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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my boyfriend's ex using his Netflix?

180 replies

Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 10:45

Been dating boyfriend for around 10 months. Being a lockdown couple we watch a lot of films together.

A while ago I deactivated my Netflix because I just don't watch it enough. I know he has an account, (the one you pay the most for and you can have multiple people also watching) He told me just his sister watches it too.

I've been asking him to let me use his account for a while but he's been changing the subject, I've been starting to think this was really odd because he's usually so generous and we share many things. I started to have a weird feeling so I outright asked him who watches it other than his sister, he said nobody.

This weekend at mine he asked me to pick the film, I said I wanted to watch a film that was on Netflix, he tried to search for it on other platforms but it was just on netflix so eventually he signed in to his account so we could watch it.

He made me an account and left it signed it so I've just checked the other accounts and there's another account other than his sister. I googled the username and it matches his ex.

They broke up about 10 months ago and from social media she seems very happy in a relationship. To my knowledge they aren't still friends (he's literally never mentioned her)

I'm going to ask him outright who the other profile is but AIBU for being pissed off?

I knew something was wrong because sharing a Netflix account when you're in a relationship is surely not a big deal? And he made it a big deal. He only let me reluctantly. And he outright lied.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 19/04/2021 13:59

I am wary of people who routinely lie. I think it doesn't bode well - people do it to avoid being accountable for things they've done wrong, or because they want to duck uncomfortable conversations. Either way it's disrespectful and makes you wonder what else they will hide if they are going to lie over a really trivial issue.
I'd also be wondering now why he was so shifty over logging in and tried to find the film on all other platforms first. I think he's made this feel shady.
I also don't think OP is unreasonable to ask her bf to use his own account at her house to watch something that he wants to watch. Or should she be keeping an account just in case her boyfriend ever wants to watch it? 10 months isn't nothing if people are seeing each other frequently.
If you are sleeping with someone, you should be able to use their Netflix account and not be seen as a freeloader!

Cocomarine · 19/04/2021 14:00

Well you’re a grabby little miss, aren’t you?
OK for you to use his Netflix, but she can’t.
So you hound him over who’s on it, and then you snoop. Nice. I’d be dumping you for that crap.

MorgeMooney · 19/04/2021 14:16

I would honestly not care.

YoniAndGuy · 19/04/2021 14:23

Oh, this is one of those threads where the tone is 'decided' by a few comments and it snowballs. Later posters aren't now reading your updates, OP - they're doing a quick scan of the last page of posts, going 'Oooh goody a pile on' and adding their own. Ignore!

Ten months... hmm

I think expecting newish boyfriends not to lie about exes and what they're doing in general is... reasonable.

Chanjer · 19/04/2021 14:30

With the amount of drama you've causing over nothing, I'm surprised he needs a Netflix account.

Grin
ClarkeGriffin · 19/04/2021 21:06

I think expecting newish boyfriends not to lie about exes and what they're doing in general is... reasonable.

Yeah lying in a new relationship and hiding stuff like this is just stupid and it's just setting it up for more lying. Maybe the other posters don't mind being lied to though?

WellLarDeDar · 19/04/2021 21:12

Weird that he didn't just change his password and not tell his ex. It's probably nothing to worry about but a bit crap he didn't just tell you. Talk to him about it but try not to get upset with him. I would also be a bit miffed tbh a relationship imo is a fresh start with someone new so having his ex pop up here and there would bug me.

Jumpers268 · 19/04/2021 21:34

Ouch OP. You've received a battering on here. My ex logged into Netflix once when we were about to watch a film at his and it was his ex's account. I did cringe. I'd have cringed less if it was his account and she was still on there. Not sure why. Maybe because he couldn't afford the tenner a month to have his own one. Ha. Needless to say I changed my Prime password promptly after we split up 😂. The only way to know is to ask him. How would you react if they were still friends and messaged? We've all had our insecure, crazy moments but you just need to speak to him about it 😊.

Butchyrestingface · 19/04/2021 22:01

Is her username BabyIstillwantyou?

If not, I'd calm down.

CatFaceCats · 19/04/2021 22:19

I don’t think it’s a big deal - I’ve been split up from my ex for a year. He uses my Netflix, and I use his prime. I also use his Disney plus.
I think because we are still friends though, and no point in both if us paying separately for everything.

Holyjinglebells · 19/04/2021 22:23

I don't think you are being even slightly unreasonable! He is!

Pedalpushers · 19/04/2021 22:35

I'm also thinking it's possible it's her netflix account. Was she friends with his sister at all?

If you didn't want to watch it without him then you don't need your own account or login when he can just sign in with his, this is all so strange.

Holyjinglebells · 19/04/2021 22:59

I'm so confused that other posters don't see the issue here... It's hurtful that after 10 months together he still has an ex on his account

PurleaseSqueeze · 19/04/2021 23:00

@Holyjinglebells

I'm so confused that other posters don't see the issue here... It's hurtful that after 10 months together he still has an ex on his account
Why is it hurtful though?
sunflowertulip · 19/04/2021 23:07

I think the lying/being evasive is odd and wouldn't be happy with it. If he was upfront I wouldn't mind so much.

Macncheeseballs · 19/04/2021 23:22

Eughh, after you've split up, no more sharing, unless you've got kids

Meme69 · 19/04/2021 23:24

I split from my exDH over 3 years ago and still have a Prime (household) account that he pays for, although I also pay for my own with my new DP. My parents who live abroad use my Netflix (as do about a million of my sons friends as far as I can tell).

I get the not liking it, and him being cagey about it, but I do think it's a pretty normal thing to do nowadays. I'd rather not give huge organisations money when I can share if I'm honest.

He is probably being cagey as it's a pretty petty thing to do to kick someone off your account for no reason, but knew you wouldn't see it that way.

I get that it would annoy you though if you are a little insecure. My DP has a mortgage (on a house that he has never lived in) with his ex that he added his name to to help her out a year before we got together. It pisses me off but only because he could end up liable if she doesn't pay it.

YellowPurple · 19/04/2021 23:25

Goodness me !

You googled her Biscuit

Jobsharenightmare · 19/04/2021 23:31

He did lie. He obviously doesn't want to change his password so his ex can't use it anymore but that doesn't make it OK to pretend it was just his sister on there. Sounds like you could tell he was being off, so you have a good gut. Some people make excuses for liars. Doesn't mean you have to.

I wonder how people would feel if their ex husbands gave out passwords to former lovers. Usually it's seen as "family money" once married.

I think deactivating your account is nothing to do with this.

rwalker · 19/04/2021 23:33

It's nice to see that just because they split he's not petty and vengeful to take it off her.

VanGoghsDog · 19/04/2021 23:43

Something odd about this.

You see all the profiles and choose which one as you turn it on. Have you never seen him turn it on before?

Also, how does Googling a username give you someone's real name and Facebook page - mine wouldn't.

My ex logged into Netflix on my TV and I could have carried on using it under his account. He'd never know unless I changed the marker for a program he was watching. But when we split I got my own. He had two exes, his two sons, a mate of his son and that mate's mum on his!

If you want to shove them off you don't need an awkward conversation, just change the password!

Scarlettpixie · 20/04/2021 08:30

My ex and I still use each others Netflix and Prime accounts. Our son also uses both.

It’s been almost 3 years since we split. He lives with someone else.

I can’t see the issue with him still letting his ex use his account. However he may just have her profile on there, have changed the password and she can’t/doesn’t use it. You can’t tell that she is just because there is a profile for her.

Perhaps she made a fuss after he stopped her using it and he doesnt want the same to happen with you if you split and that’s why he doesn’t want to share. He might also think it presumptuous of you to cancel your account and decide to use his. It would have been better to ask him first!

If he lied that isn’t good but he might not be. He also may have done it to avoid a row. I think googling the user name and finding who you assume is his x on Facebook is way OTT. Why not just ask who the profile is? She might not even be an ex but if she is so what?

ScottishStottie · 20/04/2021 08:35

My dp's ex was still using his netflix when we met. Was a bit disconcerting as it was only one 'user' so things would appear in our currently watching list that she was watching. But I had no real valid reason to be annoyed by it so my solution was just to log my netflix in on all his devices, with the reasoning that its easier to just use the one account and said that he could deactivate his if he wanted. Which he agreed with.

Tbh i have a suspicion that he never cancelled his account amd for the sake of an easy life has just left it running for her to use, which is a bit strange but literally doesnt affect me at all so just chose not to give it any headspace. He's not in touch with her at all, and they split with no bad feelings so perhaps he doesnt want to make contact for this reason only.

DisneyMillie · 20/04/2021 08:36

I don’t think he should have lied but I don’t get the issue with sharing Netflix still. My exdh uses my Disney+ and I use his Netflix and we’ve been split 8 years and both remarried - we have a child together hence why we’re still in contact but we don’t use the apps for the mutual child - no big deal

grapewine · 20/04/2021 08:36

Imagine getting this worked up over a Netflix account that you're not even paying for! Newsflash: since you're not paying, it is absolutely none of your business.