Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

I lost a good deal of weight a couple of years ago

I think I may have found it apples - when would you like to collect it? Or I can deliver . . .

@SchadenfreudePersonified believe me I've located FOR TOO MUCH of it in this lockdown already - happy to share with you :) :)

@ChakaDakotaRegina

Me! I was just thinking of starting a new thread because I’ve just put on my ‘good casual outfit’ and it looks tatty, bobbly and dull! All my shoes are scuffed. I wear old holey T-shirts to bed. I have four work outfits that I wear constantly. It’s taken me four years to successfully tackle a small verruca. I’ve just cancelled the gym as I never get there.

My mother had a lot of clothes and many were nice but somehow she never looked put together and often wore holey stuff rather than bin it. She was overweight and always a bit overwhelmed/unorganised. I was horrified at the time but then have ended up the same. I’m planning to tackle this because it’s not ok.

I used lockdown #1 to tackle a verruca that I'd had for years and 2 warts that came up on the back of my Achilles of the same leg, I can't tell you what it's done for my self-esteem to have got rid of them!

I have done no proper exercise in a year, and not much in the year before that either. I am not sporty but I know I should do something. I work long hours, then the kids need me. I go for poxy lockdown walks but that’s not good enough. This is neglectful I know.

I was similar with underwear and clothes and still am with items like a phone case or bag. I only replace them when I have to.

I read something once where a woman bought new underwear for herself every new year. I liked that idea so I do the same now. I add clothes and pyjamas to my shopping from time to time so they’re supermarket brands mostly (I’m waiting til I’m down a size to really splash out) and I don’t look tatty.

@mofro

Hello, twin!
You asked me how we sort this out. I don't know because I'm the least disciplined person out there, which certainly doesn't help!

Maybe you could all start by making a mental note to try not to do this anymore? When you do, by habit, you just think, no, I'm not going to do that anymore.

Same as you OP. Someone posted a few weeks ago about sluttishly drying some washing on the radiator. I looked across at my sorry ageing grey knickers and bras on my own radiator and wondered how old they actually were. Judging by the colour, some considerable time. I've replaced them. Had it not been for that post I wouldn't have noticed until today on reading yours. Sometimes we need to look through someone else's eyes.

My mother stopped buying me clothes at an even younger age. Not even a coat. So I never had a coat for many years. And I went through my 20s and 30s without a coat. I bought myself a coat when I was 37. A thin one though. I threw it away this year after 20 years. It was hard for me to part with it. I neglect myself a lot in those small ways yet. No nightclothes etc. I only have an air bed too that’s pumped up each night. I could go on.....

I truly don't recall the last time I bought an item of clothing or a handbag full price from a "proper" shop, apart for a 6 pack of knickers from Tesco once when I was shopping. All my clothing and accessories come from charity shops. Having said that, I have bought some awesome stuff from charity shops and don't feel shabby or poorly turned out.

Like others have said, I can afford reasonable priced clothing, I just have a thing about buying stuff from charity shops and second hand.

In my head, I justify this by telling myself I have two very expensive hobbies, so the cheap clothing thing is my way of balancing that.

Re controlling partners, I was at work and a colleague came in looking particularly spruce. 'You look very nice today Margaret '. "Oh. Thank you. It's a new dress, I really needed it. It didn't cost very much at all, i managed to get it out of my housekeeping money". She had recently split up with her partner and was still in guilt mode and spending money on herself was still an 'unnecessary extravagance'. Sad.

I've promised myself to stop doing this. I'm going to have a good declutter and make a list of what needs replacing. Then I'm going to sell the kids old books, toys & bikes dh's junk & buy myself nice things with the proceeds!

@Cissyandflora

My mother stopped buying me clothes at an even younger age. Not even a coat. So I never had a coat for many years. And I went through my 20s and 30s without a coat. I bought myself a coat when I was 37. A thin one though. I threw it away this year after 20 years. It was hard for me to part with it. I neglect myself a lot in those small ways yet. No nightclothes etc. I only have an air bed too that’s pumped up each night. I could go on.....

That's sounds awful, you must have spent your childhood freezing. Did your mother have a coat herself?

@carawaybaby

When I cook the dinner I serve the others and I have what is left after they have had what they want because 'I'm not very hungry'. I don't buy myself new clothes, I have 3 identical pairs of trousers, 3 identical tops and 1 pair of shoes that match them all. When I am not at work I only wear pjs so I don't wear out my work clothes.

I completely relate

It's interesting reading this. I got a Saturday job in the 80s, earned £8 for the Saturday. I was expected to buy my own clothes, bus fares and lunches for school with this. My dad was in and out of work so sometimes there wasn't much money. My mother always went to charity shops and I do now as well!
I
suppose I'm the sort of same in a way, I won't replace things unless I really need to. I'm not high maintenance I don't think. The only thing I spend a lot of money on is good running shoes.
The kids have plenty of clothes and shoes though.

You know what, I don't think I've EVER bought myself new knickers. My mum will get me some sometimes at Christmas and other than that, I wear the same tatty old things I've worn for years.

Maybe that's what I need!

@LadyDangerfield yes my mother was and is very well dressed. She didn’t have a lot of spare cash though and that went on herself.

Yes to the decent shoes one.

@Aleric I am your twin!
I spend inordinate amounts of money on certain things that would shock others. I keep up a veneer of polish to the outside world. I spend a lot on work clothes & shoes & jewellery. I get my hair done professionally (normally!)
YET underneath all that I wear ancient tatty cheap M&S knickers with holes & I have 3 v v old M&S bras 2 black, 1 supposedly white but now grey. I wear cheap Primark black socks that I hate. I need dental work but because it's back teeth (so not visible) I put it off despite being in pain a lot

I have a lot of aches & pains all the time but wouldn't dream of going to the doctor.
I have a wardrobe of beautiful expensive clothes but I save them for going out of the house..
At home I live in really really awful mismatched ancient pj bottoms & hoodies. I find it depressing but don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I know dh sees me looking abysmal 99% of the time.
However if I have to go to work or to meet a friend or anything like that I'll make all the effort.
I put on weight over the past year so lots & lots of my stuff doesn't fit as it should
I'm tackling that now as I refuse to get rid if it & it makes me happier to be at a good weight for me.
I have teen dc & I make sure they always have what they need as I remember the streer horror of not fitting in at that age
My daughter has more expensive skin care/ make up than me
On any given day I could be wearing up to 10k jewellery & knickers with holes - wtf is wrong with me!

I lost a dramatic amount and f weight as a teen, and my mum refused to buy new clothes (think size 20 to 10). I was wearing belts with massive jeans, massive t-shirts and it took a family intervention for her to buy me some basics!

I don't go to beauty appointments other than the hairdresser and that's just for a basic cut. I never have the time and I feel like it's not something that's meant for me. I would just rather do it all myself. And I would never buy an expensive item of clothes. I've got four kids and I think of the things I could have bought them instead.

I rarely buy new underwear- and for some reason think I can't afford to. I bought myself three coats at once a couple of weeks ago, so I can definitely afford a new bra. I think it comes from a time when I had little money so I prioritised a decent coat and haircut over things people couldn't see, like underwear and food.

@CrazyHorse I think that might be a driving force for me too.
We've had some lean times in the past. Th is self employed & works in a sector where image is an important signifier & looking down at heel would be noted. Income was sporadic for a few years till he established himself. In those years our dc were young so I prioritised making sure we were all outwardly presentable.
Dc always had decent underwear & pjs too but we didn't always have the money to extend that to us too.
Now we can but the habit is sort of ingrained.
I have been thinking about it a lot & I think it's low grade making me feel v bad about myself so i have resolved to look after myself more.
Actually look after myself - not just the outer shell of clothes/ shoes etc
I've started dental treatment.
I'm about to book an optician appointment as I know I need a new prescription & I'm not going to spec savers or other cheap chains . I'm going to the best independent here & I'm willing to invest in v nice glasses
I'm going to m&S today & I'm not coming home without 10 pairs of new knickers. Bras can be another at as I HATE shopping for them
I'm getting 2 new multi packs of socks there too. And some ready meals to help me get over the shock of tackling all of this!
Next on my list is new house/lounge wear & dumping all my old stuff
Then pj & dressing down & slippers
Then basics like vests / t-shirts
When I tot all of that up it makes me wince because I know I could have a new me+em work dress etc which people would SEE instead I'll spend loads on stuff No one will see

Yes, definitely. I spend a lot of my days in a dressing gown because I've got no comfy clothes to wear at home. I've got no bras that are comfy to wear at all! No socks without holes. But my children have clothing and footwear for every weather and event. I think it's because my dad didn't bother with making sure we had clean clothing that for us and wasn't full of holes so somewhere in the back of my mind I feel that I can just make do. But I won't put my kids through it. I feel such bone gnawing guilt if I buy myself new clothes!

I’m the same some of my pjs are years old.