To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

[quote Wanderlust20]@maddathanmad yes, I can relate!

If I can get a train or walk, I will. I'm about to have a baby and I feel I really need to snap out of this but at the same time do worry I'll be even more nervous driving with a baby in the car!

Wonder if anyone else has felt that having kids has forced them to drive more? I guess it might be more noticeable when they're teens and want shuttled about![/quote]
I was used to driving a lot for work but it took on a whole new dimension when the DC were preteen/teens. Lots of driving to unknown houses with just a postcode for guidance, then the return journey in the dark to pick them up.
Junior football with a strange location every week, not knowing if there would even be anywhere to park when you got there. Such a relief when it was a home match!

Sparklingbrook
Ha those car parks aren't great.
I had my first crash in that style of car park 3 days after I passed my test.
Learning curves and all that!!😂😂

@notacooldad

Sparklingbrook Ha those car parks aren't great. I had my first crash in that style of car park 3 days after I passed my test. Learning curves and all that!!😂😂

I hate the low ceilings and the very tight bends. I think multi storey car parks should be part of the driving test. One at the other side of the town has a spiral of doom to get out. It’s incredibly tight and there’s paint from cars all over the walls. 😬

My mum won’t drive to my house. It drives me mad. There’s times it would be nice for her to come and see me occasionally

To all those saying they won't go out of their comfort zone what is your actual fear? What frightens you?
I am genuinely curious as I have fears but put my self in situations where I have to cope and then find that, actually things were OK.
For example first time I drove abroad "wrong side of the road" as us Brits call it
Or first time driving 8 hrs to another part of the country.
Please note, I'm not being critical. I have form for putting myself in challenging situations and then being pleasantly surprised that I'm ok!

I passed my test when I was 19 (8 years ago) and within an hour of passing and having my insurance in place, I drove up the motorway for 30 or so miles and then back home. I didn't want to put it off and then have a complex about it. My MIL on the other hand drives a gorgeous top of the range SUV with all the bells and whistles yet has never and will never drive out of town which to me is just absolutely bonkers.

Personally if I wasn't going to drive out of town on any kind of highway with a speed limit above 40, I'd either drive a smart car or ride a Vespa if I absolutely had to drive, otherwise I'd use public transport. To me, the whole point of having your license and car is having the freedom to go where you want, when you want. I cannot imagine confining myself to stay within a 10 mile or so radius in my town. That's just my opinion though, each to their own.

I think you should do what you are comfortable with and what you find acceptable. There are no rights and wrongs here.

If you fear was stopping you from driving somewhere you really wanted to go, that might be different. But you seem happy with the freedom you have gained from driving and don’t want to push past your comfort zone. That is totally fair enough, and good for you for learning to drive.

I’ve been driving 26 years. Still don’t particularly like driving on unfamiliar motorways or in big cities with lots of complicated lanes and exits. I do it only if I have to. Also hate driving abroad or for journeys of more than a couple of hours.

Also, in 2018 I had a pretty bad smash (my first ever) on a busy motorway 2 days before Christmas. When I got my curtesy car, the first thing I did was drive up to the point of the accident and back again.

Motorway driving is a breeze if you stick to the speed limit, don't hog the middle lane and generally stick to the rules of the road. OP please don't limit yourself.

No-one should push themselves to drive in places or under conditions where they don't feel safe. It's really nobody else's business. I'll go out of my way to avoid certain spots and situations, because they terrify me. I still manage to get where I need to go.

And as for whether it's men or women who impose limits on their own driving wills and won'ts, who cares?! Why does it matter? If you think all women should be willing to drive anywhere any man would drive, then live up to that challenge yourself, but it's stupid to impose that demand on any other woman. That's your own personal hang-up.

Actually, I've picked up a few good alternate routes/workarounds from my husband. Is he not a real man because he sometimes avoids stressful and dangerous spots on the road, when possible?

@notacooldad

To all those saying they won't go out of their comfort zone what is your actual fear? What frightens you? I am genuinely curious as I have fears but put my self in situations where I have to cope and then find that, actually things were OK. For example first time I drove abroad "wrong side of the road" as us Brits call it Or first time driving 8 hrs to another part of the country. Please note, I'm not being critical. I have form for putting myself in challenging situations and then being pleasantly surprised that I'm ok!

My fear is there not being a gap to get into on the motorway, or there being one but I don't think it's big enough and panic and miss it, and then end up stopping somehow on the slip road, or squeezing in where there isn't room and getting squashed.

Or in a spiral roundabout, not understanding which lane feeds into which for the various exit, and ending up cutting someone off or being in their lane and either getting hit or scraping them. You can't always see from the markings where the lanes go, and sometimes there is local knowledge about how the lanes work. Lots of times the paint has totally worn off and it's really hard to figure out where you are meant to be.

I worry about complicated junctions, panicking and getting confused and being honked at on all sides for being in the wrong lane or not seeing where I'm supposed to turn to do something, not understanding some odd-looking junction or turning, fear that I am somehow on the wrong side or whatever, and panicking more. I fear missing a sign that it's a one-way street or something, or that it's a steep narrow hill or something that I will find it really hard to turn around on and get out of if I'm wrong. I worry about missing signs somehow, thinking that surely my sat nav can't mean I should turn in there, that can't be a proper road, that must be blocked off or only at certain times of day, that looks like it should be for pedestrians, buses etc. It's worry more than reality, but it's still really stressful.

I worry about my judgement being wrong and that I'll pull in front of something going faster than I think, because I worry about holding traffic up behind me waiting for a big enough gap to turn across.

But mostly slip roads. No matter how many times I do them, I'm sure that one of these times, there won't be a gap.

@notacooldad
I agree with @FlattestWhite
I fear all of those things, except maybe the roundabouts bit.
As a passenger I'm great at navigating and think its so easy reading road signs.but as a driver its waaay different.
Junctions are sometimes complicated. Im terrified i will end up going down the road the wrong way!blocking someone. The list is endless. Cars beeping me.
Parking is stressful( but definitely getting better)
As for ferrying kids to activities well one of mine now does football. Luckily DH mostly does it but im very anxious about the weeks when i go myself and then theres the parking and me being stuck or something embarrassing.
Its not enjoyable.

Hesitant, nervous drivers are dangerous drivers.

My confidence took a serious hit when i failed my test (4x ) for very minor things that should have been easy to avoid but I had to prove to myself that I could do it.

When I finally passed I realised how much I actually hate driving. I don't need to go any further than A-B.

Maybe they are,but only because the people behind the hesitant driver are angry and impatient.

@Maddathanmad

Maybe they are,but only because the people behind the hesitant driver are angry and impatient.

Not at all. All drivers are expected to keep up with the speed of traffic. Dawdling, flappy drivers who can’t do that shouldn’t be on the road.

You’re hurtling around in half a ton of metal you are not confident you can control? Get some more lessons! You’re a danger to yourself and others.

I know it’s totally unreasonable but I cannot bear women who are timid/reluctant drivers. It does the rest of us no favours. You need to crack on woman! There is no reason for you not to be confident - you passed your test like the rest of us, and more pertinently, I suspect, are probably a better driver than the many men who would never dream of being anything but overconfident in their own driving g ability. How can we take on sexism whilst our young people are hearing and seeing women say they can’t park when it’s busy/drive on a motorway/deviate from well-known routes. Swallow your fears and don’t let ANYONE say women are not as good drivers as men. Blimey, I did not know I felt THAT strongly about it. I need a gin.

@Holly60 that's your hang up.

I challenge sexism in lots of different ways everyday. I don't need to do anything to prove myself to a man.

My vagina doesn't cause my irrational anxiety.

@MasterBeth

Hesitant, nervous drivers are dangerous drivers.

Agreed.

Nervous drivers are unpredictable. If they're driving too slowly for the road, or dithering before making decisions about where they're going/changing their minds at the last minute about what lane they should be in, they can cause accidents.
If they drive too slowly on the slip road to join a motorway, they cause the traffic behind them to be too slow to safely join it themselves.
If they end up in the wrong lane at a roundabout and have to leave it at the 'wrong' exit, they cause accidents.

Anyone as anxious about as many aspects of driving as some people here have listed, either shouldn't be driving at all, or needs to take another driving course to build their confidence.

[quote EvilOnion]@Holly60 that's your hang up.

I challenge sexism in lots of different ways everyday. I don't need to do anything to prove myself to a man.

My vagina doesn't cause my irrational anxiety.[/quote]
this did make me giggle. That might also be the gin.

I wish I could just get more lessons to help me figure out motorways - unfortunately our nearest is 170 miles away!

@FlattestWhite totally agree my worry is slip roads and there not being room to get on. Speeding up is the opposite of what you do at other junctions. If only all the slip roads became the inside lane it would be easy!

I also find the motorway is a lot to visually process especially anticipating the actions of the other drivers - I worry that if they indicate to pull out they won't see me and will pull out into me. As a passenger I have seen a lot people driving like dicks on motorways!

I am a good (fast and responsive) driver but avoid motorways.

I'm not a particularly strong swimmer so similarly I would happily swim in my local pool but wouldn't swim in open water as I have not practiced that and it could endanger me or others.

I know it’s totally unreasonable but I cannot bear women* PEOPLE* who are timid/reluctant drivers.

There! Fixed that for you, just in case your internalised misogyny was giving you some issues.

Nervous drivers are unpredictable. If they're driving too slowly for the road, or dithering before making decisions about where they're going/changing their minds at the last minute about what lane they should be in, they can cause accidents.
If they drive too slowly on the slip road to join a motorway, they cause the traffic behind them to be too slow to safely join it themselves.
If they end up in the wrong lane at a roundabout and have to leave it at the 'wrong' exit, they cause accidents.

that's a lot of "if" and even more confusion about "nervous" and "bad driver".

Nervous driver also means someone who is concentrating really hard and finding driving exhausting,

as opposed to "confident" driver being so confident they get distracted by music, food, conversation, don't bother respecting the rules let alone common sense, zig zag through high-speed traffic, so confident they are on the phone and kill people.

know it’s totally unreasonable but I cannot bear women who are timid/reluctant drivers. It does the rest of us no favours. You need to crack on woman!

What a lot of bollocks. If you are not confident enough in yourself that you feel diminished because someone doesn't drive, you need to work on yourself and your own confidence.

I can't stand people who come up with that "sisterhood" crap.

Did they really say that? On another thread?

I adore driving, and passed shortly after my 17th birthday. I still love driving. I am very intolerant of poor drivers. It drives me crazy. Normally very anxious slow drivers. Ruins it for me.