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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my boyfriend's ex using his Netflix?

180 replies

Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 10:45

Been dating boyfriend for around 10 months. Being a lockdown couple we watch a lot of films together.

A while ago I deactivated my Netflix because I just don't watch it enough. I know he has an account, (the one you pay the most for and you can have multiple people also watching) He told me just his sister watches it too.

I've been asking him to let me use his account for a while but he's been changing the subject, I've been starting to think this was really odd because he's usually so generous and we share many things. I started to have a weird feeling so I outright asked him who watches it other than his sister, he said nobody.

This weekend at mine he asked me to pick the film, I said I wanted to watch a film that was on Netflix, he tried to search for it on other platforms but it was just on netflix so eventually he signed in to his account so we could watch it.

He made me an account and left it signed it so I've just checked the other accounts and there's another account other than his sister. I googled the username and it matches his ex.

They broke up about 10 months ago and from social media she seems very happy in a relationship. To my knowledge they aren't still friends (he's literally never mentioned her)

I'm going to ask him outright who the other profile is but AIBU for being pissed off?

I knew something was wrong because sharing a Netflix account when you're in a relationship is surely not a big deal? And he made it a big deal. He only let me reluctantly. And he outright lied.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 19/04/2021 11:08

OP do you think he's still with her?

MMMarmite · 19/04/2021 11:08

How do you know she's actually still using it? Maybe he's just not bothered to remove it. I'm not sure I'd even remember to, after a break up!

DropBearThere · 19/04/2021 11:10

The lying over something trivial is a big deal. The not bothering to kick his ex off his Netflix account less of a big deal.

The lying would really put me off. Why lie, and why lie about that? Next lie will be bigger.

IEat · 19/04/2021 11:10

Why is it an issue?

angieloumc · 19/04/2021 11:11

@Netflixproblems

Wow helpful
Because people aren't agreeing with you, you post this?
YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 11:12

The lying is weird. And he could have just changed the password when they split so she no longer had access. Unless it's her account and she's paying and he is being the cheeky one! It's not a major issue to still be sharing it if they don't mind they are paying for the other to use it.

ShowUsTheMeaningOfHaste · 19/04/2021 11:12

It's also not very clear what your problem is because from your title it seems you just don't want his ex using his account but in your posts you say your problem is you feel he's lied about it.

Lying is not okay, but his ex using his account I don't really see why it's such a big deal.

Meowchickameowmeow · 19/04/2021 11:13

It's bloody Netflix it's not bodily fluids and a bed.

EggysMom · 19/04/2021 11:13

As somebody else said, are you sure it's his account and not his ExGF account? That would better explain the secrecy.

TBH it's most likely that it's an old Profile that he hasn't deleted, we all know men are hopeless at life admin. If it were me, I'd have deleted it for him whilst I was still logged in - and then see who shouted loudest!!

YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 11:13

@Netflixproblems

Wow helpful
Glad you are finding this helpful
Dontstepinthecowpat · 19/04/2021 11:14

Maybe it’s her Netflix account and she will start a thread, ‘Aibu that ex’s new girlfriend and sister are using my Netflix account?’

YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 11:14

Maybe they were watching a series together under her profile and they are keeping it to finish off (separately I mean)

DiptyqueandDiamonds · 19/04/2021 11:14

Maybe he actually wants to be kind to his ex and doesn’t feel the need to incinerate every reminder of her off the face of the earth to appease a new girlfriend.

Would you have such a big issue with it if it was a female friend, which may be how he feels towards her now?

You’ve acted very weirdly over it and he’s probably felt backed into a corner. What do you want him to do? Delete her account? Swear never to mention her again?

Jelbo · 19/04/2021 11:14

@BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda @ShowUsTheMeaningOfHaste

I know it isn't normal. He hasn't succeeded because i do have my ex on fb (our split was amicable and years ago and we havent spoken in years either) ironically he has his more recent ex on fb and that doesn't bother me in the slightest, so when he makes comment about why i need my ex on fb i ask him why he needs his and then he has nothing to say.

YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 11:15

Maybe he wants to keep it in case they get back together so they can finish the series together

Twoforthree · 19/04/2021 11:16

Maybe it's her account and he uses it. He might know the login details but that's why he didn't want to add you?

mooonstone · 19/04/2021 11:19

Tbh, I can see why he hid this from you. He could preempt your OTT reaction !

As someone in their early 20s that grew up with Netflix, it is just Netflix culture to have people on your Netflix account like this. I have seen so many viral memes with regard to this. You break up and block people from socials and delete your photos together - but kicking them from a shared Netflix is just an afterthought when you’re dealing with the fallout in the moment.

It’s easy to forget about booting someone from your Netflix, especially as he isn’t being charged any extra with her access. It’s not a big deal. Doesn’t mean he’s obsessed with her.

I mean, when you date people that have a past, there’s always a chance there’s unresolved feelings at play with their ex. But this could also be completely innocent.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 19/04/2021 11:21

Maybe he set up his account at his ex's place, regrets doing so and doesn't want to get into the same situation again.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2021 11:25

@Roodicus21

I do think it's weird that the ex has still got a log in/profile for his account. Perhaps it just hasn't been de-activated, but why would you continue to give an ex access to your account? How long is it appropriate for it to go on for? Is it ok for an ex to have access to other accounts- Amazon prime (deliveries) or Spotify for example?
Yes if the account owner is happy with that.
SparklyPyjamas · 19/04/2021 11:28

I really do wonder what planet some people are on. Of course its not ok for a partners ex to share or still use a Netflix account, the same ways it not ok for them to use a once shared Deliveroo, Next, Sainsburys, Ebay, amazon or anything else account. OP you are not weird, anyone that thinks this is normal behaviour are weird.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 19/04/2021 11:29

Is she sending secret messages through what she's watching?

Unforgotten

The One

Irreplaceable You

ScrollingLeaves · 19/04/2021 11:29

The main thing is that he did let you on to the account even though his ex was still on it even if he had been reluctant to at first.

So he must not have felt that there was anything really serious to hide. He may just be a generous, easy going sort who did not want to seem mean or niggly when they broke up, so never took her off.

Batshitkerazy · 19/04/2021 11:34

I wouldn’t care about the ex being on there, but I would find his caginess very strange

CirclesWithinCircles · 19/04/2021 11:34

Perhaps he doesn't want to contact her in order to remove her?

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 19/04/2021 11:35

I think it’s strange he hasn’t bothered removing her username from it yet. In all likelihood she doesn’t still use the account, they broke up almost 2 years ago after all. It’s quick and easy to remove an account on there so I don’t know why he hasn’t bothered to. Weird he lied about it as well, he should’ve just said something like ‘sorry, my ex is still on here but I’ll delete it now and set you a profile up’.