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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 20/04/2021 19:01

@Pythonesque

I can vouch for pond grids. We moved into our place with a newborn and a just three year old, and got a grid installed by the first summer I think. It worked really well and meant they could still be shown things in the pond.

Eventually my husband decided it was time to remove it (both were over twelve by that point); but I slightly regret that as I'm now teaching violin to small children at home and it would be nice sometimes to be able to let them or their siblings go out and look at the fish! Well, they still can but only with 110% supervision...

Yes to pond grids.

We have a large deep pond and had one installed when we moved in when the children were little.

We adults could stand on it and it wouldn't shift.

Still got the enjoyment of the pond without fear.

Mine are slightly below the surface so you can only see them if looking or if the pond is a bit low (evaporation in the summer - then it's topped up).

The children got great enjoyment from the pond and looking after the fish, seeing newts, frog spawn etc so I'm glad we kept it - but also glad we kept it safe.

Cactus1982 · 20/04/2021 19:01

Very intelligent academic types usually lack all common sense in my experience. Why should the OP offer to pay for a cover?! The grandparents need a rocket up their arses over this.

HarrietHardy · 20/04/2021 19:02

I'd insist on a fence. I they're like I think they are, they'll point out that newts are protected.

Covers are actually dangerous anyway.

So go with a newt-legal fence from the get-go.

Ohnomoreno · 20/04/2021 19:02

My mother paid for the most fantastic cover, it is not just an ugly mesh but wrought metal that adds beauty and interest and withstands full weight of children or adults. creativepondcovers.co.uk/

MadeForThis · 20/04/2021 19:02

No more visits until a cover or fence is installed.

Homehaircuts · 20/04/2021 19:02

Agree with everyone..tbh I wouldn't let him back there until it's safe. They are under reacting for sure..."we'll try" Hmm My usually very chilled MIL and FIL wouldn't even of reacted like that.

Blindstupid · 20/04/2021 19:05

I literally cannot believe toddlers are still drowning in ponds after all the huge campaigns over the years.

Absolutely now way would I be taking any chances, no way.

OP ... either they cover/fence it or your ds doesn’t go back without yous being there.

beginningoftheend · 20/04/2021 19:05

Oh this made me shiver - you shouldn't let him go again until it is properly fenced off.

DailyCandy · 20/04/2021 19:05

He's not allowed back until they cover or drain the pond.

You are the only accountable person here - be accountable.

RedcurrantPuff · 20/04/2021 19:05

My position would be it gets covered, filled in or fenced so he can’t get to it. I wouldn’t be letting him round again until this was done.

campion · 20/04/2021 19:06

@harridan50

I dont want to be alarmist but please be aware of secondary drowning and watch him closely And no i would not let him go back at the moment until the pond was secure
Yes, you're being alarmist. The child would be showing all sorts of worrying signs by now. He went in feet first so probably had minimal contact with head under the water,if at all.
Dacquoise · 20/04/2021 19:06

@Butwasitherdriveway, forewarned is forearmed and will prevent the 'but we were watching him' and 'it won't happen again' arguments.

Echobelly · 20/04/2021 19:08

I'm quite chill about safety on the whole, but yes, under circs I'd insist pond was made safe before he goes over again.

theDudesmummy · 20/04/2021 19:09

I know people whose child drowned in a garden pond. The mother never recovered, the marriage failed and she died in her forties.

My brother nearly drowned in a swimming pool when he was 2. OK it was a pool, but it happened in the flash of an eye.

Don't let your child go there until there is a cast iron solution.

BertieBotts · 20/04/2021 19:11

It only takes a second. They turned their back for a second today and he went in. If they were less lucky he may have tripped or slipped as he fell and gone in head first.

TBH I never really thought much about ponds Shock thinking back I am sure my mum had one when DS1 was little and it didn't even register with me! But the fact he's fallen in once would absolutely be a wake up call. It needs to 100% never happen again. I don't think lack of supervision was the issue, it's probably not really feasible to supervise any more than they already were. That means it's the pond itself which is the issue. It needs blocking off somehow. A metal grate would be fine and can be removed when he is not there if they like to be able to see the wildlife, as long as they are vigilant about using it when he is there.

Veryverycalmnow · 20/04/2021 19:11

My mum and dad (in their 60s) are always reminiscing and chuckling about the time my older brother fell in the pond as a toddler. It used to make me uneasy. Now I have a child of my own it makes me feel sick to think about this kind of near miss.
Tell them it would be better to be safe than so so sorry for the rest of their days! I hope your DP supports you and firmly stands by you.

theDudesmummy · 20/04/2021 19:12

And I can't believe the "we'll try"...WTAF? They'll TRY to ensure their grandchild doesn't die an avoidable death, devastaing the family? Not good enough.

Skral · 20/04/2021 19:12

Both my children fell in their grandparents pond when they were toddlers. It was fenced but they were looking for frogs and newts. We were standing next to them and fished them out. I can’t really see the difference between a pond, the beach or a pool, so long as they are supervised. Parks often have unfenced ponds and toddlers still go to them. It isn’t as if they are keeping a tiger in the garden! A fence sounds like it might be a good idea though.

AppletonP · 20/04/2021 19:13

How deep is it. Can he stand? If he can stand I wouldn't be hugely fussed. If he can't then it needs a cover.

beginningoftheend · 20/04/2021 19:13

Mentioning secondary drowning is terrifying, but it is not alarmist IMO - it is terrifying because it is so hard to spot. It is similar to meningitis or sepsis - you have to be a bit terrified to spot something that could otherwise go under the radar.

I am sorry that it is a distressing thing to think about but it is what it is. The effects can happen many hours afterwards and can be the result of a small amount of water in the lungs. I shan't go into detail but of course there is loads of info online.

Drowning is still a leading cause of accidental death in pre-schoolers.

BertieBotts · 20/04/2021 19:13

I don't think I have ever seen a campaign about a pond BTW! Am I too young? I am 32.

Now chip pans and electric blankets... I'm under the impression these are the deadliest most combustible items on the planet and will never be allowed within 100 feet of my house :o but ponds? If I think about it then I'm very clear they are risky and I know 100% not to leave a small child in the bath, but I don't remember any PSAs about ponds in particular.

ElsieMc · 20/04/2021 19:14

My gs's were at primary school with the family of a little boy who sadly drowned in the garden pond. Such a tragedy. They sold their home and moved away. A terrible story, but you have had your warning here. The fact that they were not straight out to get a cover is a red flag. Don't put not offending your pil's before your child's welfare. Keep him away.

redastherose · 20/04/2021 19:14

Like pop's have said it's a solid metal grid they need not a cover. It is easy for children to fall o top of plastic covers and still drown or climb under them and they will give them a false sense of security.

HotPenguin · 20/04/2021 19:14

Are they providing childcare for you? If so I think it would be appropriate for you to pay for it to be fully fenced and that will also help overcome any reluctance on their part.

cptartapp · 20/04/2021 19:15

Butwas its not completely unrelated as it highlights how seemingly intelligent older people have deteriorating cognitive function which can affect their sense of danger, reduce the efficacy of their senses etc.
OP admitted herself they took their eyes off him.

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