To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

You mention Shepard’s pie, do they prefer non mixed up things instead? Ie could you do similar but deconstructed so meat/ potato and veg as veg sticks seperate. That way if they don’t like something it’s easier for them to leave it and eat the other 2-3 elements.

Hope I have read most key posts. When mine where little (although I dont have twins) lunch was between 11 and 11.30 then nap, what I had to do in afternoon and tea bout 4, 4.30. Snack of banana or toast before bed. Hubby cooked our tea and we ate later. Kids usually had our left overs from day before for their tea.
Hope you get it sorted but to be honest dont stress it will work out cos it has to.

Hi
I'm a childminder so have 6 kids to feed dinner to 3 of whom are under 4.

Here's my tips
Do a big batch cook up on Sunday (please get Dh to help or look after kids whilst you do it!) freeze/fridge for week

Have kids eating the same as you, so you just need to reheat for you and husband! And it's good for the kids to eat proper food

Lastly don't sweat it if the kids don't want to eat what you cook. NEVER cook an alternative - they won't starve.

Prepare dinner a day ahead: so you cook 2x dinners on Sunday (roast and then lasagna/ cottage pie usually in our house). On Monday lunchtime while the twins sleep (and 6yo in school) you cook Tuesday's dinner. Leftovers for lunches. Rinse and repeat.

The main thing I'm reading here is how you view yourself as useless, you are not useless. It's OK to struggle and brave to admit it, and while there are some people who mange to do things I bet there are more who just look like they are ! You have small children and it's hard.
You need to get some control back, stop being so hard on yourself, remind yourself every difficult time with small children is a phase they grow through, and try set a few rules. Definitely eat later with your husband and if the twins don't eat meals well give them a slice of toast or yoghurt or snack after so they are full. Also try change up the routine around this time as you will associate it with feelings of dispair, new routine, new plan and new you xxx

If they are fussy and you are worried about them not eating then I would always offer something alongside their dinner that you know they like. Garlic bread, toast, bread and butter, plain pasta, etc.

Put some on their plates alongside their food, that way you know that they are not going hungry because they just aren't keen on their dinner.

I would also try not to feel you need to challenge them with new foods every night. It's fine to stick with things you know they like most of the time and do something a bit different once or twice a week. I quite often end up giving my very nearly 2 year old a second meal of beans on toast because he has refused his tea, it's not the end of the world!

On hiring a teenager - local Facebook group? You have the advantage you’re having someone in while you’re home, rather than a babysitter while you’re out, so a little less risky. Or do you have a secondary school nearby? Kids doing health & social care would be natural choices. DH’s colleagues may have kids of an appropriate age. They may never thought of doing it - DD ended up doing this kind of thing last summer, looking after my friend’s 1yo twins while friend worked from home, this despite DD having never so much as held a baby, or spent time with toddlers since she was one herself!

(As an aside you could be doing the parents a favour, now 17yo DD still loves babies, and misses ‘her’ twins, but I’m pretty confident she’s not planning her own any time soon!)

Either feed the kids and you eat when they are in bed or all eat together at 6. We all eat at 6-7 when I’ve finished work and bed at 8. My kids are 2 and 4. Eating together is much better for their development and halves the effort. Kids in Spain don’t eat until 10pm so if you gradually move their tea time later they should get used to it.

DH is a full grown adult and can feed himself.

You're not his mum.

@Sunshinegirl82 they weren't until the last lot of teeth came

@FireflyRainbow obviously not but where is the logic in me cooking for the kids and me and him then coming in at 6, spending some time with the kids, putting the big one to bed, helping finish today up and then him cooking meal for himself? I actually like DH. We're a team. He doesn't come in and demand food. But if I'm home all day and he's at work all day, were not cooling separate dinners

At this age I would do food such as a mild chilli so the children could eat it early it and husband and I could reheat when he came home. Rice cookers are good as they keep the rice warm. Stir fries are also quick and easy. I also had a slow cooker. I wouldn't be sticking to a 6pm dinner on the table for husband. I would ditch the bath every night for the children.

Hi OP, I have read all your comments but not everyone else's. I would move lunch to 11.30 and get them straight to bed afterwards. They will then have had a 2.5 hour nap before school run which is plenty and will then be ready for bed at 7/7.30 ISH.

@DontCallMeBaby you guys anywhere near the Midlands??

I do think part of the issue is ok a really slow cook. It always takes longer than I anticipate

I've not read the whole thread sorry- thought I'd share what works for me just in case it helps.... biggest gamechanger has been having cooked food at lunch. I find it impossible to cook or use the oven in the evening for all the reasons you said plus my kids eat better earlier in the day. If dh is out or wfh and in meetings then he reheats later when I eat my "snacky tea".

In your position if you all want to eat properly together every day then batch cooking ahead is a good idea.(I find we can only eat as a family at lunch time as kids are too tired even at 5pm really).

I found the idea of batch cooking intimidating and don't have a freezer big enough so I make a point of cooking double portions of stuff like fish pie 2 or 3 times a week so we eat 1 freeze one......

Means we have "it's all gone wrong today " meals lol.

When I had a 5 year old and toddler twins (same age gap as you), I’d do tea for the kids for around 5, any veg prepped for kids and adults while twins had post lunch nap. Then do mine and DH’s dinner after they’d eaten or were chewing on finger foods in front of me. Oldest DC would have a bit of our dinner too if she fancied it.

I can understand why you want to eat before you put DC to bed. You might not get to eat until 9 or 10pm otherwise!

I used to use two travel cots as separate playpens while I cooked and while we ate if necessary. Handy for nights away from home too!

I remember that time all too well OP. Bloody hard work.

@SleepingStandingUp not a million miles away, but Glos so not close enough. Sorry!

FWIW aforementioned DD is my only child, when she (just little her) was your twins’ age DH and I ate after 9pm most nights and I thought I was losing my mind. If you’re a failure I certainly was ... but she’s still standing, and so am I!

Some suggestions for easy meals - not long and slow as you've had plenty of suggestions for those.
Salmon steaks in microwave - 3 mins.
Roasted camembert and bag salad.
Roasted chicken thighs with paprika.
Anything you can shove in the oven with salad on the side. Or bread and butter.
Roast beef.
Sausages.
Roast chicken.

Don't be a slave to prepping multiple veggies etc. Just salad or jacket potatoes or bread and butter. You don't want loads of pans to wash. Rice can be microwaved or buy the pouches for really straightforward. Ditto frozen peas in microwave. It's not forever.
Carrot and cucumber sticks in front of TV for DC whilst you cook, lay table or whatever.
If you're studying later you don't want to be cooking again or faffing with another meal after DC are in bed.
At some stage we moved bathtime earlier in the afternoon/evening so that DC were all cosy in jammies before evening meal. They then watched TV and munched raw veg while minimal meal prep happened. Obvs you run risk of food on jammies but this would be the same as eating breakfast in jammies. Bedtime routine was then more straightforward, facewash, teeth, story, bed.
Good luck, it's such a hard time.

Buy frozen chopped veg and fruit. It will save you time and cut waste, and you won't have to worry so much about choking (on carrots, for instance).

It often comes in finger food size - diced carrots, broccoli or cauli florets, green, red, yellow peppers, and even more exotic items like asparagus, or you can easily cut to suit. There's enough moisture in frozen veg to facilitate microwaving. You can easily cut up frozen peaches, pineapple, strawberries too.

Toddlers can eat defrosted peas. No need to cook.

Some easy meals:
Instant mash with carrots and peas and some grated cheese is an easy meal.
Bake sweet potatoes in the microwave. Prick with a fork first. Mash the insides, serve with mashed baked beans on top.
Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.
Greek yogurt with honey and fruit.
Banana and egg pancakes.

Try Pinterest as a resource for meal ideas.

You could get smocks/larger size kids' T-shirts to put over pajamas if your twins coat themselves in food.

As a mum of twins myself, you sound like you need help specific to having had multiples. Mine were the other way around and I had twins first, solo child next but your way round has very specific differences in terms of fitting in around a routine that has already been established (and requirements re the school run) and my heart goes out to you as twins are HARD. The good news is, they get so much easier and by school age, I'd even venture to say that twins are easier as they are doing the same things at the same time And everything you do is age specific to both of them. In the mean time though....I relied very heavily on advise from other multiple parents at a twin club as (no offence meant as all babies are hard work) they were the only people who truly understood what I was going through. I know that this isn't possible as they likely aren't open during covid but charities such as TAMBA (twins and multiple births association) may well be able to put you in touch with other parents in the same situation as you. There is also twinline, a helpline for parents of multiple births. It's so hard the first couple of years so please don't feel like you're rubbish. I'm trying to think of useful advise as mine are 10 now. I definitely remember having them fully harnessed into their highchairs all through dinner time and a tonne of toys on their trays which just got disinfected after! They got used to this as being 'the norm' pretty quickly. Good luck, you'll be out the other side before you know it, promise. X

So when the twins nap in morning, maybe use that time to prep the dinner?

Feed twins at 430 then settle them in bouncy chair with telly while you sort older child? DH should reheat his own dinner later...then twins milk before bed?

Having an ongoing weekly menu in my head helps me: for example

Sunday: ROAST CHICKEN DAY - stick a whole chicken in oven with potatoes. Cook chicken for 90 mins max. Your oven is your friend.

Monday: STIRFRY DAY
So chop up any leftover chicken and mix with boiled rice & frozen peas. Or noodles. Or a jar of uncle bens sauce. Add soy sauce etc for flavour. Takes 15 mins.

(Making rice this way is so easy: boil kettle, put one mug rice into 2 mugs of the boiling water. Add salt. Lid on. It will cook perfectly in 10 mins or so

Tues & Thursdays:
Ragu/bolognese pasta days - make a huge batch of this sometime - and freeze into bags then leave out portion to defrost in morning u need it.

Wednesdays & Fridays:
OVEN TRAY DAYS so put pork chops/drumsticks/or sausages & chips/ Serve with tinned sweetcorn Chuck all in the oven on a tray. Ready in 40 mins max.

Saturday:
PIZZAS in oven. Bag of salad in a bowl.
Wine. Chocolate.

Dinner on sofa is totally fine for really tired days.

Repeat until kids are 18

No one will understand the enormity of what you are trying to explain unless they have roaming twins themselves.
I have nannied many pairs ove et je years and can spend a 12 hour day just devoted to them! How can you fit in anything else ???
My only advice is get a slow cooker
Or a mums help for the evening routine to help you ..
It’s hard
By then everyone is tired
You want to collapse
You could contact your local college to find someone doing the childcare courses .
A student would jump at it as great way to gain experience .

..

@nannykatherine

No one will understand the enormity of what you are trying to explain unless they have roaming twins themselves. I have nannied many pairs ove et je years and can spend a 12 hour day just devoted to them! How can you fit in anything else ??? My only advice is get a slow cooker Or a mums help for the evening routine to help you .. It’s hard By then everyone is tired You want to collapse You could contact your local college to find someone doing the childcare courses . A student would jump at it as great way to gain experience .

..

I think her twins are too old for the bouncy chair phase .. they are at the climbing fighting stage