Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

To add my son has always received extention work and I've always helped him.at home. He enjoys pushing himself and there's no way on earth I'm going to hold him back from achieving his potential because a nosy parent dosent like it.

It's nothing to do with you. At that age, I remember actually asking my teacher for more homework. I loved it.

What a strange post. Education isn’t a competition you should never compare your child to others. Some kids are naturally bright, naturally studious. Others not so much. And as a parent you get to choose whether to be proactive, pushy, passive or whatever when it comes to your home study beliefs. I’ve got one ‘nerd’ who liked school a lot and the other I’m sure is destined for a career in stand up comedy or a YouTube star doing stupid things :) they are both awesome. I honestly don’t care a jot what they do for a living, success in my household means being happy that’s all.

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others...

That sounds like a good teacher responding to each child as individuals and providing academic challenge.

My own kids do an extra hour at home with work books and apps we have purchased it helps them remember the work from school. They enjoy do them . Why would you be annoyed what some one else is doing with their family and helping their child have a good start in life ? I had a friend who used to make the same comments to me and never bothered helping their struggling child as they saw it as school job we are no longer friends as I got fed up by her comments

The mother being a wealthy SAHM has got nothing to do with anything for a start, you just sound jealous.
The teacher, the parents and the child all seem to have decided on this arrangement together, to benefit the child, obviously without your input as it has nothing at all to do with you.
You sound absolutely ridiculous and jealous of the mother and the child. By all means embarrass yourself and mention it to someone who will think the same thing.
Or better yet just drop it an focus on supporting your own child in the best way that suits them, which may not be the same way that benefits another child.

My father went to school during the 50s. He is still bitter that at that time the class could only move forward at the pace of the weakest in the subject. He was completely failed. Thank god times have changed and children are now being challenged when they need it.

Not sure the OP will return again. Obviously was expecting posters to sympathise and feel anger towards a mum who doesn’t have to work and therefore can help her child more. What this thread has proven that despite many posters working full time we all try and do the best for our children whether it’s encouraging their academia or other talents.

This a joke right? Why is it anything todo with you? If your that jealous of this child having a better education than your dd sit down and do extra work with her.

Why do you care? If you care because you feel this other child is getting an ‘unfair’ advantage, this is like any other provision - some have more capacity, some have less. Up your own input or accept this other kid may have an advantage.

I experienced this in RL - though in my case parent complaining was also doing additional work with their child.

In my case we started due to poor teaching in a certain area and inherited problems - dyslexia and dsypriaxia.

By Y3 my children were considered academically able but one had weaknesses and other had worked bloody hard with a lot of home support to get there and we thought as it was working rather than struggle again we'd keep doing what got them there.

School support we were told they weren't bad enough for or if they were it was often very poor and they missed teaching time for it.

I was a SAHM for a variety or reasons and circumstances and it something that came with a cost to my carrer our family income so I've also felt it odd that some people expect me to apologise for it having some benfit to my children.

My children also played, had hobbies and did groups and understood inmportant lesson that for them additional work did mean they get pay off with better grades and better time in school - I understand for some children that's not as clear cut.

It could be child driven, building on hard won successes or pushy parent either way I can't see how it's any of your business. I also don't think it's that uncommon and in some areas I think it does distort how good some primary schools are.

Any parent can support their child is whichever way they choose.

My eldest is extremely bright -and although I'm a single parent, I'm also a teacher. She was supported with work -which she hoovered up like it as chocolate. Yes, we did numerous workbooks -every night -at her request and although she is now a teenager she needs more encouragement to do some work, but is naturally interested in politics etc and discussions. With my eldest I did at least 2 hours a day one to one over the course of a week. It was no surprise that she passed her grammar school with high marks and she is in the process of doing an A Level. (Year 9) having done the GCSE already. She is self taught in that school subject.

My youngest -is totally different. She needs to be physically 'sat' on to do the basic reading his school sets. She will spent 4 hours doing a couple of pages but we do it every single day regardless. Some days she does a couple of pages in 10 minutes sometimes it takes 4 hours but I persist and I will continue to do so. So why bother? Because she has some language / English difficulties and without it -she will regress massively. She is on target currently for age related learning and ahead in maths. Without my intervention she wouldn't be on age related learning. Without me as parent saying during lockdown we are x/y/z today and you ARE doing it no matter how long it takes -if I hadn't of said this she wouldn't have done anything and after lockdown she would have failed everything without structured support at home.

My brother has two daughters. He went to a private school and was pushed academically and became a top professional. Both girls -he refuses to send private and refuses to do any extra work with them in the form of homework or additional learning. One is in Year 11 -she will not get the levels he did, or go to university to study as he believes 'she needs to want it' -he fails to see at that age 'he didn't want it' he was supported and pushed. Without it -he would not be doing the job he loves.

You sound jealous. Her doing worksheets will have nothing to do with her being picked for play parts!

Grandson did extra just for fun, he loves the maths set so kept going off his own bat in the lockdowns, he is now way ahead in his class for maths, english. I do worry he will be bored at school now though.

Jealous much?

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others...
That's amazing, I wish our school did that

OP, in the kindest possible way, what has this mum and her child got to do with you or your child? None of this is your business

If the dc are friends, well how lovely for them, they'll figure it out between them, provided you are not an interfering kind who likes to slag off other mums and their children to their own dcs and poison their young minds with your negativity-

Personally I think one hour doing twinkle sheets sounds dull and uncreative but if the child likes it, how lovely! There really is no badge for low aspiration. You do what works for you and the other mum does what is in the best interest of her family. So many entitled and judgemental people around, why don't you, rather than bitching about this family on MN, organise some activities that make you and your dc happy and focus on yourselves? YABU.

Yabu. I was a gifted child and school, primary school especially, was much too easy for me so teachers used to give me harder work so that I wouldn’t get bored and talk/disrupt others. I also had some sessions where I was taken out by a TA to do some gifted & talented stuff. It’s totally normal, not the school particularly favouring your DD’s friend. As for the mother, well you’d be better off pushing your own child rather than being jealous of her. I wish that my parents had pushed me more outside of school especially in maths.
Anyway don’t worry, although I went to Oxbridge, I am now quite average

refuses to do any extra work with them in the form of homework or additional learning. One is in Year 11 -she will not get the levels he did, or go to university to study as he believes 'she needs to want it' -he fails to see at that age 'he didn't want it' he was supported and pushed.

DN is similar - very good at maths had a poor primary year never recovered in secondary near bottom set went down even further after a year convinced, she can't do it looks likely not to pass GCSE maths which will cause her problems.

DD1 had a bad year suddenly told she didn't have a maths mind - we did extra on-line work took a while but she got really good - top set at secondary looking at A/A* (we're in wales so it's A-G grades) and looking to do it at A-level.

I did tell them what we’d done – the on-line program was so good it was mainly paying and being in the same room but DN wasn't keen on extra work so nothing was done.

It's s ridiculous in many ways that the UK state education system does rely on parental support so much. Having said that DH did well mainly though encountering encouraging teachers and being a massive self started with parents who would buy books and take him to the library but could offer little other support.

And how many plays can they have down if this child is in Y3? 2 or 3 at the most. Maybe the child is very confident and the teachers know she won't crumble into a heap of tears when she is on stage? So much jealousy among mums at the primary school gates, oh dear.

@CrysPopBang

And how many plays can they have down if this child is in Y3? 2 or 3 at the most. Maybe the child is very confident and the teachers know she won't crumble into a heap of tears when she is on stage? So much jealousy among mums at the primary school gates, oh dear.

Never less than that. None this year or last due to the pandemic so a current year 3 would have done 2 at most.

@Starzinhereyes pretty normal to be given extra work. That’s called differentiated work and the way teachers are SUPPOSED to be working.

FWIW dc2 was sent extra work too when he was in Y1-Y2. That’s because he was right at the bottom of the class and about one year behind.
Do you think that was unfair too??

This. This I why I never ever discuss with other Mums the extra work that I give to my child. The amount of times I was made to feel inadequate when I mentioned that he was doing workbooks since reception class. I like to stimulate my child. I am a foreigner so to me the English education system, in state schools. How can I put it? It’s not up to my standards. That is why I took a decision to educate him myself, after school. I mean, there are a lot of good things about his school, I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I just feel that they are not stimulated enough when it comes to homework! So yes, it is MY choice, and should you choose to do sweet FA when it comes to YOUR child education and leave it all to school - I’m not gonna be the one to judge you! To each their own. Why would it even bother you?! It’s someone else’s child, why don’t you spend your energy on something useful rather then feeling angry about other people’s kids?!

She’s probably cleverer than your child.

And that’s ok.

@1busybee

Completely missing the point of the thread! But I have a year 3 whose desperate to do extra work!! Could someone recommend any decent workbooks please. I brought a few over lockdown but they just really went through class work and didn’t do greater depth type work. She s particularly interested in maths work. Thank you

@1busybee Not workbooks but if you can get hold of the Murderous Maths series, they're great for kids about this age who are interested in maths. They're quite funny and have interesting problems. Some are easy, like Arithmetrics which is pretty basic, and then the advanced ones go right up to stuff like trigonometry.

What are you worried about? Is it

1. Gulf between your child and this child being wider?
2. Child being forced rather than wanting to do the extra work?
3. Not being able to imagine a child who enjoys workbooks?
4. Wanting harder work for your child?
5. Feeling inadequate that you can't devote 1 hour a day to homework? (This isn't a crap mum dig at you- there are legitimate reasons why this wouldn't work like siblings, late work hours, your child being tired after school etc)