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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let him wear dresses

365 replies

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 07:38

One of my DS (4) wears all sorts of clothes including dresses, tights, leggings, as well as typical "boys" clothes. He just likes what he likes. All good. He starts school this year and wants to wear school dresses or skirts, I don't have a problem with this although I understand children can be cruel I don't think I should stop my son from being himself. However, my ex has said no. He doesn't want to give other kids to "ammo" to bully our ds with. I'm really not sure what to do, what would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Fcuk38 · 16/04/2021 17:27

Well there will be a uniform policy that he will have to adhere to just like everyone else and it’s reasonable to say to him he won’t be Able to wear the dresses to school just like some schools still have skirts only for girls.

Brieminewine · 16/04/2021 17:27

@MeadowHay i didn’t say a dress wasn’t suitable I said it’s not normal. I made the comparison to jarmas as it would have been something I’d like to wear that would not be a social norm, just like a boy in a dress.

JackieTheFart · 16/04/2021 17:31

Have you got a second hand dress he can wear? Only because most of the boys that I know that started off wearing dresses ended up wearing trousers due to peer pressure and warmth. They are still into dressing up.

Let him wear a school dress in the summer holidays. My little brother couldn't wait to get to school and used to do this Grin. It'll give him and you a flavour of how it might turn out.

anyoldtime · 16/04/2021 17:33

You could buy him unisex type clothes? If there is a school uniform, it makes things so much easier if boys and girls can both wear trousers and shorts.

Somebody mentioned earlier in the thread that they wouldn't buy their son a pink bag. Its just a colour. I find that incredibly sad. Who would hesitate to buy a girl a blue bag. FWIW I don't think that either boys or girls would be made fun of for having either a pink or blue bag.

blobblob · 16/04/2021 17:41

Would you be happy if your DH said he fancied wearing a dress and heels to work tomorrow? Or if your Dad came to a big family event in a ballgown?
I doubt you'd be pleased if your DH turned up to dinner with your boss and colleagues in a pretty little off the shoulder number and strappy sandals. It's not about being polically correct or making a point - it's about being sensible.

Baws · 16/04/2021 17:44

I would say no, as a teacher I know that kids can be very cruel if they perceive anyone to be different. Kids also have long memories and even by high school they won’t forget that little Johnny wore a dress in reception. I’ve seen a kid in year 10 in tears because another pupil said they were weird because they once played with a doll in reception! At 4 your DS is not old enough to understand the implications of this so your DH is right to be concerned. If your DS chooses to do this when he’s older and understands the implications then that’s a different matter.

midnightstar66 · 16/04/2021 17:46

Our school discourages skirts and dresses altogether. They are terribly impractical for 4 and 5 year olds running around and learning through play. I'd tell him leggings or joggers are more comfortable for school and he can wear whatever he likes when he gets home

Edel2019 · 16/04/2021 17:46

@AllHallowsEve14

This is a shit situation to be in. My ds doesn't want to be a girl, he just wears whatever he wants to. Today he is dressed head to toe in spiderman gear, yesterday he wore a bright pink dress and tights! He gets the odd comment at parks etc from kids but it hasn't stopped him. I'm mostly worried about the older kids on the playground as children his age have no issues (he wears "girls" clothes to nursery sometimes)

Having said all that, I don't want him to be a target. I haven't made a big deal out of it, we spoke about them (DTs) starting school in September and my older DD wears dresses so he wanted the same. I will tell him that the uniform is trousers or shorts, but he can wear whatever he wants out of school.

It's a shame that clothes are so gendered and that people are so bothered by what others wear.

He is 4. FOUR. Stop pandering to him. So ridiculous.
LiveLuvLaugh · 16/04/2021 17:52

These days school should be supportive to children who do not conform to gender expectations and other children need to be taught it is perfectly acceptable for any child to to wear any uniform items. There may be nasty comments from older children in the school but school should be committed to addressing this.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/04/2021 17:52

@OwlBeThere I'm sure they could make an allowance for children with additional needs, like they do for many things.

Lucked · 16/04/2021 17:58

I bought school uniform and presented it to them as a fait accompli. My children’s school has ties from day 1 and what 5yo would choose a tie?! None of it was up for discussion so it would have been a no from me.

If he wants bare legs pop him in shorts, - whilst an above poster thinks the tarmac of school playgrounds is hard on knees and is against using shorts I would point out that knees mend themselves and don’t need patched/darned!

MissMaple82 · 16/04/2021 18:04

Oh good lord no. Sorry but I dont agree

MissMaple82 · 16/04/2021 18:06

Myn5 year old wants to go out a tutu, Peppard pig leggings and a leopard print fleece complete with cat ear headband on.a daily basis.. but I don't allow it because she looks ridiculous. You're the adult here, it's not appropriate

MissMaple82 · 16/04/2021 18:08

I dont understand why so many let theor boys wear skirts and dresses. Why are you buying them! If they say they want to wear it you tell them they are for girls, this is why they can end up confused growing up

Nowayhozay · 16/04/2021 18:13

@MissMaple82

I dont understand why so many let theor boys wear skirts and dresses. Why are you buying them! If they say they want to wear it you tell them they are for girls, this is why they can end up confused growing up
The most ridiculous thing I have read in a long while !
TurkeyTrot · 16/04/2021 18:14

My AMAB (assigned male at birth) DC is 15 and wears a skirt to school. It's a regulation black skirt with tights under and something like short cycling shorts so underwear not visible under any circumstances.

It's fine. Everyone's happy. Not an issue.

TurkeyTrot · 16/04/2021 18:15

@MissMaple82

Myn5 year old wants to go out a tutu, Peppard pig leggings and a leopard print fleece complete with cat ear headband on.a daily basis.. but I don't allow it because she looks ridiculous. You're the adult here, it's not appropriate
I would have let my DC wear that at 5
BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 18:17

There's another Thread on here where the Mother is physically ill when taking her kids to McDonalds as a treat, as agreed by the kids and the Father (who refuses to engage in the trips to McD's) despite it making the Mother so unwell. The Mother won't hear of not taking them as it will upset them 😳

Free spirited kids huh.

Creamcustards · 16/04/2021 18:19

Send him in trousers.
If you send him in a dress he will come home crying soon enough, asking for trousers because everyone is staring at him.
Why put a 4 year old through that.

Send him in trousers. If after settling in he THEN asks for the dresses again, well consider it.

cookiecreampie · 16/04/2021 18:29

No I wouldn't put him in a dress. It's likely to be a phase at this age rather than it being anything more and I think you're setting him up to stand out in a negative way unnecessarily and it could be something he is embarrassed about in future. I would buy him one to wear at home though if he really wants one. My son went though a phase of dressing up as Cinderella in nursery and putting clips in his hair. It was just make believe play. He is now 13 and got no interest at all in dressing as a girl.

wesowereonabreak · 16/04/2021 18:31

@LiveLuvLaugh

These days school should be supportive to children who do not conform to gender expectations and other children need to be taught it is perfectly acceptable for any child to to wear any uniform items. There may be nasty comments from older children in the school but school should be committed to addressing this.
oh for god sake. Leave the kids alone.

I can't stand these parents who push their kids towards all this gender nonsense to prove a point. It's child abuse to deny and try to change your child gender and the one s/he was born with.

When they are so young, it' not from them, they don't care, they are too little. It's pushy abusive parents and it should be banned. Shame on you.

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2021 18:33

Well this is a blast from the past!

Anyone else remember when these threads appeared every week? Always the man who 'put his foot down' and wouldn't allow it and the mother who didn't understand why her child might be bullied because apparently 'kids don't even notice these things' Confused

The general consensus used to be if you sent your son to school in a pink princess dress and a tiara, you were a top parent.

If you sent your daughter to school in a pink princess dress and a tiara, you were a huge failure...kneeling at the feet of the patriarchy Grin

OP, if you want to put your son forward as some sort of poster boy and make him 'be the change you want to see', no-one here is going to be affected by that including you.

Your son however is likely to be known for the rest of his school life and beyond as 'the boy in the dress'. If you think that's fair and he can cope with that then crack on.

anyoldtime · 16/04/2021 18:36

My AMAB (assigned male at birth) DC is 15 and wears a skirt to school. It's a regulation black skirt with tights under and something like short cycling shorts so underwear not visible under any circumstances
The OP has written that her son is happy being ‘a boy’. You describe your child as AMAB which is very different.

Porcupineintherough · 16/04/2021 18:38

Dont be silly OP not confirming to gender stereotypes is only ok when girls do it. Hmm

Alsohuman · 16/04/2021 18:40

@LiveLuvLaugh

These days school should be supportive to children who do not conform to gender expectations and other children need to be taught it is perfectly acceptable for any child to to wear any uniform items. There may be nasty comments from older children in the school but school should be committed to addressing this.
Yes and there should be a cure for cancer, an end to world hunger and no climate change. We don’t live in a perfect world and have to make the best of the one we’ve got.