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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

375 replies

Starzinhereyes · 15/04/2021 23:24

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

OP posts:
maddening · 16/04/2021 18:50

It's not a race to the bottom, why should children with higher ability be stretched, school should try to help all children do their best.

YouJustDoYou · 16/04/2021 18:51

This is the difference between children of parents like her, and parents like you.

LemonRoses · 16/04/2021 19:48

@maddening

It's not a race to the bottom, why should children with higher ability be stretched, school should try to help all children do their best.
You’re not serious surely? Why should children be set challenges, be given work they learn from, be encouraged to use their talents? Maybe because that is encouraging all children to do their best?
LolaSmiles · 16/04/2021 19:50

So many AIBUs could be dealt with if the OP would only acknowledge that the primary driver for their post is envy
Usually I think the 'you're envious... you're just jealous' arguments on here are really silly, but on this thread I think it's spot on.
I don't even think it's about the extra learning at home and everything to do with the OP's view of a wealthy SAHM, why else would she draw attention to that fact.

Kaptain · 16/04/2021 20:00

@maddening

It's not a race to the bottom, why should children with higher ability be stretched, school should try to help all children do their best.
Your post makes - no sense Hmm
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 16/04/2021 20:27

@maddening

It's not a race to the bottom, why should children with higher ability be stretched, school should try to help all children do their best.
Is there a "not" missing from your post?
TheKeatingFive · 16/04/2021 20:28

why should children with higher ability be stretched

I suspect the poster meant why shouldnt

YoBeaches · 16/04/2021 20:31

So the the child is bright and advanced for her class... the school is aware and is responding with more appropriate and sometimes additional work, and the wealthy sahm mum is ensuring the stretch work is done and feels the benefits are worth promoting.

I must be missing something here as it sounds ideal.

LemonRoses · 16/04/2021 20:33

@TheKeatingFive

why should children with higher ability be stretched

I suspect the poster meant why shouldnt

No I rather suspect not. I think they are suggesting it is unfair to only offer extension work to brighter children as this potentially confers additional advantage.
Crazycrazylady · 16/04/2021 20:49

I'm not sure why you're annoyed . There are one or two kids in my boys classes who get early finishers work to challenge them as they not challenged by the curriculum..it doesn't impact me or my son in any way. Probably helps as bored kids generally just distract others.

Imapotato · 16/04/2021 21:00

Why should you care what other parents do or don’t do with their kids, so long as no harm is being done.

Some kids love the challenge of extra work (dd1 did). If you want to improve your dds academic prowess by doing extra work, go ahead. If you don’t want to then don’t, kids don’t need to do exceptional well academically. Either way is fine.

1busybee · 16/04/2021 21:28

@Squiblet thank you. I have actually got that set for once HP has been finished thank you.

Original poster
Starzinhereyes · 16/04/2021 22:55

@PandemicAtTheDisco

It sounds as if the teacher/school are aware of your child's friend extra needs and are doing their best to provide.

Do you think the mother is pushing too hard and the child is unhappy about having to do extra work at home?

Do you feel the child has no time to play or no time for unstructured activities?

To answer honestly yes I believe the child doesn't get time to play... They actually live on our street but the child never comes out to play with the others (5 are in Y3 with the child & my dc)... She's not allowed play out... The kids in the street have knocked in for her but mum will say she has piano zoom or finishing schoolwork.... Child also does schoolwork over Christmas &, Easter breaks.. Children need their peers & playtime... In years to come many many highly paid jobs will be globalised, automated or done via robot... Soft skills are imperative. Would prefer my dc to develop socially, their academics are above average.... Think the mum has missed a trick...
OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 16/04/2021 23:03

Her child, her choice. Bravo the school are giving her extension tasks for her level and keeping her engaged.

Yes it's sad she seems a bit hot housed

Sh05 · 16/04/2021 23:19

Your op sounded like you resented the SAhM for having the time to do extension work with her child, in your next post you drop the fact that the school is giving the work and now you're making it sound like you're worried about the child's social skills.
Make your mind up otherwise you just sound jealous and like you want others to side with you!

LolaSmiles · 16/04/2021 23:23

In years to come many many highly paid jobs will be globalised, automated or done via robot... Soft skills are imperative. Would prefer my dc to develop socially, their academics are above average.... Think the mum has missed a trick
I think you're the one who has missed a trick to be honest if you really think the highly paid jobs aren't going to exist and will have been handed to robots by the time your children are adults.

Children can be well rounded and have friends without playing out in the streets most nights.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/04/2021 23:28

“istherelifeafter40

It is this mentality in Britain that bright people are only bright by design and absolutely cannot and will not study more than others. Everything has to be effortless. I hate to break it to you it is not how it works. At some point in school students that succeed and are very bright by all accounts are ALSO THE ONES who work really hard. You can't get A* at A level by doing nothing”

I think this is so true. It may seem as though the little girl would not be so clever if it were not for having a SAHM and the extra work, but it is normal for ‘cleverness’ to be the result of application. A child with aptitude just tends to enjoy concentrating and doing more too.

You don’t say what sort of school they are at, but it may be that what they are learning just isn’t enough compared to another standard.
Does school set homework already?

FrankChurchillsHaircut · 16/04/2021 23:44

None of which op explains why you would be "pissed off."🤷

Sh05 · 17/04/2021 00:21

And in your title you actually say the parents set the work🤔

Camomila · 17/04/2021 02:49

Do parents stand around and supervise the playing out where you are. Maybe it's partly an excuse because she feels her DD is too young to play out?

Maggiesfarm · 17/04/2021 05:58

Just because children knock for the child and she isn't available, it doesn't mean she never plays. Her parents may not want her out in the street, I wouldn't have wanted that for my two, they & friends played in eachother's homes and gardens.

It is odd that this little girls playing is so closely policed. There's something really not nice about that. I wouldn't want to live near the op, I'd feel that nothing was private.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 17/04/2021 06:14

I was that child, so was DD, who is now predicted 3 A* at A-Level. I was a bit smug tbh, and thought it was down to the high-brow atmosphere in our house and my exceptional parenting. However, my boys very much made me saw the folly of those thoughts. They very much do not do extra work for fun. My youngest only reads if I remove all screens, and then it's pretty much exclusively The Beano.

HelpfulBelle · 17/04/2021 06:15

I agree with you, OP.

DS1 is in Y3 (and exceeding), but he also has ADHD/ASD so me ‘teaching’ him after school is an absolute no-no! He needs time to chill/go out in his bike/play his Switch. He has a cello lesson once per week but doesn’t need any more ‘input’.

I was an overscheduled kid, and ended up at an Oxbridge college doing something I’d lost interest in/passion for, because I was a people-pleaser and didn’t have any concept of what I wanted to do.

Plumbear2 · 17/04/2021 06:59

It is possible to develope social skills without playing in the street in year 3.

MyOtherProfile · 17/04/2021 07:10

But space for some kind of play is really important. This poor child could have a play date in the garden or park.