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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
ConnieCaterpillar70 · 20/04/2021 20:29

Take the positives. Your DS is fine, and they probably learned a very scary lesson. They may be feeling a bit of shock still so perhaps today isn't the best time to discuss it. As a grandmother myself, I feel physically sick if mine have a fall or do something when they're in my care. I feel even more responsible than I did with my own kids.

I'd take it out of their hands, and order a pond grid then pop round and fit it so there's no ifs and buts about the situation. Today was a warning. You need to know it can't and won't happen again.

Crustybreadandbutter · 20/04/2021 20:29

Yes I think you can insist on a cover. I think his stomach acid will kill anything he might have swallowed and he should be fine.

Onedropbeat · 20/04/2021 20:29

My parents got rid of the pond as soon as grand children came along despite us growing up as children ourselves had been around the pond

It’s different when you’re a grandparent and mine didn’t want to take the risks with grandchildren that they had felt ok to take with their own children

GreenSlide · 20/04/2021 20:29

Get your husband to fence it off, or pay someone to do it. There's no point dwelling on the what ifs too much - clearly he isn't being left unattended near the pond. Just it fenced off and move on.

ichundich · 20/04/2021 20:32

Please do insist on a cover. My mum's colleague lost her child because they drowned in a garden pond. She says for years she couldn't figure out why this woman always seemed so miserable; then she found out.

HelloDaisy · 20/04/2021 20:32

Definitely don’t let them look after your dc until they have a grid over it or fencing around it.

My friend’s child drowned in a garden pond at that age....

dappledsunshine · 20/04/2021 20:35

Just echoing op that you need to think about getting him checked medically particularly if he went right under the water and may have inhaled some.

Secondary drowning plus dirty pond water would be my worry.

momager1 · 20/04/2021 20:36

granny here. Sorry if any of my children told me that i could not do childcare because of my fish pond.. i would say..OK. make other plans. I have worked my arse off as has their father. Yes we have a pond..that we have been nurturing for years. None of my grandmonsters...that i love beyond life ever go outside without us... so if they DID fall in...papa or I would be right beside and grab them (never happened yet...they are 3, 10, 11 ) Grandparents are not under obligation to change their homes..their lives for our childrens offspring. YES pay attention (like any parent or grandparent would) but who do YOU think you are...changing OUR home that we have worked years for? Yes..if it is dangerous for the kiddos..then parents need to pay for other care

Ohnomoreno · 20/04/2021 20:37

@Nat3kids

OP I had a cover fitted from this company: creativepondcovers.co.uk

We still don’t leave the kids unsupervised in the garden but it definitely gives reassurance (more than a fence imo)

@nat3kids snap! They're great aren't they. Love how artistically they're done, and I can easily stand on it. Also, the heron has no chance of reaching the fish!
Carriemac · 20/04/2021 20:39

I'm laid back with my kids , but I would never have left them in a house with an uncovered pond or pool.
And for the laughable suggestion that toddlers need to learn to assess risk- would you let them cross a busy road ? Or boil a kettle ?
It's our job to risk assess and an unfenced / uncovered pond is risky .

FuzzyPup · 20/04/2021 20:39

I would really be asking for a cover, even if we contributed financially towards having it done.

I’d also be a bit annoyed that they didn’t call me when it happened, but instead waited until they dropped my child at home.

Acovic · 20/04/2021 20:40

Scary experience for everyone.

As per the rest of the thread it needs to be covered with sturdy cover or fenced in.

And don't underestimate child ingenuity. We had a pond as kids. It was in the area of garden to the side of the house - it connected with the back garden at the top and there was a 6foot high gate. The other entrance was at the front from our driveway - again - another 6 foot high gate (locked) with a big hedge to the left of it.

We came home from the supermarket one day and my mother was most surprised to find that one of the neighbours kids had climbed over the hedge (he had even brought a sturdy toy to stand on to give himself a leg up) and was standing on the edge of the pond. It could so easily have ended badly.

Until that moment I think my parents had felt the pond was pretty safe - it was drained after that incident. I remember it very clearly as we had to rehome our fish.

Nanny0gg · 20/04/2021 20:40

@Herbie0987

We have a wildlife pond in our garden and none of our grandchildren have fallen in, they were never left alone in the garden. We taught them from toddler age if they went up the garden path they had to stop at a certain point, being young sometimes they forgot, but we were always watching. The only thing that has fallen into the pond was my daughter’s puppy.
Well if you'd been my parents your grandchildren wouldn't have been visiting.

What's more important? The safety of children or the appearance of your pond?

momager1 · 20/04/2021 20:42

but yes.. if that babe went under...please have him checked out..

KnobJockey · 20/04/2021 20:44

@momager1 she's someone who's son has just fallen into that pond that you are refusing to cover up today. While they were stood next to him.

If I were the OP, it would be no visits to that house now until that pond was covered with a metal cover. If you were my mother/ mil and you wanted to be more precious about a pond than a toddlers safety, then I would be thanking my lucky stars that I realised before something bad happened.

You might be always with him. But what if it's the one time that you run in to the bathroom, grandad stops to pick up a piece of something dangerous on the floor, and oh its too late now.- I have an 18 month old who shocks me with how quickly they can move if they want something. Accidents happen, if you want grandchildren to come and visit, you mitigate those risks.

billy1966 · 20/04/2021 20:47

An uncovered pond is an acvident waiting to happen.

Astounding that they didn't follow through and cover it.

Honestly OP, I can't believe anyone would allow a child in a house with a pond.

30 seconds and a child can drown in a couple of inches of water.

There is a reason you cannot leave them in a bath for a second alone.

I would be stunned at a child's father dismissing something so obvious.

YourHandInMyHand · 20/04/2021 20:47

Have you taken him to be checked over? You do need to just to be sure.

And you are NOT overreacting.

listershologram · 20/04/2021 20:48

@GreenTeaPingPong

You can get safety grids/nets.
A safety net is a really bad idea, they get pushed down into the water under the weight of a child and increase the risk of drowning.

Any cover needs to be a metal grid which is lockable or the pond needs to be fenced off with a locked gate. The fence needs to be unclimbable.

tenlittlecygnets · 20/04/2021 20:50

@Notgoingonholiday

When we moved to our house the DC were 6 and 10, even at those ages the first thing DH did was fill in the pond in the back garden, literally the day we moved in. I wouldn't have been able to sleep thinking of all the awful scenarios. (In hindsight I'm sure they were old enough for it not to be too dangerous, but I wasn't taking chances).
That is really sad and a bit of an overreaction. Our dc have loved our ponds as they got older, and the only person who has fallen has been dh...

Some people won't be happy until the whole country is concreted over and all nature has died.

The pond is the GPs' - they might not want to cover it, and it's their decision.

ChairmansReserve · 20/04/2021 20:53

We have a pond with a very solid metal grid
( was all here when we moved in). It's great. We have frogs, toads, newts, and the kids love looking in the water but are at no risk. Why wouldn't you get one?

Bobbiebigbum · 20/04/2021 20:54

Fuck that. My dc wouldn't be going there again without me.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/04/2021 20:55

If they start getting touchy about having to fence it off or put a grill over it, show them this Water Safety advert from the 1970's in Ireland :

The first one is chilling...actually they all are.
Bananacocks · 20/04/2021 20:58

I grew up with a pond in the garden with no real cover, but it was made more secure once I had children. I get your fear about it and think you are right to ask them to put some safety measures in place.

I can also say that as someone who spent a large proportion of their childhood pissing about round the pond, pond dipping for newts and frogs and regually fell in I survived and certainly swallowed more than my fair share of pond water without getting ill.

Floweree · 20/04/2021 21:00

I don't think it's unreasonable to not let him back until its made safe, I guess there's a few scenarios:

Find alternative childcare if they don't want to cover it

Help fund and fit a cover seen as though they'd be getting it for his safety

Silvercatowner · 20/04/2021 21:02

We taught them from toddler age if they went up the garden path they had to stop at a certain point,

I'm sorry but Grin