Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

It sounds like you suspect she thinks she's above you (choosing different school, kids not playing out, you mentioning her wealth and employment status) and that's pissing you off for some reason.

This is exactly what the OP’s posts are driving at. This child’s family think they are above hers and others in the area. The child’s family is wealthy and they choose academics, perceived better schools, and don’t mix with the locals. Accept people are all different. This does not make them better than you. You need to reign in your envy and ensure you don’t pass it on to your own children. And stop gossiping about this family.
Don’t compare OP, it will eat away at your own happiness.

anyoldtime, that is such a good post.

Your dc is doing great, but not as great as her dc, is that what's annoying you? If your dc is above average but not getting the same work as her dc, she maybe in the different league academically to other children in the class, way beyond expected level, which may not be the result of her mum's extension work, mum and the teacher may just be accommodating her needs.
Academic children actually enjoy learning, and just because they don't play on the street, it doesn't mean their life only consists of academic work.
It's easier to just understand everyone's different and different parents have different parenting styles. Yours is great for your children, and hers is great for hers. You can't possibly know what's best for her children.

@anyoldtime

It sounds like you suspect she thinks she's above you (choosing different school, kids not playing out, you mentioning her wealth and employment status) and that's pissing you off for some reason.

This is exactly what the OP’s posts are driving at. This child’s family think they are above hers and others in the area. The child’s family is wealthy and they choose academics, perceived better schools, and don’t mix with the locals. Accept people are all different. This does not make them better than you. You need to reign in your envy and ensure you don’t pass it on to your own children. And stop gossiping about this family.
Don’t compare OP, it will eat away at your own happiness.

Excellent post. Perhaps also confer some advantages on your own child? Engage them in constructive activities (I have no idea what Twinkle is - it used to be a little girls comic). Nothing stopping you directing your child’s play into something that supports academic success. Maybe they’ll get the Goldstars too then. Less time being unpleasant about others more time to be an actively involved parent. Wins all around.

This is exactly what the OP’s posts are driving at. This child’s family think they are above hers and others in the area.

No, the OP and her gossipy mates just think this is the case.

Funnily enough, the op has another thread on best future careers for dc with high wages job opportunities therefore I deduce that the OP is no stranger to a bit of aspirational hopeful parenting.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4201779-Best-careers-with-high-wages-job-opportunities-at-this-present-time?messages=100&pg=1

This thread would have been posted in the spirit of good old envy mixed together with an inflated sense of self .

Unfortunately with such an entitled and judgmental attitude they will never be successful, I've seen it many times, people who brag the loudest about how clever they or their kids are tend to fail to deliver when it matters. I suppose they are not that clever / talented / exceptional after all but merely have gigantonormous egos. People like this also always make sore losers.

No, the OP and her gossipy mates just think this is the case.

Yes that’s what I meant.

@moonvictoria

OP, if you have tech whizz kid, I don't think limiting her screen time 30 mins only on Sat&Sun isn't in her best interest, tbh.

I'm really bemused by the robot posts and also the 'how dare this family have their kid in a school outside of our local community' comments

What is this close-knit stifling local community cul-de-sac where all year 3 children play out all the time and mustn't have any structured activities outside of school? You mentioned a nearby beach and impromptu 3-night camping next to a camp fire... sounds all hygge and idyllic, please do tell us more about it.

Oh OP, this mum is probably trying to send you off scent with talk of Zoom piano and Twinkl sheets. She's probably doing something much more ambitious and exclusive with her dc or she's just trying to avoid the company of simple locals

I'm finding this thread a little hard to believe tbh

The gifted children (whose parents) I know don't socialise much with their peers when out of school. One feels she spends enough time with them at school and finds them boring; she has friends online, an older cousin and in her hobby group. The other mostly plays with her older siblings.

I didn't allow my child to play out on our street because the children are unsupervised, noisy, are a traffic hazard and upset the other neighbours; their parents don't seem to care. I would allow her to play with another child her age at our houses or in our gardens. They would go to the local park to scooter or bike.

I am not sure if the “rich SAHM’ comment means she is really rich, or if it is an assumption she is rich because she is SAH.
It is worth saying that she may not be especially rich at all but the family has made this choice.

Well I agree with you that kids should be kids and be allowed to play out etc

But that's our choice to believe that.

I also believe it's wrong to punish children, or reward them. But most parents would disagree.

It's not up to us to police what other families do.

How do you know it's not the child's choice though?

@moonvictoria

Funnily enough, the op has another thread on best future careers for dc with high wages job opportunities therefore I deduce that the OP is no stranger to a bit of aspirational hopeful parenting.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4201779-Best-careers-with-high-wages-job-opportunities-at-this-present-time?messages=100&pg=1

This thread would have been posted in the spirit of good old envy mixed together with an inflated sense of self .

Unfortunately with such an entitled and judgmental attitude they will never be successful, I've seen it many times, people who brag the loudest about how clever they or their kids are tend to fail to deliver when it matters. I suppose they are not that clever / talented / exceptional after all but merely have gigantonormous egos. People like this also always make sore losers.

Interesting! The OP also has two other recent threads: one where she doesn’t want her own children playing outside with other children on the Estate due to behaviour and swearing etc. - wants her children to play in her own garden instead. The other recent thread is that her own child wishes to go to a Secondary school further away from the local state school. Seems there is more to this than meets the eye.

@PandemicAtTheDisco

The gifted children (whose parents) I know don't socialise much with their peers when out of school. One feels she spends enough time with them at school and finds them boring; she has friends online, an older cousin and in her hobby group. The other mostly plays with her older siblings.

I didn't allow my child to play out on our street because the children are unsupervised, noisy, are a traffic hazard and upset the other neighbours; their parents don't seem to care. I would allow her to play with another child her age at our houses or in our gardens. They would go to the local park to scooter or bike.

Sensible, Pandemic. Mine never played in the street but then neither did their friends. It just wasn't done.

My son did a GCSE in astronomy in year 11 in his own time just because he thought it would be fun 🤷‍♀️ some kids just enjoy learning!

Comparison is the thief of joy

@Starzinhereyes

Not monitoring it, the woman says it herself on WhatsApp groups, when the kids on the street call for the child to play they are told she's doing schoolwork or piano zoom... All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community...

Get a grip OP. Stop gossiping about things that are none of your business.

So what if the kids do a bit extra work? Mine have after schooltutoring twice a week. Not to get ahead but so they’re secure with what they are learning in school. Would you think that odd too? They learn a language separate to the one they learn in school too - is that acceptable? Oh and they music lessons too!!!!!

Mind your own business and stop being ‘that’ parent at school

So, you don't want your kids out on the street, but you think it's weird that other girl's parents don't let her play on the street? This is getting weirder indeed.

What’s it got to do with you how she parents?

An hour spent reading would be more rewarding

One of the best lessons you can teach your children is that hard work is a large part of success ( and that applies to academic success as well). Gifted is a word that is thrown around too freely. If we are talking PHD level, maybe. GCSEs not so much. At primary level it’s quite silly.
Children slow and speed up at various points. An engaged parent can easily accelerate learning and levels as can a good teacher. It sounds like this parent understands that. It is not a bad lesson to instill. Steady effort and putting in a little bit extra has long term effects. That should not be a surprise.

Good grief ) I don’t even know you OP but I resent you so much for what you have said!
My child is doing homework throughout schools holidays - beach holidays, family visits to another country etc etc and he’s no way deprived of all the fun things that your kids are doing ) I hope I don’t sound like I’m bragging but I just feel I have to defend this way of parenting as I feel that I am very similar to a woman you’re describing Just leave that women alone, why do you feel you have to judge her?! Do her kids look miserable to you? Do you feel she’s abusing them? No? Then just let her be!

Mind your own business! Ffs I hate these types of posts, so nasty and judgemental. To be honest OP you sound jealous her child is doing so well.

@Starzinhereyes

Not monitoring it, the woman says it herself on WhatsApp groups, when the kids on the street call for the child to play they are told she's doing schoolwork or piano zoom... All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community...

Ugh playing in the street is not a requirement for being part of a community, quite the opposite if it's noisy and encourages anti social behaviour....you must live on my road. I wasn't raised like that and it doesn't sit well with me especially when everyone has decent sized gardens! (digressing slightly lol) Either way YABVVVU wind your neck in!

An hour a day of helping her child learn hardly makes her a tiger mum!

Volvomum: Ugh playing in the street is not a requirement for being part of a community, quite the opposite if it's noisy and encourages anti social behaviour....you must live on my road. I wasn't raised like that and it doesn't sit well with me especially when everyone has decent sized gardens! (digressing slightly lol)
Either way YABVVVU wind your neck in!
.......
I agree with you, it's horrible. I don't understand parents who allow it and would never live somewhere that it happened.

Also agree with 1Micem0use that an hour a day of doing some extra work does not make the mother a 'tiger mum'.