To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

@13579db

So when the twins nap in morning, maybe use that time to prep the dinner?

Feed twins at 430 then settle them in bouncy chair with telly while you sort older child? DH should reheat his own dinner later...then twins milk before bed?

Having an ongoing weekly menu in my head helps me: for example

Sunday: ROAST CHICKEN DAY - stick a whole chicken in oven with potatoes. Cook chicken for 90 mins max. Your oven is your friend.

Monday: STIRFRY DAY
So chop up any leftover chicken and mix with boiled rice & frozen peas. Or noodles. Or a jar of uncle bens sauce. Add soy sauce etc for flavour. Takes 15 mins.

(Making rice this way is so easy: boil kettle, put one mug rice into 2 mugs of the boiling water. Add salt. Lid on. It will cook perfectly in 10 mins or so

Tues & Thursdays:
Ragu/bolognese pasta days - make a huge batch of this sometime - and freeze into bags then leave out portion to defrost in morning u need it.

Wednesdays & Fridays:
OVEN TRAY DAYS so put pork chops/drumsticks/or sausages & chips/ Serve with tinned sweetcorn Chuck all in the oven on a tray. Ready in 40 mins max.

Saturday:
PIZZAS in oven. Bag of salad in a bowl.
Wine. Chocolate.

Dinner on sofa is totally fine for really tired days.

Repeat until kids are 18

Bounce chairs? They’re 16 months

Forget slow cookers. You have to be too organised in the morning, there is browning and sauce thickening involved in producing a meal, and multiple pans and pots to clean afterwards. Plus, everything you cook in one comes out tasting weirdly like lightly flavoured cardboard.

You need an Instant Pot and /or an air fryer.
www.instantpot.co.uk/

I have an Instant Pot. I use it all the time. I have had a slow cooker for about 18 years. I have used it maybe once a year.

I suggest maybe changing the types of meals you’re cooking- not sure if you feel passionate about a certain diet etc
For example:
Pasta based meals! always having some cooked pasta in the fridge for you to bung in microwave, add a tin of sweet corn/ jar of tomato sauce/ cheese+ packet of ham/ chicken/ bacon can take the stress out of it all.

I know lots of people have said it but meal prepping is the only way I can think of that you're going to get simple and easy mealtimes. Is bath necessary every night? Wet flannel for mucky hands+ face? Or You could give them a very quick dip, nappy change, bed clothes and straight in cot. How do they get off to sleep? Independently? Stay for a story etc?

What happens if you feed twins not in high chair? Will they sit at table? Calmly on floor? Why do they not like it so much? Is it the restraints? Do they recognise “snack” “dinner”/ similar yet? Would they understand the concept of only getting food when calm? What would happen if they’re given finger food over you feeding them if that’s what you do? You could distract one with finger food bits and feed other? Regularly swapping? Meal times seem a real hassle for your family and I understand why you’re anxious to be doing it all by yourself soon. All I can say is you’re going to find something that works for you and the kids. there will be trial and error, just know you aren’t failing m- just adjusting the formula 😉 your DH isn’t going to judge you if he comes home and doesn’t have his dinner/ needs to help you. The babies aren’t going to be so little for much longer and will gain independence so quickly from here- you’re in the thick of it but stay in there xx

To make life manageable I’ve found a lunchbox of sliced grapes and apples and another full of grated cheese in the fridge has saved years of my life- any snacks done and dusted!

New routines are very hard to implement and keep up. I think your being too hard on yourself OP! Take a breath. Seems to me you are doing everything right - bar your DH waiting for dinner. So what if it's not ready the second he gets in??
My DC eat around 6. My DP doesn't get home till gone 8 some times and we eat once the DC are in bed. I usually have a snack around 4 or 5 to keep me going.
Kids are super fussy over food and their taste buds constantly change.
It's always been a rule here that you eat what I make or you go to bed hungry (except if we're trying something new - then it's toast or maybe soup)
Can you maybe batch make the foods they like and freeze small portions? Perhaps focus on finger foods that they can pick at? Make it fun. Make faces out of it? Let them help make mini pizzas? Get them involved - one at a time - with the cooking of their own food. They might be more inclined to eat it.
They will definitely eat if they are hungry. Perhaps bring them to the fridge/freezer and let them pick?
Good luck OP - you are doing an amazing job! ❤

I’ve just thought of homemade pizza as another easy meal. Dough: water, plain flour, pinch of salt and yeast. Toppings: anything you like; mushroom/ peppers/ etc. You could make it a weekly fun thing you and older child make after school on a special day. Give them a chopping board and butter knife and it should be sharp enough to cut veg. Takes some prep but not nearly as much as it sounds and gets the children involved in cooking. Could be a tradition in the making??

Lastly don't sweat it if the kids don't want to eat what you cook. NEVER cook an alternative - they won't starve. I can assure you of I served my eldest what I serve the rest of us, he would. There's no way he's eat cottage pie etc. And the twins are too young to understand that if they don't eat it, that's it. They'll just cry and be miserable later.

@Helpneededbyanoutsider is only a bed bath if they're covered (like tonight) otherwise it's normally as and when tbh

If I feed out the chair, they'll eat and wander. DS who is a terrible eater will have his food pinched by little boys who think what he has most be the best because he's the best. He'll either feed it them or get hysterical depending on if he wants to eat. Then they'll have a climb of something inappropriate. If I put in floorless play pen they push it round the room either together or to the screaming indignation of the other one until they can find a plate to pinch from.

We do it for lunch and bfast sometimes but it's just me and them and I don't eat or assume we're sharing.

@MummyMayo1988 DH would only come in and ask what needed doing, but he has 60 minutes between coming in and starting eldests bed routine so he either needs to eat pretty quickly on entry or after the kids are in bed which can be 8.30 and we're both starved.
My twins are great but there's no way they're ready to help make pizza. T1 would think it's sensory play and throw it on the floor and T2 would eat it raw. Re fridge, T1 would probably go for the margarine because it's in a tub and he likes tubs, T2 would go for cherry tomatoes. Thank you for your kind words x

@Helpneededbyanoutsider either everyone has very developed 16 mo or mine are massively behind because honestly, then"helping" would involve most of it on the floor and me googling if raw dough is bad for you 🤣

I would honestly drop the milk in the morning and give them a more filling breakfast, they're up early enough to do that then give them a bottle at their lunchtime nap and a snack when they wake up, od also shorten their nap by 30 mins do they have time to wake up and eat before you do the school run.

I also have twins and was on my own from day one so I know things get hard, but I found what worked for me was getting them in sync for everything! So if one woke up from a nap I woke the other, rather than constantly going round in circles doing the same thing.
Whilst they're napping get dinner and snacks ready so that when you come back from the school run, you can either heat it up or put on the oven. Then all dc eat at 5PM bath by 6PM and getting ready for bed by 7PM, I would also extend your 6 year olds bedtime by 30mins so that you or your dh don't feel so overwhelmed, then you guys sit down to eat by 8PM.

And I second highchairs with tight straps, they are your best friend also put them in their cot with some toys for a bit of playtime

@SleepingStandingUp

Well they've had left overs two nights in a row now and two nights in a row they've barely eaten so I'm going to take all my keeping every fed anxiety and feed it into why won't my babies eat!! Bloody kids!!

They have a lot of milk

This fills them up

Stop the milk. Give food instead and then a beaker of milk before bed 6/630

We have twins and team work was the only way to make it work when they were smaller! Must be even tougher for you with an older one too. The idea of a family dinner all eating together is lovely but in our experience it has worked best to eat together at weekends but during the week this is what worked for us.

Feed all the kids early, then once your husband is home - one does dinner while the other one does bath / bed. We found Hello Fresh was our friend as zero planning needed. Cooking then became a nice experience and we would alternate cooking / bedtime as putting the twins to bed is a tough gig! If Hello Fresh is not your sort of thing, try and cook stuff a couple of times a week in the evenings that you can reheat for the kids the next day - fish pie, cottage pie, bolognese. Slow cooker also a great shout. Use school dinners for your eldest. Picnic teas were common in our house - you can still get good nutrition in them with carrot sticks, cheese, breadsticks,, cucumber etc. Particularly good if mealtimes have started becoming battlefields as they can feel they are choosing their own foods. We got some of the plates with little sections in it and the kids loved it. Doesn't always need to be a cooked dinner. If and fresh egg pasta - 5 minutes to cook was (and still is!) a staple in our house!

Good luck, it will get easier 💐

Trying to do everything on your own in the evenings is a recipe for exhaustion.

If you eat after the kids are in bed it will be a more enjoyable experience. Nothing better than coming downstairs to a lovely dinner you haven't had to prepare!

I'm really concerned for you and wonder if you might be a bit depressed. You describe your twins as big, chunky kids, it really won't hurt them to have less food. I totally get that you are stressed about food because of your experience with your older boy & it's really difficult after that experience to be laid back about it. That's where you need to get to however as the more stressed you are, the more stressed they will become & it's really hard to break out of that spiral. I would have a word with your HV, that's what they're paid for after all. There are also organisations who support mothers especially those with multiple births, having a bit of support when DP goes back to work might help you get into an easier routine. My DM had 4, me, DS1 & DS2 & DB (the twins). I was 5 & my DS1, 3 when the twins were born. Even though my father WFH & took me to school, my mother had a "daily help" who came in to clean etc every morning & I came home from school with a friend. Having twins isn't easy, my late DP also had twins & his ex also had help when they were small.

Sorry to witter on, don't beat yourself up, you're coping even if it doesn't feel like it, and that takes some doing

www.home-start.org.uk/twins-triplets-and-many-children

I don’t have any advice as I do t have twins, but DH’s sister has twins and his brother had triplets and it is so evident that multiples are so much harder. Just wanted to send you a hug and say don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve got this far - you will figure out the rest.

Don't worry about them not eating. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but they'll eat if hungry. Do you offer alternatives that are plain but you know they like? Eg if I know mine hasn't eaten, once everyone else is finished, he gets bread and butter or crackers.

I used to think like this, adopted a no nonsense approach with my own children and to be fair they are good eaters. I now work in child development I know better there are a group of children (maybe 20%) who this approach simply will not work for. OP says this is the case for her oldest child who must be quite extreme as he is tube fed. Google ARFID, also (this is my personal view) I think it is quite genetic, I find it interesting that OP is quite rigid about her own eating (wedded to eating alone at lunchtime, can't eat too late at night). I suspect a one size fits all approach (huge vat of bolongaise served at different times) isn't going to work here. I do agree some of the twins lovely long lunchtime nap or early morning (6-7am) or evening time needs to be devouted to food prep. I can see why a meditarean style longer later nap and family dinner can't work if she needs to be on school run by 2:30.

One pot wonder, big casserole in oven when children nap. Pan of mash, just reheat

Definitely a slow cooker - I use it about 3x a week. There are some delicious recipes on bbc good food and on the taming twins website. You can buy ready made mash or pop in the microwave rice pouches to add to it which takes seconds. My husband and both eat after the kids are in bed too. Sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself too- try not to if you can - in a year or so things will be MUCH easier!

It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job! 3 kids under 5!! That’s not easy.

I think it takes a while to find your groove and then when you do they get older and things change 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Take from all these comments what will help you, there’s no right or wrong. I personally never got on with batch cooking so that wouldn’t work for me. I do nearly always make our dinners in advance though, either morning / late morning or even the night before. Things like curry / bolognese and then it’s just the rice / pasta to do. I cut potatoes and vegetables in advance too and keep them covered in water so they stay fresh. I use a steamer which I think is easier because I don’t have to worry about water boiling over etc. Why don’t you just use frozen veg, it’s known to be as good for you as fresh now I think.

If I was you I’d get my husband to bath the twins or your son as soon as he gets in. They can come down in their pjs and potter about for a bit before bed but at least the main bit is done. Would give you time to do anything you need to do for a bit as well.

Take care

Oh and yes agree re the slow cooker, love mine!

OP I get it. I’ve been there. I assume you are at work all day and then need to pick up all 3 kids. I used to hate doing the pick ups, loaded down with all the coats and bags etc and get them all home and sorted. It’s a lot.

First I would make sure that you get yourself a substantial lunch during the day when you presumably eat it in peace and breath.

As soon you get in you need to give them some TV time, let them chill a little and i’d do a little bowl of easy snacks to tide them over. This will let you get sorted out.

It sounds like they don’t like the high chairs. Do they self feed? Can you ditch the high chairs for a little table and chairs? I’d set one up with a permanent mat under and depending on the set up/layout of your house they can come and go the table as they please.

Do the twins need a big meal at dinner? Have they already had a cooked lunch from nursery? Could you do finger type foods that they eat themselves at least couple times a week. I’m thinking plain cooked pasta, chicken, veggie sticks etc. You can use a slow cooker to make say a bolognaise sauce and just add pasta to it once home. Or wrap baked potatoes in foil, put in slow cooker on low all day, take one out, half it and sprinkle with cheese and maybe ham or chicken on side, few cucumber sticks and that’s twins dinner ready. Put it on the table for them to sit at and then prepare older kids.

I would also not be ashamed to make use of some supermarket kids ready meals for a night a week. e.g Annabel Karmel or M&S do kids spag bol, cottage pie etc. The twins could probably share a portion wihh th some extra veggies and while they eat you make older DC something.

Straight in bath after they have eaten, into pjs and into playroom or some quiet TV while you tidy and prepare for you and DH.

This is such a tough age to get through but it does get better. I went down to working 3 days as I just couldn’t do it 5 days a week.

You can do this, get organised, make a plan for dinners and prepare it all at the weekend (or as much as you can in advance anyway) and absolutely lower your standards. I found my DC were always shattered after a day at nursery, they just wanted cuddles and even some dinner on the sofa (on top of a blanket and easy to foods) while watching TV.

@SleepingStandingUp

Did you read op’s first post. She doesn’t work

I meant your eldest to help you make the pizza- you could make it a long task so that when DH comes in you’re still adding toppings. If twins are hungry before it’s ready, they can snack on toppings eg, bit of cheese, slice of pepper etc

I see about your high chair situation... all I can say is persevere and they won’t be like this forever! Finger foods and regular healthy snacks to curve the crankiness so you can all eat together?

don't eat so early! honestly it is so much easier to feed the kids and then eat yourselves once they are in bed.

Please don't beat yourself up, having kids is a struggle at the best of times and non eaters/fussy eaters are a nightmare, I am the non-proud owner of one of those! mine have school dinners so all I need to make is a sandwich when they get in, they are allowed tablet time (30 mins) if they haven't been moved down on the behaviour scale that day. then at 6.30 they get shoved in the bath, ready for bed and up about 7.15 for stories and the older one reads until 8.
meanwhile, who ever is not on kid duty is cooking dinner for us both to sit down around 7.30 and eat then we are cleared up by 8 and can have an evening ourselves.
it took us a while to get into this routine though. your husband has to help even though he's working all day, tough! he's a father and he pitches in. you don't have to do it all yourself.
at weekends, batch cook meals and freeze them so your twins can have a hot meal at lunch without the distraction of their big brother and you only have to heat it up for them.

Right. I haven't read everyone else's suggestions, just your posts.

You are at the hardest point in this, I reckon! I've done twins, tricky eaters and husband's work hours, so I've some tips! You aren't useless, it's a logistical nightmare- but it can get easier.

Feeding you and DH:
Get yourself a bit of time at the weekend to have a think and a plan- there are answers, but you won't find them when you are knackered and bewildered from day to day life. Work out some meals that you find really easy to cook. For me, it's roast chicken with jacket potatoes and frozen sweetcorn for example. It all gets shoved in the oven on a timer, and comes out to be served. 5mins work. When you've got a list of those foods, rotate them. Use the left overs for DC's meals- cold chicken sandwich, whatever.

Feeding the twins:
forget schedules. Give them frequent small snacks. Put them in high chairs for a few cut grapes, cheese cubes, breadsticks etc. Variety is the key. If they have lots of small meals, they will end up having enough food over time. Give them proper meals at the weekend, where they can use their spoons, eat with you and DH. As they get better at it you'll be able to do it in the week as well. Right now, finger food is more efficient!

Doing anything, anything at all with 17 month old twins is crazy hard. Containment is the key, and low personal expectations !

The routine you have with naps and afternoon pram push sounds great, to be honest. The other things will fall into place as they get older.

Firefighting is fine, at the moment.

I'm the queen of fast and furious shortcut cooking. If you'd like more on meals with minimal effort, ask! You don't need to spend hours of the weekend chopping and freezing (though you can if you like!). Just work out a 'go to' list of easy meals.

Ok I haven't read the whole thread but as a mum of 2 year old twins here are my tips/observations

from the age of 18 months to 2 years my twin girls were absolutely horrific! It was during the winter lockdown which didn't help but they were 6 months of the hardest months of my life. Everything was hard but especially meal times.

I batch cook bolognese sauces, there's a great hidden veg sauce from Annabel Karmal that is an absolute staple. I freeze them the AK freezing trays and just get 4 lumps out, defrost them and serve them with pasta and garlic bread. Takes 15 minutes.

Also theres a great insta page called What mummy makes. There's a cookbook as well but if you don't want to buy that then theres lots on her insta page. Most recipes take 20-30 minutes max.

Re. their bedtime routine, I'd be trying to get your twins down for 7pm so that your DH can have a bit of one on one time with your DS, and you could maybe prep tea for you & DH. Of course you could take it in turns to do this so you have alone time with DS and DH preps tea? Why is it that you have to do all the food prep?

Re. meals for me & DH we generally eat when my DT have gone to bed, we have a rule which says that whatever we do has to take no more than 20-30 minutes which means we're generally eating around 7.30pm, so a quick pasta sauce, frozen jacket potato in the microwave, cooked salmon from aldi served with cous cous, salad is also another super quick meal.

as PP said you really are in the eye of the storm, and even at 2 year old my DT's would never ever be able to help me out cooking pizza. We'd have everything absolutely everywhere and I'd have a nervous breakdown lol