To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

[Lubiluxe]

Batch cook, slow cooker etc...
Put some veg on a tray with oil and then bung it in the oven as you take children up to bed. It's either eat with the children or once they are in bed. You could aim for an earlier bedtime for them?

[rothbury]

I am sure it is harder with twins, but when mine were little, I fed the littlies, then when DH came home from work at 6, he took over kiddy wrangling and I did dinner in time for him having put them to bed at 7ish.

I didn't bath mine every single night, every other night should be sufficient unless they have got properly dirty.

If DH doesn't want to do bedtime, you do it whilst he cooks dinner, or swap it around a bit? I think it's the only way to survive if, like me, you couldn't possibly wait until past 8 for your dinner

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I think you'd find a slow cooker really useful. Cook enough for two family meals and freeze one. Things like chilli, bolognnaise, chicken casserole, brisket or pulled pork are all easy.

[Phineyj]

Basically you need to find two hours to save for the studying. Shortcutting on food prep, tag teaming DH and less bathing got me through teacher training, pregnancy and the first year back at work. Much much easier with one DC of course, but you have to prioritise ruthlessly.

[Chamomileteaplease]

The tea time sounds like hell on earth. I can see that you need another pair of hands becuase the twins are running riot.

Could you hire a teenager to come in for a couple of hours a the most useful time. She/he could be fresh and energetic to supervise the twins and keep things more under control?

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

they just scream because they're unhappy and hate me

Give yourself a break op. Toddlers scream because they are attention seeking mini selfish tyrants, not because they are unhappy. They also often do it if they've learned it gets a reaction (negative or positive) or if it makes you give in to demands. They 100% don't hate you. They probably play up more for you than anyone else because they feel secure enough without to push boundaries more.

[Didicat]

Am I the only one who through this phase just ate dinner with the kids because they would eat much better if I was eating with them. I would then have a cup of tea and pudding whilst DH had his tea at whatever time.

I also suggest getting an evening hobby one night a week where you leave the house at a set time for a class or some such thing. I did this when I was on my knees, one evening where at 7:15 I clocked out and it was then Daddy’s ship to run for 2.5 hours. It saved my sanity middle of the week break from being a mummy.

[Popcornbetty]

Forgot to say as well batch cooking is your friend and saviour here op. I always cook extra of what ever I make and where possible freeze little portions for dc or keep for tomorrow in fridge. For example I will make a
huge pot of Bolognese and we will have it with spaghetti the first night and in lasagne the next night. If I make a chilli I will take dc’s portion out for that night and next night and also freeze a few portions too before adding the chillis for me and Dh’s which again is two nights portions. They can have it with pasta, rice, couscous, chips, jackets so the meal can seem different the next night. You have to make it easier where ever you can. I have a 1 yr old and 4 yr old and this works great.
I recommend something like a power pot/multi cooker as you can switch it on and leave it, keep warm function etc and make it during the day when convenient. This has in fact been an absolute godsend for me. I will do casseroles, Italian meat veg sauces, curries, cottage pie filling, soups etc in it. I will prep things like broccoli cauliflower cheese, roast pots, pasta bakes, construct lasagne or cottage pie or any other meal prep when my youngest is napping which takes half an hour and means it can be bunged in oven when we’re ready.
I also meal plan each week ahead so have an idea of 7 meals we will have and the boys always have somethings nutritious frozen.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Also in the nicest way - with 2 kids under two plus another child, you are picking the hardest time in the world to fit in studying. Can you defer your course and do it in a year or so when your twins can feed themselves etc & communicate.

[Popcornbetty]

Oh and they go to bed 7pm, I must be a mean Mummy but they get tired and it saves me sanity!

[Candyfloss99]

Can you not make something like pasta bake or a stew in the slow cooker and you all eat it even at different times? Puree it for the twins. 6 year old can eat what you eat. Just dish out at different times.

[Lucaslucas1612]

Get a slow cooker and cook in the morning or batch cook so you have leftovers.

[HappyAsASandboy]

I had three under four including twins, though my twins were the older ones.

When they were that little, we used to get home from nursery at 6.15 and I would either serve a "proper" dinner from the slow cooker or an easy dinner from the fridge/freezer/microwave. They'd be in to bed by 7.30.

My DH came home at 7.45. He sorted his own dinner out! I had enough to do without sorting his tea out as well!

[MrsKoala]

I had 3 under 5 and the food we ate was a combination of stuff in the slow cooker I prepped at the weekends - google freezer dump bags. Tray bakes - chicken thighs/pork belly/sausages/salmon and hacked up veg drizzled in oil and various herbs and spices. Assembly jobs -bought quiche/pies, jacket puds, bags of salad, deli pots, good soups and bread and cheeses etc. Or takeaways - usually on a Friday. I made double dinner so I could eat it with the kids for lunch the next day and their evening meal was more easy like pasta or omelette etc.

[Deyjxh]

We eat as a family and changed our evening meals to suit. We eat early compared to most ‘adult meals’, 5:30pm. We have done this since the children were little and still do this now. My kids are now teenagers.

If needed we have adult snacks at 8:30pm, just so we can have adult time together.

For me the solution was all in the planning and batch cooking. I have never cooked special meals for children, they have always eaten the same as adults. I started with a list of seven meals, I could repeat weekly, I now have a list of over 60 meals we all like. I would keep things simple and take short cuts when needed. Be kind to yourself, having young children is hard work.

[serin]

What time do they get up? 8pm seems late to be going to bed for 2 year olds to me. They might be getting overtired, hence the irritability at tea time.
Our routine at that age was up and dressed at 7am, breakfast at 7.30ish.
Took 5 year old DD to school.
Took toddler DS's to Mums and tots or play dates/park etc.
Home for lunch, maybe meatballs and pasta, soup, pizza.
Get toys out and play with them.
Collect DD from school. made sure this involved a walk to tire the little buggers out.
Put something on TV for them whilst I prep/cook dinner.
Feed kids their dinner at about 5.30pm then start to wind things down.
Toddlers in bed by 6.30pm.
Older one in bed by 7.30pm
We would eat whatever the kids had (so chilli, roast dinner, curry, whatever) in peace.
Maybe a couple of nights a week I would just give them something like egg on toast and DH and I would have a Marks and Spencer's meal deal.

This is probably very wrong but if ever mine misbehaved at bedtime I would give them the option of sleeping outside in the shed instead.
They would get back into their own beds pretty quickly and they seem like normal (ish) adults now. They have no enduring fear of garden sheds.

[Habbyhadno]

I feed the three kids (7,3,1) dinner at 5, and then me and DH eat dinner after all three of them have gone to bed. So around 8ish usually. I've tried to do family meals but it's all too stressful and I end up screaming like a possessed banshee.

[Silversun83]

Not quite the same, but I had two under two for a couple of months and then two under three...

I used to prep the meal during naptime then finish off at 4ish with the TV on! Will the twins watch TV?

Then the kids and I used to eat together and then DH would just reheat his portion. Is that an option?

[littlepeas]

I had 3 under 4 - I cooked one meal and ate with the dc, then dh had his when he got in. Eventually we were able to all eat together and I really think always eating together creates many good habits. It depends on your dc how you manage them while you cook - I had toys in the dining area of our kitchen or they had the tv on (adjoining sitting room) if they were tired/grumpy. I quite often used my slow cooker when they were little, or made very quick meals.

[RichTeaCheddars]

Definitely use the slow cooker. Make it a large batch so you can save some. You can then stock a decent stash in the freezer of a variety of meals.

Pre prep some veg and freeze it?

I also find meals where all the veg is in the same pan much quicker, one pot meals. All prep is done, cook and then wash up while it's cooking.

I'd eat at 6pm too. We all eat at 6pm. Bath baby, I feed her and partner tidies kitchen. Then we're all sorted by 8/8:30. If we weren't eating till 8 we'd have no evening.

[EcoCustard]

I had 4 under 4 and husband either worked away or was home 7ish at night. We would cook at the weekend and freeze plenty for midweek. I would use the slow cooker or make something during naps/downtime for reheating. DH would either have leftovers or dinner would be left to reheat in the microwave or he would make something for us when in. My kids always had dinner around 5.30-6.30pm too and our routine from baby and Toddler always worked around this. They have a good healthy snack when eldest who is 6 gets in and my youngest is 23 months seems to manage it. We either have a family meal or occasionally have something later which DH makes. I have always refused to do this two separate meals for kids and adults as it seems like a lot of work and if DH isn’t home it is either a reheated dinner or get your own. I also had a few ‘busy boxes’ to entertain kids and still do if trying to cook dinner keeps the busy or they help cook. I also save screen time for cooking dinner or meal prep time whether it’s tv or Kindle. It’s hard Op.

[Hyacinth88]

Sorry not read through. Can you give the kids main meal at lunch and have things like a picnic tea for them.
Also I struggle due to work and try to batch cook if I can and on a Sunday I will make eg pasta bake and a casserole for Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday I make things for Thurs Fri

[clarehhh]

Cook everyone the same food. Reheat yours later, this revolutionised my life when I had 3 in 31/4 years. They didn’t like to start with but perseverance worked they were 5, 4 and 2 .

[waitingpatientlyforspring]

Another suggestion is whatever you make for you and DH make enough for DC's next day (kids are probably less bothered about over cooked food than an adult).

Make food that can be dished up and finished cooking in separate dishes so make two smaller portions ie lasagna, pasta bake, enchiladas etc. So par made either night before or during the day and split off for cooking. Feed kids and get ready for bed as soon as DH finished work then maybe put on kids tv and see if five year old can sit with them while you eat or try to get them down for 7 and eat as soon as in bed.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Am I right in thinking that you're alone during the day while DH is working and the children are at school/nursery? This is a really tiny tip in some ways, but it's improved our mealtimes so much.

I do all meal prep as part of morning chores after breakfast. All chopping, weighing, assembling, etc. It's all laid out on the side for lunch and dinner in bowls or whatever. So none of this "cooking fresh veg" to go with leftovers business.

I don't like slow cooker type food, but I bought two cookbooks: The Roasting Tin and The Green Roasting Tin. You can probably get them from the library. All one-pot dishes that can go in the oven (safer than trying to tend something on the hob) and we cook a lot from them. So I'll make up a whole traybake lunch in the morning, cover it, and then pop it in the oven at whatever o'clock. At lunchtime it goes from oven to table and we dish up at the table. I tend to give the children a little bit of everything and then let them ask for more of the bits they want - less waste that way. We also have a rice cooker which I prep in the morning, just flick on, and transport the whole thing to the table. I've found it helpful because we can do some stuff I know the children will like (fish, sweet potato) and some more experimental bits (cherry tomatoes, fennel) but it just all gets bunged in together.

So in theory, you could chop up and assemble a roasting tin dinner in the morning, lay the table before you do the school run, so you just have to flick the oven on at the right time (set an alarm!) then carry the meal through to a ready-laid table and serve. Even just having the plates and cutlery stacked in the middle to hand out can make it easier.

I really do think you could stand to rethink your and DH's meals. If you go for the traybake thing, you could just reheat it for the two of you later and have a snack while the children eat. We eat after the children are in bed and it's a rotation of mostly the same four batch-cooked freezer meals, so I get one out to defrost in the morning then it's about fifteen minutes to heat up with no dishes.

I really do sympathise. I mean, toddler twins!!! I'm told by my friends who work full time that they think they have it easy because they get a break from the relentlessness while at work. Stuff like changing when you two eat might seem more stress than it's worth right now, but I really urge you to give it a try for a week. It might help, but you can't know until you try. If not, it's only a week. I'd sit down and go through this thread and write down every suggestion. Put them in order and try them out one by one.