To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

[Flickie]

My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

On MN a lot of the time nurseries are portrayed as uncaring, high numbers, just sit in a room all day and unwelcoming environment. I don't know any nursery which matches what half of MN goes on about.

The ones near me kind of are. They say they go out on trips around the town but I've seen them - 6 toddlers strapped in a bus buggy looking bored shitless while the nursery nurses are chatting to each other. Whenever I see the kids out of the nursery they are ALWAYS strapped into a buggy the whole time which isn't my idea of an outing.

So they are travelling in a buggy? Are you saying they go to the park and don't let the kids out of the buggy?

There are 3 private nurseries in my town and whilst I also see large prams it's generally for the younger ones and once they get to the beach or park they get out (unless asleep) and go explore.

For a slightly different perceptive my DD aged 6 (Year 2) still cries going into school everyday, doesn't like going in, sometimes has to be dragged off me by the headteacher. Soon as she's in her classroom though she's happy and settled and has to be told to stop talking while the teacher is.

If she was crying all day everyday though I would be trying to find a solution.

DD was the same at drop off at Nursery though so it's not a new thing to me. She was there from 11 months old until just before her 4th birthday (pulled her out a week before end of term for a holiday and she was by then term time only)

For 5 whole days her job has had to revolve around your DS crying, leaving her no time for the other children she's being paid to look after, and you're surprised that she's suggesting you go elsewhere?

I feel like it's the inconvenience of having to sort alternative childcare that's motivating your post, rather than a desire to find a setting in which your DS is happier and more settled. In the time it's taken to post this, you could've been researching alternative placements.

Either way I think it may be a blessing in disguise and I really hope that you can find somewhere where your DS is much happier.

This is appalling. A young child needs a consistent adult when they are unsettled and going through difficulties. It is part of her job to try to understand your child and to work with you to try to decrease his distress. She is actually going against the law - she has a duty to meet his emotional needs (Child and Family Act). The EYFS expects her to consider his development and if there are any changes to his needs across any of the areas, she should be coming to you with a plan, with strategies and targets. I would report her to OFSTED and to the Local Authority childcare service.

If the care of other kids is at risk due to your kid, she is spot on in doing it.

I’d say never leave your little one with someone who is not / no longer willing to look after him/her. Babies sense this - you wouldn’t want your baby feel unwanted or the carer may not look after properly as she no longer wants to.

So they are travelling in a buggy?
Are you saying they go to the park and don't let the kids out of the buggy?

There's a local children's type attraction which I go to regularly. I take my two there. I see the kids from nurseries (you can spot them as they have matching bibs and I know which are which as I have friends with little ones there that I've spotted). They take the kids from the nursery and round the attraction in the buggy the whole time. It's not a large site so I see the groups and the nursery nurses are just chatting to each other. I saw it regularly, i know there are lots of good nurseries out there elsewhere but it was what put me off the nurseries where I live.

I would report her to OFSTED and to the Local Authority childcare service.

I can guarantee that both of these will tell you that the childminder has the right to terminate the contract at any time provided she gives proper notice. Giving notice when a child is not happy in the setting is considering his emotional needs as he obviously is unhappy there and would be best off trying somewhere else, it is also considering the emotional (and safeguarding) needs of the other children in her care who are emotional receiving the attention they need due to an unsettled child. Saying she is acting against the law shows you don't understand childminding law.

Some of the responses on here are nuts

I use a (good) childminder. If my child was unsettled I would absolutely expect to be working with the childminder to try and figure out what the issue might be (teething/ill or something upsetting happened at childminder..)

A nursery setting sounds much more appropriate as there are more staff to help your DS settle.

This is not really true though is it as that the ratios are the same in nurseries as childminders? For one member of staff to spend extra time helping her DS settle in, the other staff in the room could be spread really thin managing the rest - especially if you think with 20m olds there will be nappy changes etc. If you had a room with 9 kids and 3 nursery nurses, if ones changing a nappy and ones helping the struggling child settle, the 3rd person is juggling 7 toddlers which doesn't work for any more than a few minutes.

However CMs tend to have children of different ages. Eg my son's CM had a 4 year old, a 2 and 2 month old and a 15m old. The 4 year old (my DS) doesnt need the same level of support as a younger one, and the CM can chat to him while giving a younger child a cuddle etc. Plenty of CMs also don't work to max ratios too where I live, lot will only have couple of little kids then just 2 or3 older kids before and after school. Their costs are much lower than private nurseries as they have no premises cost so they can often afford to do that.

I don’t think that nursery or a childminder is necessary better than each other at a time in a child’s life I think they each serve there uses . I have worked in a nursery ,I’m at present a childminder . I give each new child my whole energy and dedication to settle them but it’s a two way street . It’s an incredibly hard to have a baby or small toddler crying continuously whilst trying to attend to other children . Occasionally you can just reach your full ! If this happens sometimes if the new child is not the longest serving child it can be the best thing for the setting . Your childminder has spent 10 months settling your child for the last two weeks it’s got much worse now I suspect she’s given a months notice . You can’t have been shocked you must have had a contract !

He's never settled at the childminders, he's always cried on drop off; you seem to think that's "normal/acceptable " but I would not. That's all a baby can do to show its unhappy.

Now he's reached age 2, he's far more autonomous and he's still making it perfectly clear every day, just louder and longer he is NOT HAPPY WITH CHILDMINDER and does NOT WANT TO BE THERE.

You didn't listen to him.

She's not "given up on him after 5 days;" he has been crying there for a year.

Could DS be ill? Maybe check his ears??

@MHParent

This is appalling. A young child needs a consistent adult when they are unsettled and going through difficulties. It is part of her job to try to understand your child and to work with you to try to decrease his distress. She is actually going against the law - she has a duty to meet his emotional needs (Child and Family Act). The EYFS expects her to consider his development and if there are any changes to his needs across any of the areas, she should be coming to you with a plan, with strategies and targets. I would report her to OFSTED and to the Local Authority childcare service.

Do you not think she tried to make it work? I hardly think the child was fine and then just had two off weeks. Although 2 weeks with a screaming child is a very long time in itself but I hardly think that's the whole story. Also, you can't force her to look after children if she gives the required notice. It's not illegal, nor should it be.

I think this is an opportunity to try a nursery. I've used both and far prefer a nursery now. Far more staff to deal with any difficulty, more support for staff if there are settling issues. More chance he'll find a carer who he clicks with.
More children of different personalities to be friends with.
Have exciting times doing crafts and role play and games. I think could end up being better for you. Good luck!

You've said that your child has been upset for 5 days but you said in your OP that the childminder has said that it's been going on for two weeks and that it's affecting her ability to deal with the other children.

It's probably best to find another provider sooner rather than later.
It's obviously upsetting for you but the childminder dictates in this scenario.

There was a baby/ toddler at DS’s nursery who was crying every time we (or friends) went to drop off/ collect our children. Staff looked weary when I commented and had clearly had enough (although would never have said). Honestly I felt so sorry for the baby but it did concern me as a parent that he was being constantly carried when some of the staff member’s attention should’ve been on the other children... and if I was a prospective parent having a look round it could’ve put me off if I was in the room long enough to clock that he was inconsolable. Sounds like she’s just made a business decision about keeping other current parents and future families happy.... it absolutely sucks for you though. Hope you find somewhere that suits your DS more

You said "he does usually cry a lot on drop off". After 10 months, that's not settled, really.
It sounds like it is for the best for all concerned!

After 10m and he is still crying a lot on drop off.. that might suggest it's not a good fit for him and probably a bit frustrating for childminder too, it's been a while

My daughter cried on drop off. Every. Single. Day. For 5 years. At both her nurseries. At the activity club she went to in the summer. And she loved all these places. She never wanted to come home at the end of the day. She even cried when she was staying for a week with my sister, but was dropped off with my mum to let my sister work a few hours in the day. My neighbour’s son was apparently the same, and he continued to do so for his first few years at school. It’s just what some kids do and has nothing to do with the suitability of where they are being taken to.

If the childminder says he is affecting the other kids, she doesn’t really have a choice.

I’m sorry but it absolutely isn’t the sign of a good childminder. I do know the law as I’m an educational psychologist who works for a LA. A good childminder would work with the parent over a considerable amount of time to consider what is upsetting the child and what can be put in to support he child. It could be considered a SEN under social, emotional , mental health and then it is illegal not to discriminate against the child for his needs.

A child communicates through his behaviour and it is the duty of the childminder to try to understand and to meet those needs.

Whilst I am not saying that the boy has SEN, his emotional distress is a communication of his needs and childminders have to follow the SEN Code of Practice just as nurseries do.

Please don’t tell me that I don’t understand the law. This is my job and my speciality.

As someone who is a childminder, has a degree is early years education and previously worked for the local authority early years team... You are wrong.
Can you please explain what law this childminder has broken?
While inconvenient for the parent, the childminder has an obligation to the other children in their care. They also are self employed and can end the contract as long as they give the agreed notice.

A childminder can end a contract for any reason, they could have just said I don't want x anymore in my setting, but chose to be honest. They haven't broken the law ffs.

Tbh OP, the childminder sounds a bit crap. I know it's inconvenient for you but you're well shot of her. She's had 10 months to find out what makes your little one tick and she still hasn't managed it.

Im sorry but it absolutely isn’t the sign of a good childminder. I do know the law as I’m an educational psychologist who works for a LA. A good childminder would work with the parent over a considerable amount of time to consider what is upsetting the child and what can be put in to support he child. It could be considered a SEN under social, emotional , mental health and then it is illegal not to discriminate against the child for his needs.

I'm sorry but I think you need a new job

I’m sorry but it absolutely isn’t the sign of a good childminder. I do know the law as I’m an educational psychologist who works for a LA. A good childminder would work with the parent over a considerable amount of time to consider what is upsetting the child and what can be put in to support he child. It could be considered a SEN under social, emotional , mental health and then it is illegal not to discriminate against the child for his needs.

It's illegal NOT TO DISCRIMINATE? That makes no sense. For an expert.