Today I discovered that some utter scumbag has manged to obtain my bank details and spent my money on betting sites over the course of a day. This money was the deposit for my wedding.
Obviously I am dealing with getting my money back, and the other stuff you have to when this happens, but this asshole will probably just get away with it.
So, i've spent my lunch coming up with imaginative curses to wish upon him.
I curse him to always drop his toast topping side down on the hairiest patch of carpet.
To always be 1 digit out on the lottery numbers.
To get explosive diarrhoea whenever he's in a high stakes situation, like meeting a pretty girl, or a job interview.
To get intense crotch itches whenever hes chopping chillies, so that he ends up with fire crotch.
To never get an erection when he needs/wants one, but to always have one when he does not, like at a funeral, or a school or playground.
For his trousers to always be just a little bit too small and short, no matter how well they fit in the shop.
If you have anymore, I would welcome them.