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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate working?

198 replies

WorkPhobic · 15/04/2021 08:07

Started a new job two weeks ago. Perfect hours for me. Lovely people. Great location. Basically my perfect job. But I still hate it.

I hated my old job. The one before it and the one before it. In fact, I've hated every job I've ever had. And despite the fact that this is the best one I've had and it's perfect for me, I still hate it.

I'd much rather just be at home. I also have a problem with authority and being told what to do. An attitude that basically isn't compatible with being an employee! I hate knowing that on the days I work I have to stick to a routine and get up at a certain time, etc. I hate having any obligations or plans. I can't explain it but the routine that comes with being employed upsets me.

Should add I'm on ADs for anxiety after a breakdown last year. Also have a three year old.

I think I must just hate working, no matter what I do.

OP posts:
chocolateorangeinhaler · 15/04/2021 20:20

Well everyone under the sun hates their job at some point. You have three choices:

Carry on and moan every day
Carry on and shut up and accept it
Do something about changing your situation.

The last option will mean you taking responsibility, be grueling etc but nothing worth having is easy.

lovevlyt · 15/04/2021 20:20

I used to feel like this - for all the reasons you mentioned mainly the schedule and authority aspect of it all.

I started my own business ten years ago and haven't looked back - risk = reward and maybe you should consider self employment?

Devlesko · 15/04/2021 20:21

@W1ndSwept

10 hours a week doesn't pay the bills unless you are a millionaire !
It depends on how many bills you have. Some people don't want stuff, and have fewer bills.
lovevlyt · 15/04/2021 20:22

Also just to add self employment takes the authority issue away but I've gone through periods of hating my business and wanting to burn it down for sure!!

I'd still rather be self employed over anything, even through the rough times but my there have really been some rough times.

AntiWorkBrigade · 15/04/2021 20:23

NC’d for this as I don’t really want anyone linking me to this post. I can identify with what a number of posters have said about not liking being told what to do. I hated school for this - uniforms, sitting at a desk, rules - despite the fact I love learning. I remember walking past my old school on the way to sixth form college, which I adored due to having almost total freedom, and feeling pleasure each time that I didn’t have to go in! Little did I know that after the golden years of college and university, work was going to be the same in many ways.

Also not good at tolerating boredom, which is a problem at work.

I’ve actually had issues in a few workplaces - not for poor work or not following instructions, as like others I am actually very compliant - but due to massive anxiety caused by rules imposed and feeling unable to either cope or challenge. I particularly dislike the office environment, and wfh has been good (boredom remains, but the petty rules aspect has essentially gone). I had to engage with occupational health recently and ASD was mentioned. ADHD has also occurred to me as a possibility, so it’s fascinating to see so many posters on here saying they have this diagnosis.

I don’t know what the answer is as I’m too risk averse for self-employment, but I hate wishing my life away by obsessing over retirement and pensions. I get good feedback at work and it’s a decent job, but I feel constant pressure, worry and guilt.

ZednotZee · 15/04/2021 20:25

Work isn't supposed to be fun,we already have a word for that.

Sakura7 · 15/04/2021 20:27

I get you OP. For me it's the fact that so much of my time is not my own. I also hate other having expectations of me.

grapewine · 15/04/2021 20:35

You think self-employment is a viable alternative for a 25 year old who gets triggered by being told what to do for 10 hours a week in a salaried role?

No, but then I don't understand how OP pays the bills on 10 hours a week tbh. As I said, lucky.

Original poster
WorkPhobic · 15/04/2021 20:37

I don't pay the bills at the moment. DH does. My wage isn't anywhere near enough.

OP posts:
Babymamaroon · 15/04/2021 20:38

Yep - absolutely hate it. Work full time, major hours and only 25 days off a year. I am regularly on my knees managing it all and just hate it so much.

I do however, love the financial compensation and what it does for my family.

mixedveg · 15/04/2021 20:39

I am the same. I've only done a little bit of proper scheduled work in my life. I loved being a student and ended up getting funding to do a couple of degrees just because I didn't like having to do a real job. I had to work hard at that, of course, but most of the time you could have a day off when you felt like it as long as you managed to catch up. I've been a sahm/parent carer too, which was demanding, but I liked that I felt like I was choosing my activities for the day.

I'm self-employed through my own company now. I only set it up a couple of years ago, but I used PAYE from the start, which means that I've had a year of furlough when I've not had to do any work at all. I will continue claiming that for as long as it's available (I'm not convinced that it'll come to an end in September) and then I am ttc anyway so hopefully I'll be able to have maternity pay after that.

I don't think it's true that everyone would like to not be working and potter at home. We've seen in the past year how people can go stir crazy without the social contact and expectations in the workplace. For me, it's something I've never needed, in fact I find it draining. Though I know quite a few people who work when they don't need the money, or don't make much money after childcare costs.

littlepieces · 15/04/2021 20:56

I'm the same OP. My job is bearable, but I hate all workplaces and all the nonsense that comes with them.

I enjoy getting stuck into an interesting project, but I just want to be left alone to do it. Working from home has been a blessing and a curse. I don't have to physically engage with anyone or their egos, or do all the office etiquette stuff, but some days I get a consant stream of message and email requests that everyone seems to expect an instant reply to. By the time I've pandered to everyone's needs it's like 3pm and I still have a whole day of work to do.

I'm quite senior and have worked my way up to be a specialist/expert in my field rather than progressing along the management path. I have some less experienced, younger, power crazed managers who don't respect me at all, and assume that because they're my managers that they've 'beaten' me to some sort of superior role. (Such an old fashioned attitude). When they patronise me I can at least take some satisfaction in the fact that I'm on double their salaries.

Livingonadream · 15/04/2021 20:58

No, not at all! I'm 45 and I'm tired Grin

LockdownCheeseToastie · 15/04/2021 20:59

Fairly sure no one likes getting up, going to work and being told what to do but it pays the bills so has to be done....

Thelikelylass · 15/04/2021 21:00

I've worked for decades. I continued to work when I had kids as I always thought if anything happened I'd still have my career. So glad I did that as I made amazing friends who are my support now, had great experiences and I am a respected and well paid professional. Most importantly That relationship did end, I kept my home and stability for the kids and now as they are adults I am free to give up work if I wish and sell up in my early '50's and do what I want. I see cases on here (and real life people too) where women stayed home and then they become 'starved spouses' when the husband leaves.
A year wfh has taught me I liked being at home to oversee all my house projects but not every fucking day! I want a new job, but it will be a job with an element of fun (travel/tourism/tefl/working in a park) as I like the sense of purpose but would still like more days to pretend ill use the time to learn a language/see art/ etc (when I'll probably lie in bed eating toast and looking at that stuff online. I don't regret my work but it has been hard at times.
OP if you're only doing 10 hours a week and hate it, what is your plan if you only had one income? Can you retrain?

littlepieces · 15/04/2021 21:06

Also I'm baffled about how practically everyone at my workplace is always 100% switched on, motivated and enthusiastic. I literally don't care what's going on 80% of the time. Are they all bluffing?!

zoemum2006 · 15/04/2021 21:13

I’ve always hated working (but I’m always a good worker).

I went self employed 15 years ago and I’m a lot happier.

Basically it’s the lack of control over my life that I couldn’t stand.

Christmasfairy2020 · 15/04/2021 21:37

What degree did you chose what area do you work in? X

Original poster
WorkPhobic · 15/04/2021 21:50

Eh. I don't have a degree. Just GCSEs. (Dropped out half way through my A Levels due to MH.) I work in NMW low skilled jobs.

OP posts:
Rosewood017 · 15/04/2021 22:06

I can relate. I kind of enjoy working part time now rather than full, but I dread attending meetings, zoom calls or team building.

I'm happy to sit at my desk and not engage in small talk.

How do you find the routine of motherhood? I must say my 3 year old is the most demanding boss I've ever had but I get way more job satisfaction.

missbunnyrabbit · 15/04/2021 23:10

Oh OP. Are you me? I hate hate hate working so much. I hate getting up in the mornings, I hate spending all my days working. I'm a teacher so I work long hours. What's worse is that everyone expects me to love my job, I'm expected to say that I can't wait to get back after the Easter Hols!! As if!!!! I just lie and say I'm looking forward to it. I'm utterly dreading it, and I work in a great school with great kids. Sigh.

I've told myself that when I reach the top of the pay scale, I will go part time. I can't face spending the next 40 years working like this. I'd rather spend my days poor, but more pottering around the house snd garden and just chilling.

Babyroobs · 15/04/2021 23:34

I used to love my current job but have fallen out with my current manager and in my last job. I think I'm just not very good at resolving things, I'm more likely to just leave, I'm a bit impulsive and always think the grass is greener etc. I have high expectations of people and when others don't work as hard as me or try as hard I just get pissed off. I guess I'm just not a great team player. I would feel bereft if I had no job though.

therocinante · 15/04/2021 23:57

I love 95% of what I do for work, I work with an amazing team who are some of my best friends, in a gorgeous office, with opportunity to do fun and exciting stuff that challenges and interests me.

I still resent having to work, especially to a a schedule, my brain doesn't work like that. I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I could afford to - I'd probably go in and work for them occasionally during the week (I genuinely like what I do and I'd miss them) but I would be happier doing it when I felt like it and on my own schedule and not for money. I hate being told what do do, too, it makes my brain shut down/strongly want to do the opposite.

CrikeyPeg · 16/04/2021 00:00

@WorkPhobic emagosh, at 25 you've got a lot of disappointing years ahead of you. All I can suggest is to get yer thinking cap on and come up with an idea/job/service you can do/provide and work for yourself. Easy to say, I know, but the alternative is same old same old for years to come.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/04/2021 00:59

I’ve nearly always had jobs that I liked, but still kind of hate it - it’s getting up in the morning and having to do things at a certain time I guess!