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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

375 replies

Starzinhereyes · 15/04/2021 23:24

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

OP posts:
HumunaHey · 17/04/2021 10:08

@Starzinhereyes

I understand what thd replies, I just feel there is more to life than schoolwork... I never said my dc were underperforming, they are flying through school, they just don't get the recognition... From the replies I realise that I'm very much in the minority in that I choose not to provide extension work... I value play, free time, time to read & time for my dc to be children. The mom in question makes her dd do schoolwork over midterm, summer hols, Easter & freely talking about it on the class WhatsApp group... I couldnt imagine doing that to the dc, we have great holidays, lovely day trips, meeting up with friends & family, loads of time to explore the woods behind our road & we go to the nearby beach for a picnic lunch on the days its not raining. We do nature walks, scavenger hunts, build dens, DH taught my older son how to build a campfire & we camped beside it for 3 nights... For me this is all learning, there is more to learning to Twinkl worksheets, I had a subscription too during the lockdown but I found them repetitive & uninspiring my dc preferred to read up on topics & I quizzed them myself afterwards... So please don't judge me, I prefer to be active with my dc & I like them to be active socially.
Have you seriously got the cheek to ask people not to judge you when that is exactly what you have done to the parent you have made the topic of conversation? Hmm
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 17/04/2021 10:10

@Starzinhereyes

I understand what thd replies, I just feel there is more to life than schoolwork... I never said my dc were underperforming, they are flying through school, they just don't get the recognition... From the replies I realise that I'm very much in the minority in that I choose not to provide extension work... I value play, free time, time to read & time for my dc to be children. The mom in question makes her dd do schoolwork over midterm, summer hols, Easter & freely talking about it on the class WhatsApp group... I couldnt imagine doing that to the dc, we have great holidays, lovely day trips, meeting up with friends & family, loads of time to explore the woods behind our road & we go to the nearby beach for a picnic lunch on the days its not raining. We do nature walks, scavenger hunts, build dens, DH taught my older son how to build a campfire & we camped beside it for 3 nights... For me this is all learning, there is more to learning to Twinkl worksheets, I had a subscription too during the lockdown but I found them repetitive & uninspiring my dc preferred to read up on topics & I quizzed them myself afterwards... So please don't judge me, I prefer to be active with my dc & I like them to be active socially.
You seem to think that for some reason the two are mutually exclusive. Most people manage to find a good balance where they do both.
DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 17/04/2021 10:15

When a grown adult starts calling children "teacher's pets" for working hard you move from jealous and petty to full blown bully and actually quite abusive.

Well adjusted reasonable adults do not bully children because they are insecure about their parenting choices. Get help.

Springisspringing2 · 17/04/2021 10:16

.... Unless op is monitoring this families movements 24/7 which is more concerning than piano zoom lessons tbh...

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂

Op... Your ire is directed in the wrong place.

Talk to the teachers, they should be spreading around the accolades and praise..

Plumbear2 · 17/04/2021 10:18

Oh the irony that you are asking not to be judged when all you are doing is judging. Your story also has more drips than a thunder storm.

FlattestWhite · 17/04/2021 10:20

yeah we did a lot of the stuff you mention too, as children.

I probably still would have preferred to be inside doing maths books.

Maybe the child just doesn't want to play with yours, but has other friends, and plays in different ways to yours. Or think of doing maths/reading/writing as play - for me, that's what it was. That's often what my free time would have been filled with.

You don't seem to grasp that the child might enjoy this and want to do it, rather than being forced, just because your children would feel forced. It's fine for you not to do it then. Just like it's fine for her child to do what she does.

Twinkl might be dull and uninspiring, but some children love it, too. I loved repetitive work at times, very satisfying to do, and I enjoyed making progress. I could make a lot of things imaginative, too, even if they might have seemed boring on the surface.

You or your children might not love academics in the same way as other people, but that doesn't mean they are wrong or narrow for doing so, just like your children aren't bad for not wanting to do any extra work. They're just different.

Starzinhereyes · 17/04/2021 10:20

Not monitoring it, the woman says it herself on WhatsApp groups, when the kids on the street call for the child to play they are told she's doing schoolwork or piano zoom... All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community...

OP posts:
Springisspringing2 · 17/04/2021 10:20

We have to endure a family, wedded to school staff who are also mostly related or friends.

Do you think if this family have a dc up for any class position or school play our dc get a look in! I don't blame the family, although, how can they Comfortably receive these positions?

It's the school at fault... Rotten, nepotism.... To the core.... Rotten, corrupt...

Plumbear2 · 17/04/2021 10:21

Also OP I do everything you just mentioned with my kids,,they also enjoy extra work at home. It's possible to do both. Also where her eldest child goes to school had nothing to do with you.

WhataMissMap · 17/04/2021 10:24

My mum was a head teacher. It was in the days of eleven plus. Her school would offer special preparation lessons for children in the fourth year juniors to prepare them for the eleven plus exam. There were lots of materials relating to this lying around in our house. They fascinated me.
I remember I was a few years younger but I would really enjoy working through the eleven plus preparation work books in my own time.

Some children do enjoy academic work. I also had a lovely childhood playing out, horse riding etc.

In my experience it’s quite difficult to force children to work at home if they don’t want to.

An0n0n0n · 17/04/2021 10:24

Sounds like you are jealous of the praise on your children's behalf. She can parent how she wants. Imagine if she was stalking about you the way you are her.

Maybe not letting her child put to play due to worksheets or piano zoom is a polite way of saying no thanks.

I think yabsu to be judging like this.

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 17/04/2021 10:25

It sounds like you suspect she thinks she's above you (choosing different school, kids not playing out, you mentioning her wealth and employment status) and that's pissing you off for some reason.

An0n0n0n · 17/04/2021 10:26

Also you assume your kids like reading but her kids don't like doing worksheets. Some kids see work like that as a puzzle and like it.

Some kids hate reading and it could easily be frames as you 'making' your kids read because theirs don't like it so don't see how other kids would.

MeltsAway · 17/04/2021 10:28

I just feel that most children would be teachers pets

OP your subsequent posts only underline how unreasonable you are. And small-minded & envious. The phrase "teacher's pet" is insidious - and I remember it being thrown at me to be followed by being punched etc in the playground.

Ignorant, small-minded and envious. Great way to bring up your children.

Plumbear2 · 17/04/2021 10:28

@Starzinhereyes

Not monitoring it, the woman says it herself on WhatsApp groups, when the kids on the street call for the child to play they are told she's doing schoolwork or piano zoom... All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community...
I think it's very sad that you feel fit to discuss this child's school of choice with your entire neighbourhood. News Flash it's none of your business. Why do you find it odd that the parent are sending THEIR child to a school that suits their needs? Also you might want to discourage your kids spreading gossip about what a child is doing when they call round, or even better stop them from calling round. The child obviously dosent want to play with them and I carnt blame her, my kids wouldn't want to play with the local gossips kids either.
TheKeatingFive · 17/04/2021 10:29

OP you need to reflect on why this woman, who’s parenting is absolutely none of your business, is upsetting you so much.

WindyPudding · 17/04/2021 10:31

It was me who used “teacher’s pet” but I was being a bit facetious in ref to what my dc are not (and also that I was) - not to attack the child described in the op.

WindyPudding · 17/04/2021 10:32

Oops sorry I see you didn’t mean that

MeltsAway · 17/04/2021 10:36

All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community

Ugh, your attitude. I'll bet you anything, this other mother knows you're judging and envious - probably part of the reason her DC is going elsewhere. Small-minded & envious. I recognise it so well. Couldn't wait to get away from people like you.

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 17/04/2021 10:41

Ugh, your attitude. I'll bet you anything, this other mother knows you're judging and envious - probably part of the reason her DC is going elsewhere. Small-minded & envious. I recognise it so well. Couldn't wait to get away from people like you.
Exactly and if OP thinks it's okay to call a child names like "teacher's pet" for doing well in school- I wouldn't let my children play with hers either.

LadyDangerfield · 17/04/2021 10:43

@MeltsAway

All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community

Ugh, your attitude. I'll bet you anything, this other mother knows you're judging and envious - probably part of the reason her DC is going elsewhere. Small-minded & envious. I recognise it so well. Couldn't wait to get away from people like you.

Spot on to what the above poster said.

She probably knows her child will be judged for their entire secondary school career by small minded bigots. She could be planning to move to the area the secondary school is in once her last child finishes primary. Then she won't need to deal with small minded people like you.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 17/04/2021 10:54

OP - maybe the extra learning that you think would be dull for her child she is planning ahead and working at home on instilling good study habits in her children rather than serious academic learning. Trying to do this when they become teenagers with so many other interests as well as distractions is no joke unless they are naturally academic geniuses! Anyway I would assume she parents her way and you parent yours - maybe she doesn't agree with your parenting and may find that your children have too much freedom, little structure, boundaries or interest in learning -but you wouldn't know unless she or her children mention this 🙄

SoupDragon · 17/04/2021 11:11

All the parents I know & older kids think it's odd the older dc is going to a secondary an hour away when there is good states her in the local community...

Holy crap, you're gossiping and judging her choice of secondary too? I'm not surprised she's going further away. It's probably to get away from all the judgey gossiping parents.

YouJustDoYou · 17/04/2021 11:39

You need help op. You are jealously obsessing over the success of another child.

Springisspringing2 · 17/04/2021 11:40

Also people's idea of good is vastly different.
I was told by all mums around me, to me, talking to each other that our school's are really good.
Some digging reveals, hogwash.. One has County lines issues and major displine problems leading to mass staff walk outs... This was supposed to be sooo good..

Then the others have no Oxbridge candidates nor other redbrick destinations? But again the parents rave about them all being soo good.
My idea of good is very different.. And I know my choice of school has ruffled feathers.

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