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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

292 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 20/04/2021 16:23

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 00:57

AnotherLife : "You should drive to suit yourself and your comfort zone."

Nope. I completely disagree with this.

Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 01:01

"Nervous driver also means someone who is concentrating really hard and finding driving exhausting, "

Then They should never have been allowed to pass their test

or better still we should all have regular tests. Say every 15 years, or passed a certain age and then these people would be picked up and told that their level and standard of driving was now not acceptable.

WhipperSnapperSteve · 23/04/2021 01:07

Just wanted to highlight for nervous drivers, or for drivers who want to advance their driving skills that an advanced driving course from the IAM is invaluable and one of the things it offers is early recognition of hazards and reading of other road users. I'd always considered myself a good driver but since the course several years ago I'd consider myself truly excellent - you have the likes of traffic police trainers and retired police pursuit drivers doing the course and assessment. I'd consider it invaluable and the cost is very competitive.

WrongWayApricot · 23/04/2021 01:16

@Oblomov21

"Nervous driver also means someone who is concentrating really hard and finding driving exhausting, "

Then They should never have been allowed to pass their test

or better still we should all have regular tests. Say every 15 years, or passed a certain age and then these people would be picked up and told that their level and standard of driving was now not acceptable.

Yeah, and hopefully your intolerance of nervous drivers would cost you your licence too. Part of being a good driver is being patient and anticipating others' mistakes - it's part of theory and practical tests. I've been on team 'try get out of the comfort zone' this whole thread. But with people like you bullying them off the road I can see why they're wanting to stay where they're comfortable.
Strawbfields · 23/04/2021 01:29

I hate to be that person but some of the replies on this thread really have me concerned that some of you shouldn't be driving. There has been mentions of people scared at junctions incase they go the wrong way down a one way, another poster scared that they didn't know how to safely merge onto the motorway from a slipway...Does no one else find this concerning?

Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 01:33

Apricot Bullying? Hmm
I think your'll find that the view that many drivers are not fit to drive, and the suggestion that the DVLA make all drivers take another re-test, is suggested on nearly every mn thread re driving.

Strawbfields · 23/04/2021 01:33

@Oblomov21

"Nervous driver also means someone who is concentrating really hard and finding driving exhausting, "

Then They should never have been allowed to pass their test

or better still we should all have regular tests. Say every 15 years, or passed a certain age and then these people would be picked up and told that their level and standard of driving was now not acceptable.

@Oblomov21 I totally agree with you on this one. All to often I drive by both men and woman who should not be on our roads. Over cautious drivers who take too long to make a decision are what causes accidents, drivers who drive too slow cause road rage incidents etc etc. What's wrong with being a good driver who sticks to the speed limits and follows the rules of the road. When you're stuck behind an over cautious/slow driving car it's extremely off putting and distracting for other drivers.
Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 01:34

I do Straw.

Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 01:41

Plus Apricot, you are completely missing my point.
Why would I lose my licence? On what grounds?
I am well aware thank you on what good driving is. On what for example, the theory tests, hazards, and our expectations of other drivers.

My son is sitting his theory next week.

But there is a very big difference between that , which is normal, and legal, required by law. And what I was referring to, which is that Some drivers were so anxious, that they are not fit to drive.

I'm struggling to understand how you can dispute that.

WrongWayApricot · 23/04/2021 02:02

Oblomov21 - I told you why, because you should be able to be tolerant of other road users. Like I said, it's part of the requirements for passing your test.

"hopefully your intolerance of nervous drivers would cost you your licence too." is what I said.

I don't dispute that some are too nervous to drive, I dispute your attitude towards people you have deemed nervous drivers. You said they make you crazy, sounds like road rage to me. I'd rather share the road with nervous than intolerant and crazy.

echt · 23/04/2021 02:17

Over cautious drivers who take too long to make a decision are what causes accidents

Ridiculous generalisation

drivers who drive too slow cause road rage incidents

No they don't, people are responsible for their one feelings and actions

What's wrong with being a good driver who sticks to the speed limits and follows the rules of the road

The speed limit is advice not to exceed, not a target to be achieved.

When you're stuck behind an over cautious/slow driving car it's extremely off putting and distracting for other drivers

However off-putting it might be for you, I don't see how it distracts other drivers.

echt · 23/04/2021 02:18

own, not one.

Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 02:31

Not once did I encourage aggressive driving! Or road rage. ie actually taking action against another driver.

Being hacked off, and saying for example 'for Pete's sake' under your breath, when you've been following a dithery old driver driving 25 on a 40 or 50 mph stretch for miles, is hardly affecting anyone else!

I don't think the Highway Code categorically states that you have to be tolerant to drivers who actually aren't fit to drive.

FlattestWhite · 23/04/2021 07:45

I don't think some of you really understand fear. It doesn't matter that I've never not got on to a motorway from a slip road, or gone the wrong way on a one way street, it's still stressful that these things are possibilities. Yes obviously I have taken extra lessons, done things to help with anxiety etc, but none of that is actually a magic bullet that stops someone being nervous about it. I know how to merge but it doesn't stop the fear that one day there won't be enough of a gap. Or that the drivers on the motorway will think they've left enough of a gap but that I don't think it's big enough so don't take it, and then be left without one. I know that it shouldn't happen, but it doesn't mean it won't, or that I'm not afraid of it.

I know what one way signs look like. But it also doesn't stop me worrying that I could have missed something - has no-one ever missed any signs of any description? It's always a possibility. And if you've driven across the country and are in a new city centre in an old town with small narrow roads, like Cambridge or Stamford or Bath or something, and you turn where you think, and find a tiny road with cars parked on the pavements and one way signs on the nearby streets, it's not beyond the possibility that you might have missed something!

Yawnthisway · 23/04/2021 08:01

I think it’s ok to limit yourself as long as you know you wouldn’t fall apart if you had to do it.

So I don’t drive at busy times because I hate heavy traffic , it reminds me of a terrible commute I used to do and I find it quite tiring to drive in. but if I hit a traffic jam I just grit my teeth and get on with it. I don’t feel the need to force myself to drive in heavy traffic for the sake of practise.

If you avoid motorways how would you react if you accidentally turned onto one or got diverted onto one? If you literally couldn’t cope and couldn’t drive to the next junction safely you shouldn’t be driving.

Similarly if you don’t drive in dark if your journey took longer than you thought and suddenly it’s dark would you not be able to or would you just curse under your breath and get on with it?

I don’t often need to drive in unfamiliar places and I sometimes feel nervous when I need to, but it’s normally more the worry of being late if I need to be there for specific time or not finding parking at the end of the journey

BoredatHome321 · 23/04/2021 08:13

@echt there's a reason you can fail your driving test for driving too slow...

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2021 08:31

My gut instinct is someone who is genuinely fearful of entirely normal driving experiences is probably an overly hesitant driver in their comfort zone as well.

I think a lot of competent drivers might get a little nervous doing something or somewhere new for the first time, but they wouldn't be scared or fearful or drive in a way that is hesitant and unpredictable for other road users.

Those in the unduly hesitant and nervous camp seem to think that they are cautious and safe drivers, responsible for staying in their limits (which can mean anything from a competent driver having a reasonable preference to drive at quiet times through to an unreasonably fearful driver only having set routes, set areas and dawdling along under the illusion this makes them safer and competent). Meanwhile they view everyone else is overconfident, impatient, and unreasonable for expecting fellow road users to go at empty junctions, not stop at empty roundabouts, drive at a speed that is appropriate for the road and conditions, etc.

Allwokedup · 23/04/2021 08:42

@echt um no it is target to be achieved that’s why it’s set at 30. You are expected to drive at 30 otherwise you cause traffic/accidents. You can get a ticket for driving too slow. I agree the limits shouldn’t be exceeded but you should drive the limit.

WrongWayApricot · 23/04/2021 08:47

Oblomov21 - from the highway code;

147
Be considerate. Be careful of and considerate towards all types of road users, especially those requiring extra care (see Rule 204).

try to be understanding if other road users cause problems; they may be inexperienced or not know the area well.

be patient; remember that anyone can make a mistake.
do not allow yourself to become agitated or involved if someone is behaving badly on the road. This will only make the situation worse.

Pull over, calm down and, when you feel relaxed, continue your journey.

slow down and hold back if a road user pulls out into your path at a junction. Allow them to get clear. Do not over-react by driving too close behind to intimidate them.

apooagnuandyou · 23/04/2021 08:53

@Oblomov21

"Nervous driver also means someone who is concentrating really hard and finding driving exhausting, "

Then They should never have been allowed to pass their test

or better still we should all have regular tests. Say every 15 years, or passed a certain age and then these people would be picked up and told that their level and standard of driving was now not acceptable.

what a ridiculous post.

Many young drivers ARE extremely nervous when they start driving after their test, that's absolutely normal. And frankly, when you see the young reckless idiots, I'd rather a nervous driver who is careful!

The only near miss I ever had were because of over-confident drivers! If someone is nervous, I don't really notice so much, because they are not zooming past me, overtaking on the wrong lane on the motorway, coming straight at me because they are on MY side of the road.

I also have a special hatred of "confident" drivers who don't know a road and can't accept that others are slowing down in some areas.
Sometimes it's because we KNOW. We know that we're coming to an extremely dangerous blind bend where cars end up on the wrong side of the road and there are fatal accidents too regularly...

apooagnuandyou · 23/04/2021 08:54

or better still we should all have regular tests. Say every 15 years, or passed a certain age and then these people would be picked up and told that their level and standard of driving was now not acceptable.

not a bad idea.

I bet some of the "confident" drivers would get a nasty reality check when they fail Grin even if they would stick to speed limit for once!

BoredatHome321 · 23/04/2021 08:55

@WrongWayApricot I get that. But being "inexperienced and not knowing the area well" is different to being a nervous driver..

I do get frustrated when people are driving 5-10mph below the speed limit, like I said, there's a reason you can fail your driving test for driving too slow.

apooagnuandyou · 23/04/2021 08:58

drivers who drive too slow cause road rage incidents

If someone goes into road rage because of a slow driver, they shouldn't be allowed on the road at all.

Sometimes the traffic is slow. It happens. Leave earlier if you are in a rush.

Sometimes there are cyclist on the road (I am not a fan but still). You can't safely overtake them all instantly. Sometimes it's tractors. Sometimes it's a pot hole hell, sometimes there's a dangerous junction.
So YOU might think you want to drive faster, but there's a reason why the driver in front of you or the traffic is not.

And I say that as someone who might possibly drive a tad faster than the speed limit on occasion ...

Accidents are caused by idiots who do not pay attention or are overconfident in their limit capacities. Not by slower drivers.

apooagnuandyou · 23/04/2021 09:00

When someone drives 5mph slower than speed limit, I usually translate it as someone who is hanging on to his last free points...

Fizbosshoes · 23/04/2021 09:08

We were behind a funeral cortege recently and an impatient twat of a driver (who would easily have seen the hearse - there were no vans or taller vehicles between) couldnt wait a few minutes and overtook about 6 cars on the wrong side of the road and traffic island.