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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my boyfriend's ex using his Netflix?

180 replies

Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 10:45

Been dating boyfriend for around 10 months. Being a lockdown couple we watch a lot of films together.

A while ago I deactivated my Netflix because I just don't watch it enough. I know he has an account, (the one you pay the most for and you can have multiple people also watching) He told me just his sister watches it too.

I've been asking him to let me use his account for a while but he's been changing the subject, I've been starting to think this was really odd because he's usually so generous and we share many things. I started to have a weird feeling so I outright asked him who watches it other than his sister, he said nobody.

This weekend at mine he asked me to pick the film, I said I wanted to watch a film that was on Netflix, he tried to search for it on other platforms but it was just on netflix so eventually he signed in to his account so we could watch it.

He made me an account and left it signed it so I've just checked the other accounts and there's another account other than his sister. I googled the username and it matches his ex.

They broke up about 10 months ago and from social media she seems very happy in a relationship. To my knowledge they aren't still friends (he's literally never mentioned her)

I'm going to ask him outright who the other profile is but AIBU for being pissed off?

I knew something was wrong because sharing a Netflix account when you're in a relationship is surely not a big deal? And he made it a big deal. He only let me reluctantly. And he outright lied.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
IbrahimaRedTwo · 19/04/2021 10:56

What about him lying?

He was trying to shut down your questions as its not your business.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2021 10:57

@Netflixproblems

I asked him who uses your account? He said nobody other than his sister?
Sounds like he knows you well then

I would've said the same if I was in a relationship with someone batshit enough to start Googling names (not that I would be with someone like that).

Jelbo · 19/04/2021 10:57

The lying would be the issue for me, does the ex still use the account or has he just not removed her profile?

I would find it odd too so i don't agree with all the previous posts. And i know that if it was the other way around my partner would go mental at me if i had an ex on my netflix account and had denied anybody else using it when asked. However my partner is very ott about these things and doesnt like me having ex's on fb, mentioning them ever etc.

sonjadog · 19/04/2021 10:58

Non-issue and it is weird that you went to the bother of snooping and googling to find out who else was on his account. If I were him and I found out, it would give me doubts about you.

LizBennet · 19/04/2021 10:59

my partner would go mental at me if i had an ex on my netflix account and had denied anybody else using it when asked. However my partner is very ott about these things and doesnt like me having ex's on fb, mentioning them ever

Well he sounds like a peach.

DdraigGoch · 19/04/2021 10:59

The secrecy is the issue here

ShowUsTheMeaningOfHaste · 19/04/2021 10:59

Although I don't think it's that cheeky asking to use your boyfriend of nearly a year's Netflix account tbh.

When me and DH met we both had Netflix, one of us got rid of theirs (can't even remember who it was now) because what's the point in having two.

I don't think it's a problem his ex using it, but I do think if you're happy to share it with an ex you should definitely be happy to share it with your current partner imo. If my partner was happy for his ex use his account but told me he didn't want me to 'freeload off it' like PP said, I'd be really pissed off tbh.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 19/04/2021 11:00

Sometimes people lie to avoid intrusive questions that they don’t want / shouldn’t have to answer. It’s not ideal but it’s understandable.

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 19/04/2021 11:00

@Jelbo wow your partner sounds horribly controlling. That is not normal behaviour.

ShowUsTheMeaningOfHaste · 19/04/2021 11:00

And i know that if it was the other way around my partner would go mental at me if i had an ex on my netflix account and had denied anybody else using it when asked. However my partner is very ott about these things and doesnt like me having ex's on fb, mentioning them ever etc

You understand that's not healthy right?

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/04/2021 11:01

@Netflixproblems

I asked him who uses your account? He said nobody other than his sister?
Maybe because he knew what your reaction would be? I wondered if you might be my son's girlfriend as all the info fits and I know his ex still has access to his NF account. But it's a few years since they split, he just felt it unnecessary to cut her off it when she was hurting so badly. And then as it was no skin off his nose let her continue to use it. I would hope that his current girlfriend (of 10 months) is secure enough in their relationship not to have a problem and actually see it as a positive thing. My main concern would be that he lied to you, but your reaction might explain why?
AhNowTed · 19/04/2021 11:01

You obsessively trying to find out who is using his Netflix would be a major turn off for me. Controlling.

Nobody cares
I wouldn't care

Your behaviour on the other hand, 🚩

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 19/04/2021 11:01

I still don't understand how the OP knows the ex is using it? We have my sister in law on our profile and to my knowledge she hasn't used it in over a year.

Original poster
Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 11:02

I googled it because he was so defensive about US using his Netflix account to watch films at mine, he's the film buff that loves watching films together but it's usually always at mine using my amazon prime, netflix, etc etc... I deleted netflix because I only watched it when he was over so I don't see it as a big deal for him to log into his if he wants to watch films at mine??

It's him being defensive and then outright lying I don't like.

If he would have just logged in to his netflix without being all defensive about it it would be a non issue

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/04/2021 11:02

@Jelbo

The lying would be the issue for me, does the ex still use the account or has he just not removed her profile?

I would find it odd too so i don't agree with all the previous posts. And i know that if it was the other way around my partner would go mental at me if i had an ex on my netflix account and had denied anybody else using it when asked. However my partner is very ott about these things and doesnt like me having ex's on fb, mentioning them ever etc.

That's two people on this thread in unhealthy relationships then.
lunar1 · 19/04/2021 11:02

People sometimes lie to avoid strange and controlling confrontations.

angieloumc · 19/04/2021 11:04

Jelbo your partner sounds awfully controlling, that's not healthy to behave like that.
OP you sound like a drama queen, which is more than likely why he didn't tell you his ex is on there. Looking up her user name is a little bit odd.

PetuniaButterworth · 19/04/2021 11:04

Perhaps it's actually the ex girlfriend account and he's already being a CF for using it himself and having his sister in there.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 19/04/2021 11:04

Why didn't you ask him why he lied to you?

The lying would piss me off and quite possibly be the end of the relationship for me, I'm not willing to put up with any of that shit these days. Especially when he went to great lengths to keep you off it & to find the film you knew was on Netflix, on another platform.

She doesn't need to be in his Netflix still, so why is he creating this weird feeling with you over it? Very odd.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2021 11:04

@Netflixproblems

I googled it because he was so defensive about US using his Netflix account to watch films at mine, he's the film buff that loves watching films together but it's usually always at mine using my amazon prime, netflix, etc etc... I deleted netflix because I only watched it when he was over so I don't see it as a big deal for him to log into his if he wants to watch films at mine??

It's him being defensive and then outright lying I don't like.

If he would have just logged in to his netflix without being all defensive about it it would be a non issue

If he would have just logged in to his netflix without being all defensive about it it would be a non issue

I sincerely doubt that somehow.

Bigtruth · 19/04/2021 11:05

You don't know that she's using his Netflix, only that she has a profile on there which could have been set up 2 years ago.
He probably doesn't even know if she's using it unless he stalks the profile to see if what she's watching changes which seems highly unlikely.

Sounds a lot more like a you problem than a her problem I'm afraid.

Sideorderofchips · 19/04/2021 11:05

Me and ex still share some accounts like that. It's not a big deal.

seven201 · 19/04/2021 11:05

Maybe he just hasn't got round to deleting her off it but doesn't really count her as using it. You're being a bit crazy!

Roodicus21 · 19/04/2021 11:06

I do think it's weird that the ex has still got a log in/profile for his account. Perhaps it just hasn't been de-activated, but why would you continue to give an ex access to your account? How long is it appropriate for it to go on for? Is it ok for an ex to have access to other accounts- Amazon prime (deliveries) or Spotify for example?

Original poster
Netflixproblems · 19/04/2021 11:06

Wow helpful

OP posts: