To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

I have 3 kids that are very close in age, they are older now, but when they were tiny I meal prepped during the day, generally one meal which I amended slightly for the kids if necessary. Fed the kids at 5.30, dh occasionally in by them so we all ate tothether, if not, depending on what time he was in I either ate with the kids or ate with him later. I finished off prepping the meal and cooking when we got in from school. Also often batched cooked at the weekend and filled the freezer up with family friendly complete meals. Moved all the tea things into the kitchen, play time for a bit then bath time and bed, kids all went in the bath together, bath time turned into playtime. Once kids in bed, washing up and then relax from about 9. But of course, didn’t always go to plan and if dhs dinner not ready there was also something home made in the freezer which would be easy for him to cook himself when he got in. I certainly wasn’t getting stressed to get his dinner on the table for 6.

Why are both twins in highchairs facing you while you try to eat and dh sits on a chair? Can't you supervise 1 each? Doesn't seem fair on you

That's kind of you @Dipi79 thank you. I do appreciate o have it easy with an AV size family and partner, that's why o feel like a failure and I will takeo n board things around meals etc. Even knowing which note aren't negotiable (ie they won't do two naps, they won't handle going til 12.30 etc) helps me work out what I need to change and fix

Does your routine work for you? What would you like it to look like?

I have an 18 month old, this is our current routine:
7am up
Breakfast
-School run with childminder/ play
9/9.30am milk and banana or biscuit
10am play/ bath time twice a week
11am lunch
11.30/12 nap
2/2.30 pm wake
3pm Childminders school run with snack/ home snack time (or lunch if she was too tired to eat)
Play
5 she eats reheated leftovers while I put ours in the oven
6.45 milk
7pm bed

Mine would happily cut out food for milk so I actively changed our routine to give food first.
She won't go to sleep early enough if her nap lasts too long, so she gets woken up, and I wake her by 7.10 if she doesn't wake up.
She gets grouchy for food by about 4.30, so sometimes I give her a babybel first. She sits in her highchair and eats while I cook
I don't feed her ANYTHING. Weetabix is saved for bath days! Scotch pancakes are a good handy breakfast, or she feeds herself cereal quite well.
Lunch is quite often quiche
Dinner is leftovers or beige goodies

Twin parent here, also with two older DC but very close in age. DTs at 16 months would have had siblings age 2&3 as well, and yes, it’s hard work.

It sounds to me like you need more routine and it’s all a bit chaotic.

Ours were all in bed at 6:30 and ready for sleep, and up at 6:00-06:30 the next morning. They needed sleep training for this but it only took a week or so before we cracked it with each child.

They also needed sleep training that nap time was nap time and they all slept at the same time. In their rooms, no distractions, curtains and doors closed. This needed training too - that nothing more interesting was happening until they’d slept. I’d have struggled massively if the DC slept (or didn’t sleep) at different times.

Early breakfast, 11:30 lunch, nap, and dinner for them at 4 or 4:30. We cooked and ate after they were in bed, usually at 8 or 8:30.

Our house felt like boot camp but the routine was the only thing that got us through. I would say though that work days when they were in nursery and fed all three meals were far easier!

Batch cook and eat once the kids are in bed.... why make things difficult and try to force the impossible to fit a schedule. Just because that’s what you’ve done during a pandemic doesn’t mean that’s what will work when your circumstances change. At least it will be Lea stressful and you and DH can eat in some sort of peace and enjoy a bit of time together.

Have you tried doing the t1 and t2 lunch earlier say at 10:45/11:00? That way they can have their big meal and then their nap. And the only other suggestion that I have. When you cook whatever meal you are intending for dinner/lunch etc is to make that a portion that lasts for 2 days. Same with the sandwiches, make it for 2 days instead. Good luck xx

when youre making the kids food prep something for you and DH. and i mean this while prepping lunch or dinner. Then Dh can eat it when he likes if he finishes sorting it and you can have some when you want too.

I prep all food for the day for everyone at lunchtime, takes about half an hour. Then its ready to quick fry / heat up etc dins mostly for me after kids in bed.

Also DH needs to do more if he is at home!! What does he do at lunchtime? He can surely prep a meal for the evening then, especially if he wants it at 6pm sharp! Keep microwave meals in the freezer too, if its so urgent he can chuck one in the microwave at his leisure ;-)

You have my sympathies, SleepingStandingUp! It's exhausting trying to organise things with small children.
I used to think that the only important task of the day was to get a hot meal sorted. So I prepared or cooked everything during nap time so all I had to do was heat it up at the appropriate time. Didn't do much housework or meet anyone until the food was done because like you, I got very stressed out at the end of the day with bath and story time and fractious children etc and my husband got home between 7 and 8 (and around midnight twice a week) so wasn't any practical help with the children. Once the food situation was dealt with, I could fit anything else around it. Not saying that this is the answer for you, though. We're all different.

It’s not easy and unfortunately it’s not an exact science but you can only do so much, try not to be hard on yourself. If they don’t have fresh cooked everyday it doesn’t matter. If you and your husband eat late it doesn’t matter. I’m sure you are doing great even if you can’t see it yourself right now.

We also have three but we have 2 older (4&5) and 1 that is 11 months, so a bit easier. My husband often doesn’t see them as they are in bed when he gets home. I tend to do mine and my husband food once they ate all in bed. So only have to concentrate on the three kids. It’s not ideal but it will do for now. If he has the day off we all eat together.

Well they've had left overs two nights in a row now and two nights in a row they've barely eaten so I'm going to take all my keeping every fed anxiety and feed it into why won't my babies eat!! Bloody kids!!

Could you pay a teenager to watch the kids after school while you get dinner ready?

Or, after kids have their tea, DH watches them while you cook dinner for you and DH. Make extra, and kids get your leftovers the next day, quick to reheat in microwave eg whatever you cook for you and DH on Mon night, kids have that on Tues. Whatever you and DH eat on Tues, kids have it on Wed. That way, you're only cooking one meal, and you're all eating the same food (albeit not at the same time), so in future it may be easier to all eat together

"The food our children eat" by Joanna Blythman is a great book with strategies and ideas for meal times.

Don't worry about them not eating. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but they'll eat if hungry. Do you offer alternatives that are plain but you know they like? Eg if I know mine hasn't eaten, once everyone else is finished, he gets bread and butter or crackers.

Could you get a slowcooker or something like Hello fresh boxes to help? Or prepare it in advance like if you do a pasta, prepare the sauce /mince during the day abd then just do the pasta ? Use shortcuts too. Maybe things like :
-supermarkets own microwave rice
-ready made frozen mash potato or jacket potatoes
-chuck veg in microwave with a splash of water in non metallic bowl fir 5 mins or packet instructions -get frozen stuff
-ready made pizza/chips/sausage/tins of beans etc and stuff you can do when you have had a bad day
-eggs are good cheap, easy and versatile-stuff like egg on toast , fry up , frittata omelette etc

-pasta is easy and cheap learn to make basic tomato sauce with tin tomatoes , garlic, pinch salt and sugar , maybe tin of water and mixed herbs (fry onion first then chicken rest in I use dried herbs cos it is more cost effective ) add mince at the end. Buy big thing of mince and just cook enough for 2 days or turn into chilli (good on jackets) or freeze .

Prepare meals as much in advance as possible (slow cookers are your friend), DH should help with bedtime routine for kids and adults eat later when kids are in bed. No reason why your evening timetable need to be so rigid or that you should do it all by yourself.

Make dinner the night before or get up early in the morning to do it. You and husband could eat at 8 once kids in bed

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Don't worry about them not eating. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but they'll eat if hungry. Do you offer alternatives that are plain but you know they like? Eg if I know mine hasn't eaten, once everyone else is finished, he gets bread and butter or crackers.

Yeah T2 aka Hoover are enough and then I shared my rice and wrap with T1 who has very happy with apple and yoghurt and how can home made shepherds pie compete with yoghurt and apple? DS is tube fed partly because he doesn't eat enough. It's a real trigger bad I constantly am aware not to push my issues onto them whilst working out if I can call the HV for this. I mean they're 13kg, they're hardly skinny beans and they'll always do milk for sleep if they don't eat enough

Why on earth do you have to make your husband’s dinner when you are dealing with all of that?? I honestly can’t imagine that. My husband would come home and sort dinner for both of us while I put the kids to bed or he would take them to bed and I would do dinner, or we would both put them to bed and come down and sort something easy together.

I would work on your routine as it’s definitely not working which obviously you know as you’re asking for help. Get a slow cooker and use it most days. Meal plan a weeks worth or meals and snacks so you don’t have to think about what you are cooking on the day. Strap twins into high chair with some fiddly snacks such as raisins, sweetcorn and peas to keep them entertained whilst you prep their meals. I’d feed kids at 5pm, bath at 6pm, milk at 6:30 then bedtime for the twins at 7pm. You and hubby eat at 7:30pm. Blissful baby expert hands some fab routines on her Instagram which would be worth a look for you.

@ILikeMango

Why on earth do you have to make your husband’s dinner when you are dealing with all of that?? I honestly can’t imagine that. My husband would come home and sort dinner for both of us while I put the kids to bed or he would take them to bed and I would do dinner, or we would both put them to bed and come down and sort something easy together.

Because we prefer to eat before 7. Because in the gap between 6 when he gets home and 7 I'd like him, he'd like and the kids would like him to spend that time with him as they're currently used to having Daddy until 9, at lunch, and from 4. Because at 7 he takes the eldest to bed which takes an hour. So the logical dinner cooker is me.

Mum of 4 here with a 11 week old, 4, 9 and 10 year old. It is hard when they are little. If you can plan meals that can be prepared ahead. Today we had sticky pork wraps which took a few minutes to cook in the oven. I made the marinade for the pork first thing this morning after taking the oldest ones to school/preschool and the pork sat in the marinade until I got home from picking them up at around 3:30. Dinner was served by 4. When my oldest two were little we didn't bother with the high chairs we sat in the living room or garden on an old shower curtain and made meal time into a picnic and they loved it. Do whatever makes your life easier. No one hates you and you're not failing. Don't stress about it. Just take each day as it comes. You have got this

Can you cook the meals during the day and just reheat at night?

Please stop saying you are useless. You are absolutely not useless. You’re a brilliant Mum doing the best for your kids and still looking to be better. You’re all on your own doing all of this. Stop judging yourself so harshly.

Thank you for the continued helpful comments. I have a slow cooker, I'll def dig out some recipies and work on our schedule