To let him wear dresses

[AllHallowsEve14]

One of my DS (4) wears all sorts of clothes including dresses, tights, leggings, as well as typical "boys" clothes. He just likes what he likes. All good. He starts school this year and wants to wear school dresses or skirts, I don't have a problem with this although I understand children can be cruel I don't think I should stop my son from being himself. However, my ex has said no. He doesn't want to give other kids to "ammo" to bully our ds with. I'm really not sure what to do, what would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

To be honest people can say what they like in the interests of being 'woke', but a boy who turns up to a primary school in Britain is almost certainly going to be a victim of bullying. I think it's irresponsible for any parent to allow that to happen.

I think it’s irresponsible to raise children who think it’s ok to bully other children for any reason whatsoever.

@Mrgrinch, I like the cut of your jib Sir!

Although your crazed thinking has no place here.

If I had a son, I would never in a million years send him to school in a dress.

Please don't be 'that' parent and child.

I think it’s irresponsible to raise children who think it’s ok to bully other children for any reason whatsoever.

I don't disagree with you but it's very naive to think this. Parents can raise their children in the right way and yet it still happens. If we go with what should be done as opposed to what's actually done then you live in a very disillusioned world. Yes bullying should not happen but it will without a doubt.

[quote randomer]@Mrgrinch, I like the cut of your jib Sir!

Although your crazed thinking has no place here.[/quote]
Thank you! Really should change that Mr to Mrs in my username so people don't misgender me...

Absolutely not. And I say that as the mother of a boy who wore fairy wings, a tutu and a princess dress for years. Regardless of what’s politically correct or not he will be teased and it’s not fair on him. It’s ok to say no. He can wear the princess dressing up at school, I have great pics of DS on his dresses over his boys uniform in year 1 and reception. Now as an older child I’m so relieved I didn’t go down the it’s ok to wear girls clothes to school route as he would be mortified he did it

@TiredSloth

To be honest people can say what they like in the interests of being 'woke', but a boy who turns up to a primary school in Britain is almost certainly going to be a victim of bullying. I think it's irresponsible for any parent to allow that to happen.

I think it’s irresponsible to raise children who think it’s ok to bully other children for any reason whatsoever.

Its also irresponsible of parents to not teach their children how they are expected to dress and behave by their family, peers and society.

When I was a child, I was told what to wear, how to behave, and how to present myself. (E.g. my parents would never let me dye my hair, not allowed to wear non smart clothes, etc...)

It may be popular these days to allow small children to dictate every part of their life, but I find that popular parenting trends usually only benefit the parents who can brag about their free spirited parenting. It often very negatively effects the children
Yes. Absolutely. And not just about clothing, of course.

@TiredSloth

To be honest people can say what they like in the interests of being 'woke', but a boy who turns up to a primary school in Britain is almost certainly going to be a victim of bullying. I think it's irresponsible for any parent to allow that to happen.

I think it’s irresponsible to raise children who think it’s ok to bully other children for any reason whatsoever.

So do I. And to people who say 'Please don't be that parent and child' - what does this mean? Does it mean 'conform or we have the right to bully/oust you? Does it mean boys must demonstrate specific type of masculinity in order to be accepted and we as adults encourage this narrow-mindedness? If a child is happy and comfortable - why does it matter what they wear?

@SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo

I think your ex is very sensible and that you would be setting him up for being the victim of bullying and of having no friends because no-one will want to associate with him. It's not ideal, but we're talking about the school playground here - different kids get a tough time. It's not an ideal world.

This. Once a kid starts being bullied it’s never ending. I was bullied at school when I was much older than him and over 50 years later I still remember the misery.

Nope, I would not be increasing the risk of my child getting teased just to prove a point.

@cowbells

It teaches them that there are socially accepted rules and expectations of them.

Due to a lack of solid parenting among recent generations, we end up with kids doing drugs, being emotionally unstable, and not mentally strong. Which is where the term snow flake came from. To avoid this, it is our job as parents to tell/teach children how to dress appropriately, how to speak properly, how t behave, and how to act.

I would just say no this is the uniform for now. If it is something he still wants to do when he is slightly older then you might have to revisit it.

Ds asked his sister a couple of months ago about a hairstyle and she just said (as kids do) no way that looks silly. Last night he found a photo of it and he was like "Omg thanks for stopping me looking like that!"

Sometimes they need a little guidance.

Completely understand that you want your ds to be able to chose to wear the girls uniform if he wants. And in an ideal world that would not be a problem.

However we do not live in an ideal world. Children can be very cruel and they will pick him out as being different by wearing the girls uniform, and in school anything which is remotely different will make them a target.

And yes in an ideal world, the 'target' will develop a thick skin and not care what others think. But realistically if he becomes the target of bullies he will not get out of that situation for his entire time at primary school, even if he decides to change to wear the boys uniform. Instead of not caring what people think, his life there may end up being pretty damn miserable.

As a mother of a child who was bullied both emotionally and physically very very badly, for being 'different', please rethink this.
My ds lost all confidence, his 'difference' was nothing he could change, and he is now a withdrawn anxious teen, STILL the target of bullies and its heart breaking.

At 4, I would encourage him to wear the boys uniform and keep the dresses for home for now. If, in a year or 2 of being at school he still wants to wear the girls uniform then address it again then. Because by then he will understand how things are in schools.

But think very carefully before making your very young son, who does not know the consequences of being an individual as yet, a target.

If he becomes one. It will continue. And most schools unfortunately do not deal with bullying in the way that you think they might.

I don't think it serves much purpose to ask people if they would allow their boy to go to school wearing the girls uniform. Because lots of people will just say yes of course.

You’d get a better, more accurate picture if you asked how many posters have actually taken their son to school wearing a skirt.

My son is in reception and the uniform is joggers, leggings, shorts or culottes. They have said skirts and dresses are not appropriate for the play and activities they do.
Personally I would not send my son in dresses. Fair enough he can wear what he likes but I don’t think that’s appropriate for school.

@RachelRavenRoth

I don't think it serves much purpose to ask people if they would allow their boy to go to school wearing the girls uniform. Because lots of people will just say yes of course.

You’d get a better, more accurate picture if you asked how many posters have actually taken their son to school wearing a skirt.

Actually if you'd have read the thread you would see almost everyone is saying it's not ok for boys to wear a dress.

[quote Mumqueation]@cowbells

It teaches them that there are socially accepted rules and expectations of them.

Due to a lack of solid parenting among recent generations, we end up with kids doing drugs, being emotionally unstable, and not mentally strong. Which is where the term snow flake came from. To avoid this, it is our job as parents to tell/teach children how to dress appropriately, how to speak properly, how t behave, and how to act.[/quote]
If everybody taught their children that every 'socially acceptable rule' must be followed, women still wouldn't be able to wear trousers, for example. The fact that you're comparing taking drugs to wearing a dress is just absurd. Our society has a lot of harmful 'rules and expectations' and these change over time as people start to question and rebel against them.

Lordy @Mrgrinch, misgendered on a thread about a wee boy in a dress at school.

My son liked a purple silky dress at play group, when he wasn't being a lion.

It teaches them that there are socially accepted rules and expectations of them.

Not all socially accepted rules are worth continuing. I don't intend to derail this thread, but the outcome of such pernicious gender stereotyping has led a lot of young people to doubt they belong in the gender into which they were born. I grew up in the 1970s when children wore dungarees and bright colours. By the time my DC were able to express preferences, all boys clothes were khaki and all girls clothes pink or purple. This is quite a new trend. Why is it not OK to challenge it? In loads of cultures men wear skirts, from Scottish kilts to Arabic Jellabas. There's nothing inherently wrong with it.

I cannot understand how a 4 year old has so much autonomy over their wardrobe.

I have both sexes and aged 4 they weren't picking their own clothes. It just didn't happen? If they liked something in particular (dinosaurs for my eldest and sharks for my middle DC) then I'd factor that in when buying but at that age I just wanted practical, cost effective clothing for them.

If any of them ever wanted to wear something inappropriate (think wellies on a very hot day / swimming costume instead of a vest - both of these are real examples) they got directed to something more practical.

It's not an issue about should boys be allowed to wear dresses or not, it's an issue about whether a 4yo should dictate what they wear (which is a big, fat no from me - sensory issues aside!)

In an ideal world, he could wear whatever he chose. Dresses are very comfortable and easy to wear, after all.

Unfortunately, comments made in the playground can affect the rest of our lives.

I presume he isn't even starting school until September. That's a while yet. It is entirely possible he will go right off the idea by then. If not, could you compromise with trs/shorts for school and whatever he likes at other times?

Its also irresponsible of parents to not teach their children how they are expected to dress and behave by their family, peers and society. When I was a child, I was told what to wear, how to behave, and how to present myself. (E.g. my parents would never let me dye my hair, not allowed to wear non smart clothes, etc...)

This is so true! I think this attitude that children should have free reign over so many aspects of their lives has a direct correlation to there being so many self entitled young adults. I’d have love to go to school in my jarmas rather than uniform but my parents wouldn’t allow it as it’s not acceptable, just like a boy wearing a dress is not normal!

@Brieminewine

Its also irresponsible of parents to not teach their children how they are expected to dress and behave by their family, peers and society. When I was a child, I was told what to wear, how to behave, and how to present myself. (E.g. my parents would never let me dye my hair, not allowed to wear non smart clothes, etc...)

This is so true! I think this attitude that children should have free reign over so many aspects of their lives has a direct correlation to there being so many self entitled young adults. I’d have love to go to school in my jarmas rather than uniform but my parents wouldn’t allow it as it’s not acceptable, just like a boy wearing a dress is not normal!

It's telling that lots of people are trying to make false equivalences with other outfits like fancy dress of PJs. Of course he can't go to school in fancy dress of PJs, neither can the girls. However you think that a dress IS a suitable garment for school - but only for children of one sex. Why is that?