To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Should add, take the kids some buttered toast to eat at 6.30 while they are with dad.

[RandomMess]

Are the twins even ready for tea if they are having a snack so late? Can you not offer them more milk when they wake up from nap instead?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

@SleepingStandingUp

Re large lunch.
We get up, they have milk, we get them all ready for school and I leave at 8.15, back for 9 and then o do th bfast. They nap about 11.30-2 and then it's clean bums, stretch legs and out for 2.30ish with a buggy snack and back for 3.45-4 so they eother have a big bfast but end up with no play and learn time or a big tea

Odd timings for meals there to work with. Can they have breakfast when they wake? Then I'd serve them lunch at 11 before the nap (and aim to push lunch back to 11.30 and nap to 12 at some point).
Milk on waking. Then dinner as I suggested above at 4.30.

[SunshineLane]

Batch cooking and meal planning are the way to go here. Cook separate meals for the kids if need be. Now it’s getting warmer make use of salads and bread and a roast chicken for quick dinners, bang on the slow cooker in the morning. It’s all about routine and it takes practice. Have a look at the batch lady for recipes to make ahead that will feed the family. And don’t stress over having a take away at 9pm - twins must be hard!

[uhtredsonofuhtred1]

I had 4 kids and a knobhead for a husband a couple of years ago. The youngest wouldn't even let me put him down and even now, at 5&3 are both an absolute nightmare some days so I know exactly where you're coming from. It's hard, but it does get easier. Here's a few tips that I used to make my life easier:

Use the slow cooker for all sorts of food. Curry, stew, roast chicken etc

Buy the pre-chopped veg bags so you can literally just dump it in the pan. I even sometimes buy the trays of mash potato for the microwave which are actually really nice.

I used to buy the Ellas kitchen frozen ready meals or veg/fish finger type foods for days where I was exhausted or just unable to break away from the kids. My son loved the curry and rice one.

My son stopped napping at 12 months old so I didn't even get that break over lunchtime. You could use that time to prep dinner or fully cook it and then reheat later. I stopped using high chairs at a young age and bought a kids plastic table and chairs for them to eat at.

I wouldn't concern yourself too much with your husbands dinner if it's causing too much hassle.

[RandomMess]

I used to prep evening meals during nap time.

It isn't forever just for a few months and then their routine will shift a bit again they will be better at sitting and eating etc. Eat with them at tea time if you are starving by 6.30!

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

@RandomMess

I used to prep evening meals during nap time.

It isn't forever just for a few months and then their routine will shift a bit again they will be better at sitting and eating etc. Eat with them at tea time if you are starving by 6.30!

Good idea to use the nap time for meal preps.

[Reassuranceneeded14]

Slow cooker meals? There are some great pages on Fbook for slow cooker meals. Chuck it all in and it sits there till you need it for tea, leave it on low it’s still warm for your DH. Alternatively, I stick the kids in the high chair/set the older ones up at the table with colouring and almost perform for them whilst cooking- but my diner is combined to the kitchen, but worth a shot!

[AmyLou100]

I have a DS 5yo and a very needy DD 1yo. I'm a sahm too. Very similar to your setup just one less dc. Ds 5yo has sensory needs and is still very clingy. Honestly it is damn hard work. Dh is the most hands on dad but his job is very stressful and demanding. He wfh so is able to help when he gets a second during the day. Sometimes he goes into the office upstairs and we see him after work. It got to a point where I was just frustrated and felt like I was failing. We sat down and drew up a very detailed plan of how to tackle this. For a month I spent half a Saturday and Sunday cooking and prep for the week and batch cooking. A cleaner came in on the Monday to clean up the weekend mess. That helped so much. We then split bedtimes during the week so that we each got some nights to do what we wanted. After a month I was able to find my feet again. We also got them used to a nanny who worked part time or when we needed her. It did a world of good to get out just dh and I. If you can't get in any extra help, then I still stand by drawing up a plan and sticking to it. My ds has sensory issues, my dh is diabetic, my dd is just at that fussy stage so I was overwhelmed with the food and cooking. I completely understand how difficult this is.

[gobbynorthernbird]

As nicely as possible, OP, that routine is awful. You don't feed the little ones properly between 9am and their evening meal. You're fussing about things like 'play and learn' time. You are making a rod for your own back, and you can get things sorted by changing your routine earlier in the day.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Unanananana

Agree with PP, you and DH eat after the DC are in bed. Does he insist on his dinner being on the table at 6pm a la 1950s or is that a target you have set yourself?

Have your older child have hot school meals and prepare an easy hot meal for the twins at lunchtime. Let them eat in front of the tv, whatever it takes. Then you can do a lighter/cold/finger food tea for the DC in the evening.

Your schedule sounds harder than it needs to be, especially with two toddlers.

God no, he will eat when he's fed and accept it, but I know having had a sandwich at 1 he's hungry at 6 and isn't a snacker by nature.

@user1493413286 yeah that's how tonight's gone. O end up rushing it to firefight .

No @rainyskylight he's currently WFH so he finishes bad watches kids whilst I cook or vice versa but he's back May so will get in at 6.

I don't want to be doing food prep once kids are in bed and house is tidy as it's then 9 and o have 2 hours of study to fit in shortly. I can do some of that in nap time but their naps aren't always concurrent so I don't always get down time.

Food prep, freezer is an upright so I could do some bulk cooking and freeze but it probably needs to be a slow cooker at lunch. It's the only meal I eat alone without anyone sitting on me or trying to eat it so didn't overly want to eat it in the kitchen whilst making dinner but I guess that's not important really

DS usually has a sandwich for lunch and not much else so I need to try and get what little variety he has into him at night

[Pythonesque]

I recall seeing recipes once that were designed to be simple version for the kids, then add something to make them more interesting for the adults later. Eg mince and veg with pasta shapes, then add stronger seasonings and spices and serve the adults spaghetti. Several variations on that idea.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@mindutopia

Get them used to staying up later. I finished work at 5. Dh gets home 5-6 ish. He then keeps eye on dc while I cook. We eat dinner about 7. They're in bed 8:30. We cook and eat one meal at one sitting. It's relatively stress free. We've done it this way since eldest was probably 18 months and youngest from 6 months when weaning started. They manage fine, just have a good snack around 5 ish when we get home.

DS is aiming for sleep by 8, sometimes its later but 8 is our goal. I don't think that's easy for a 6 yo. He's then up at 6/6.30 most days. Twins are Def ready having been woke up at 2 for school run to go to bed by 7-8, otherwise they'll power nap and be ip forever

[LBOCS2]

Switching it up a bit, could you not do a relatively substantial afternoon tea straight after school (prepared before you do the school run) then everyone eat together at 6, before bed for 7-7.30? As a PP said - do long-cooking things you can prep during nap time, and definitely do what you can to speed the process.

Also, don't let the best be the enemy of the good. Sometimes a lasagne is lovely, sometimes tinned tomato soup with a cheese toastie to dip in it is just as satisfying. It doesn't have to take a long time to cook to be a perfectly satisfying dinner!

[Peanutbuttercupisyum]

I have 3 children and they were once 3 under 4. My DH gets in a 8.30.
I concentrate fully on he children until their bedtime. I make something in advance during the day during nap time/school etc, enough for both kids and grown
Ups. Eg slow cooker Spanish chicken, chilli concarne, fish pie, spag bol etc. Then give it to the kids at 5.30, then put them all the bed at the appropriate time. Then my husband gets in and we eat together. I mean yes it’s late and we’re hungry but that’s just life! Adults can deal with a bit of hunger, hopefully 😀

[MyCatHatesOtherCats]

Do not beat yourself up! I have a very similar age gap but only one toddler and I would be seriously struggling with twins! I don’t know how you’re still standing. They can be completely feral at this age and I bet two just egg each other on!

As far as we’re concerned, there are two ways to do this: make something everyone will eat and put a plate aside for anyone who is not home at DCs’ mealtime - or cook and eat after the DCs are in bed. There is no way you can be cooking and also doing bath and bed time unless cooking = something in the slow cooker or oven. That is just a recipe for chaos and upset!

To actually cook while in sole charge, I either put the toddler in the play pen so he is at least contained, or let him potter/watch TV depending on his mood and that of DC1.

In your shoes, I’d consider a “starter” for the toddlers of something like cucumber sticks or cheese cubes to be doled out a few bits at a time and have them in their high chairs while you cook/heat up dinner. That’s what I’d do if we had a kitchen big enough but ours is a tiny galley.

And when I say cooking, on days where I’m in sole charge, it’s either something from the slow cooker that was started off at nap time/in the morning, something reheated or something very quick requiring minimal attention. Spaghetti bolognese with the sauce reheated rather than cooked from scratch, sausages with jacket potatoes and baked beans, etc. Anything that either requires max 10-15 minutes of your active attention, or can be put in the oven and left. I batch cook at weekends and prep during the morning if DC2 is amenable or during nap time if not.

Oh, and on days when we’re both working, the kids usually get picky tea, ie sandwiches, fruit, crisps, maybe a yogurt or similar. This can be prepped at whatever point in the day suits bar fruit, and served up on arrival. I don’t feel bad about this at all as both DCs get a hot meal at lunchtime at school/childcare.

[LondonJax]

Could DH do the baths when he gets in so you can get dinner started? That's what my DH used to do - albeit just with one. He used it as the 'dad bonding time' having a bit of splashing (which he cleared up whilst DS sat on the floor with a towel wrapped round him. Then he got him ready for bed. Quick story from me or him whilst the other one kept an eye on dinner. We sometimes got interruptions but at least we had the chance of peaceful eating!

[nextslidepuhlease]

Main meal for kids at lunchtime and whilst in the kitchen, prep your own dinner - invest in a slow cooker ; you can have bolognaise/ pulled pork/ lamb joints / cottage pie fish pie mix etc etc and then get DH to finish the eve meal when he gets in by quickly boiling some veg / cutting some crudités etc.

[noimaginationatall]

I suggest slow cooking something quick and easy you can throw in like a whole chicken. Micro wave veg and easy boiled potatoes.
Could you bath the twins after school time? No idea if that would work as bath time might be a nightmare. If you bathed them at half 4ish clean jammies etc. Would they be calmer and ready to watch some tele or some quietism play while you dish up? Then everyone eats together at 6ish or the kids slightly before if they can't wait that long. Perhaps you could do a park stop or something after school to allow your eldest a run around before coming home and whilst twins are in the bath he could maybe be practising his reading to them? I suggest try and make dinners as easy as possible - it's my nightmare time of day too. Even something like quiche, steak pies? One pot type bung in the oven things. Things with minimal prep!

[Dipi79]

OP, you're not taking on board anyone's suggestions/comments, so just carry on as you are, floundering and being a martyr.

[PurpleH]

Can you all eat the same thing but leave it cooking for you and DH to have once the kids are in bed? So chilli, pasta sauce, cauliflower cheese, stew, jacket potato’s, etc etc - give the kids theirs, then add salt/spice if needed and leave it cooking (or reheat) for you guys later. Have a snack when the kids eat so you’re not starving and then eat once the kids are in bed? That way dinner is ready for you to eat straight when they’re in bed and you’ve only done one batch of cooking:

Alternatively - you say they nap between 1130 and 2 - could you cook something then, ready to heat later?

[emmathedilemma]

Pour yourself a gin and order a takeaway tonight!!
You just sound overwhelmed and exhausted
I would starting thinking about how you can plan for DH going back to work - so start meal planning, fill your freezer, work out an evening routine etc.
I would do some batch cooking of things like pasta sauce, cottage pie, curry etc for the freezer. There's really quick or minimal prep dinners you can do for yourselves once the kids have gone to bed - bag of stir fry veg, ready cooked chicken or prawns and microwave rice or 3min soak noodles, jacket potatoes in the oven, steak & chips, chicken Caesar salad.
I would aim for Friday is "mummy doesn't cook" night and do fish fingers & chips or oven pizza for everyone as early as DH can get home.

[Woeismethischristmas]

I had those twins, 6 now and civilised. What worked for me was little helper fun pods. An inescapable well that they enjoyed. I’d put them beside the table and give them a snack. Apple slices carrot sticks easy to clean stuff. I’d throw in a couple of soft toys and they’d throw them out. I’d get my then 5yo to throw them back like a game with an egg timer. If he got them all in by the end he got a star. 5 stars got a treat from the jar.

I’d often let them stand in there to eat too. Complete high hair escapers, couldn’t turn my back for a second. They can eat nicely with cutlery so didn’t do long term damage!

[2bazookas]

At the weekend, you and DH batch=cook a week of one pot meals for the freezer. portion into baby lunches, adult and 6 yr old dinners.

Give the twins their main meal of the day at lunch time.
Give them a lighter snack tea (beans on toast, scrambled eggs, ) around five.
Buy two harnesses (the sort that come with reins, john lewis) , to strap them in and attach harness to the highchairs.
When you take them for a bath, get you the babies their nappies and pyjams in the bathroom and lock the door so they can't escape. Turn on taps, while the bath fills undress one baby and put it in the water, Undress other baby, put in water. Swab down baby i, lift out and dry and dress; ditto second baby.
20 minutes cuddle in front of TV watching Big Barn Farm. or similar. Bed.

[Dcadmam001]

I think you need to prep and cook meal during lunchtime nap or do main part eg put chicken in slow cooker.
Also meal plan a bit eg chicken and jacket potato one night then leftover chicken in curry sauce and microwave rice the next...
Al