To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

Posted too soon.
I think ultimately, that if everyone is alive at the end of the day, you're winning. Two year old twins and an older one is really hard. Lower your expectations of yourself. It will get easier in time xx

1. Stop the bath every day.
2. You all eat the same. They're 16 months, not just weaned babies. Plan stuff you can all eat so you're only cooking one meal.
3. They need a food lunch. Give it at 11 pre nap if needed. Odds are their nap will shorten.
4. Batch cook at weekends.
5. Strap them into highchairs and pop tele on for half an hour.

A couple of small tweaks will make all the difference to you I think.
A pp suggested getting up earlier so the twins eat before the school run. I'd agree with this and suggest lunch at 11 or 11.30 before nap. Make lunch their main meal ( taken from your dinner the night before without salt or too much spice), then you can take the pressure off yourself at tea time with finger foods, rice cakes, fruit and cheese etc.
They are still quite young for one long nap. Have you considered splitting that to 1 hour mid morning, then another on the school run, so they come to expect food after waking.
Light tea then milk before bed at 6.30, giving you both a little quality time with ds before he goes up.
Then grown up dinner at 7.30/8pm, with the twins lunch for the next day portioned
Out and in the fridge.
Good luck😀

Slow cooker is the answer. 10 minutes to chop and chuck it in when you've got a minute. Ready in 4 to 8 hours depending upon whether you put it on low medium or high. Done. Make extra and it's lunch the next day done, too.

I dont know if this will be any help but I've got 3 kid's 19m,5y,7y one day a month I spend cooking large batches and putting them in containers and freeze. We have a monthly dinner chart on the fridge in the morning what is needed for the night is pulled out to defrost and to work out what fresh item's are needed are placed together.

I also do the same containers for pantry staples rice, pasta in family meal portions so I can grab and go.
Buy good containers so they can be reused alot
Slow cooker is amazing also,

This is what works for my family I hope it can work for you.

We do lunch at 2, could that work? Even if it means waking then from nap? A late lunch may also mean they could hang on until 6 for dinner? It just about works with us.

I'd feed everyone at 6.
So then you can have all of you sitting round the table. The six year old between you and DH and one twin each for you and DH.
I'd prepare and cook whenever works best for you and I'd just do the last minute reheat or whatever at 5.30.
And we'd all eat roughly the same with adaptations for finger food for the twins and slightly more grown up variations for you and the six year old.

OP I’d use nap time to prepare dinner so that it can be quickly heated up or whatever later on. Then you either feed the kids early and keep some for you and DH to eat later after they’re in bed, or you all eat at 6 when DH gets home.

We eat dinner around 6 when my DH walks in the door and my DD (3.5) is usually in bed by 7. We just run dinner straight into bath (if it’s bath day) and then bed. My 5.5 year old doesn’t go to bed til a little later though 7.30/8ish so that gives us a bit of breathing room. And my kids are old enough to watch tv or entertain themselves while I cook so I appreciate it’s not the same as twin 16m olds. Some days we eat after they’re in bed, but I prefer one set of cooking and clean up if I can

You need a safe space for the twins to be able to hang out in while you’re in the kitchen. Either highchairs they can’t escape with various toys/ vegetable starters, or baby proof an area for them and put up some kind of gate.

You said DH doesn’t need to leave til 8am? I think 2 adults can get themselves and 3 kids up and dressed and breakfasted in an hour (I’ve never had twins though!!). You and DH get up earlier so you can shower before the kids are up. Then if they eat breakfast earlier they can have lunch around 11 before nap time? Or you could have a slightly different routine of out and about 9-11ish. Home for lunch, nap pushed back a little bit to 12ish and then up for the school run?

Also sounds like you’re doing an amazing job!! That wasn’t meant to be critical. I think at the stage you’re at you’ve just got to get through the day

@ODFOx they used to nap in the buggy but now won't. DS was a darling for sleeping wherever we were and esp in a moving pushchair but no, the world is now too interesting. Even if we're out over their actual nap time it's really hard to get T1 especially to sleep. Add in the noise at school and it doesn't happen.

@Caterina99 agree re safe space. They can both escape a 5 point harness on the highchair and the play pen can now be climbed out of plus they fight. It works better sometimes with one in it and one out but I can't trust the out Babu to not climb. The only way I could make it safe from climbing would be to literally empty the living room

We eat really simply during the week and we all have the same thing. So I might roast some potatoes, steam beans and broccoli and fry some steak or DP might make a basic spaghetti bhol. Kids eat around 5.45pm then bathtime and bed for 7.30pm. We often eat with them because it makes life easier. We have fancier things at the weekend.

Do the twins have a nap? Can you cook then so it's all sorted for later? Keep it simple - pastas, quiches, sausages, mash, whatever then just heat it up later. Can DH deal with your dinner when he gets home? Why do you have to do it when you've been running about after 3 kids?

PS You are not lazy. Toddler twins are hard work. Lower your expectations and keep food super easy, preparing it earlier in the day if you can.

We used to do a toasted sandwich for DS 3 breakfast because there just wasn’t time on the school run mornings. Portable breakfast, which meant by the time we had gotten home he’d have eaten. I totally understand you not wanting to move the nap. When DS was that age I had one at school and one at kinder (year before school) which meant that I had a pickup in the middle of the day then school pickup so DS 3 could never have an uninterrupted nap, I felt bad, he’s survived ok though

I've got a very big 2 y.o. DS and an older child at primary school, i had exactly same routine as you at this age (and similar battles with high chair escapes, a DH suddenly wfh who needed a silent house all day (with a toddler, wtf!!!) and inconvenient school run timing and DH often skipping lunch as so busy at work then starving by 6pm and expecting me to feed him right after I'd fed the kids so he could do bathtime ). It can be done, although having twins obviously adds an extra dimension!

Tips I have:

• give the twins a small pot of dry cereal eg Cheerios, mini Blueberry or apricot wheats Shreddies, Cinnamon Grahams, to eat in the pram on the way to school if you can't squeeze in breakfast at home. Ideally train your DS to deal with the twins. You could add a mini banana. You can have these breakfast pots prepared the night before so in the morning you can grab it and run. I found my DS ate more when distracted and on the move, it settled him in the pram, and i could accomplish breakfast during the 45 min round trip. Don't forget to take a bottle of water for the twins too as dry cereal sometimes needs washing down.

2. a slow cooker will be your hero. Favourite recipe for speed: unsmoked gammon in slow cooker with 1 tbs brown sugar, cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours (it is quite forgiving so you could start before or after school run), serve with tinned sweetcorn and frozen mash at 4.30pm for the kids, then same again for DS at 6pm. (If you get a good Slow cooker it has a "stay warm" setting that it switches to after the main cooking time is done, very handy).

3. I agree twins need more solid food before their nap, ideally. It will really help. For comparison, my son now goes to nursery where their routine for this age group is:
   Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (toast and cereal)
   Snack at 10am
   Lunch at 11am
   Nap 11.30am to 1.30pm
   Snack at 2pm
   Tea early to accommodate mums who collect early from nursery - most kids then eat proper dinner at home again

Both my kids loved lunch as toddlers as this is when I let them watch The Wiggles. They loved the silly songs and much food was eaten whilst we all sang along. All the happiest parents use TV or iPad and then pretend to everyone else they don't.

4. it does improve! My DS is now self feeding, only chucks food when he is bored of it, doesn't climb out of high chair until he is full. Time is ultimately your friend

It sounds like a lot of handwork and you’re not lazy at all

Sometimes what sounds easy and straightforward in theory, aren’t always the case in practice.

Perhaps when the twins are sleeping, instead of prepping, simple one pot meals/slow cooker meals are the way to go? And during the weekend, you can prep some finger food or things that can be eaten cold for the week (e.g. pasta, quiche, potato salad etc) or for every 3-4 days if it takes up too much space in the fridge? Whatever is easy for you. You can stick a meal plan for the week on fridge, so you don’t have to think of what to do that day.

That way the twins have their lunch ready and they can have like a picnic lunch and you’d have dinner ready to go for the evening.

I’m not sure if you or your family are fan of oats? You could do overnight oats so that it’s ready in the morning and you just have with the toppings (which can be prepped the night before).

hard work*

You can get tent tops for cots and play pens. It stops them climbing out.

In the morning, go into twins and wake t1 up. Change bum and put back in cot with a pot of dry cereal and sippy cup of milk. Do the same with t2. That should take 10 mins. Then get DS up dressed and to breakfast while the twins are busy eating and drinking. Then while ds is cleaning teeth get the ts in coats over their jammies and into the car, DH brings DS out and off you go. You just need to be up dressed with breakfast ready, clothes out for ds and school bag packed before you wake any kids up.

Then when you get home give the twins some fruit in the chairs and get them dressed. Then put them in the playpen with a tent top on and a load of toys and you sit down with a cup of tea for 10 mins. Then try tidying clearing up while playing with them. Then lunch at 11 sharp and straight down for nap. Can t1 nap in the playpen / ds room / your bedroom so he doesnt disturb t2? While they nap you take half an hour to get dinner ready and then you nap.
School run, playground, outside play etc. Dinner 5pm sharp then leave ds eating and take the twins to bath (as soon as they start fussing wih their food) while ds finishes up and plays with DH. Then twins in bed by 6.30. If they mess around, leave them to it (assuming you have cot tents)
Then dh takes ds up at 6.30. You get a glass of wine and warm up your and dh dinner while clearing up the day and prepping for the next morning.

Oh and if you are truely v exhausted then get yourself to the doctor for thyroid levels, iron, ferritin and B12. All of which are commonly low after singleton pregnancies let alone twins, all them them make you foggy and exhausted and emotional

I feel your pain as i have twins and the toddler years were so hard. they were into everything! And they could climb over baby gates, baby pens, open child locks. it drove me crazy.

I agree that you're not lazy and you're not useless. it's really really hard.

I agree with those saying that you need to make things as easy as possible for yourself. What sort of things are you cooking for dinner? Keep meals simple and easy. Use things like an Instant pot. Buying pre-prepared veg from the supermarket.

One thing I would suggest is actually ditching the high chairs. Instead buy one of those little tables and chairs from IKEA (or similar) and put it in the kitchen if you have space. Let them help themselves to food you put on the table. if they are like my twins, they are super-independent and really smart. That way you can cook and watch over them while they are eating. You can't leave them alone for a minute.

If your dh needs to leave by 8am, and your all 8.15am I would work the mornings back to how long you need to get ready and wake the children by x time needed.
If you have everything ready night before, that’s prob something like twins woken by 7.15am latest, so you have 45min help to get them dressed and fed before dh leaving. 15 min left to pile in pram/ shoes etc.

Same with lunch. If they need to be asleep by 11.30am, do quick lunch at 11am for them.
I wouldn’t do Cooked at lunch as it will be easier for you to prep one meal you can all eat later whilst they nap.

Highchair wise. We use the stokke highchair with extra £5 harness from Amazon. Houdini baby can no longer escape. I think any style similar with extra harness would work. Hauck on Amazon are fairly good price and convert into toddler high seats later so might still be worth changing

You say you have no dining table? Is there anyway to change this? Even a folding one? That way twins can be strapped in and one either side. You can sit in middle to help them if needed but your food out of reach.

Try and cook food twins can feed themselves if possible. With my 12 month old I tend to give 90% he can self feed, and just spooon fee dither but first and yogurt after so I have time to eat myself

Also, the snack whilst you prep meal sounds ideal. Twins strapped in chairs and give a few cherrios whilst you sort actual breakfast and make yourself tea/ coffee. Same at lunch and dinner if needed. I often give mine peas to eat as part of dinner, but before dinner if completely ready. Gives me an extra 5 mins to plate up

That age is hard and must be a nightmare with twins but I think if you can shift nap time back a bit you’d find it easier. I’d try and do lunch at 11.30-11.45 and see if you can stretch them a bit longer each week. If they were at nursery they’d likely be doing the same. I wouldn’t be aiming for adult dinners at 6 unless you were all eating together. Of a weekend we all eat at 6 but generally during the week we have the following routine

By 6 collect from school and nursery
6-6.30 grab something light for eldest
6.30 2yo bath and bed while eldest watches tv or plays
7.15 eldest bath and bed while other adult cooks dinner
8 eat

Give twins 1130 Lunch then nap

Tea 430/5 latest - something you can all eat and reheat once they are k. Bed

Bath 530:6 tho don’t need every day

Up for bed 630. Stories teeth wee bed by 7

Then you and dh eat 7/730 reheated their tea

Just shove stuff in the oven during the day, many things can be cooked in advance, roast chicken and baked potatoes, pasta bakes, they take no effort and you can then leave on low and eat when you’re ready, the issue is you’re trying to do it in a small time slot where you’ve other things to do.

You are not being useless and I'm sure they don't hate you but you need a solid routine. Taking care of twins is hard. They have a good nap and that is where you cook their meal and yours, you can reheat it later. If you have enough time you can do a quick mop or hoover but as long as you clean as you go you can keep on top of it. Do a deeper clean at the weekend or get a cleaner if it is affordable. Make your life easier by making bigger meals so you can just have leftovers the next day, that way you won't need to cook everyday. Keep your lunches as simple as possible where no actual cooking is involved. The trying to climb out of highchairs etc is a pain in the backside but all normal for their age group so don't let that get you down.