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to ask what things you could smugly say you had never done?.....but in other news....

186 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2021 20:40

So I was smug that I had never put a pizza in the oven with the polystyrene tray still attached. I mean, what kind of fuckwit does that?!

In other news...... I am having sandwiches for dinner.....

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EscapeDragon · 15/04/2021 20:47

The day before yesterday I looked at my wristwatch and thought how much I really liked it.

Yesterday morning, went to put it on and... nowhere to be found. I've turned the house upside-down (even going through the rubbish bin) but I can't find it anywhere.

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greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 20:48

I once left the cardboard tray under the pizza, it still cooked ok but I've never lost my keys.

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BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/04/2021 20:49

I was smug that I've never lost my specs and certainly have never stormed round the house looking for them when they absolutely weren't on the top of my head...

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PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2021 20:55

@BobbinThreadbare123

I was smug that I've never lost my specs and certainly have never stormed round the house looking for them when they absolutely weren't on the top of my head...

What a coincidence, I have never done that either!
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ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 15/04/2021 20:58

@BobbinThreadbare123

I was smug that I've never lost my specs and certainly have never stormed round the house looking for them when they absolutely weren't on the top of my head...

I've never done that either, especially when said glasses were actually on my face
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Pinchoftums · 15/04/2021 21:00

I have never frantically looked for my phone. Whilst on my bloody phone.

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beepbeepbonk · 15/04/2021 21:04

This morning I definitely didn't panic I couldn't either of our horses in the field. Whilst leading aforementioned horses to aforementioned field!

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ViciousJackdaw · 15/04/2021 21:18

I have never put the yoghurt carton in the sink and the teaspoon in the bin, honest...

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carbon60 · 15/04/2021 21:22

Ah, the glasses on face, the phone in hand... I can admit to them. But I have never tried to open the front door with the car key fob.... oh no, not me!

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PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2021 21:32

I have also never saved the carcass and vegetables in a colander and poured my lovingly prepared fresh stock down the plug hole.

We had pizza that night, without polystyrene!

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Twinkie01 · 15/04/2021 21:32

I've never stood by a car identical to mine in the car park swearing at the remote control thing as it wouldn't open the bloody car.

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LakieLady · 15/04/2021 21:33

I have never, ever had diarrhoea and definitely never shat the bed, but in other news, I got campylobacter ...

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Howtomakeevery1 · 15/04/2021 21:34

I’ve never decided I’ve left my phone at the office whilst listening to music played from my phone on the train

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Toilenstripes · 15/04/2021 21:34

I’m smug that I’ve never lost my reading glasses but have worn both pairs on my head at the same time.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2021 21:35

DD once called me and we were admittedly on the phone for ages when she got a bit distracted and panicky. Then she asked me to call her phone as she couldnt find it.

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Merryoldgoat · 15/04/2021 21:35

I’ve never locked myself out of the house and had to call a locksmith to let me in for the princely sum of £65

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JellyBabiesSaveLives · 15/04/2021 21:37

Definitely never walked upstairs, forgotten why I was there, gone back down, remembered, gone back up, yep forgot again.

Also never turned my bag inside out frantically hunting for the car keys which I just unlocked the car with and put in the ignition

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itsgettingwierd · 15/04/2021 21:37

I have never out the milk in the cupboard and cereal in the fridge - promise your honour!

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Haudyourwheesht · 15/04/2021 21:37

I was very pleased to be managing a (very easy) IKEA flatpack without DH's assistance today, and then I cut my finger and bled all over it.

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5128gap · 15/04/2021 21:38

I would never leave the chicken where the cat could reach it.
My cat has caught a chicken.

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1Morewineplease · 15/04/2021 21:38

@Merryoldgoat

I’ve never locked myself out of the house and had to call a locksmith to let me in for the princely sum of £65

Neither have I! And I only paid £90 for that.
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Thegreymethod · 15/04/2021 21:39

@greeneyedlulu

I once left the cardboard tray under the pizza, it still cooked ok but I've never lost my keys.

For years I've kept wondering if you're supposed to keep it on the cardboard when you cook it, I was sure someone told me that's what it was for....... tried it with a "nice" pizza and it was fine (no difference really) tried it with a cheaper one and the cardboard curled up it was almost like a crappy version of a calzone when i took it out the oven!

Also I will never forget getting a treat pizza when we were kids, we didn't have it often especially not the Asda build your own type....... my mum cocked it on the plastic tray I was devastated! I kept begging her to let me just pick the melted plastic off!
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NewAndImprovedNorks · 15/04/2021 21:40

I have NEVER dipped watercolour paintbrushes in my tea.
In other news, paint water is not tasty

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1Morewineplease · 15/04/2021 21:41

I have never, stupidly, roasted a chicken with the plastic bag of giblets still inside it; why would I?

I have never flooded the electrics by throwing water onto a flame! That would be really stupid and costly.

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AmandaHoldensLips · 15/04/2021 21:41

I definitely didn't cook the pizza with the plastic base attached on purpose or deliberately feed it to my arsehole (ex)husband. He fucking ate it as well. Reee-sult.

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