To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

I find a squeezy yoghurt and a banana a very easy breakfast, one that could be eaten in the pram as well if rushing out the door. My 16 month old has his lunch at 11.30 then goes down for a nap, lunch is very easy, often something like a pita pocket with hummus, cheese slices, carrot sticks, chopped cherry tomatoes and grapes, apple slices.

Routine, routine, routine. When my triplets were the same age as your twins, ds1 was 7. This was the routine I had then.
6am get up and have a peaceful half hour with coffee.
6.30 get the kids up, only putting them in highchairs once breakfast was ready. Strapped in so no escapees.
7.15am all kids washed and dressed, then play time whilst I sorted out what ds1 needed for the day.
8.15am walk to school, pick up any bits of shopping on the way home.
9.30am home and play time. I'd bimble around doing bits and pieces, joining in with play/ refereeing here and there.
11.30am lunch
12.30-2.30pm nap time. I'd get the bulk of the housework done then and sit with a coffee for half an hour, then get the kids up and ready for the school run
4pm home and play whilst I got tea together, serving at 5pm
6pm bedtime routine starts for triplets, settled by 7pm.
An hour with ds1 then at 8pm he'd settle in bed. That's when exdh and I would eat. He'd be home by 6pm so would muck in and usually sort our dinner.

Our DS used to nap over lunchtime. I'm scratching my head to remember the actual clock timings now, but it would have been similar to yours. We chose to feed him a late lunch when he woke up. DH and I would eat at 1pm, then whenever DS woke up he'd have his. It meant I could cook while he was asleep and the morning wasn't a big rush to get him to eat so he could nap, as he's always been a slow eater so to get him down at 11.30am we would have had to have started lunch at 10.30am!

So I'd like to put in another plug for waking the twins up earlier from their nap, giving them lunch then, and then putting them down to bed correspondingly earlier.

Also, you're not useless! It's really hard! Especially with external constraints like the school run! But please do take all the suggestions on board, even the challenging ones, and try some changes.

From your routine the one thing i would say is that YOU need to eat before the morning school run. Doing all that before eating will be playing havoc with your blood sugars and is very much contributing to making you tired.

My 2 have a similar gap, eldest sen, it's vital you keep yourself healthy in order to keep them all going. Life with a complex SN kid which your eldest sounds without adding twins to the mix is tough.

@Mabelface hats off to you, triplets must have required military levels of planning!

Routine is the key though, put the work in now to set up a solid routine and it will pay off. Start giving them breakfast before the school run, lunch at 11 followed by a nap and then gradually move it later over the course of a couple of weeks. I think it was around this age mine would fall asleep in their lunch sometimes, the transition from two naps to one was quite tricky. I can't remember when they stopped falling asleep on the morning school run, they might have still being doing it sometimes at16 months. It gets better though as they get used to being awake for longer stretches.

With regards to the fighting and the climbing, it's a phase and it will pass. If you need to do some hardcore baby proofing then do it. It's impossible to have eyes on them at all times but they will start following instructions and learning rules soon. And the payoff for this awful phase is that they start playing together and keeping each other amused, at which point you can finally have a hot cup of coffee in peace

Be kind to yourself. You're not lazy or useless, you've got twins. I freely admit that having twins is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Hey, OP.
Anyone commenting without twins probably does not get it, as well intentioned as they are.
I was a bit mean with my earlier comment, as I deal with twins and 6 older kids on my own. I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and an arse.
Just do whatever makes your life easier and stops you from being so unnecessarily hard on yourself. XXX

I had twins and then a third - your way is much harder with two marauding toddlers.

If it helps then this is what I'd do if I were you:

Breakfast for Ts: milk plus one other small solid thing (bit of fruit/quarter slice of toast/10 bits of cereal). Just start to put it in place. They may eat more (and more quickly as they get used to having it) but the idea is just to get them used to having some solids first thing.

After school run: another small snack of something different. But not a big breakfast. Something easy to clean up and quick.

Lunch for Ts: I'd do this at 11 - honestly it won't be forever and this is your one opportunity to do some proper nice interaction with them with food. This is when you model nice behaviour and try them out on things.
Gradually push this later every month or so if you can but just think of it as brunch for a while. I'd probably eat brunch every day instead of breakfast and lunch if I could get away with it.

Milk afterwards if it helps to get them to nap

Nap: do you have a travel cot and could you put one of them in your bedroom for nap time so they don't disturb each other. Nap time together is mission critical!

After nap: small snack to keep them going. if you can avoid any more milk I would as it will help with a bit of appetite later.

Dinner around 4.30 with DS. Don't try to eat with them other than something small to keep you going. make it as simple as possible.

Dinner for grown ups at 8pm. Bit late but make it easy using ideas from above.

Try to eat lunch/brunch together as a family at the weekend but do the split for dinner until the twins are civilised enough to eat nicely. It will come.

Good luck!

I honestly think that this is the survival time and you need to do what you can and remember you are doing great.

I would suggest slow cooker as you can keep warm setting for when dh is ready too x

We always ate as a family at 5.30/6 , I would hate to make 2 meals and 2 lots of cleaning up

I had twins and no help when they were little Dh went to work before they were up and after they went to sleep . When they were 6 I had a third child and she took a job that involved him being away every other week and continuing to work long hours when he was home . It’s really tough .
What I did was batch cook at weekends
Use a slow cooker so I could feed people at different times - 6 yr olds had different after school clubs and play dates .
Dh and I ate after everyone was in bed . Usually I’d prepped as much as possible in advance or Dh helped . Or I played up meals and we microwaved them .
Sometimes I ate at lunch time with the youngest so I could grab a sandwich on a busy night .
I’d prep as much as I could during nap times .
I got breakfast out the night before and the twins made their own breakfast - cereal and fruit .
Made packed lunches at night before bed .

I had some emergency meals in the freezer ( think fish fingers and chips )

It’s hard but you have to plan and prep in advance and compromise.

Put the kids to bed and then one of you cooks dinner for you and DH while the other does wreckage clearance. You cannot possibly do dinner, bath and bed for the children while also cooking a meal for adults. If DH comes home hungry he can have a little toast, or cheese and crackers or something, to tide him over.

Either cook the same meal for DCs and you and DH and have it in 2 sittings, or you feed and put kids to bed and DH gets home and cooks for you and him. DH needs to be either helping with bedtime or cooking - it's not home at 6pm for a fully catered service and feet up. Life ain't like that with little kids, FT job or not.

if it was as easy as telling my 16 mo that they had to eat at the time they wanted to sleep, sleep for less time than they want, stay in their chairs and go to bed earlier I wouldn't be asking for help.

You need to feed them lunch though. They are not eating enough solid food during the day and are probably cranky as a result in the late afternoon.

Sometimes food will give toddlers a second wind, and you may find that they have a bit of energy to tide them over. They could be fed lunch at 11-11.15, go down for a nap at 12.15, and still be up and ready for the school run, leaving at 2.45.

You need to stop running to the shop for bits and pieces on the way home from school. It's taking a lot of time out of your day if you do it frequently.

Do a full shop once a week, either in person or delivery. If you find you run out of certain items, order/buy more the following week.

I’ve got 3 kids under 7 and options are either eat same meal at them at 4.30 (husband warms his up when he finishes work) or I cook us something different and we eat at 9pm once kids in bed. You are really overthinking this and making way more difficult than it needs to be. I feed all 3, bath then, breastfeed baby and put to bed whilst older two watch tv then I read stories and put the 5 & 7 year old to bed on my own.

A few things:

• Keep dinner for the kids as simple as possible. Either batch cook and reheat things, or do finger foods - we used to call them 'picnics' and had them at least 2-3 times a week when we were small. We got those plates with multiple compartments and had bananas, carrots, grapes, ham, cheese, bread etc. in each compartment, we loved it. It's a very British thing to think that all meals have to be hot, my Dutch friends find it bizarre.
• Eat later for you and DH. I never ate dinner with my parents until I was about 10, maybe even older. They ate at 8 or so after we were all in bed. I never have any problem waiting until 8 to eat now even if I have lunch at 1230 - if you find you really are starving or grumpy, just get into the habit of having a healthy snack at 4-5pm e.g. humous and carrots, crackers and spread etc.
• Get chairs with straps for your toddlers. They're still small enough they need to learn who is boss and that they aren't in control.

As a mom of 1 +2, I totally get it can hard, but you can make some changes. They will be until your twins are older. 1. Only cook one meal for everyone. this is too much cooking 2 different meals. 2. cook extra so your husband can take lunch the next day plus a late afternoon sandwich. 3. Feed kids at 4.30/5. Eat with them if you like. I always did. then DP can warm up food and eat after bedtime for son or when he gets home. 6. Try to get the twins to eat more during the day and not as much milk. 7. At weekends, you can have meals with your husband but right now you need to get through this difficult stage. 8. While cooking let kids watch tv or play in a safe drawer. 9. Simple is best. Don't worry about perfect. Just try to survive. and you will.

Meal prep when you can during the day or invest in a slow cooker. Eat your meal after the children are in bed. Whoever isn’t putting the children in bed can make your dinner.

@FizzyPink

Why does your DH need to eat when he gets home at 6? That’s ridiculous. Surely you both eat together at 8 once all the kids are in bed?

This was my first thought.

Make dinners which you and the kids can all eat. E.g. spaghetti bolognese. Make it while the kids are at school. Heat theirs up and do some pasta for them at 5. Heat yours up and do some pasta at 7.30

@mindutopia

Get them used to staying up later. I finished work at 5. Dh gets home 5-6 ish. He then keeps eye on dc while I cook. We eat dinner about 7. They're in bed 8:30. We cook and eat one meal at one sitting. It's relatively stress free. We've done it this way since eldest was probably 18 months and youngest from 6 months when weaning started. They manage fine, just have a good snack around 5 ish when we get home.

I had four children and this is how we always did it, the youngest went to bed first after supper followed by the others one at a time so everyone got a story at bedtime. A snack after school kept them ticking over and some had a bath before supper, some after - I'm a shocking mother who has never considered it essential to bathe or wash hair every day. I should add that DH often worked abroad for months at a time so this schedule worked for me by myself a lot of the time.

Give the younger kids their main meal at lunchtime then do sandwiches and stuff for tea which you can prepare earlier.

Me and DH eat at around 5.30pm. There’s no way I could eat at 7/8pm or later!

I had a high chair hater, but he sat nicely in a booster seat at the table, could you maybe try that? Also a couple of times a week cook double of something and have it over two days, something like lasagna maybe; that creates two nights where you don’t need to cook at all. Also, I used plenty of simple kids food when mine were little, and they all have decent palates now, so don’t worry if you fall back on pizza / fish fingers / nuggets / tomato pasta etc, on occasion.

Hi I read through some of the thread, don't have any more advice than others have already mentioned. But noticed you saying you're useless etc - just wanted to say it doesn't sound like you're useless at all, it sounds really difficult and I'm sure you will crack it. Some people may seem to be able to do it all but all children are different! Don't be too hard on yourself. Good luck OP xx

We all eat the same thing. Put dinner on at 4.30pm/5pm. Dish up when ready - if your dh isn't home, his can be dished up and covered for him to re-heat. You eat with the dc. Your dh can either join you at the dinner table to have his if you are still persuading the dc to eat, or he can have his at some point during the evening (whenever works best). I refuse to bugger about with different meals for everyone - it's way too much work and once the kids are in bed I want to flop on the sofa and relax, not start cooking and cleaning all over again.

I'm sure you're doing a great job, multiples are very hard work!

A couple of suggestions:

1. Could you consider having them sleep in separate rooms for the daytime nap, since they disturb each other? It obviously depends on what space you have available and the kids' personalities, but it may be worth considering putting one of them in your older child's room for the nap?

1. It sounds like you take a very long time getting home from school. I would cut out any trips to the shops etc. and just concentrate on getting home and fed. Soon they'll be old enough to have the luxury of doing errands/trips to the park after school, but in the current circumstances it sounds like an added hassle you don't need.

Cook a large meal that will feed all of you, then portion the rest out for the kids and freeze. Do that several times, then you'll always have a choice of kid sized portions to feed them earlier in the evening. You can cook a meal for you and dh in the evenings and replenish the freezer.