Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

I will buy food on the go for DC like a meal deal, fast food, a Starbucks, etc but no way would I spend that on myself. 80p is 5 days worth of bananas so 5 lunches for me.
I was literally passing out today but wouldn’t buy myself a can of cold pop when I had (warm) water in the car

@Spied

I can't bring myself to spend money on bras so I have two I rotate. I have had them for 8-10 years. I have also never bought a pair of socks. I steal ds's socks but before he was born I've no idea where I sourced them from. I find it difficult to buy myself a bottle of water/juice if I'm out and about, say at a park. I'll buy for the dc but I feel it's frivolous to buy myself a drink when we've drinks at home. ( I do buy in restaurants)

Buy the bras.

Your boobs will thank you

@HerRoyalNotness

Putting up with pain, headaches, hangovers etc.. it never occurred to me to take medicine for it. I saw my friend popping something for a hangover and a light bulb went off. I felt really dim! Probably stems from childhood, we were expected to just get on with it

I have always taken painkillers for headaches, hangovers and period pain, but until very recently have never taken any for any other sort of pain. Gallstones pain, badly sprained ankle, broken toe, back pain, stomach ache if not from period pain, various other aches and pains and injuries, I just put up with all of them.

I think for some reason I had it in my head that painkillers only worked for headaches and period pain, so it didn't occur to me to take them for anything else. I was given painkillers (and morphine!) in hospital when my gallstones resulted in pancreatitis, but even after that I carried on not taking them for non-headaches and period pain. It was only when I had a really painful arm after my flu jab last year that something clicked and I realised a painkiller would probably help.

I find women are fhe worst for this, my mum is like this! I've never understood the underwear thing, I find it bonkers that so many women I know talk about their everyday tatty pants vs their fancy knickers often joking that they hope if they're ever run over, they have the latter on! I always have decent pants because they make me feel good but I know I'm in the minority. But hey, I'm about to have a baby so things could change!

Probably neglect myself emotionally though, I never relax/sit down and feel I'm always focusing on boring life admin/things round the house...

I find it really hard to treat myself or indulge in self care. I never take painkillers even post 2 emergency sections, haven't had my hair cut professionally in 20 years and tend to buy clothes from charity shops. My kids get calpol when needed, go to the hairdressers and get brand new clothes.

I've improved though, I used to withhold food and drink from myself when I felt I didn't deserve it.

Would anyone say these self neglect quirks are something that began after having children? For me the difference was enormous when I became a mother. All the old underwear & no proper skincare issues mentioned even though I’d been obsessed with these things before. My oddest one however was always waiting ages to go to the toilet because...’too busy’! Ridiculous. I really make an effort now to remember i’m worthy of decent self-care & nice little things.

Are you a mum? I'm not, but a lot of mums don't spend much on themselves, IDK if they feel guilty about it or what.

Nowadays with Amazon etc it's easy to organise getting some briefs etc, it no longer needs a trip. Make full use of the internet.

Me! I was just thinking of starting a new thread because I’ve just put on my ‘good casual outfit’ and it looks tatty, bobbly and dull! All my shoes are scuffed. I wear old holey T-shirts to bed. I have four work outfits that I wear constantly. It’s taken me four years to successfully tackle a small verruca. I’ve just cancelled the gym as I never get there.

My mother had a lot of clothes and many were nice but somehow she never looked put together and often wore holey stuff rather than bin it. She was overweight and always a bit overwhelmed/unorganised. I was horrified at the time but then have ended up the same. I’m planning to tackle this because it’s not ok.

Buy the bras.

Burn them. And my boobs are perfectly happy without. But I haven't got large ones though.

I have hardly any clothes which both fit and have no holes. We are short of money and there's always something else I deem more important when there is any spare but I could manage the odd thing now and then, I just don't. I've also been using moisturiser that stings my face a bit (it was part of a gift set someone bought me for Christmas) for weeks now because my usual one ran out and I couldn't justify replacing it when I knew I had something that would do. My usual moisturiser costs £2

So many of us!! I'm in Oz and went to bed after posting this...so I was shocked to wake up today and see this many women who are also neglecting themselves!

It's weird!! I am also SO happy the thread encouraged a number of people to go and buy or order new things! Happy!

I love holey nighties! There's a strange and familiar comfort in them.

For a reason I can’t explain, I buy new knickers before I go on holiday, so they all end up falling apart at the same time. My OH buys multiple socks before we go away and they all get holes at the same time.

Wow... I’m not surprised that I’m NOT alone in thinking along these lines... but I’m amazed at HOW many of us do.
It’s a terrible reflection on ourselves, isn’t it?

We produce and bring up kids, work outside the home, probably do too much inside the home too. We are often the glue that holds families together... and yet we don’t think we’re worthy of new pants.

My problems stem from an abusive and controlling marriage. Now I’m out the other side, I definitely value myself a lot more.

Please please... get some new pants. Even if they sit unopened at the back of your knicker draw. Or a dressing gown.

Or just one. New. Bra.

You are all worth it. And I am too.

I am like this too. I rarely buy new things fir myself and when I do I spend way too long overthinking it. Do I really need this? Is it too expensive? I have money but struggle to spend it.
Growing up I didn’t wear the trendy clothes my friends did. I don’t think we were poor. My mum just doesn’t spend much on clothes either. I’ve noticed I often feel a bit uncomfortable if she says ‘oh that’s new’ and feel a need to justify a new item ‘oh it was only cheap’ or ‘I was desperate for a new whatever because old one was wrecked’ or whatever. Why do I do this?

@ByeByeMissAmericanPie brilliant post. What is it with underwear? I have 32FF boobs and need to buy good bras but haven’t done so for far too long. And another one who needs new pants. I spend very little on clothes, make-up etc although I can afford it. My parents were very careful with money when I was growing up (even though my dad was a dentist) and my mum is very frugal now. She makes rubber bands by cutting strips off the bottom of old rubber gloves! I think it’s ingrained and I just feel uncomfortable when I spend on myself. Time to change....

Please, I said it before and someone did, buy yourself some pants, pyjamas, shoes!

I was neglected and abused as a child so my children never go hungry, always had decent shoes that fit, never had to wear anything too small etc etc. Those of you who didn't have parents like some parents who didn't buy their clothes etc, let it go. There is no reason other than something in your own head. Do it. Value yourself. Those of you who weren't clothed etc I am giving you whatever you need to allow you to stop letting them influence and control you. I went through food issues for years thinking I was getting the back when I was just hurting myself.

Go shopping today. If it feels too daunting just buy one small thing. You need it never mind bloody deserve it!

I do but in a kind of inverse way. I'll spend a lot of money on things which would seem crazy to others, eg hundreds or even thousands of pounds on some luxury item. But then yes I'm wearing knickers with holes in them. I'll even get to the point of finding an hour to browse knickers on the Internet, have them in my basket and then think that's silly why would i buy new knickers! I have plenty! Weird now i think of it.

I'm ordering some bras now! 🤣

I think it's down to time (or lack of) as much as anything. Pre-children I could spend Saturday shopping in town and often did. I now spend Saturday driving backwards and forwards to dance/football/music lessons and so on. In work during the week and Sunday is the only day we have for a day out. So I just don't go shopping. I might put pants or tights in the trolley at the supermarket but I think to myself that I need to get a bra fitted and then I just don't get round to it.

Inspired by this thread I have ordered a) decent t-shirts for the summer that actually fit, b) a pair of summer trousers (I lost a good deal of weight a couple of years ago and haven't any) and c) running leggings and knickers without holes in them!

Thanks everyone :)

Yes I think I'm quite lazy so I can find joy in spending money on a nice dress & thinking about where or how I will wear it, same with hair cut. New underwear & a trip to the dentist is not so interesting to me so I don't make time for it as it would be taking away from other things I prefer to do.

For me it certainly doesn't come from an abusive or neglectful childhood as we were really stable and happy. We didn't have much money but never really went without.

I have had a few periods of being in the red though, due to my own poor money choices, and this has put The Fear in me about not having enough money for something important down the line because I've spent it on something silly.

Now questioning why decent clothes and haircare appointments for myself are something I consider silly 😋

There's a new thread today with the poster being angry about being asked about self care.

It's interesting to jump on this thread and read about how many of us overlook ourselves. This thread absolutely resonates, I forget about cold/flu remedies, in my mid thirties I bought a warm waterproof coat - it was a revelation.

I see these things as linked to the other thread, especially if you have a family and caring responsibilities. You prioritise everyone else, maybe saw your mother do the same.

@me4real

Buy the bras.

Burn them. And my boobs are perfectly happy without. But I haven't got large ones though.

Same here.

I do have a couple of "emergency bras" in case I need to go to the doctor, though.