Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friends relationship revelation.

245 replies

BlooShoos · 18/04/2021 20:24

To put this into context, a very close friend of mine has just told our group (five of us, friends since college) that her partner of about 2 years has been to prison, and that he served 8 years of a 13 year sentence with 5 years on license.
The partner... lets call him Rob, looks at my friend like a kid looks at cake, he absolutely adores her, he provides for her and her son, (she works too, but 'Rob' likes the breadwinner role) he seems to be all legit, and they are an absolutely solid couple.
Now, 'Rob' going to prison, in essence isn't the issue. What is the issue is that Lucie (not her real name) used to be a high ranking prison officer. And it turns out that Rob used to be on her Unit. Lucie swears blind that nothing happened while she was working in the prison, she was still with her ex, and her and Rob met after he;d been released and Lucie had left the prison service, they moved in together last year at the beginning of lockdown. I believe her, but a couple of others in our group don't and think it's a massively inappropriate and are threatening to make a big noise about Lucie and Rob. I believe his crime was quite violent, but an unfortunate one - a single, drunken punch. And as I've said, he has always seemed a really good guy, but as nice as he seems to be, with Lucie's past employment and his criminal history, AIBU to think this is all a bit odd?

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 19/04/2021 01:48

I assume that the OP may have changed part of the story to make things less identifiable.

They are both adults, so what can you do? I'd leave them to it and wish them the best. Your friends don't seem very nice.

Anordinarymum · 19/04/2021 01:59

OP you and your friends should please mind your own business and leave them alone. It's not your place to judge the guy. Somebody else already did that and he served his time for it. The whole thing sounds like gossip based on not much in the way of facts anyway.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 02:23

I don't get how people even get to know people like this.

WTF? This is more convoluted than a Kafka novel.

Why on Earth would anyone this involved with a felon reveal so much?

RiseNBrine · 19/04/2021 02:26

None of your business. “With friends like these,” etc.

1forAll74 · 19/04/2021 03:26

It is very much inappropriate, the nasty ones in your group, are going to be trouble makers, so it's not worth listening to them, or even bothering with them. If they are that way inclined, as to judge, and make comments about the couple who you have mentioned here, just who else are they going to put in the firing line,and judge, when something else comes along that the feel the need to monitor.

Wombatstew · 19/04/2021 04:01

So she has left the prison service at least 5 years ago and been in this relationship for two. I wonder when he was released?
Since she seems to have been in a different relationship and pregnant at the time of leaving the service I would leave well alone. It is entirely possible they formed a relationship after he was released.
However, I would be worried that she doesn’t know the full details of his conviction with it being 13 years and to check that out if she can for the safety of her family.

Hidinginstaircupboard · 19/04/2021 04:38

So your friend shared something about the past with her group of close friends and now those friends want to go a step beyond and 'make a big noise'? And there's no evidence or concern of abuse or neglect

I think it's up to the friends if they decide not to be friends with Lucie and Rob anymore because they feel uncomfortable; but equally I wouldn't want to join in any vindictiveness that you're describing. You all know her, surely you'll have know when she was with her ex and pregnant. And there is a child in middle of all this.

Regardless, this is all too much, the man served his time - nobody deserves others friendship or company but I don't think he or lucie either deserve wild speculation or potentially nasty & untrue rumours being shared about them to ruin their and their (stepchild to Rob) child's lives.

ButtonMoony · 19/04/2021 04:46

Not sure what the alleged issue is to be honest.

Tell your friends to wind their necks in, and then find some better friends. If she is happy that should be their only consideration and if they are dicks about a perfectly legal and legitimate relationship then they will only be looking for the next thing to be dicks about, and next time it might be a perfectly innocent area of your life that they latch on to.

Life is too short to waste brain space on someone else's life.

Jocasta2018 · 19/04/2021 04:50

I would be more concerned about my friend's safety given that 13 years is a very long sentence.
If something started whilst she was working in the prison system & he was serving time, well that's a bit dodgy & not advisable.
Whilst he might've been rehabilitated, there's always a risk.

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 05:13

So they met at work.. it happens

starrynight21 · 19/04/2021 06:02

@AgentJohnson

13 years for a drunken punch, hmm something doesn’t add up.
It's very possible. One of my son's friends did a "drunken punch" and his victim died of a severe head injury because he fell onto a metal grating . So I wouldn't be at all sceptical of this scenario.
tinseloatcake · 19/04/2021 06:09

I thought custody manager is a policing role, didn't realise they have them in hmpps.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/04/2021 06:11

I’ve definitely heard of a drunken punch resulting in someone hitting their head and dying. Puncher then charged with manslaughter, so a longish sentence.

Emnemblem · 19/04/2021 06:15

Your friends are being horrible. Stick by her and make sure she knows you're on her side. She's been with him long enough to trust him and be comfortable, I don't think she's in any danger.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2021 06:35

Someone's writing a novel.

Palaver1 · 19/04/2021 06:36

Is this post even real

CleanAndPaidFor · 19/04/2021 06:37

No. It's not real. You need to do some more research OP. Your story lines sucks.

rwalker · 19/04/2021 06:45

Someone died irrspective of how it happened 13 year sentence is more than possible.

I wouldn't have a problem with any of it.

FlyingBurrito · 19/04/2021 06:50

Someone isn't being straight with the group somewhere along the line, this doesn't add up

MarcelinesMa · 19/04/2021 06:54

I’ve no idea if Lucie is being honest about how and when they exactly met but neither her or “Rob” are being honest about how he got a 13 year prison sentence (out after 8 or not). I can understand they’d want to lie about that, a single punch killing someone by the sound of it, how unlucky is that? You almost feel sorry for poor old Rob...

If Lucie was my friend I’d want to stick around and be there for her more than ever as she’s dating/living with a violent man who’s been to prison for what he could do with one punch. I wouldn’t want her and her son to be isolated with him.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 19/04/2021 06:57

Mind your own bloody business.

Lucie needs to get herself some new friends

Lampan · 19/04/2021 07:09

I’m so sure that a while back there was a post on here along the lines of ‘would you date someone who had unintentionally killed someone with a single punch’. Seems like a strange coincidence.

But in answer to your post (and having worked in prison before), you’d probably be surprised at what goes on. Having said that, I’d mind my own business anyway.

PegasusReturns · 19/04/2021 07:13

@starrynight21 and got 13 years? Not unless they were an absoloure scum bag with previous convictions as long as your arm.

BobbidyBob · 19/04/2021 07:24

If this is real, despite reading like a checklist of MN froth, it is insanely identifying and likely to be picked up the the Daily Fail.

glitterelf · 19/04/2021 07:24

Hmm I just did a quick Google and there was a case back in 2016 where two men robbed a pizza delivery man and in the process punched him to the ground with fatal results so there could be contributing factors for the length of sentencing.