Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

@IHateWinter88

So why don't you do the same? That sounds like a responsible parent. Most kids who are top of their class do so well because of extra work and effort. No one is ever going to be the first at anything by doing the bare minimum only.

Exactly this!

@MyOtherProfile

But space for some kind of play is really important. This poor child could have a play date in the garden or park.

We don't know that she dosnt , we have no idea how much play this child gets we are only hearing OPS version and she carnt possibly know this child's movements 24/7.

If she is a very wealthy sahm how come she lives in your street now?

@Plumbear2 but clearly this child is working at times when other children are playing.

So what? I'm pretty sure different family's follow different routines. There's no law saying you have to let a child out to play in the street.

[quote MyOtherProfile]@Plumbear2 but clearly this child is working at times when other children are playing.[/quote]
She appears to be working from a handful of examples when OPs children are playing. That’s not to say she isn’t playing at other times with other children, unless OP is monitoring this families movements 24/7 which is more concerning than a child who has piano zoom Lessons tbh.

My eldest is a very bright kid who has always been way, way ahead of everyone else. We've never given extra work, for us much more important to get him outside, up a tree or anything away from books to give him a more rounded experience!

I also have a bright kid but he did need extra work. He also did very thing you mention and much more. It is possible to do both.

I think you're the one who has missed a trick to be honest if you really think the highly paid jobs aren't going to exist and will have been handed to robots by the time your children are adults.

It is possible to develope social skills without playing in the street in year 3.

I’m sorry but both these statements made me laugh. Especially the robot one.

OP, you’re coming across as jealous and threatened. I’d advise leaving this family alone if their successes upset you or make you feel unworthy.

You sound jealous. I wouldn't let a Y3 child play out on the street either, doesn't mean they don't get enough time to play or social interaction

@Ozgirl75

I’m British and living in Australia. When I was young there seemed to be this belief that people were naturally good at some things, and then also naturally not so good at others. Now I live here, I have lots of Chinese friends and they think this idea is totally bizarre. They believe that anyone can be good at anything, and it just takes time, effort and dedication. And this really seems to be true. My older son has a “natural” ability for writing and reading - or maybe it’s just because he spends a lot of time doing these things (for enjoyment). He doesn’t have such a love for maths, but in lockdown we spent a lot of time consolidating his knowledge and now he is taking part in maths Olympiad - purely through hard work, practice and perseverance. He also plays 6-10 hours of tennis per week and is consequently very good at it. I’m not shy in saying “he puts the work in - if it was natural talent then Federer would have a day job and just turn up and win” Growing up there was this idea that you should just be effortlessly good at things and hide your hard work and I honestly think it’s totally mad. I do think people have a natural love for some things, but this is easily confused with ability, when actually what is more likely is that their natural love means they spend a lot of time doing the thing!

This idea is very much like Growth Mindset and is something many schools in the U.K. are trying to foster. It’s getting better but still an uphill struggle when there is still this inherent idea in the U.K. of the myth of ‘gifted and talented’ being the be all and end all.

I have a good friend of mine who would answer that way @Starzinhereyes.

her dc is playing an instrument (violin) and is involved in sports like a lot of Y3 tbh (a lot of them have extremely busy schedules going to many different activities after school).
And yes her dc is also doing some ‘extra work’.
Her mum is also not keen at all to see her playing in the street wo supervision so you won’t see the dc ‘playing with other kids’ like ‘everyone else’.

Does it mean that the child never get to play? Not a chance. It just doesn’t happen in a way YOU could see.

Basically you are assuming many many things from a couple of interactions....

I understand what thd replies, I just feel there is more to life than schoolwork... I never said my dc were underperforming, they are flying through school, they just don't get the recognition... From the replies I realise that I'm very much in the minority in that I choose not to provide extension work... I value play, free time, time to read & time for my dc to be children.
The mom in question makes her dd do schoolwork over midterm, summer hols, Easter & freely talking about it on the class WhatsApp group... I couldnt imagine doing that to the dc, we have great holidays, lovely day trips, meeting up with friends & family, loads of time to explore the woods behind our road & we go to the nearby beach for a picnic lunch on the days its not raining. We do nature walks, scavenger hunts, build dens, DH taught my older son how to build a campfire & we camped beside it for 3 nights... For me this is all learning, there is more to learning to Twinkl worksheets, I had a subscription too during the lockdown but I found them repetitive & uninspiring my dc preferred to read up on topics & I quizzed them myself afterwards... So please don't judge me, I prefer to be active with my dc & I like them to be active socially.

What about if mum doesn't want her to play with the kids on the street because she doesn't approve of YOUR parenting and thinks your children might be a bad influence?

Not so nice having someone make assumptions about your family when they don't know anything about you except the superficial is it?

She may very well have friends, she may very well not like your children or the children on the street and have other friends she visits and has play dates with. You can't conclude her child has no social skills because she won't play with your children.

Again I was a similar child, with great social skills but overwhelmed socially so I was picky about the friends I played with after school as this was my choice and happily used my mum as a buffer. You don't know what is going on and sound incredibly jealous to be pissed off that an 8 year old is doing well academically.

You find soft skills and social interactions more important than academics- Fine, then parent YOUR child that way, don't expect others to follow your "winning formula". We all value different things and have different priorities. Her child doing extra work doesn't stop yours from playing in the street.

So please don't judge me

Maybe take your own advice because your posts about the other mother positively drip with nasty judgemental crap.

So please don't judge me

I'm sure the irony is not lost on most people

So please don't judge me

Looks like you're making the shocking discovery that everyone parents their children differently. It is so far from any of your business what this mum is doing with her child.

My nephew is like this. My sister isnt making him do it, its what he wants, he asks to do maths at home.

Remember being a kid, being good at things is enjoyable. You want to spend your time doing what you are good at. If what you are good at is learning/study, you tend to be inclined to do more of it.

You do realise children can do all the things you mentioned and still work hard and do extension work. It is not all or nothing, either, or. Both are perfectly possible and most people who did brilliantly academically will tell you so.

As for So please don't judge me - might want to take your own advice and leave this little girl and her DM alone as they have done nothing to wrong or provoke you except simply exist. If people getting on with their lives makes you that angry- you need to see someone, no well adjusted human being would be this concerned about people just going about their own lives.

They actually live on our street but the child never comes out to play with the others (5 are in Y3 with the child & my dc)... She's not allowed play out... The kids in the street have knocked in for her but mum will say she has piano zoom or finishing schoolwork.... Child also does schoolwork over Christmas &, Easter breaks.. Children need their peers & playtime... In years to come many many highly paid jobs will be globalised, automated or done via robot... Soft skills are imperative. Would prefer my dc to develop socially, their academics are above average.... Think the mum has missed a trick...

No the mother is raising her child to be the best she can be. We never let our children play in the street. They did extracurricular activities and learning activities over the holidays. We were never keen on hanging around in groups as a particularly beneficial activity.

That didn’t mean ours lacked peers or didn’t play. We just chose how and when they did that. They had peers who were engaged with learning activities too. They played things other than kicking a ball, knock down ginger and tormenting neighbours.

We felt our children should have same sort of opportunities offered by independent sector but should attend state schools. That meant supplemental activities and extended learning.

Now as young adults they don’t feel they’ve missed out, are in good jobs and long term relationships. Why is that a problem?

It’s you that are in the wrong OP by assuming everyone needs or wants the same things as your child. Perhaps some fun maths during holidays might help boost your own child’s achievements and protect them from later mental health problems caused through poverty and low aspirations.

@Starzinhereyes

I understand what thd replies, I just feel there is more to life than schoolwork... I never said my dc were underperforming, they are flying through school, they just don't get the recognition... From the replies I realise that I'm very much in the minority in that I choose not to provide extension work... I value play, free time, time to read & time for my dc to be children. The mom in question makes her dd do schoolwork over midterm, summer hols, Easter & freely talking about it on the class WhatsApp group... I couldnt imagine doing that to the dc, we have great holidays, lovely day trips, meeting up with friends & family, loads of time to explore the woods behind our road & we go to the nearby beach for a picnic lunch on the days its not raining. We do nature walks, scavenger hunts, build dens, DH taught my older son how to build a campfire & we camped beside it for 3 nights... For me this is all learning, there is more to learning to Twinkl worksheets, I had a subscription too during the lockdown but I found them repetitive & uninspiring my dc preferred to read up on topics & I quizzed them myself afterwards... So please don't judge me, I prefer to be active with my dc & I like them to be active socially.

The judgement in that whole post 😂 Newsflash, you doing those things doesn't mean you're the better mother out you and her, it just means your children enjoy different things.

From the replies I realise that I'm very much in the minority in that I choose not to provide extension work... I value play, free time, time to read & time for my dc to be children.

What makes you think others who do some structured work at home don’t value this too?

Honestly, you do you, as they say. Why do you feel so threatened by people doing things differently? People who are secure in their choices don’t feel like that.

Op, most people I know do all that as well as extra learning. There’s plenty of time for both.

I just feel that most children would be teachers pets if their spare time was spent doing full twinkl worksheets, most parents have access to these, as mentioned above I have a subscription but in my opinion they are very dull & uninspiring, imo it would be more useful for my dc to use their imagination, master the art of negotiation & enjoy being a child...
The mum doesn't seem to want to involve her dc in the community at all, we have good local secondaries but her eldest dc bus to a secondary two towns away... This journey takes two hours out of their day (an hour there & back) this strikes me as odd...it's not a grammer or private just another good state like the three in this community....