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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friends relationship revelation.

245 replies

BlooShoos · 18/04/2021 20:24

To put this into context, a very close friend of mine has just told our group (five of us, friends since college) that her partner of about 2 years has been to prison, and that he served 8 years of a 13 year sentence with 5 years on license.
The partner... lets call him Rob, looks at my friend like a kid looks at cake, he absolutely adores her, he provides for her and her son, (she works too, but 'Rob' likes the breadwinner role) he seems to be all legit, and they are an absolutely solid couple.
Now, 'Rob' going to prison, in essence isn't the issue. What is the issue is that Lucie (not her real name) used to be a high ranking prison officer. And it turns out that Rob used to be on her Unit. Lucie swears blind that nothing happened while she was working in the prison, she was still with her ex, and her and Rob met after he;d been released and Lucie had left the prison service, they moved in together last year at the beginning of lockdown. I believe her, but a couple of others in our group don't and think it's a massively inappropriate and are threatening to make a big noise about Lucie and Rob. I believe his crime was quite violent, but an unfortunate one - a single, drunken punch. And as I've said, he has always seemed a really good guy, but as nice as he seems to be, with Lucie's past employment and his criminal history, AIBU to think this is all a bit odd?

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 18/04/2021 23:08

Your other friends suck.

If you're happy to and comfortable with it, you can keep your friendship with Lucie.

The "noise makers" might force you to pick a side and stick to it though, so think carefully.

The immediate jump to affair and inappropriate behaviour would bother me quite a lot from people that are supposed to be "friends".

PegasusReturns · 18/04/2021 23:08

You don’t get 13 years for a one punch manslaughter case.

You do get 13 years for trafficking class A drugs; armed robbery and sex offences which have multiple victims over a sustained period of time.

Either Rob or Lucie are lying but either way I’m not sure it’s anyone’s business.

Changednamesorry · 18/04/2021 23:09

The friends should mind their own business.

Summersun2020 · 18/04/2021 23:11

Literally none of your business-any of you! And as for your friends kicking up a fuss...who do they think they are? Gobsmacked. If I were lucie I’d tell you all to jog on.

Monty27 · 18/04/2021 23:14

OP why are you making this your business?
Okay so DF has confided this information to friends (ahem).
If you don't like it go NC with DF or report to the prison service for an investigation. Is that what you're posting about?
Your call.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 18/04/2021 23:16

@PegasusReturns

You don’t get 13 years for a one punch manslaughter case.

You do get 13 years for trafficking class A drugs; armed robbery and sex offences which have multiple victims over a sustained period of time.

Either Rob or Lucie are lying but either way I’m not sure it’s anyone’s business.

A and B can easily have 13 years sentences. It's obviously not a one drunken punch and that's it story, but still manslaughter . There are also several aggravating factors that could contribute.
AIBU - Friends relationship revelation.
ViciousJackdaw · 18/04/2021 23:24

Nobody's business but Rob & Lucie's. Lucie seems like a nice woman, she's clearly not as judgemental as some...
As for Rob, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?

PegasusReturns · 18/04/2021 23:25

@AccidentallyOnPurpose. Yes there are cases of manslaughter where the aggravating circumstances will be such that they warrant an increased sentence. 13 years would still be exceedingly rare - certainly not “easily” attainable.

But not a one punch scenario. It’s bullshit.

Delectable · 18/04/2021 23:30

If there was anything inappropriate it could affect her pension.

Mittens030869 · 18/04/2021 23:35

Wow. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

My sentiments exactly. Hmm

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2021 23:37

She moved a murderer in with her child and your concern is that she met him at work? Well.

Returnoftheowl · 18/04/2021 23:39

Out of curiosity, what are those "threatening to make a big noise" plan on doing? She doesn't work for the prison service and there would be no way the authorities would be able to disprove when the relationship started. Who are they thinking of reporting this to?

NormanStangerson · 18/04/2021 23:41

People on here can be so naive. ‘Poor Lucie’, indeed. Hmm

GizmoBasil · 18/04/2021 23:48

OP have you used everyone's real name?? Hmm

Summersun2020 · 18/04/2021 23:48

I don’t think there’s anything “poor” about lucie at all, but OP and their “friends” sound like a group of holier than thou busybodies who need to get a life.

steff13 · 18/04/2021 23:51

I don't understand what the "friends" hope to achieve by making a fuss. Do they want them to break up?

Bagamoyo1 · 19/04/2021 00:06

@GizmoBasil

OP have you used everyone's real name?? Hmm
Read the OP. “Let’s call him Rob” “Lucie (not her real name)”
Fruitbatdancer · 19/04/2021 00:21

All round, you need better friends.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 19/04/2021 00:23

Someone in a position of authority has potentially seriously abused this position and people are saying mind your own business Hmm

Also no way did he get 13 years for a drunken punch. Can't believe this stupid woman has moved him in with her child

me4real · 19/04/2021 01:03

It's kind of a coincidence that they 'happened to be' involved in the same unit and miraculously 'happened to' run into each other later.

I mean, it could happen but unlikely.

She should know better but violent men can be charmers.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 19/04/2021 01:17

She could end up in a lot of trouble if it turns out she dated him whilst he was still inside, she should know she is not allowed to date any prisoner what so ever.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 19/04/2021 01:22

Do they live in the North East by any chance because I'm sure I have heard about this ?

DontBeRidiculous · 19/04/2021 01:23

I'd be a bit doubtful that they're telling the truth. His crime might be worse (more his fault) that she's making it out to be, and I wouldn't be surprised if the relationship didn't begin just as she's explained it, either.

That said, there's nothing to be done about it. Either you want to be her friend still or you don't. I would probably be a bit uneasy with the circumstances, myself, but I wouldn't "do" anything other than perhaps back off from the friendship. I don't really see what your other friends can do about it, either, but you don't have to get involved, one way or the other.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 19/04/2021 01:24

@denverRegina

"This post is massively identifiable if you’ve given the correct details."

Let's hope it identifies "Lucie". Scum like that are causing absolute havoc in our prisons today

I know two prison officers that have done this that why I posted the above.
Jamboree01 · 19/04/2021 01:30

What big noise can they make if he has served his sentence and she has left the service anyway?

It wouldn’t be for me but it’s her business and sounds like she was just trying to be open with people she thought were her friends. Other people might not like her choice now they know his background- other people might be jealous of the fact they are happy.

It’s their life. If it doesn’t bother you, I don’t see the problem. The others don’t have to be her friends. They don’t sound like they’re very good friends anyway tbh.