to ask what things you could smugly say you had never done?.....but in other news....

[PyongyangKipperbang]

So I was smug that I had never put a pizza in the oven with the polystyrene tray still attached. I mean, what kind of fuckwit does that?!

In other news...... I am having sandwiches for dinner.....

[pinkstripeycat]

I have never ever tapped my face to see if I’m wearing my (distance/shirt sighted) glasses and have definitely never tried to take them off to read when I have already taken them off 🤪

[Echobelly]

I had almost never locked myself out of the house.... until the day we had an open-house viewing of our home when we were selling it and had to call a locksmith with our first viewers coming in less than an hour....

[redcandlelight]

I have never tried to pay contactless with my oystercard.
or tried to print out something at work with dc's library card...

[TooYoungToNotice]

I've definitely never driven all the way to work straining to see and then realised I have no contact lenses in.

I've also not slammed a filing cabinet drawer shut whilst leaning over it, trapping my nipple in in. Ouch.

I've certainly not agreed to go to an evening training session assuring my boss I was definitely free that evening only to realise id agreed to go out on my only child's birthday.

I've never put the kettle in the fridge or had to go into a room 3 times before remembering why I'm there.

Oh and I haven't driven all the way to Manchester airport to go on holiday and reached into the glovebox to find ..... No passports.

I haven't been enough of a dickhead to send an insulting email about a client directly to that client.

And I have of course like any self respecting idiot, cooked a pizza on its cardboard base

[TotoAnnihiliation]

I certainly didn't scratch my car on a bollard at the supermarket and deny it.

In other news, my husband has a keen eye for matching paint colours from scratched cars on bollards at supermarkets.

[MsAwesomeDragon]

I have never left my car keys in my classroom when going to a parents evening, only to find at the end of the evening my classroom was locked and could only be opened by the caretaker. I certainly didn't do the exact same thing at the next parents evening 2 weeks later.

In other news, the caretaker does such a good job he definitely deserves chocolates.

[Feelingconfused2020]

I have never brushed my teeth with depilatory cream so I don't know if the taste stays in your mouth all day and refuses to be washed away by anything.

I also haven't walked into a lamppost while texting

And I most definitely haven't put my phone on top of my car while I get the children in then driven off with it still on there, more than once. Imagine doing that!?

[CockneyCutie]

I have never created a fuss when trying to drop Ddog at a kennels... we had only had a conversation that morning, yet they were saying they hadn’t got her booked in and had no room...
In other news, the kennels 2 miles down the road were out in the driveway, wondering why we were so late for our drop-off!!
In mitigation, I did pop back to the first kennels and apologised endlessly for my mistake... thankfully, they thought it was funny!

[Confusedmeanderings]

I have never stopped the traffic to look in the road for a contact lens that had popped out whilst said lens was in my eye.

Also, I have never mistaken a totally different car for ours, got in and wondered why the man in the driving seat was not my husband. Oh no ..... Not at all .....

[Bloodybridget]

I've never let my car run out of petrol. In other news, stopping all the traffic at the junction of Tottenham Court Road and Euston Road is quite embarrassing.

[tobee]

I have never dropped the key into the lock of the work safe costing the shop hundreds of pounds to hire a the specialist locksmith to open the lock mechanism of the safe door within 5 minutes of my first day of counting the shop takings.

[purplecorkheart]

I have never gone to Aldi that is miles out of my way on Wednesday looking for the Thursday Specials.

In other news the Aldi Carpark is always full on Thursday so you have to walk up the hill.

[wrigglewriggles]

I have never gone shopping leaving my keys in the car and the door wide open (twice)
In other news, I live in a nice, safe area or (more likely) no one else wants my dented fiesta!!

[VegCheeseandCrackers]

I've never put the coffee in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard

[Scarby9]

At 4.45 on Friday I went to a colleague's office and announced smugly that I had had a super-efficient day, had sorted lots of tricky situations, replied to all my emails and was putting my out of office on for the weekend and going home.
Over an hour later, I finally found my car and house keys in the lost property box in the, by then unmanned, main office...

[Scarby9]

I have never, pre-Covid obviously, turned up for a day conference at a hotel 2 hours awa, got thre in plenty of time, enjoyed the breakfast (fruit salad, Danish pastries, bacon rolls and stuffed croissants) before discovering I was a week early (and eating another conference's breakfast).
Actually, that one was a bit of a win...

[Vallmo47]

This is such a fun thread.

I have never screamed to the person on the other end of my phone call, “Where the hell is my phone???”

Honestly. Unreal. But true.
I was very agitated at the time and losing my phone was the final straw.

[Breathmiller]

I have never used the torch on my phone to find my phone. Oh no sireee, not me.

Feeling smug about all the plans I had for today, totally going to get loads done, up early and a very proactive, productive morning.
In other news....I just got dressed and sat back on top of my bed.

[bettybattenburgs]

I have never had a panic that the car I had sold the day before had been stolen when it wasn't on the drive when I opened the curtains.

[Thelnebriati]

Vallmo47
I have never owned 2 phones so that I can use one phone to find the other, oh no.

[the80sweregreat]

We were staying in a business type hotel with the children once ( they were 6 and 10) and walked into the breakfast bit and started helping ourselves only to be told ' this is reserved for the Audi people' , we kept on wondering why all the Germans in nice suits were staring at us and the kids until someone got the manager to turf us out to the other breakfast room for the less important guests with less impressive croissants!

[MrsAvocet]

I've never driven away from a restaurant without noticing that my teenage DD was not in the car.
In other news, you have to go a surprising distance on the A66 before you can safely turn round.

[CamborneMaid]

I can smugly say,I've never sprayed hairspray under my arms instead of deodorant.

[Confusedmeanderings]

I have never shaken DH awake yelling that we were late and rushed us both into the car for our daily commute together.

In other news, schools don't open on Saturdays.

[Confusedmeanderings]

I have never called the police about my stolen car. Nor did I tell the young PC who turned up in response to the call not to be so patronising when he suggested that we check a few other streets to see if I had mistaken where I left it.

In other news, city streets look very similar.