Defeated by my fatness - am I alone?

[BreathingDeep]

Today marks yet another day where I wake up, full of good intentions that today will be the day I change things and take steps to make my life better, and yet by lunchtime, it's all turned to rat shit and I'm back to feeling defeated by my eternal chub.

I currently weigh around 5 stones more than I should. I know this is horrendous. I am unhealthy, unfit and unhappy. I avoid mirrors at home and reflections while I'm out. I turn down invitations. I have a wardrobe bursting with clothes that don't fit and I loathe myself for staying this way.

My weight weighs me down ALL the time - from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. Yet, despite this as a driver, I seem unable to tackle it once and for all which makes me feel even more ashamed.

Away from my weight, life is good. I'm capable, energetic, positive and decisive. I'm incredibly ambitious. I have a wonderful family and great friends but I'm aware I use 'being busy' as an excuse not to do a lot of things, losing weight being one of them.

I've gone deep and challenged myself on how I feel right now, how I want to feel, what my goal is, visualised how it would feel to be at that goal, examined what steps I need to take to make it happen, and still... it's always something I put off until tomorrow.

How can I be so capable in life and yet feel so lost when it comes to the food and drink I put in my mouth? This isn't a call for sympathy or derision, I just wondered if I'm alone in this?

The other thing that none of us have mentioned is the genetic component. It is a very real thing so beating ourselves up about something that is genetically against many of us is silly. I think that we should be congratulating ourselves when we do manage to lose weight because it is a much harder achievement for us than it is for others. Even if we lose two stones (a huge amount) and we know we could do with losing another four, we have really done well.

Sorry I haven't read it all but I just want to say I'm in the same boat and need a virtual kick up the bum. I'm age 30, 5+ stone overweight. I have a 2 year old and a 3month old baby. Surely being on maternity is the best time for me to get started. I follow teamRH on Facebook which I was hoping to follow but I need the motivation to kick in first 😩

At the start of this year I was the same.

Except over 6 stone overweight.

And miserable and hated myself.

I needed to hit that rock bottom to then motivate myself to change.

I started 16:8 fasting and exercising. And then moved onto doing the Fast800 diet.

I've now done that for 13 weeks and have lost 3 stone 4lbs so far.

During that process I discovered Dr Jason Fung. And read The Obesity Code and watched (both on Prime Video) Fat Fiction and Fasting.

My new knowledge of fasting and carbs/fat have totally changed my attitude to food and health. Mind blowing stuff.

It's now so very obvious carbs ruined my life. I was clearly insulin resistant. (Carbs caused insulin spikes - and that in turn causes cravings, weight gain, inability to lose weight, increased hunger. As you can see a dangerous cycle.)

Please do watch those two films. Life changing.

I've now done that for 13 weeks and have lost 3 stone 4lbs so far

Wow wow!

Well done

Op I have just started the Second Nature programme and I am finding it quite good so far (it's the app recommended by the NHS). I am only on week two of a twelve week programme though so I can't tell you about the while thing but I found this review here: vickyflipfloptravels.com/second-nature-diet-review/.

It's not extreme in any way, the long term goal is to re-set your habits and replace lots of white carbs with healthier options. It draws on a lot of scientific research and there are lots of informative articles to read, a recipe book, support group and a coach. You are set a few tasks each week and new habits are introduced gradually. I've been impressed so far anyway!

I am nearly 60 and have been overweight my whole life. I look back at pictures of me when I was in my 20's and although I know I was about 13.5 stone I looked quite good! I am 5'9 and big boned...size 8 feet etc so have managed to 'carry it 'well. Now I am 18 stone, how can this be? I would be happy with losing 2 stone but I cannot seem to lose more than a few pounds. I have been doing 16.8 for a year now, it's made no difference whatsoever. I don't drink alcohol and only drink water or black tea. I eat lots of veg and walk every day. I really really resonate with others on this thread, as I have a lovely life, great husband kids and friends, yet every day I feel disgusted with myself and don't know why I can't get it sorted.
Going to try the only eating half a meal trick mentioned earlier as I can't be bothered with logging things.
Thanks for this thread, great to know I'm not alone, most of my friends are slim or just a bit of middle aged spread, I'm the only one who is BIG.

Wow well done @MattDamon!
Hoe did you lose the 3st?

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun

Wow well done *@MattDamon*! Hoe did you lose the 3st?

Thank you! I lost via miserable calorie counting.

I started off using two shakes and a healthy meal to cut out the addiction to food and now am just calorie counting regular food as I want to re-learn good habits. The first week is brutal, but once you break the ME WANT FOOD feelings, it falls into place. I'm losing around 2 lbs a week, atm, though I know that will slow.

It is very much mental too, though. I was 100% ready to lose the weight and able to change my lifestyle to accommodate - i.e. not having any junk food in the house, avoiding social occasions (so far, lockdown obviously helped), walking daily for exercise.

Hoping to hit 4 stone by the June lockdown deadline, and the last stone by end of summer. I sounds like a long time to be dieting, but as per my previous post, even losing those first 3 stone in 4 months has improved my life and well-being so much.

Fast800 OP. Bloody brilliant, wish I'd done it years ago.

In 2016 I was 14st 9lbs, I've done WW off and on, seen a dietician, flung myself around lots of different exercise, got a stone off then managed to keep my weight around 13st, with an occasional foray into the 12s or back up to 13.7. Lost half stone in the last year from giving up meat. Got stuck at 12.9, doing calorie control but no significant change for four months. Then this month I started Fast800, in a couple of weeks I'd lost 8lbs, and am now threatening to break into the 11 stone something bracket and am into size 12s. My goal is 11st which would be normal BMI with a little room to spare and it seems achievable in weeks now, not months and months. I was 11 stone odd in my teens, so it will be quite incredible to me to be this light in my mid 40s.

I'm doing CBT for this right now.
It really is habits built up over time and distorted thinking.

First thing was write down everything I ate and drank and how much for 7 days.

When you actually see it in writing, you can see what areas would be the easiest to cut back on.

I really do recommend CBT though. It really does help provide tools to make changes.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

Any chance you'd be willing to share that excel sheet?

@HarebrightCedarmoon

Fast800 OP. Bloody brilliant, wish I'd done it years ago.

In 2016 I was 14st 9lbs, I've done WW off and on, seen a dietician, flung myself around lots of different exercise, got a stone off then managed to keep my weight around 13st, with an occasional foray into the 12s or back up to 13.7. Lost half stone in the last year from giving up meat. Got stuck at 12.9, doing calorie control but no significant change for four months. Then this month I started Fast800, in a couple of weeks I'd lost 8lbs, and am now threatening to break into the 11 stone something bracket and am into size 12s. My goal is 11st which would be normal BMI with a little room to spare and it seems achievable in weeks now, not months and months. I was 11 stone odd in my teens, so it will be quite incredible to me to be this light in my mid 40s.

How did you find it limiting your intake to such a low level? I don’t think it would work for me. I hate being hungry .

I found a lovely local online group that have allowed me to lose a couple of stone so far this year. Something like that might be an idea. No banned foods, no low calories, just tracking everything I eat, hitting steps and workouts during the week. All at home in my own time.

For me it’s about accountability - I send my weight, measurements and before and after pics across.

@mermaidsariel

I've lost over 3st since starting Fast800.

Have very very rarely been hungry. Once you drop the carbs and are fat adjusted you just don't get the cravings.

Insulin resistance (which most overweight people who eat a high carb diet will have) causes excessive hunger and cravings. Once you're on top of that it's amazing.

The 2 meals I have each day on F800 are very filling.

Now that my 12 weeks at 800 calories are over it's actually a struggle to have more calories.

just I can do this today one meal at a time

I love this. It was so good to spend time on my own last night. I'd forgotten how much I need time alone. And I'm not working today for the first Sunday in ages so it was good to wake up and not have to head straight to my office.

to everyone on here

This sort of explains the cycle.

But basically excess levels of insulin (which is caused by carbs) cause fat gain and excessive hunger and tiredness.

So we think that we need to eat more to get energy. But it's actually the opposite.

@BreathingDeep

Someone on this thread suggested reading Why We Eat (Too Much): The New Science of Appetite by Andrew Jenkinson, and having now read it, I would really, really recommended it OP.

My mind is blown. Seriously.

@Violinist64 that is so kind. Thank you

Hello all, it has taken me about 4 days to read through this whole thread before posting. It is amazing yet awful how many of us are in the same situation. I would love to join the chat with you all.

A bit about me. I turned 40 last year and was steadily getting bigger. I would fairly easily lose a stone, but give up after any kind of bad day (so need cheering up), good day (need to celebrate), and many days in between! 🤦‍♀️

Since January I have lost 40 lbs. My aim is to lose at least 20 more.

I haven't eaten meat for years, but was a total junk food vegan who often ate cheese

I started following a lot of plant based accounts on Insta and stumbled across an plant based diet coach. I signed up for coaching and over the programme I totally reset my ways of eating and mindset.

I eat food I make from scratch, but nothing very complicated. I am a carb fiend, I eat loads of potatoes, but no refined carbs. I have 2 or 3 meals a day now, depending on how hungry I am. I am skipping breakfast a lot, not because I "have to" but because I am not hungry. I stopped drinking too, which initially was to get best weight results but now I don't miss it at all.

I genuinely don't think that much about food any more. I meal plan loosely, bulk cook, keep it very simple during the week so there is no stress around meals. At the weekend I make a "nice dinner". DH looks after his own breakfast and lunch, and will have same dinner as me with meat added.

I feel so much better physically now I am lighter, I can sit with my feet curled under me. I can run upstairs to get something rather than wait until I have to go up to use loo I can go for longer walks with dog. I have spent a lot of time on looking at my habits and reliance on food as a crutch.

Another poster mentioned having MS. I have it too, plant based eating really dampens down my symptoms.

I would recommend looking at John McDougall, he has a lot of books about plant based and health.

OP, you have my sympathy. I am very similar. Every day's good intentions are gone by lunch time. I have no idea how people stick to diets. I was going to post yesterday and ask. How do they maintain the willpower? I just don't have any.

But it is possible to make progress if you are in the right frame of mind. I lost a stone in 6 months last year without dieting at all, and I plan to try and lose another in the next three months so I will have to diet to achieve that, as I promised myself I'd lose 2 stone in a year.

Last time I started by cutting out all the stuff I mindlessly eat and don't even enjoy much - horrible biscuits and crisps that DH insists on buying etc that can add 700 cals to a day's intake without enjoying a mouthful. Just mindless eating. Then I focused on lower calorie foods that I happen to really love and built meals around them. I also cut down hard on foods that trigger binges - for me that's white flour and refined sugar. Still had them, but not every day.

Intermittent fasting helped a bit. It got easy to skip breakfast and only eat between midday and 7pm.

I'd be happy to join you if you want. I need to lose a stone in the next 12 weeks to reach my goal.

OP, I completely understand you. I have a great job, friends, family, kids, house, I think I'm a pretty nice person, I have FABULOUS hair, but I'm miserable, because I'm too fat. I know I'm not even 'that' fat, but I'm 5ft 1 so any extra shows.
I know exactly where my shame comes from - my parents. Both whippet thin, even now in their 70s, love exercise, and extremely critical about anyone who is fat, ever since I was a child. When I was 15 I was desperate to get my bellybutton pierced (ha, so classy!). My mum said she would give me permission, if I could get a 25 inch waist. I was 15! I was gorgeous. Just not skinny. I couldn't get the 25 inch waist, waited until I was 17 and got it done anyway. At the time I thought my mum was trying to be helpful but now I see how toxic it was. It also doesn't help that she's a fabulous cook, and puts on huge spreads (she doesn't eat much). As my sister said not long ago - she uses food to show she loves us, but we're not supposed to eat it.

Anyway, you don't need all my backstory...what I came here to say is that I've been using an app called Need Fitness Journey. It is a paid for one, but you get 7 days free to try it. If you're geeky like me, you'll love it. It's mini challenges that build up in difficulty, but they're all based on beating villains, and when you succeed you get cool outfits for your avatar. There are fitness, diet and mental health challenges. They really do start with baby steps like drinking more water, or 5 lunges per day. My results are not fast, but they feel permanent, like my brain is changing how it thinks.

The website is here for anyone interested, there's loads of free content as well as the app www.nerdfitness.com/about-2/#what_is_nerd_fitness

@wejammin I can relate to your comments about your mother. My mum has struggled with her weight for most of her life, but she has a really warped view of what overweight looks like.
I remember when I was 16, she used to weigh me, and told me to watch my weight when I got up to 8 stone.
As soon as I left home I started putting on weight.

I know everyone says that you can't lose weight through exercise and it is true, but what changed things for me was starting to exercise. I did stall after losing one stone and I am now feeling a bit grim about having to actually diet (I swore I never would) to reach my goal of two stone in a year. But I have kept up the exercise all year and it makes me happy.

Weight training and body weight exercises are just brilliant. They make you feel strong and active. I now jog up and down stairs instead of wondering where my inhaler is, half way up a flight. I feel more vigorous and clothes fit better. My arms are no longer these weird spheres of chub (I remember looking in the mirror at my peak weight and seeing my upper arms and they were spherical) Now they look like arms again. I have more energy. It's easier to carry shopping, move furniture etc. Starting with exercise helped me focus on feeling fit (a positive challenge) not 'being on a diet' (a negative one.)

Typo in my post - it's Nerd Fitness, not Need Fitness!

@MrsSlocombesPussy, sorry you went through the same. It's so hard to undo the emotional hang ups from childhood.

Hi OP,
I feel exactly the same. My clothes don’t fit me properly, I am massively uncomfortable getting up and down at work (I am a foot health practitioner), I also weigh about 5stone more than I should.
But I also know the comfort in getting home after a long day and wanting the Milky Way out the fridge to make myself feel better.
I totally get eating cheese on toast as a snack after work because you know you’re not going to eat until 7pm and you’re already starving.
I know about “why bother I’m happy with myself” when actually I’m not.
However, I have forced myself to do something about it. Last week I walked to my local gym and got myself a membership.
I had one session with a PT and wrote down exactly what she wanted me to do with what weights etc. Then I carved out another hour on Thursday and went again.
Each time I go, I reduce the “cost” of the gym so far I’ve paid £11 per session to go.
I keep thinking of how many Pilates classes is the equivalent and just make myself go again. When I went on Thursday I was far from the fattest person there and no one gave a monkeys.
It’s been really helpful and although it’s slow going, my PT thinks if I do 2 sessions a week I can probably reduce my weight by 3 stone before the end of the year.
Which is great. Please don’t feel rubbish about yourself, you really need to dig down and just do it.