging calories on my fitness pal abc stick to 1800 a day to begin with which is actually plenty! I went gluten free (due to a medical condition) and gave up alcohol completely. I also started couch 25k.
The biggest thing that kept me going was the slow realisation that actually, it isn't hard. The first four weeks are agony, but once past them it gets easier and easier. You start to move slowly more and burn off more calories and it has a snowball effect.
I ran a half marathon last weekend and have one on Sunday too.

I don't want you to think I'm saying this to rub your nose in it or be smug - I am telling you because I really do know it is not only possible, but certain that you can lose the weight. I've tried and failed hundreds of times and I would say not to do vlcd or fasting etc - it does work for some, but I've never met anyone who has kept it off 5 years later. You aren't failing - you are at the start of your journey.

Oh snd don't think in terms of losing five stone - it will seem too much of a mammoth task. I never, ever thought I was on a 'diet'. Because I'm not. The changes I've made are permanent ones, they have to be to keep me healthy. The weight loss is more a by product of overhauling a way of eating that was unhealthy.

I have finally found my tribe. Off to read the full thread.

And be patient too! I'm losing roughly 1/2 - 1kg a week which works out at 4-7ishl lb a month. Slow and steady is the way!

I could have written this. I completely binge eat though and am getting fatter each day and totally hate myself

I have found my people! Off to read the rest of the thread but will be back later.

I would love to join you!
Well done on your first steps!
I've previously lost weight and so I know i can do it but it was due to gall stones (I did diet but if I didn't eat low fat I got a lot of pain) so don't feel like it was a true success of my own doing.

Anywho, you've spurred me on so thank you!
Back to it tomorrow.
I also have a critical inner voice... and I'm just busy with the kids so I don't prioritise my food and would rather eat chocolate.

This is such a Brilliant thread. There sure are a lot of us with 5 stone plus to lose

@Orlandointhewilderness1

I know how you feel. Although I'm further down the road than you currently. This time last year I was 21stone. Now I'm 14 1/2. I've spent my entire life being fat and miserable. What changed for me was a health problem scared me. I started logging calories on my fitness pal abc stick to 1800 a day to begin with which is actually plenty! I went gluten free (due to a medical condition) and gave up alcohol completely. I also started couch 25k. The biggest thing that kept me going was the slow realisation that actually, it isn't hard. The first four weeks are agony, but once past them it gets easier and easier. You start to move slowly more and burn off more calories and it has a snowball effect. I ran a half marathon last weekend and have one on Sunday too.

I don't want you to think I'm saying this to rub your nose in it or be smug - I am telling you because I really do know it is not only possible, but certain that you can lose the weight. I've tried and failed hundreds of times and I would say not to do vlcd or fasting etc - it does work for some, but I've never met anyone who has kept it off 5 years later. You aren't failing - you are at the start of your journey.

Very similar to me, I am having about 1800 calories a day. Rather than trying to cut down to 1300/1400 a day I thought I would try something a little more sustainable and not "too hard" and it means we can still have a takeaway on a Friday if I want, I don't have to sit and have something different from the family and I don't feel deprived or that I am missing out. I have done a VLCD in the past and I still to this day remember almost every minute of it, it was sooooo hard! I would rather this take a couple of months longer but I enjoy it along the journey and I find it more sustainable to keep going with the principles long term.

I have lost 6 stone in 8 months with slimfast. I hate preparing and eating healthy low fat low cal versions of “proper” food. I’d rather not have any food that’s badly masquerading as a full fat alternative. I find it simpler to exist on shakes and a salad for dinner, my mind copes better with less grey areas and no temptation to stray.

@Holly60, I couldn’t agree more about getting a wardrobe of nice, flattering clothes in the size we are at the moment. It really does make a difference to self esteem and confidence and makes us actually look slimmer than clothes that are too tight. There is a growing fat acceptance movement but I cannot agree with many of their premises from a health point of view. However, the idea that someone can look good whatever their size is surely right. There are some plus size vloggers on YouTube who show how anyone can look their best, whether they are size 10, size 18 or size 26. Several people have posted that they only have a few clothes that fit them. To them l would say you are worthy of nice clothes. You do not have to wait until you are some mythical ideal size to reward yourself with fashionable, flattering clothes.

I have a sticker on my fridge that says;

Losing weight is hard
Being fat is hard
Pick your hard

I would also advise anyone who struggles with their weight to read Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr. Andrew Jenkinson. He is a bariatric surgeon who has listened and learned from his patients. He has studied the science of weight gain and loss and is very sympathetic. He does not blame people and proves what we all know that being told “eat less and move more” is terrible advice and, quite simply, generally makes the problem worse.

@RaisinforBeing

I have a sticker on my fridge that says;

Losing weight is hard
Being fat is hard
Pick your hard

I love that! I need one!

Well you’ve had some good influence on me. DD does an after school class on a Thursday, there’s not enough time to get home during the lesson. So last week I treated myself to a McDonalds, this week the weather was glorious and I went for a walk for an hour. It was great for clearing my head.

@Violinist64

I would also advise anyone who struggles with their weight to read Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr. Andrew Jenkinson. He is a bariatric surgeon who has listened and learned from his patients. He has studied the science of weight gain and loss and is very sympathetic. He does not blame people and proves what we all know that being told “eat less and move more” is terrible advice and, quite simply, generally makes the problem worse.

Completely agree, it's completely changed the way I view food and also my own body. I'm learning to nourish it rather than starve it then binge on crap.

I definitely feel I have found my people! I’m in an awful rut of stuffing my face when I’m stressed and every night going to bed thinking “Tomorrow will be different” but it isn’t!! Getting so fed up of going round and round in circles feeling disgusted with myself. Feeling old, fat, achy, tired and useless - permanently knackered..something has to change and reading this is a huge help, thank you OP for putting into words exactly how I feel and thank you to everyone else too for wise words.

Oh God. Can I join in too.... about 6 stone over weight. I spin twice a week and walk the dogs every day, but am always stressed so eat too much. I know I can lose the weight, I'm just not in the right mindset.....

I am feeling exactly the same. I was always quite strict about eating and exercise and looked good. Now, about 3 stone later, I own nothing that fits well or looks good on me and I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit. It's disgusting. Somehow with two very young children, lockdown, long slerp deprived nights and hitting my mid 40s I've just lost control. I think it's hard when you don't see immediate results and it feels like the mountain is too steep to climb. I paid for a tailored plan recently- 1500 a day within a reduced eating window, tracked everything on MFP eating lower than my target, but lost nothing at all. Then put on a pound and despaired. It made me just want to binge eat. I think a lot of it is about how much you feel in control. I can visualise myself thinner, I have eaten fairly strictly before for literally decades and been fine with it, but somehow it now feels too hard. I'm sorry you feel so shit. Me too!

I really sympathise. It’s an overwhelming feeling. I started by giving up wine—a real weakness—which was tough but kickstarted things and also made it easier not to eat in the evenings. Wine and crisps such a weakness! Then cut out crisps once not drinking meant I felt better all round . Better still! Then tried walking more. Finally joined Noom as I was about to go on holiday and knew I’d put weight back on. For the first time ever I came home lighter than when I left and yet still managed to have ice creams, fish and chips etc etc. Now I’m still losing, but over three stone lighter than when I started so even though I have a way to go I feel it’s possible. I track when I eat all the time, weigh myself every day, and now have a real sense of how my body works. Plateaus over Christmas and Easter, but enjoyed Easter eggs and plenty of Christmas treats (and wine) but importantly didn’t backslide. Now I realise it’s just delaying target weight if I plateau so actually more motivated to keep going and really think I’ve found something sustainable for the first time ever.

I grew a fat cloak. It is supposed to make me invisible. It does to an extent but I cast a huge shadow.

I don’t want to be ‘seen’. I haven’t for years. Quite why I thought that a fat cloak was a good idea I don’t know. It is going to take some shedding. The cloak, the shame, the disgust.

I do admire the people with success stories here. I really do.