Do you judge women who stay with men who don't see their children?

[BlatantPineapple]

A close friends situation got me thinking about this sort of thing...

Basically her Dad has older children from before she was born who he never sees and she has never met.

He has been married to her Mum for a long time now and she has two brothers. She says he's always been a good Dad to them but I know she finds it strange that she has siblings out there somewhere who she has no idea about.

Whenever she mentions it I just can't help but feel really sorry for his older children. How hurtful it must be to know your Dad is a good father to other children but never bothered with you.

I also wondered how I'd feel as his wife (my friends Mum). I don't think I'd be able to be with a Man who did that, would you? Would you judge a woman who was with a man who'd abandoned and never seen his children?

I would not be able to understand how a woman would want to have children with a man who has form form abandoning children. I would judge, yes. But I would judge the man more.

I'd absolutely judge, one of my best friends would be in the "children who were abandoned" side of your story. It had a terrible effect on her growing up and well into adulthood tbh especially since he lived quite locally with his new family

Yep. And those who refuse to pay any maintenance.

Yes, I would judge the fuck out of both of them.

Has he never bothered though? Does the other children’s mum stop contact maybe? Moved away etc? There may be a lot more to the story.

Yeah to be honest 😬

Yes, 100%. It's disgusting and I couldn't be in a relationship with that kind of scumbag.

Hmmm well I know one Dad whose ex was an expert in child alienation (she actually had other serious MH conditions) and even the SS/Cafcass officer at the time could not convince the DC that their Mum was being untruthful about facts such as their Dad paying maintenance.

The other Dads I know of that don't see their DC are just utterly feckless.

My point is your never know the real truth of what went on.

I wouldn't judge until I knew the story. For all they know the mother could have taken the kids abroad and he might have no idea where they are.

I don’t think women are accountable for the behaviour of their partners, so no. If a man is a bad father, that’s on him. Not on a woman who has no independent connection to the children in question.

My ex lied about having kids but I wouldn’t of knowingly gotten together with someone with children seen or unseen.

I think that’s a bit too simplistic to be fair without knowing the full story - it’s possible the mother avoided contact too.

Yes, if they have made no attempts too.

Family member of mine didn’t see his kids for a year - not through choice. He had to fight tooth and nail through courts to get access and never skipped paying his due even when their mother made some horrific claims against him (proven to be false!) and the court fees cost five figures.

I know a couple who stay with men who don’t see other kids, they kid themselves by saying that if they split up they wouldn’t do the same and its all down to the mother. Yet these men don’t even show any sort of willing, like putting money away for the kids or sending birthday gifts etc for those kids they aren’t allowed to see - utter crap.

I would not be able to understand how a woman would want to have children with a man who has form form abandoning children.

How do you know that all men in this situation abandon their children? My uncle tried and tried for years to keep contact with his son. But his ex wife was an evil bitch and wouldn’t let him. He would have done anything to see him.

5 posts until we hit "she took the fucking kids" payload.

Brilliant. 👍

Why is your thread premise to judge women, OP? It's not the women who abandon their children, never to see them again, it's men.

And what 'judging' do you do? Tutting? Eye-rolling? Throwing rotten tomatoes? Is it useful?

All men in that situation say that their ex doesn't let them see the kids. More often than not that's bullshit.

Do you know all of the facts & the reason he doesn't see his other children? Or are you just passing judgment based on what you assume to be true?.

Yep. But of course he'll be different with your children

I judge people by the company they keep so yes.
If you can love someone who you know abandoned their children you're as fucked up as they are.

Posted too soon;

The best thing that women can do it not to procreate with these men. Take what you want and then dump them for somebody who doesn't dump their children.

Absolutely judge them yes

There is a dad at my dc’s school who has left his partner with whom he has two dc and has raised another from a baby (so 3 kids) and has gotten with another mother from the school who has her children.

He has now rejected all contact with his children and completely cut off everything from his adopted child.

When he’s picking up his gf’s kids from the school, he ignores his kids

I absolutely judge him for it and find him a complete bastard

My maternal grandfather has two children, born before my mum, who I don’t know anything about, except that they exist. My mum is 60 now and he has been a brilliant dad, grandad and great grandad who dotes on all of us. I find it all really strange that he can have that relationship with us but nothing to do with his other children.

I’d love to know the truth about it all but I’m not sure even my mum knows 🤨

I’d wonder what the back story was before judging, and I wouldn’t automatically blame the man.