To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

[Boursinfan]

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

Be firm . Not taking dc there until its fenced and covered. There was that awful story of a toddler who let themselves out of the house early one morning (parents thought they were in bed) and drowned in a hot tub.

It's all very well them saying that they will watch him but clearly they dont.

@Whydidimarryhim it was not my family, it was my dance teacher when I was a child.

Just cos they are academic doesn't mean they can't lack enough common sense to have covered up the pond in the first place

Brains mean nothing

He'd not be going there again without a cover.
He'd actually not have been going there regularly without it covered even before this event. I'd have been too stressed.

My 3 year old cousin drowned in a neighbour's unsecured pool while in the care of grandparents. Water is not something to take chances with.

The pond is a hazard; this could have been a tragedy.

I remember similar op.

DDs dad left us and left a great big massive pond too. When I was hanging the washing out DD came toddling over and fell in. I grabbed her straight away and dug out the pond (took hours) that day.

She doesn't remember thankfully but I'll never forget the feeling!

I'd be insisting it was suitably removed/covered.

@Boursinfan

Definitely get them to sort something out!

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it and I don't want to scare you, but keep an eye out for symptoms of secondary drowning (persistent cough, fatigue, vomiting, fever. Google for more precise description). It can show 24-48 hours after inhaling water and can be fatal.

@Silvercatowner

We taught them from toddler age if they went up the garden path they had to stop at a certain point,

I'm sorry but

I know that’s fucking ridiculous. I’m the other end of the spectrum, I insisted my parents got rid of their pond when I was pregnant!

@allthequeenshorsesandmen

Just cos they are academic doesn't mean they can't lack enough common sense to have covered up the pond in the first place

Brains mean nothing

Or arrogance. Some people just think it can’t happen to them, probably been so long since they were around toddlers they’ve forgotten just what they’re like.

Let's be a big fair here, they were there to fish him out straight away so it's not like they were not watching him, he was being supervised and accidents do happen from time to time even when you are watching them closely.

That said, I'd insist that they or you get a decent pond cover in place before his next visit. They are probably thinking the same thing anyway! Lesson learned the hard way.....

@momager1

granny here. Sorry if any of my children told me that i could not do childcare because of my fish pond.. i would say..OK. make other plans. I have worked my arse off as has their father. Yes we have a pond..that we have been nurturing for years. None of my grandmonsters...that i love beyond life ever go outside without us... so if they DID fall in...papa or I would be right beside and grab them (never happened yet...they are 3, 10, 11 ) Grandparents are not under obligation to change their homes..their lives for our childrens offspring. YES pay attention (like any parent or grandparent would) but who do YOU think you are...changing OUR home that we have worked years for? Yes..if it is dangerous for the kiddos..then parents need to pay for other care

With that attitude I’m surprised anyone asks you to look after a child pond or not.

I don't get this story, really.

Why did the grandparents call it an ' accident' . We've had an accident, they say. Surely, f he's ok, and they think.ponds are safe, which they clearly do, or they'd have fenced it, why didn't they say, ' Little Johnny, stepped in the pond - going after his car - but we lifted him out and gave him a good bath and he's fine' . You don't alarm parents by using the 'a' word like that, if all's ok.

As for messaging later and saying it was a 'genuine accident'. Good grief! What the heck else could it be! You'd say that if there was a possibility of him having been pushed in by a sibling!

I've had too much lockdown, and am seeing fake stories everywhere on Mumsnet, this week, but how do you fall in feet first? Going in feet first would be stepping in to get a toy back. Small children's heads and torsos are heavier than their legs, that is why they tend to topple forward on to their front or face - extending their arms. Also, 'dropping' (?,) or maybe jettisoning a toy into water would take longer than a few seconds; the kid would be on the edge looking and feeling, or having a few attempts to throw from more of a distance.

I hope it isn't offensive to wonder if a story isn't true. But anyway, hopefully, the thread has raised awareness of a really risky problem in gardens. All the advice about grills and wrought iron covers is fantastically helpful.

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Let's be a big fair here, they were there to fish him out straight away so it's not like they were not watching him, he was being supervised and accidents do happen from time to time even when you are watching them closely.

That said, I'd insist that they or you get a decent pond cover in place before his next visit. They are probably thinking the same thing anyway! Lesson learned the hard way.....

Google "secondary drowning". Better not to fall in at all than be "there to fish him out"

Bode Miller
Granger Smith

Just search them. There's photograph's of Emeline with wires and tubes that her mum shared with the world.

No parent should survive their child.
You have parental responsibility over your child, not their grandparents. If you choose to hand your child over to someone who leaves the pond with no cover, you will worry everytime.

@B1rthis

Bode Miller Granger Smith

Just search them. There's photograph's of Emeline with wires and tubes that her mum shared with the world.

No parent should survive their child.
You have parental responsibility over your child, not their grandparents. If you choose to hand your child over to someone who leaves the pond with no cover, you will worry everytime.

Who is Emeline??

Emeline was their child who very sadly passed away .

Please don't let him go back without this being resolved. This could have been a tragedy. It's not worth it and I wouldn't worry about rocking the boat with in laws. They should want to cover it up. Too many awful tragedies to let this go.

It's not a good situation at all and personally I couldn't rest easy.
The majority of infant deaths under 5 are caused by drowning.
The problem is that little ones are very naturally drawn to water and it can happen in less than a minute.

The only unreasonable thing you've done OP is allowing him to be cared for in a house with an open pond in the first place.
I hope he's none the worse for it but you need to be able to insist on what you think is safe for your child - even if that means finding alternate childcare.

@momager1
Let's hope you never live to regret your arrogant and very ignorant attitude.

YANBU. I refused to stay with ILs until they fenced off their ridiculous spiral staircase (a standard stair gate wouldn’t do the job). They had stone floors and 10 foot high ceilings. I ignored the ‘ill watch them’ pleas. Took them 6 months. I wasn’t risking it. And I filled our pond in before DC were born.

I haven't read the whole thread but what I would say is that I'd be proactive is finding where to get covers for ponds. Look them up on Amazon, not too difficult to order. I'd then let Pil's know what you've found and let them know you wouldn't be happy if the pond wasn't covered before your Lil's next visit.

@tenlittlecygnets it let me sleep at night so was right for us. Rather you felt a bit sad than we were living with hideous regret (over reaction or not).

@TustedFormula

I'm going to go against the grain and say he was adequately supervised. No actual harm came to him.

Absolutely. My DS fell in a shallow stream years ago when he was about 16 months old. He was toddling next to DH and slipped into the water . Since DH was about a step away from him he just picked DS up as soon as he fell in ..Yes DS got wet and was shocked and cried but it never occurred to me that he could have drowned with DH within arm's reach in a stream that was ankle deep. Obviously if DS had been alone and had fallen in, even in shallow water, I understand the dangers but since he was next to DH the danger was that he hurt himself in the fall as he might have in any fall, not that he would drown.

I am not saying the pond shouldn't be made safe that is probably a good idea regardless as otherwise it won't be safe for your DS to play in their garden without constant supervision for quite a few years which is not ideal . However this specific incident was no more dangerous than a fall in a muddy field or similar given that your DS was being closely supervised.

momager1
Sorry, im also soon to be a grandparet and im astounded by your attitude. I dont expect that I will be as sharp as I was when I had my own small children, not because of any decliing cognitive ability (im at the top of my career, which involves risk assessing professsionally) but simply because im not with them all the time so wont be as atuned as their own parents.
I suggest you read up on dry drowning as well, it isnt enough to fish them out quickly, if they have inhaled the water it could still be fatal.
And what if you were taken ill? or injured? would you expect the 3 year old to keep away from the pond then?
We have a pond, with a solid metal cover, it was a few hundred quid, stop putting your attitude before your family.