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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 20/04/2021 19:54

@Unsure33

Get it sorted . My son was with three family members ( not me ) and he was sat watching the fish on the side of the pond . They were distracted for a second and somehow he slid in so they never even heard a sound . They pulled him out face down . Luckily he was ok , but it was horrible . We have a pool at our house and the first thing I did was have a gate put in and even then I still worry .
Why don't you get a grill pou in or over the pond too? Belt & braces is worth it for the peace of mind!)
Maray1967 · 20/04/2021 19:55

InkieNecro - regarding grandparents compared to nurseries etc and level of care - I disagree strongly.
I would not have had my inlaws do day to day care of mine, in fact I was nervous when we were there for visits. Mugs of hot tea and coffee, perched on the edge of coffee tables. Sharp edged furniture with no covers on. Comments like does he really need to go in the car seat for a short journey. And yes, claimed they just turned their back for a second when they lost my 2 year old nephew at a country play park . We offered to get them pressure fitted stair gates for weekends when we were visiting which could go under a bed normally - they wouldn’t have them.

serin · 20/04/2021 19:55

SaturdayRocks
Some metal covers are safer than fences. We have a 12" pond with a bespoke solid wrought iron cover, you could jump up and down on it all day and not fall through. By comparison toddler son could climb anything, even stacking up his toys to climb up to enable an escape attempt! Unless it was a very high fence, he would be over it.

ihavethehighground · 20/04/2021 19:56

I would fill this in if I had grand children !

Whydidimarryhim · 20/04/2021 19:58

How terrible for you and your family Dudesmummy.

JustLookingThanks · 20/04/2021 20:00

You are completely right. My dad put a mesh cover over his large pond as soon as I had a baby. He was really insistent that it was done straight away, and made it himself. I am very grateful, it showed his love for our little family.

Nomorepies · 20/04/2021 20:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

1980tastic · 20/04/2021 20:05

I think it's fucking ridiculous that the op's partner would not back them up here.

I cannot believe the response to the incident, they'll "try"?!

The fact that they don't seem to realise how serious this was, and you're worried about rocking the boat with no partner support, op .. well, I'd be insisting they can't have him unsupervised. What else are they minimising?! Do they chop up food the right size for it not to be a choking hazard, for example?

Put it this way, when you need to gather your resolve on confronting this:

What do you care more about - the safety of your son, or upsetting the in laws?

It's as simple as that.

There's a serious safety risk here. I hope you're going to show your partner this thread.

Muchasgracias · 20/04/2021 20:05

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@Muchasgracias not the point. They were obviously there![/quote]
But the OP is talking about her DC going back there again. So future lapses are the point! Who in their right would gamble over this simply because this one time “they were there”

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 20/04/2021 20:06

My dad had a pond - he filled it in as soon as DS was born even though we only visit a handful of times a year. I didn't even have to ask.

Diverseopinions · 20/04/2021 20:08

I wouldn't even trust a cover. Depending on how it is fitted, it might come loose. If there is something in the pond of interest to them - and presumably, people don't own ponds if there aren't flowers, fish or tadpoles of interest - they may want to inspect it, at some time, and forgetfully leave it unsecured. Or someone might: somebody helping in the garden, perhaps. Even fences are only secure if fitted properly.

I would have thought 'ponds' as a word and idea would ring massive alarm bells, because they are so often associated with tragedies corcerning children of a young sge. What makes them dangerous seems to be the tragic likelihood of something terrible happening once access is gained. The same with any pooled water, I suppose, even a bath.

It's a warning to all of us to actually go to inspect a garden before permitting any relation to care for the children.

Notgoingonholiday · 20/04/2021 20:10

When we moved to our house the DC were 6 and 10, even at those ages the first thing DH did was fill in the pond in the back garden, literally the day we moved in. I wouldn't have been able to sleep thinking of all the awful scenarios. (In hindsight I'm sure they were old enough for it not to be too dangerous, but I wasn't taking chances).

WinterIsGone · 20/04/2021 20:15

When we moved to our house the DC were 6 and 10, even at those ages the first thing DH did was fill in the pond in the back garden, literally the day we moved in.
I actually think that's a bit extreme and sad, as ponds are great for older children. Ours spent hours watching frogs and newts.

I can definitely recommend a grill for younger children, though.

RantyAnty · 20/04/2021 20:16

Definitely buy and install a sturdy grid for their poind.

Small children and water don't mix. They WILL get in the water.

I nearly drowned twice. I think I was maybe 7 or 8?
I went down to the boat dock to catch some minnows. I had a life jacket on but leaned over too far and fell in.
Thankfully a couple pulled me out.

Another time while swimming at the beach. I was out just a little too far and struggled. A man pulled me out to where I could stand up.

I went back to the caravan and told my mother. She didn't seem all that concerned about it.

SweetPetrichor · 20/04/2021 20:16

Honestly, as long as he’s not unsupervised near the pond there’s no need to cover it. I grew up with a pond in the garden and you learn not to go near it. I fell in at least once, as did pretty much ever child who visited...but as long as there’s always an adult around it doesn’t matter.

bloodyhell19 · 20/04/2021 20:17

YANBU. I have a pond & yes accidents with small children can happen but holy Christ, not if the appropriate precautions are taken. This absolutely cannot happen again and I wouldn't be allowing him to their home without you or DP.

ScrumForward · 20/04/2021 20:18

My parents have beautiful ponds. As soon as l was pregnant a retractable fence was built across the garden which was up whenever DS was there.... even though he was never alone in the garden.

I definitely would not be happy with this. He fell in with them supposedly supervising... what if he managed to get out alone.

randomer · 20/04/2021 20:19

Never in a million years would I be comfortable with this.
Pond or child, not both.

N4ish · 20/04/2021 20:19

Your child can’t go back there until you’re 100% sure the pond is safe.

Darbs76 · 20/04/2021 20:22

This isn’t something that you mess about with, so as not to upset them etc. I wouldn’t let him go there until the pond has been secured.

Mellonsprite · 20/04/2021 20:23

You are completely in the right here. My child wouldn’t be going again until it was fitted.
I’ve cancelled holiday accommodation before because of what I considered not to be good enough fencing around the pool. It only takes a couple of seconds.

Oddsocksandeverythingelse · 20/04/2021 20:24

Think I’d just buy them a pond cover or offer to fence it off 2bh. Hope your DS feels better soon.

Nat3kids · 20/04/2021 20:24

OP I had a cover fitted from this company: creativepondcovers.co.uk

We still don’t leave the kids unsupervised in the garden but it definitely gives reassurance (more than a fence imo)

Cindersrellie · 20/04/2021 20:25

Academics do not always = common sense..

Embroideredstars · 20/04/2021 20:29

Metal grid or fill it in, no question.

We had a pond already at the house we bought. We filled it in once we had kids, I thinking would have done anyway if any small children were nearby.

We had strong words with our neighbours who moved in after us who seemed to have no problem with their reasonably old child wandering in to our (gated) garden to fetch his ball etc. They had no regard for privacy anyway and the child was old enough to know better but we did point out the dangers of the pond and them not knowing where he was, their parenting was blase to say these least!