Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

Was wearing my daughters old maternity night dress until I realised, on G'sons19th birthday that I'd had it a while and should probably buy another instead of this holey but v comfortable thing.

Some of these are clearly self neglect, but I don’t see not going to the salon or having a skincare routine as neglect.

I have a lot of pants, but they are all rather large. Good for non VPL though.

I was bad at things like not making sure I had waterproof shoes in the past but o have got better.

I haven't shaved legs for 3 months. I think I've lost the will to live during g the pandemic.

This has really resonated with me ... everything from not replacing running leggings even though they have holes in them, frequently going without ice cream etc on a day out as I can’t justify the cost, picking out the peppers / onions when I do fajitas for dinner so there is enough chicken for everyone. And I could just cook more chicken! Cost fortunately isn’t too much of an issue, budget stretches to chicken & ice cream anyway. Not sure why I do it, think partly I get overwhelmed by all the decisions needed so by the time I’ve sorted everyone else out and got to me it’s easier to just not do anything. But I am working on being kinder to myself and I’m fascinated to see that this is a common issue.

picking out the peppers / onions when I do fajitas for dinner so there is enough chicken for everyone

I do this as well, I maybe have one chunk of chicken and the rest is just sauce. I need to do something as my GP has told me I have symptom of scurvy which is pathetic.

I haven't shaved legs for 3 months.

I hardly ever shave my legs even as a youth , tbf I don't have much hair & its fair.

I realised recently that I was still wearing breastfeeding tops from when my oldest was born..7 years ago.
So went and brought myself some new tops and bras without boob access.

Inspired by this thread I’ve just been to M&S and updated my knickers and bras!

I can be like this sometimes - I also think other people take us for granted and don’t prioritise us which reinforces the idea of not being worth it or needing it.

Getting divorced and meeting DP has helped me change though - when he serves food, he serves me first - partly because I paid for it but also that he genuinely sees me as the head of the house and I should get the first pick! Also his approach to shopping. He doesn’t buy much and will wear things until they have holes in BUT the difference is that if he likes eg Levi’s, then those are what he buys. Ok maybe he has to wear them until they have holes in because they cost quite a bit but when he replaces them he will buy another pair of Levi’s, or £20 wool socks etc, because that’s what he wants. So it’s his choice to wear them out rather than have cheap inferior things. He doesn’t see why anyone wouldn’t buy the actual thing they want and make it last longer rather than try to save by buying a crapper thing. I hardly ever buy the actual thing I want so this is hard to follow but he’s right!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I haven't shaved legs for 3 months. I think I've lost the will to live during g the pandemic.

I finally did mine this morning, as a direct result of this thread!

Lol, I was moved to go on a pyjama buying spree this week. I was sleeping in shorts and vest tops which were so old, thin and faded that they were basically rags.

Fruit is expensive so it’s only for the kids. Fruit juice is once in a blue moon. A small cup each for the kids. None for me. I had a glass of OJ the other day and was like, why don’t I do this more? I suspect it’s a cost issue. I get my hair cut twice a year. Just a tidy up. I don’t wear make up. I don’t buy anything for myself except the odd book and a take away once a month for the family. Clothes are worn until holey then replaced. The bath panel broke. Not replaced as the bath still works. A kitchen cupboard door came off. So now it’s open shelves. I only pay for essential repairs and kids clubs. I want their childhood to be fairly unrestricted. Saying that we don’t go on holiday - term time clubs seemed to be more valuable for them.

Behind all of this is huge debts (same as mortgage payment per month right now) and I don’t feel I can spend on myself until that’s sorted, which will be another 3 years. I’ve been in debt for most of my adult life for one reason or another and it’s depressing and exhausting. But we haven’t increased it in about 3 years and are reducing it every month so I try to be positive. The future will be better.

OP you have inspired me. I have ordered two new bras and half a dozen pairs of knickers. Long overdue.

@L3andlosingit

Fruit is expensive so it’s only for the kids. Fruit juice is once in a blue moon. A small cup each for the kids. None for me. I had a glass of OJ the other day and was like, why don’t I do this more? I suspect it’s a cost issue. I get my hair cut twice a year. Just a tidy up. I don’t wear make up. I don’t buy anything for myself except the odd book and a take away once a month for the family. Clothes are worn until holey then replaced. The bath panel broke. Not replaced as the bath still works. A kitchen cupboard door came off. So now it’s open shelves. I only pay for essential repairs and kids clubs. I want their childhood to be fairly unrestricted. Saying that we don’t go on holiday - term time clubs seemed to be more valuable for them.

Behind all of this is huge debts (same as mortgage payment per month right now) and I don’t feel I can spend on myself until that’s sorted, which will be another 3 years. I’ve been in debt for most of my adult life for one reason or another and it’s depressing and exhausting. But we haven’t increased it in about 3 years and are reducing it every month so I try to be positive. The future will be better.

You are doing so well but do have a little treat now and then, you do deserve it.

That’s so true with pjs, whenever a top is old and worn it gets downgraded to pjs instead of taking it out completely. Also I’ve resided to waiting till Christmas for nightwear because my mum usually gets them and yet I think of course my mum won’t buy the button down set ones so why don’t I get one myself. I’m also like that about socks and tights - will wear them till they fall apart though I get get myself a pair or two occasionally.

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

After going without as a child and then being financially abused in my first marriage, I make a conscious effort to allow myself the same standard of living as everyone else in the house. So if others have a decent coat and shoes then so do I. If I can afford good quality all round then I won't be left out.

My children's needs come before my needs, but their wants don't come before my needs. We are all as important as each other.

This is very true, I have been financially abused by my children’s father for years and my priorities were their food, bills and mortgage, their clothes and hobbies then anything for me including food. I had a massive wake up call last summer when my 7 year old started giving me verbal abuse. I now ensure I clothe myself adequately and eat 3 meals a day. I could see that over time my worth had been devalued to extent that I was worthless in her eyes as well her fathers. I’m not extravagant but I do now by myself basics like pants!

DH has done some extra work and gave me £60 cash to ‘go and buy something you really want.’ I tried, I really did, but came home with 3 charity shop clothes items and a present for my DIL. Just can’t buy new things for myself.

@BadgertheBodger

I run, absolutely loads, half marathons and all sorts besides. And yet, my running gear is frankly a load of cheap shite because I won’t spend money on it. We can afford it, I somehow just don’t feel like I should have it. I can’t bring myself to spend more than about £50 for a pair of trainers and any accessories I’ve got have been given to me second hand or bought cheaply in sales (and as a result nothing is just quite right). I don’t know why I do this at all!

I do this too.... my running gear is a mishmash of ill fitting stuff I got in the sales!! I have no idea why either?!

Oh crikey yes, bras! I’ve got some nice matching sets for ‘special occasions’ but my everyday bras are shamefully old & worn, and it’s just self-neglect for no good reason. Immediately dashes off to online shop to buy new underwear!

I’m 66 and still buy my 38 yr old daughter clothes lol just bits and bobs I usually see in M&S or John Lewis sale if i know she can return them

Yes, as regards underwear anyway. M&S knickers last for ever - at least mine have.
But the other day I went mad (for me) - binned a load of pairs I’ve had for God knows how long and are now a size too small.
Bought myself 4 nice new pairs - and then thought, after I’d got home, why only four? Should have bought a dozen.
Will rectify that next time I’m in M&S.
Might even go specially.

Ditto pyjamas. They’re all ‘going home’ as my DM used to say, but since they haven’t actually fallen to bits I can’t quite bring myself to ditch them. It’s not the money, just inbred habits of frugality in such matters.

Thanks to this thread I've just ordered new pants and PJs for myself (and for DC).

I saw an old family photo (15+ years old) and realised I'm still wearing the same coat every day so it's probably not surprising it has a hole in each cuff. I must start looking for a replacement.

Lockdown has been a golden age for me, a scruff bag who can’t be arsed with make up, wears holey pants and consigns knackered t shirts to night wear. Some things just pass me by. I have three coats and that’s more than I’ve ever had.
Yet I spend a lot on hair cuts, trainers and boots. Jeans are cheap as. It’s funny how where we put our priorities.