AIBU - Friends relationship revelation.

[BlooShoos]

To put this into context, a very close friend of mine has just told our group (five of us, friends since college) that her partner of about 2 years has been to prison, and that he served 8 years of a 13 year sentence with 5 years on license.
The partner... lets call him Rob, looks at my friend like a kid looks at cake, he absolutely adores her, he provides for her and her son, (she works too, but 'Rob' likes the breadwinner role) he seems to be all legit, and they are an absolutely solid couple.
Now, 'Rob' going to prison, in essence isn't the issue. What is the issue is that Lucie (not her real name) used to be a high ranking prison officer. And it turns out that Rob used to be on her Unit. Lucie swears blind that nothing happened while she was working in the prison, she was still with her ex, and her and Rob met after he;d been released and Lucie had left the prison service, they moved in together last year at the beginning of lockdown. I believe her, but a couple of others in our group don't and think it's a massively inappropriate and are threatening to make a big noise about Lucie and Rob. I believe his crime was quite violent, but an unfortunate one - a single, drunken punch. And as I've said, he has always seemed a really good guy, but as nice as he seems to be, with Lucie's past employment and his criminal history, AIBU to think this is all a bit odd?

[nitsandwormsdodger]

Can you do sarah's / Clare's law to find out if lucie is in danger or your children are ?

[Octodog]

@nitsandwormsdodger no unless OP is a carer, guardian or parent.

[Lassy1945]

Presumably a very very good friend

So why OP, why start a thread on it seeking strangers views.

[MarcelinesMa]

@HeadNorth

Rob, looks at my friend like a kid looks at cake

Does no one else find this super creepy? 13 years is a long sentence for manslaughter, there must have been aggravating factors. And she moved this convicted killer, who 'likes the breadwinner role' in to play happy families with her son. Everything about this situation is a red flag.

Oh god yes. As women and mothers we have to protect ourselves and our kids by spotting the warning signs as quickly as they appear. I say that as someone who has a partner who is (an incredible) stepdad to my children who has never given me anything to worry about regarding red flags.

If he “looked at me like how a child looks at cake” I would be quite freaked out and would have given him the boot long ago. Weird and creepy. Or if this thread is to help OP write a novel of some sort, a horrible description. Seriously, scrap that line.

[Scrunchy95]

Who cares?

[Atalantea]

@denverRegina

"Even if they met in prison... she's no longer in the job role and he's no longer in prison so what does it really matter?"

If she committed crimes and facilitated him and other prisoners committing further offences do you think that because a couple of years have passed their potential victims don't deserve justice?

on the offchance this is real, if they met in prison firstly, and then met again outside when neither of them were in the facility, what law have they broken? what law has she broken

most of the laws seem to be where they are still in prison (working/inmate_

[PattyPan]

@denverRegina

"Even if they met in prison... she's no longer in the job role and he's no longer in prison so what does it really matter?"

If she committed crimes and facilitated him and other prisoners committing further offences do you think that because a couple of years have passed their potential victims don't deserve justice?

What crimes has she committed? What crimes has she facilitated others committing?

[denverRegina]

"What crimes has she committed? What crimes has she facilitated others committing?"

Who knows? Did you see the word "if" in there? It might just be the final piece in the jigsaw and I'd be reporting it.

If nothing comes of it then that's good news for her but you just don't get a CM suddenly disappearing after maternity leave and then hooking up with a violent offender from her unit without there being more to it.

Do you realise just how many coincidences would have to play out for this to be entirely innocent?

[denverRegina]

Not only coincidences but also a complete disregard of her previous heavily ingrained moral distance from offenders.

If this is true there's more to it and they could've left a trail of damage behind them.

[pennylane83]

For all those saying 'Rob' is lying about his crime, if 'Lucie' was the custody manager then I'm pretty sure she would know exactly what he was serving time for. So, it either is what they both say it is, or, they have twisted the truth to their friends. Either way, she knows exactly what she is getting into and is seemingly happy with that so it really is no-one else's business, not unless his current behaviour towards her (or the other way around) is a cause for concern in which case as 'friends' I'd hope you would step in to offer support.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@pennylane83 I'd think it was her child's business actually.

[MyOtherProfile]

@denverRegina

"Even if they met in prison... she's no longer in the job role and he's no longer in prison so what does it really matter?"

If she committed crimes and facilitated him and other prisoners committing further offences do you think that because a couple of years have passed their potential victims don't deserve justice?

Where did this come from??? Has anyone suggested she committed any crimes? Random!

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

@denverRegina

"I'm amazed at this thread and the lack of concern for a child whose mother has brought a violent man into their house"

Yes, and it's very likely that her mother is also an offender. But "mind your own people" and "wow, what a nasty bunch of friends"

Fucking unbelievable

But the whole point of the thread is that Lucie’s so-called friends don’t care about this. They care about ‘making a big noise’. THAT’S why people are saying they should mind their own business.

For the record, I would be concerned at a friend getting into this kind of relationship. But the thread isn’t ‘Should I be concerned?’ People are simply answering the question as put to them.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

@denverRegina

"But what is it you think they can do? She’s not a serving officer anymore"

Link her to offences, incidents, assaults, bullying, suicides, escapes, drugs, phones and weapons on her unit at the time of her service and "Rob" being there.

You don't just get to leave your crimes behind you because they happened a couple of years ago . On that logic most serial killers should just be left alone because, "it was 6 years ago, what do you think they can do?" Seriously, I despair.

I despair too. It’s worrying and weird that you’d put a serial killer in the same category as someone who broke the rules in a job they no longer have.

[denverRegina]

"Where did this come from??? Has anyone suggested she committed any crimes? Random!"

It wouldn't seem so random if you knew what it was like to work on a prison landing. The fact is that staff who enter inappropriate relationships with prisoners end up committing multiple crimes within the prison. It can and does affect staff, other prisoners, the public.

Its extremely unlikely that their story is as she's presented it. She should be reported so that it can be investigated within the establishment concerned.

[denverRegina]

"I despair too. It’s worrying and weird that you’d put a serial killer in the same category as someone who broke the rules in a job they no longer have."

Are you being deliberately obtuse? It's your logic that is flawed, not my categorisation of offenders.

As for "broke the rules", it's a lot more complicated than that. It's a serious security breach, it could also still be impacting the establishment due to his potential current connections.

You can't see the bigger picture and I understand that, but believe me, it's extremely serious and potentially dangerous to others.

[denverRegina]

"But the whole point of the thread is that Lucie’s so-called friends don’t care about this. They care about ‘making a big noise’. THAT’S why people are saying they should mind their own business."

Doesn't "making a big noise" mean reporting her, you know there's a reason she wants it kept quiet right?

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

@denverRegina

"But the whole point of the thread is that Lucie’s so-called friends don’t care about this. They care about ‘making a big noise’. THAT’S why people are saying they should mind their own business."

Doesn't "making a big noise" mean reporting her, you know there's a reason she wants it kept quiet right?

Of course I know that. Despite your flawed attempts to make me look stupid, I’m really not.

I addressed your point about people on the thread not seeing the danger in this relationship. I stand by my comment that most people on the thread are against the deliberate attempts to cause trouble.

[denverRegina]

"Of course I know that. Despite your flawed attempts to make me look stupid, I’m really not.

I addressed your point about people on the thread not seeing the danger in this relationship. I stand by my comment that most people on the thread are against the deliberate attempts to cause trouble."

Sorry what? I'm trying to make you look stupid?

I don't understand what you mean about "deliberate attempts to cause trouble". Who is causing trouble?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@HeadNorth

Rob, looks at my friend like a kid looks at cake

Does no one else find this super creepy? 13 years is a long sentence for manslaughter, there must have been aggravating factors. And she moved this convicted killer, who 'likes the breadwinner role' in to play happy families with her son. Everything about this situation is a red flag.

I would be a bit wary, too - but I assumed that OP knows the individuals and that in real-life it wasn't creepy.

But I also wonder about "breadwinner role" - that could be a very financially controlling scenario.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I don't understand what you mean about "deliberate attempts to cause trouble". Who is causing trouble?

The people ‘making a big noise’.

[Cocomarine]

@starrynight21 you’ve only said that your son’s friend punched someone once and (tragically) killed them. You haven’t said what his sentence was though. No-one is distorting that a single punch can kill. We’re disputing that it would attract a sentence (especially if manslaughter not murder) of 13 years.

What was he convicted of, what was his sentence - and when? (because sentencing guidelines change over time)

[Cocomarine]

*distorting = disputing

[denverRegina]

"The people ‘making a big noise’."

Ah ok, well yes. I assume that the people they want to "make a big noise" to are her ex employer. As they well should.