To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

The dartford crossing is absolutely hideous for the amount of signage and road "furniture". It literally bombards you with multiple pieces of information, while funneling from 6 lanes into 4 Height of tunnel, change in speed limit, occassional traffic lights, dart charge tariff, instructions for paying dart charge, instructions for HGVs, probably a few cones thrown in for good measure

Dartford crossing isn't that bad. I did it in a driving lesson and Dartford tunnel on the way back and found it fairly ok.

I've been driving over 10 years and I still wouldn't drive through central London.

I could have written this post myself. I feel bad/silly about my self imposed restrictions but I can't see a way to change. I'm just too nervous and not confident. It's the thing I hate most about myself and wish I could change.

@LadyOfLittleLeisure

I've been driving over 10 years and I still wouldn't drive through central London.

I bet 90% of the people boasting about driving anywhere wouldn’t. It’s easy to get overconfident and cocky when you don’t have much driving experience - I imagine the people who are putting up limits or hesitating actually have more experience with a wider variety of roads.

It seems to be very common for female drivers to say "Ooh, I couldn't drive at night/in the snow/on the motorway/on unknown country lanes" but men do seem to just get on with it.

That is just one example of men taking more risks on average than women. Which contributes to men having and causing more serious and fatal accidents than women.

Central London is fine actually.

There are many countries where I would never ever take the wheel!
To this day I still don't know how people manage.

@apooagnuandyou

Central London is fine actually.

There are many countries where I would never ever take the wheel!
To this day I still don't know how people manage.

Yes. I was so confused when my sil told me her driving lessons in India involved her driving at slow speed around cones, getting criticised for observations, and doing random emergency stops randomly. But it all made sense when she took me for a drive because in the city thats pretty much all you can do due to the traffic.

I bet 90% of the people boasting about driving anywhere wouldn’t. It’s easy to get overconfident and cocky when you don’t have much driving experience - I imagine the people who are putting up limits or hesitating actually have more experience with a wider variety of roads.

Driving in central London unless it isn't a busy time is normally easy as you won't be going very fast.

Just expect to go back on yourself as one or more diversion signs will be pointing slightly in the wrong direct.

I bet 90% of the people boasting about driving anywhere wouldn’t. It’s easy to get overconfident and cocky when you don’t have much driving experience - I imagine the people who are putting up limits or hesitating actually have more experience with a wider variety of roads

People who only go certain places and use certain roads have more experience on a wider variety of roads than people who don't have a list of approved roads?
People who drive lots of places have less variety of experience than people who don't drive lots of places and this lack of experience makes them cocky?

How on earth do you conclude that? There's some mental gymnastics going on there.

I don't particularly like driving in unfamiliar City centres, plus parking is usually a ballache so it's easier to park and ride. If I had a work event the required me to drive to a city centre venue, or through a city centre then I would because I'm a competent driver and I'd give myself time in case I got lost of made a wrong turn. I've had to give lifts to colleagues at times because they 'don't do' motorways or new places though.

I'd say I've got more experience of driving in a variety of roads than the colleague who only does their familiar local routes on familiar local roads. It's not being a cocky driver, it's a fact of driving places other than familiar local routes on familiar local roads.

I also passed my test 2 years ago and had a baby immediately afterwards so was on mat leave for a year (which changes your driving habits) and then there was a global pandemic and I have mainly been staying at home!
I can relate to your post but I think now is the ideal time for us to start building up that experience and getting out of our driving comfort zones. Where I live there are no motorways for over 100 miles, I am hoping 2021 will be my year to drive a little further afield and try that out. I am not an overly cautious driver but I am probably more risk averse than your average driver, and I feel that is ok. But with experience I am getting better at driving, and I am hoping that driving more often will help with my overall confidence.

I am not mad keen on driving around busy city centres I don't know, so would look into park and rides or public transport especially if parking was a bit scarce.
Other than that I just drive wherever is requires. I use the motorway for work and a lot of back and forth with DS at Uni.

I drove in LA and wouldn't be keen to repeat that particularly, getting off a long haul flight straight onto the freeway looking for the hotel not much fun.

When I hear about people who won't drive on motorways/ who avoid right turns/avoid roundabouts etc, I do find myself wondering if they are competent drivers even in their comfort zone. I tend to picture someone who's a nervous driver in general, and I wouldn't be comfortable being their passenger.

I do get it. I avoided motorways for the first year after I got my own car (four years after I passed my test, and with little practice driving over that period). But I recognised that I needed to get over it, and fortunately, the boyfriend who would turn out to be my husband, encouraged me and sat in the passenger seat to help guide me on (the bit I didn't like) until I grew in confidence.

But I really don't think that avoiding these things over a long period is a good idea, and as I say, I wouldn't feel confident riding with someone who would only take certain familiar routes. I'd question their ability to deal with any incident.

@Wanderlust20
Same here. I hate myself for the limits i put on myself

I'll also talk myself of driving if i can walk or get bus.i love walking and it feels wrong driving to the school for example. Most people don't think this way though once they pass their test and drive everywhere, even short distances.
I do sometimes congratulate myself at the achievements in have made. And in fairness i have come a long way in some respects.
I still dont willingly just jump in the car to a new place though,unless i really have to. Its something perhaps i have to push myself to do. Im thinking maybe try a new place each week.

saraclara
My driving instructor said something similar to me when I was a nervous learner. He was very much of the view that you get competent across the board before doing your test, not aim to scrape a pass after spending weeks driving the likely routes from your local test centre. It took me longer to pass but when I read these sorts of threads I get increasingly convinced his philosophy was a good one.

I bet 90% of the people boasting about driving anywhere wouldn’t. It’s easy to get overconfident and cocky when you don’t have much driving experience - I imagine the people who are putting up limits or hesitating actually have more experience with a wider variety of roads

This makes no sense at all!

I don't limit my driving much if at all. I'll drive on all UK roads, and am comfortable driving off-road as long as the vehicle is up to the terrain. I will drive on snow and ice (I often drive on snowy ungritted roads in winter, so I fit winter tyres to my car, adjust my speed and driving style, and carry snow chains), and I'll driven abroad plenty of times. I have a large van as well as a car, although I am cautious when I park the van as it's harder to manoeuvre in tight spaces.

The only places I would be wary of driving are places like overseas cities where the traffic is just chaos. Also, I am cautious in cars that are new to me (e.g. a hire car) and will spend time figuring out where all the controls are before I start actually driving it.

But you're claiming that I probably have less varied driving experience than someone who won't go on a motorway, and limits themselves to driving a specific route to the local shops and back? Bizarre.

@LolaSmiles

saraclara My driving instructor said something similar to me when I was a nervous learner. He was very much of the view that you get competent across the board before doing your test, not aim to scrape a pass after spending weeks driving the likely routes from your local test centre. It took me longer to pass but when I read these sorts of threads I get increasingly convinced his philosophy was a good one.

I agree with this. My instructor took a similar approach and I think it stood me in good stead.

I think yab a little u.

I have my preferences when driving - give me central London over a national speed limit winding country Lane at night any day - but I wouldn't inconvenience myself to avoid them.

I have a friend who cannot reverse, not sure how she passed her test, but on a couple of occasions she had caused a traffic jam because she cannot reverse any distance. I don't think she is alone, I recently had to reverse a Chelsea tractor (having never driven anything bigger than a Golf before) outside my DC's school because the fellow school mum couldn't do it herself and she hadn't realised the road was now a school road and she wasn't allowed to drive down there (she also always parks on the yellow zig zags which makes me hoick my judgy pants up).

The thing is, even confident drivers have their preferred routes.

I used to be an anxious driver, hated motorways, let H do all that kind of driving, while i pootled around happily on A/B roads.. i could get most places if i didnt have to use the motorway.

Then H and i separated, and if i needed to go places, or take my mom, then the only person driving was either to bother my brother, or for me to do it.. so i had to get off my ass, and get on the motorway that i had driven on once in 20 years of driving.

3 years down the line i don't know why i was ever scared, i can pretty much get anywhere.. and sure, going somewhere new/unfamiliar is still nerve racking, but i trust my sat nav and my driving skills.

All i'll say to the nervous drivers who have their little routes.. take the time to vary them, go exploring, just.. little trips, one junction on the motorway and back again.. because i'd hate for you to be in the same situation i was.

I can understand where you are coming from op and agree with you.

Within my limits, I’m perfectly capable. I quite happily drive around my local area, to the shops, garage etc. When my son started doing sport in neighbouring towns, and further away places, then I stepped outside my comfort zone and drove him there.

However, some of the away games involved motorways. I knew I wouldn’t be happy doing those routes, so either dh then drove or he got lifts. I am aware that it limits me in some ways, but at the same time it doesn’t stop me. For further distance, I catch the train!

btw, i dont necessarily agree with the manual/automatic thing.. i own 2 cars, one of each.. the manual is more tactile and fun to drive, the automatic comes in handy on days i'm in pain (i have arthritis in my hip).. but i drive either just as well as the other.

After being in lockdown and having time to reflect on how I go about doing long journeys, I don't think I am going to drive on a smart motorway again. I am a confident driver but I get worried about driving on smart motorways now we have 2 small kids. I just don't think we could get them out of their car seats fast enough if we broke down outside of a refuge point. Just writing about this makes me feel a bit sick.

I bet 90% of the people boasting about driving anywhere wouldn’t. It’s easy to get overconfident and cocky when you don’t have much driving experience - I imagine the people who are putting up limits or hesitating actually have more experience with a wider variety of roads
What does this even mean?
After driving around Kiev Tirana and Singapore usually as a lone female driver has given me a wide range of driving experiences. Admittedly theres some I'd rather forget but I'd say I'm a confident driver. So too would my many female middle aged friends who have done and still do similar. I'm prepared to say if have a go at driving anywhere!
Those places make Central London look like an Asda car park!

@notacooldad our Asda car park is a multi storey. Designed by someone who can never have designed one before. It is quite terrifying as the up and down ramps are next to each other and when going down you can’t see the cars coming up until they are inches from you. I was in it today, it was horrible. If you have a passenger they can look down and see if anything’s coming but on my own today.

@maddathanmad yes, I can relate!

If I can get a train or walk, I will. I'm about to have a baby and I feel I really need to snap out of this but at the same time do worry I'll be even more nervous driving with a baby in the car!

Wonder if anyone else has felt that having kids has forced them to drive more? I guess it might be more noticeable when they're teens and want shuttled about!