Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

Well done OP. You do deserve these things. Enjoy.

OP- thanks for starting this tread. It has really opened my eyes.

I'm the same with knickers OP. Just never on my radar to replace until i really need to.
Same with socks, PJ's.
I really need a good winter coat but while i can afford it i don't really want to spend c£100 on a coat. Winter boots too that are smart but comfortable and warm

I do wonder why some of you with very little as children have carried it in into adulthood even though you can afford not too?
As soon as I got my first job I started buying everything I couldn't have as a child.

I can relate to this. Like a lot of posters my parents stopped buying my clothes around 14, same for things like hair cuts. I remember my mum paying for my first bra a few years before but it was never replaced once I outgrew it...I think I must have been about an 32C/D by age 14. I can remember not wanting to do PE as I felt so self conscious. I had a part time job and felt so much peer pressure to look good all my extra money went on clothes/make up/hair. I wonder what state I would have been allowed to get to before they stepped in tbh. I don’t recall that they went without and were forever out for nice meals etc so they weren’t skint.

I hardly ever buy new bras, I don't know why? For some reason when I get a cold sore I never buy the cream to help it get better, I just ride it out, why? Same with mouthwash, partner buys the most expensive, I go without.

Paraphrasing a post as I can't copy and paste for some reason;

'I have to remind dd14 to tell me when she needs something, she still has pj's aged 10. So it's inherited'

Instead of passively waiting for her to come to you, like I'm sure a lot of people on this thread had to do and for whatever reason didn't with their parents, teach them. Right, spring's here, here's a bag. Go through your underwear drawer and chuck anything too small/ old. Make a list of what you need. Same goes for trousers tops. We can then look at the list and arrange to go shopping. Sound good? ' and then repeat for summer, autumn, winter. Sometimes she'll need a lot, but other times she won't. We aren't born with knowing to do this, so teach them what you were not taught !

And before I'm jumped on I was one of 9 kids, never had new. Wore old school polo shirts in school holidays. Turned to theft for clothes as a teenager to try to fit in. Never had a coat either. Early years with my kids I kept this up they had everything I had nothing. Much therapy later I allow myself everything I allow for my children. But I know I will need to teach them good habits for when they reach adulthood.

Don’t think posters on this thread are looking to jump on anyone, don’tdoubtyourself. Appreciate your point about actively teaching DC to consider what they might need.

Great shopping there, FortunesFave!

@SpringtimeSummertime and others. My mum did this - bought me first bra, one and then that was it. Never bought me another. It was so uncomfortable as I grew (mainly backsize) and I hated it. Didn't cross my mind to ask for another. I got very little pocket money. And I didn't understand the sizing. I just stopped wearing them and luckily could get away with it. Til catalogues (tho' that was a whole other story as she didn't explain returns to me). I think she had no idea what clothes to buy a teen so stopped. I had no idea either and so little money.....

She was the same about pain - I had growing pains in my knees which made it difficult to sleep. A little bit of paracetamol might have made all the difference.

I make sure I ask my DD regularly if she needs new underwear!

Back to point of thread. Since earning money buy clothes quite happily, but have two categories of pants - with holes that wear if not leaving the house and without if I'm going anywhere. And, yes, I was in a car accident once and pants were on display. Luckily a good pair .

When I was growing up clothes were seen as incredibly expensive items. I mentally find spending £30 on a skirt a real expense, and so I wouldn’t just go out and buy a skirt if have ones that will do at home. However I can easily afford to do so and I wouldn’t think twice about spending that on a meal out. Bonkers isn’t it?

Also when I do buy clothes they tend to come from Sainsbury’s. Even though we’re not badly off at all. The kids clothes sometimes come from Sainsbury’s but more often then not M&S as the quality is better.
If I was dating a man I’d find it really off putting if he bought his clothes from Sainsbury’s. But I don’t care that I do. My DH hates it.

Funnily enough, I went to Sainsbury's for my weekly shop yesterday. Popped a pair of jeans and a summer top in my trolley. Then I spent about 5 minutes looking at the knickers and bras saying to myself ''You have only one comfortable bra...and you really should get some pants''.....I just walked off. Why didn't I get them?

Just to add.
I loved to buy my kids clothes but there came a time when they wanted to pick their own stuff.
So I just paid for it instead.
We still do shopping trips and they are adults now - it can be great fun.
My daughter actually banned me from 'granny' as shops so I bought nicer clothes for myself.
Please treat yourself- it's an act of self love.

'Granny shops' I mean.
Clothes that aged me.......

@Bumberlee

Of course. Who never neglects anything at all for themselves? Who??

Me. I'm as much of a priority as the DC and DH. I love clothes and shoes- buy quality as well as sometimes more frivolous things- have lots of pants (comfy/ practical/ sexy), only have bamboo socks as so soft, bras, tights (snag are amazing) and have a variety of nice lounge/ night wear. I have hair salon cut every 6 weeks. Skincare not expensive but good. Make up a good mix, wear it for work but go free otherwise. Good quality food I like (im veggie so it's a priority). I love interiors so treat myself to homeware and have a magazine subscription. I swim (normal times) 3 times a week. I see my girlfriends regularly. I'm not high maintenance at all, I just treat myself well.

The biggest thing is that we both only work 4 days. This makes a massive difference to our lives- self care at it's most obvious.

You all need to be kind to yourself, it's really important. My mam grew up in a loving home but with very little, so she definitely made sure she had the things she needed as an adult and us kids (5 of us) had everything we needed. The idea that as a teen some PP weren't bought essentials makes me so upset. 2 of my DC are teens and I couldn't imagine them worrying about buying things they need.
to all with bad experiences.

illness /I always feel I'm bound to get better in a few days and usually do. I sometimes watch GP's behind closed doors and am amazed at what piffling little things people make an appointment to see a Doctor for

Neglect my feet and wear socks to hide the hard skin. I was always using old pans even though I had a brand new set I didn't want to 'spoil'. Bought two sets of 5 new knickers just before first lockdown, turned out to not suit me at all (high leg) but I'm still wearing them and can't be bothered to go looking again. Especially as it had taken ages for me to get them. Wardrobe full of clothes but wear the same pair of jeans every single day. I even wash them to dry overnight if needed. Who does that! Had fresh berries with my cereal for the first time and was blown away by the taste, I always had frozen fruit whilst everyone else had fresh as I didn't want to waste it🤦‍♀️.

@Gwenhwyfar, I think that's the point though, thinking it's pointless hen it actually isn't. Even if your towel is just for wrapping, it could still be a nice fluffy one. Shoes are hard to find but not impossible.

I think some of it is inherited. When I went to uni in the '90s, the sheets I took had WW2 Utility Marks on them. But they were good quality cotton sheets with plenty of wear still in them... I have bought bedding more recently, mostly because I have a different sized bed - but also, I realised I aim to spend a third of every day in bed, and life without sleep becomes intolerable, and so investing in good bedding is a positive thing- for those around me, as well as myself.

Growing up, we didn't have much money, and wore a lot of hand-me-downs, though we did get some new clothes too. Things were expected to last, and I tend to wear things till they are literally falling apart (I can sew if I need to, so repair things, too.) And as a young adult, I didn't earn much, so had to budget very carefully, so didn't get many new clothes. I think that all feeds into my thinking in my 40s, when I could just buy stuff. Still have to think about do I really need it, is it cheaper somewhere else? And these days there's the added layer of whether I'm being environmentally sound if I buy new stuff... it would all be easier if I didn't care.

Some mothers just aren't naturally nice. I was talking to mine the other day and somebody in the family who looks much like me came up,in conversation 'of course she's much prettier than you' says mum.

@Puffalicious
Great post.
Very aspiring.
Great attitude.
And probably a better person for it.
I use ti worry about being self indulgent but now know that you need to 'fill' yourself up to be of any use to anyone.
Ok off to the shops ti buy some pretty solor powdered lights for the garden :)

Yep. I neglect my teeth. I’m not sure why. It feels like a minor kind of self harm

I thought it could be an old person thing as I once heard a couple (I was about 11 at the time) saying that their 3 piece suite that they'd had given to them would see them out. They had money but wouldn't buy anything as they said that they wouldn't get their wear out of it, they were only in their 50's.

Plus I was absolutely shocked to hear SIL say that BIL wont put the heating on until September. But the silly old cunt will spend a fortune booking a holiday with a TA rather than go DIY.

No way could I walk around in holey drawers or tatty old clothes. But I suppose I'm a bit of both, I have stuff, like too many leather bags & boots, coats, things I've never worn. I can also be mean like rinsing out my shampoo bottle ... never throwing food away. I bought a 15p bar of soap & will not throw it out, when I have loads of lovely stuff to use up. It all stems from being poor, I think.

Thanks Robin233 I have a DC with ASN so I need to practise self-care even more these days.

Enjoy the shopping experience and choosing those pretty lights. Then when you enjoy them all year round in the garden you can also remember the positive, lovely day you had choosing them. Little things.