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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my boyfriend's ex using his Netflix?

180 replies

Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 10:45

Been dating boyfriend for around 10 months. Being a lockdown couple we watch a lot of films together.

A while ago I deactivated my Netflix because I just don't watch it enough. I know he has an account, (the one you pay the most for and you can have multiple people also watching) He told me just his sister watches it too.

I've been asking him to let me use his account for a while but he's been changing the subject, I've been starting to think this was really odd because he's usually so generous and we share many things. I started to have a weird feeling so I outright asked him who watches it other than his sister, he said nobody.

This weekend at mine he asked me to pick the film, I said I wanted to watch a film that was on Netflix, he tried to search for it on other platforms but it was just on netflix so eventually he signed in to his account so we could watch it.

He made me an account and left it signed it so I've just checked the other accounts and there's another account other than his sister. I googled the username and it matches his ex.

They broke up about 10 months ago and from social media she seems very happy in a relationship. To my knowledge they aren't still friends (he's literally never mentioned her)

I'm going to ask him outright who the other profile is but AIBU for being pissed off?

I knew something was wrong because sharing a Netflix account when you're in a relationship is surely not a big deal? And he made it a big deal. He only let me reluctantly. And he outright lied.

How would you feel?

OP posts:

choli · 19/04/2021 12:27

Grow up for God's sake.

choli · 19/04/2021 12:30

Weird he lied about it as well, he should’ve just said something like ‘sorry, my ex is still on here but I’ll delete it now and set you a profile up’.
Why should he be "sorry" about his choices regarding his own netflix account?

Blanca87 · 19/04/2021 12:36

I have a Netflix account that your bf has and used one of the profiles for my work. I left that job and the worker who took over set up a profile with my permission, that was 4 years ago now. She has since left so I have changed my password but the profile still exist on my account even though she can’t use it anymore. I don’t know how to remove the profile either 😂.
It could just be a similar situation where she had access to it whilst they were together but he has changed the password since they split up and he can’t remove her profile?

aSofaNearYou · 19/04/2021 12:36

@choli

Weird he lied about it as well, he should’ve just said something like ‘sorry, my ex is still on here but I’ll delete it now and set you a profile up’. Why should he be "sorry" about his choices regarding his own netflix account?

Regardless of whether he should be "sorry", he should have explained it as the no big deal it was rather than turning it into a big secret he had to studiously avoid Netflix for.

bluebluezoo · 19/04/2021 12:41

How do you know it’s not her account she’s letting him use?

ClarkeGriffin · 19/04/2021 12:48

The lying is weird and he has lied. Why bother if it's no big deal? Suggests there's more to it really for him. God knows why though when it's just an account. I personally would not share an account with an ex though. All it takes is for them to change the password, then you are stuck paying for their Netflix. Whole lot of bother to get that fixed that I just can't be bothered with.

My partners ex tried this though, wanted to use our accounts to watch game of thrones because she was too cheap to pay for her own. She had also cheated on him. Some people just have no issues with being cheeky fuckers.

PasstheBucket89 · 19/04/2021 12:50

i think its a little shifty he lied, made you feel cheeky for asking but has an ex on there,

Flowersandjellybeans · 19/04/2021 12:57

None of this sounds very healthy to be honest, him not being OK with you being friends with exes on FB? That sounds massively controlling to me, nobody should dictate who another adult interacts with, I’d have run for the hills already...

But when you say you outright asked him and he lied, it does sound like you suspected something... it’s just such a huge amount of drama over a Netflix login?!

Maybe he forgot she had a login, maybe he knew you’d kick off, maybe they don’t talk but he didn’t want to make big thing by deleting her, who knows? The fact that you automatically assume deception says a lot.

And this is said with absolute kindness - I’d quit now and find a happier relationship, with someone who trusts you, you trust and you wouldn’t bat an eyelid over this kind of thing.

RolloverRollover · 19/04/2021 12:58

My DP and his ex share a Netflicks account. No big deal for me.

SpeedRunParent · 19/04/2021 12:59

I always assumed that the 'multiple devices allowance was for members of the same household to watch on tablets/tv's et al, not just anyone.

PhillipPhillop · 19/04/2021 13:00

I wouldn't worry about the 'lie', he might not have been aware. I don't have a clue whose Netflix account I use. I think it's my dd's ex's. I just click on the first name that comes up. Ditto dp. Wonder if anyone wonders who the hell we are?

ElaborateSalad · 19/04/2021 13:00

My ex uses my account. You're being very petty.

longwayoff · 19/04/2021 13:03

You are a cf. Mind your own business and pay your own bills. This kind of behaviour from a partner is a red flag. He will have noticed and be looking for the next one. Awful behaviour.

ItsNotLoveActually · 19/04/2021 13:04

I think it's odd OP. He was being evasive about logging into his Netflix account at yours and lied about who else uses it. I think it might be a case of it's actually his ex's account or he doesn't want either of you to know about each other.

aSofaNearYou · 19/04/2021 13:10

@longwayoff

You are a cf. Mind your own business and pay your own bills. This kind of behaviour from a partner is a red flag. He will have noticed and be looking for the next one. Awful behaviour.

Bit much don't you think?

I think it's really weird how much people are overplaying you asking to use his Netflix. It's surely perfectly normal to borrow someone's account when you don't use it regularly, or suggest watching something that's on there when you are with them? All these cries of "how dare you cancel yours then ask to use his" are really OTT.

An0n0n0n · 19/04/2021 13:22

Well you have a few options. Either tell him you be found her on there and see what he says and go from there. Or delete her from his account. If he doesnt knows she's on there there will be no problem?? or say nothing and let it but you.

I you should talk to him though because you do know about it now. And that will unfortunately mean owning up to poking around on the account. But i agree with you that it looks like he was being evasive so that's really the conversation and what's bothering you

hopeishere · 19/04/2021 13:27

Why did he make you an account? Why didn't he just sign into his account? That makes no sense?

You sound insecure.

Batshitkerazy · 19/04/2021 13:30

@longwayoff

You are a cf. Mind your own business and pay your own bills. This kind of behaviour from a partner is a red flag. He will have noticed and be looking for the next one. Awful behaviour.

Oh the hysteria of mumsnet

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 19/04/2021 13:36

I agree that op is getting a very hard time here! It IS weird to lie about this. I get it, couples share Netflix and people can stay signed on for months of years after they've split to and not even think about it. But that's not what's happened here. He was obviously hyper-aware that his ex is signed in and he was reluctant to let you see that.

nancywhitehead · 19/04/2021 13:40

I think it's weird that he was awkward about it. Not a big deal in itself but a bit strange to be so cagey rather than just tell you. Although maybe he thought you would react like this and was just trying to avoid a confrontation.

ShowUsTheMeaningOfHaste · 19/04/2021 13:42

@FireflyRainbow

Yabu and cheeky thinking you can use his account to watch films you want to see. Rude.

I don't get this attitude.

If my partner of 10 months wanted to use my Netflix to watch a film I'd be absolutely fine with that and wouldn't consider it cheeky or rude.

Is it just on MN where people aren't actually nice to the people they are in relationships with?

Tlollj · 19/04/2021 13:43

Well I think it’s weird too. They’ve broken up she can get her own Netflix account. Why would you let someone else use yours?

Devlesko · 19/04/2021 13:47

Just ask him why he lied to you and give him 24 hours to remove her. He's paying for her subscription as she'd have to get her own, with her own bf.

Iwouldbecomplex · 19/04/2021 13:57

I think yabu and overreacting. Maybe he didn't tell you because he had a feeling you'd make a bit deal out of nothing

RaginSpice · 19/04/2021 13:58

Some of these comments are bizarre.

OP I’d find that really weird too. I don’t think anything bad of it as she’s in a relationship and he’s obviously not going out his way to speak to her, but I’d see booting someone off my Netflix as the final goodbye

Sounds like he can’t be bothered with an awkward conversation.

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