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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate working?

198 replies

WorkPhobic · 15/04/2021 08:07

Started a new job two weeks ago. Perfect hours for me. Lovely people. Great location. Basically my perfect job. But I still hate it.

I hated my old job. The one before it and the one before it. In fact, I've hated every job I've ever had. And despite the fact that this is the best one I've had and it's perfect for me, I still hate it.

I'd much rather just be at home. I also have a problem with authority and being told what to do. An attitude that basically isn't compatible with being an employee! I hate knowing that on the days I work I have to stick to a routine and get up at a certain time, etc. I hate having any obligations or plans. I can't explain it but the routine that comes with being employed upsets me.

Should add I'm on ADs for anxiety after a breakdown last year. Also have a three year old.

I think I must just hate working, no matter what I do.

OP posts:
MindBodyChocolate · 15/04/2021 11:52

Wouldn’t a lot of people be happier pottering at home, listening to podcasts and pursuing hobbies all day? I get that work is a pain a lot of the time. But in our society you need money to live. And OP you only work 10 hours a week so I don’t really know what you want. Don’t work? Try to get more benefits? Go self employed? Or just get on with 10 hours of your week and enjoy the rest?

Horehound · 15/04/2021 11:53

I'm exactly the same op but I think it's because I've just fallen into a career path out of luck and not actually what I want to do.
I would love to have a pottery studio and also create watercolours but that's just not going to pay the bills. As a planner I earn a great salary with great benefits but it does make me unhappy

nongnangning · 15/04/2021 11:53

Coo this thread is interesting!

I am the opposite, OP. I really like working, always have. Sitting here procrastinating from work, reading MN right now, made me think 'but why do I like work?' Putting money outside the equation, I think it is trying to solve problems that arise. It might be a bit like a computer game, where you are trying to get to the next level by solving a challenge.

Upamountain43 · 15/04/2021 11:56

I could have written this - i hate working absolutely hate it. I have always had good jobs and my current one is one people think must be great and i don't hate what i do i just would rather be living my life.

I had children straight from school and the years I was at home with them were by far the most rewarding and stimulating of my life. I worked part time for a bit and went into full time work when I was about 32 - by 45 I could not see the point of living if this was going to be my life so downscaled everything and have only worked 3 days a week since then.

I wish i could say it is a good compromise but i still hate it - best time of my life was furlough being paid and not having to work.

OverTheRubicon · 15/04/2021 11:59

I have always hated working, but like a pp that's sort of spurred me to become more senior, at least now I am extremely well paid for my time, and i have a team to delegate things to and can afford to get help at home so that I can maximise the time with my family and doing things I enjoy at home. I'm a lone parent, so not working would be pretty financially disastrous.

However I still loved being on maternity leave far more and even when I was out of work, the joy of pottering around the house even outweighed the stress of not knowing what was happening with work. It gives me less patience on the SAHM threads when people complain about how hard it is to do all the washing etc etc. I fully sympathise with sahms who feel mentally unfulfilled, or who worry about their long term prospects, or who want to work but are pressured into staying home by bad partners, childcare costs or specific caring responsibilities - but have very little sympathy for the wives of wealthy partners saying how there's just no way they could work, or how they could only consider a school hours job, and or the recent thread about an SAHM with school age children complaining she never had the house to herself with her DH now wfh... I just keep thinking that they don't know they're born, it's really a decent life!

Horehound · 15/04/2021 12:09

@DynamoKev what steps did you have to go through to get your diagnosis if I may ask?

And to all those who have gone self employed...what are you self employed as?

someoneiou · 15/04/2021 12:10

Yanbu. I hated working. Love being a sahm.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/04/2021 12:14

YANBU to feel as you do - I think a lot of people do (demonstrated by this thread Grin).

I'm like @nongnangning though - I actually don't mind working. I love my job (teacher) despite the stressful times. I do have a leadership position now so I am in a position to drive change forward which is nice. I am very privileged to work with young people who are endlessly entertaining.

I know I am lucky though and I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who doesn't enjoy working.

IntermittentParps · 15/04/2021 12:28

I love working Grin These days I'm freelance and love my actual work. But I've done lots of jobs, some shite (fast food joints at holiday camps), some lovely but unchallenging (cushy admin-type job in a gorgeous museum), some a bit of both (in books, a bit stressy but loved most of the work and it's my dream field, in which I still work).
And even in the shite jobs I loved the fact of working.

I like the odd day off and holiday, but the idea of having to fill my own time all the time makes me nervous.
Different strokes I guess. Or have you just not found work that really engages you?

DynamoKev · 15/04/2021 12:37

@Accentor

What the smug types on this thread don't seem to realise is that EVEN if you worked hard at school and university, EVEN if you have the luxury of choice, EVEN if your job is flexible and well paid...

...it is still entirely possible to hate having to work. I should know. We're currently recruiting for new people to join my team. Hundreds are applying because the job is terrific.

And I hate it to my fingertips. I'm in my fifties and have worked full time my whole life. I've had loads of different jobs and have hated every single one, eventually. Sure, sometimes there's a flush of hope and enthusiasm when you get a new job or even a new career - but that generally wears off within about three months and the sheer, mind-blowing HORROR of having your days dictated by people you don't give a crap about sets in.

Most days I dream about doing a Reggie Perrin.

Brilliant. I hate the "follow your dream" "do what you love" stuff. I've done a few things that were things I loved for work - that's the quickest way to ruin a desire in my experience. Doing stuff you love means not doing it all the time, taking a break when you aren't feeling it, not doing the bits you don't like, very little of that is possible if it's work and there are expectations of you.
TheSpanishApartment · 15/04/2021 12:38

I'm with you OP, I hate working. I was at my absolute happiest on maternity leave. I've worked full time all my life (did not marry a rich husband). I had one disastrous first career that I LOATHED and now am fairly seniorish in another career. It is much more flexible, and as others have said, being more senior means I have more flexibility, can delegate etc. So that helps. I also worked from home two days a week before the pandemic, which was great as I got to do some pottering then. Cannot wait for retirement.

DynamoKev · 15/04/2021 12:39

Oh, and like others on this thread, self-employment didn't help for me either - you just swap boredom for anxiety.

MissKeithsNeice · 15/04/2021 12:46

Just while everyone is talking about ADHD...

I have ADHD and love routine. Without routine, I'm a mess and quickly stop functioning. I also love working and always have done. I find the structure and flow really rewarding. I would be a mess without work.

LittleTiger007 · 15/04/2021 12:52

@Horehound And to all those who have gone self employed...what are you self employed as?

An author. I love it. Choose my own hours, research is fun, can write anywhere my laptop is. The stressy bit is before you’re published, but once you are the ball starts rolling as it were and one or two successful books can mean no more need for working as the royalties come in.

DynamoKev · 15/04/2021 12:53

@nongnangning

Coo this thread is interesting!

I am the opposite, OP. I really like working, always have. Sitting here procrastinating from work, reading MN right now, made me think 'but why do I like work?' Putting money outside the equation, I think it is trying to solve problems that arise. It might be a bit like a computer game, where you are trying to get to the next level by solving a challenge.

All the problems I solve are pointless. I sort stuff out but I think "what's the point?" Then again I mostly can't be arsed with computer games either.
LittleTiger007 · 15/04/2021 12:55

I think where our western society has gone wrong is the perceived need for always working. We need more balance. I lived in Africa for a while and once some people had earned enough for their family to eat that day they were done and relaxed for the rest of the day.
We are too obsessed with ‘stuff’ in the west. We accumulate stuff that we are too busy to use or enjoy.
Work and rest need to be in good measure... but it’s a luxury few of us can afford.

Sleepisoverrated150 · 15/04/2021 12:55

@nongnangning interesting! for yourself and anyone else who loves to work. If you won a significant sum on the lottery would you continue to work?

Needhelp101 · 15/04/2021 12:56

I'm an author too! But it took me literally decades to get successful enough to be able to quit my 'day job', which I hated.

It's the boredom, isn't it? And the lack of freedom. And the utter pointlessness of many jobs (admin/office work particularly bad for this, I think).

Anyway, I love my job now but can I just point out that I'm supposed to be writing 2000 words at the moment and instead I'm on Mumsnet 🙂

nicknamehelp · 15/04/2021 12:58

I think most people would rather not be restricted by a job unfortunately most need to work to earn money to live so just have to get on with it

malificent7 · 15/04/2021 13:00

Yanbu. I worked gard at school and uni and now again at uni slaving night and day over my dissertation...on track for a high 2:1/1st🤞 but i still would rather retire early and potter around at home quietly. Im just not good at politics. Hate it.

malificent7 · 15/04/2021 13:00

Hard*

qualitygirl · 15/04/2021 13:02

I think the problem is that you are separating work from life...when really it is a PART of your life. It is what you make it OP. I love my job, I get on well with my colleagues, my work doesn't DEFINE me but it is a huge part of who I am and my life. I love it. @WorkPhobic 10 hours a week is hardly much to moan about? Why don't you just quit then?

LittleTiger007 · 15/04/2021 13:02

Me too @Needhelp101! It’s too easy to procrastinate working from home! It’s ok when I’m on a roll... but right now I’m a bit stuck.... another day I’ll make up for it though and write twice as much!

nongnangning · 15/04/2021 13:05

@sleepisoverrated150 Good question! I know the answer immediately - yes, 100%. But rather than working to earn money per se I think off the top of my head I would do some projects that would contribute in some way to causes I believe in, or interests. So for example - if anyone wanted me - I would have time to join the board of a charity, join the school governors. Or stand for the council. Or write a book. Things like that. These all take quite a lot of work, even if it's voluntary.

One thing that I haven't seen on this thread yet, is much about how housework and childcare is actually a load of work. Do posters think it could be not so much 'I hate work' as 'I prefer this other type of family-related work - although it's not paid - to 'going to work' work'?

pippistrelle · 15/04/2021 13:07

I'm not fond of work in principle, but I assume that the people who actually like it are the minority. If it were meant to be fun and enjoyable, then it wouldn't be called work. It's just an exchange of effort for money.

That doesn't mean that one can't take pride - or benefit in other ways - in a job well done, but, on the whole, I'd rather not.