To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

17 month old twins and a 6 year old? You are doing amazing work just getting through each day. Give the kids something reheated or basic for dinner and you or dh cook after they’re in bed for you two. Dinner on the table when he finishes work is not reasonable with kids that age.

I have twins and we have always just eaten when they're in bed (though at the weekend we'll all eat together). Your DP needs to have a snack on the way home if he can't wait until 8pm for dinner.

I had 3 littlies and a late home husband. (But not quite as tough as you because no twins.)

The slow cooker was my saviour.....bolognaise, beef stew, curry etc Anything that could cook all day and I just had to do rice, jackets or pasta to go with it.
I ate with kids at 5 (still do) and husband ate later.

Get them used to staying up later. I finished work at 5. Dh gets home 5-6 ish. He then keeps eye on dc while I cook. We eat dinner about 7. They're in bed 8:30. We cook and eat one meal at one sitting. It's relatively stress free. We've done it this way since eldest was probably 18 months and youngest from 6 months when weaning started. They manage fine, just have a good snack around 5 ish when we get home.

Batch cook and stock your freezer with meals that are ready to go. Your DH should be contributing to the cooking.

Does your older child have to go to bed so early? My almost 4yr old is in bed for 7.30/8 and that means evenings are less stressful as we’re not rushing for everything to be done at 7.

Eat after the kids are in bed. He can cook it.

Whack the slow cooker on in the morning for all of you and eat when you are ready. Or the kids get your leftovers from the night before.

I have a similar age gap between my singleton and twins, it does get easier to feed everyone, I promise!

In the meantime, feed the kids at 5 - batch cooked food from the freezer, snacky food and freezer tapas, make it easy on yourself. You can give your twins a larger cooked meal at lunchtime if that works, if they're anything like mine they're more likely to eat it then anyway. Deploy television as necessary so you can get the food prepared and on the table.

DH helps with bed and bath when he gets home (if they're not too grubby skip the bath, they'll survive) then eat with DH when everyone's in bed. The slow cooker is your friend, and where possible make extra and freeze for future dinners.

I have an excellent repertoire of meals that can be made in 10 mins (or, alternatively, shoved in the oven for hours). Stuff like pasta, stir fries, fajitas all work well. I generally don't start cooking until DS is in bed (sometime between 8 and 9).

@Babysharkdododont

Prepare their dinner in advance, do finger foods. Let them eat on a mat on the floor, high chairs aren't essential. Even better have a picnic in the garden if you have one.

Yes for you and DH can be as easy or as hard as you make it.

Can you make a big something (pasta bake / cottage pie / curry etc) and feed the dc a portion and you and DH have what's left?

They need proper food though not just more bread and stuff. I can cook properly and feed them that but then it's late by the time it's done and I can't do it whilst supervising all of them properly, or I do yesterday's leftovers but even reheating that, making fresh veg and something else for DS just seems to take forever in-between sorting out the babies.

DH would cook but he gets 1 hour between home and taking eldest to bed. I'd rather he saw his children.

I was in a similar moment I fed the main meal about 2 then a bagel for dinner. Adults had their main meal reheated later on.

You're not useless and they don't hate you. You sound exhausted and fed up - as most mothers of 2 year old twins probably are - and you're over-focussed on this.

You don't need to run everything to a strict timetable. There's a point in the evening at which the children would like to eat, but it doesn't need to be at a strict time. It's helpful to anticipate this by about 20 minutes, so that you have time to cook, but if you have carrot/cucumber sticks, breadsticks, babybels, cherry tomatoes in the fridge, you can whip these out for them to snack on while you get the main course ready.

Telly is your friend. Or YouTube. Whatever works. Whether it's while you're getting food ready or to distract them while they're eating so that they forget to scream, throw food around and climb out of their chair. There's enough time in the rest of the day for more improving activities.

Keep the food simple and strictly confine it to what they like. Your 6 year old is old enough to agree a simple list of what he will eat. Jacket potatoes are a meal. So are hot dogs. Or beans on toast. Supplement with the snack suggestions above and finish with a yogurt or a banana. Don't stress over elaborate food you think they SHOULD be eating.

They don't need to have a bath every night. You might think they need the routine, but if you can do the twins one night and the 6 year old the next and you and DH alternate between who does baths and who reads stories, that should reduce the stress.

You and DH can wait until after bedtime. And then you can eat what YOU like. And he can make it. And then you can have a nice leisurely grown up meal while you catch up.

I also used to main a packed lunch for my wee ones to eat at 5pm. It was amazing reaching it out of the fridge and having a bit of headspace.

Oh OP I really feel for you. I only have the one but it's tough. I tend to prepare something during the day for me and OH (or will be something quick & easy for dinner). My DS normally has something different. He'll have his dinner around half 5/6 and is then in bed at 7/7:30pm. Me and OH will normally eat around 8ish. I like to have half hour to breathe after DS has gone bed.

Not quite the same but I have 3 under 5, the 2 eldest are in preschool 9-12.

All my meal prep is done during the day so it is literally heat/reheat at dinner time. If I haven't managed this it's scrambled eggs/pasta and cheese/beans of toast/freezer lucky dip for dinner normally with frozen peas as veg.

You could try a sizeable snack around 4 and then a smaller dinner at 6. Or keep a cloth handy and as soon as the twins are bored wipe hands and put them down/in front of the TV until everyone else has finished. If they're climbing on each other/screaming ignore until you've finished your meal (unless it's real pain/actually dangerous).

I'd give up trying to bath the twins at night. Wash them during the day when they're less tired and it gives you a 45-60minutes activity to fill time with them.

When my DC were little we used to serve them a reheated portion of mine and DH's dinner from the evening before. Saved doubling up on cooking.

But it must be tough with toddler twins though, so be kind to yourself.

Firstly you need to all be eating same food rather than 2 rounds of cooking. Maybe try and prepare it whilst they have afternoon nap. Or wait till he gets home and her can supervise the kids whilst you cook or vice versa. I was lucky when my 3 were little as DH had work canteen so I ate with the kids at 5ish and he had a sandwich or leftovers when he got home! He filled up at lunchtime.

Re large lunch.
We get up, they have milk, we get them all ready for school and I leave at 8.15, back for 9 and then o do th bfast. They nap about 11.30-2 and then it's clean bums, stretch legs and out for 2.30ish with a buggy snack and back for 3.45-4 so they eother have a big bfast but end up with no play and learn time or a big tea

@katy1213

Why do you need his dinner on the table as soon as he walks in the door? It's not the 1950s. He can eat at 8 - or 9 - or whenever it's ready - or better still, cook it himself.

He will be coming in, spending some time with the kids who will have missed him all day and then doing DSs bed routine. He's not sat on the chair with one hand down his pants demanding I feed him. And we're both really hungry by 6.30 let alone 9.

I should add that when it was dh doing this alone (in non-COVID times I work til 7-8pm a few nights a week), so he had to do all keeping children alive, homework with older one, cooking, dinner and bath on his own. He did simple meals that night - pasta with veg, store bought quiche and salad things, ready meal lasagna with veg, etc. Things that would take 5 minutes to prep and just got shoved in the oven.

Op just use a slow cooker, prep yours and Dh tea and just Chuck it in there in the morning and leave it all day.
Feed the kids when you want to.
You and DH eat when you want because it's ready in the slow cooker.

I'm confused. Did your last post mean the twins do not eat a full lunch??

One pot meals OR sheet tray meals OP
Bing, bang bosh dinners
Casseroles/stews
Bolognese
Chicken, chorizo and potato bake
Etc etc

And your dh can serve himself when he walks in then too!!

I have 2 under 3 and we batch cook when we have time and have the freezer stocked with kids meals so its a case of just heating in microwave - we do it veg heavy so don't have to really cook anything alongside it.

For us its either freezer meals again pre prepped, slow cooker or fresh cooked after the boys are in bed. Meal plan at start of the week so no decision needs to be made

Ditch the feeding the husband immediately. Either prep dinner during nap time or do snacks dinner - stuffed pasta, fish fingers jacket pots etc for all kids

Get kids in bed and you and husband eat. No other option even if it’s late. Husband can make himself some toast when he gets in if hungry

At 4.30 serve the kids food. Omelettes/quesedillas/beans and toast all served with veggie sticks, cheese cubes, apple slices etc. Easy and healthy.

At 6pm when dh comes home, go to the kitchen and prep yours and his dinner. Make it something that can be warmed when ready to each. He can play with DC, get them into pjs.

7pm - One of you put the eldest to bed, then come down, warm up the food and lay the table/pour the wine. The other puts the twins to bed (assuming this takes a little longer).

Both of you could be sat tucking into dinner by 7.30.