AIBU to hate working?

[WorkPhobic]

Started a new job two weeks ago. Perfect hours for me. Lovely people. Great location. Basically my perfect job. But I still hate it.

I hated my old job. The one before it and the one before it. In fact, I've hated every job I've ever had. And despite the fact that this is the best one I've had and it's perfect for me, I still hate it.

I'd much rather just be at home. I also have a problem with authority and being told what to do. An attitude that basically isn't compatible with being an employee! I hate knowing that on the days I work I have to stick to a routine and get up at a certain time, etc. I hate having any obligations or plans. I can't explain it but the routine that comes with being employed upsets me.

Should add I'm on ADs for anxiety after a breakdown last year. Also have a three year old.

I think I must just hate working, no matter what I do.

We accumulate stuff that we are too busy to use or enjoy

This was very true in my case. I took a step back and thought about all the things I could happily live without and made changes. I earn less money now but have more free time. My free time is also now more enjoyable because I'm not burnt out from long hours in a stressful environment. I also think it's probably done my health a lot of good. I was heading for some kind of breakdown, which is what brought about me making changes. I sleep better, I eat healthier and my life is just calm.

[quote LittleTiger007]**@Horehound* And to all those who have gone self employed...what are you self employed as?*

An author. I love it. Choose my own hours, research is fun, can write anywhere my laptop is. The stressy bit is before you’re published, but once you are the ball starts rolling as it were and one or two successful books can mean no more need for working as the royalties come in.[/quote]
Ooft! You know I have always wanted to write a book.

Did you build up savings before you left your job and started to write? How long did it take you from starting to write the book to being published and gaining an income? It sounds very risky? And that's if your book even seeks, what would you do if you didn't?!
Sorry for all questions @LittleTiger007

@pippistrelle but surely that's just a personal preference. In my last career I hated it...it was a chore, the dread was unbearable. So I have changed career. I GENUINELY love my job now, I'm excited by it, it has stressful moments yes, but I don't mind that, I find it a challenge.I love it.

Hi OP
With the amount of hours you work per week you could earn that selling on Ebay. Have you thought about that? X

@LittleTiger007

Me too *@Needhelp101*! It’s too easy to procrastinate working from home! It’s ok when I’m on a roll... but right now I’m a bit stuck.... another day I’ll make up for it though and write twice as much!

I know @LittleTiger007! Bastard social media doesn't help either.

Anyone interested in writing a book, btw, there are lots of good podcasts and websites out there. The Creative Penn is a good place to start (she's not me!).

@Horehound *Ooft! You know I have always wanted to write a book.

Did you build up savings before you left your job and started to write? How long did it take you from starting to write the book to being published and gaining an income? It sounds very risky? And that's if your book even seeks, what would you do if you didn't?!
Sorry for all questions*

I was in a stressful service job and got injured so I had a year off work off my feet but being paid. It was a huge help to get me started with writing which I had always wanted to do. Then for a while our house income took a huge hit... but other half was so happy seeing me happy and not stressed like I had been. Then when you sell that first book idea! Nothing better! Two years in and not quite earning same as before yet, nearly though... and quality of life has improved immeasurably.

@qualitygirl

I think the problem is that you are separating work from life...when really it is a PART of your life. It is what you make it OP. I love my job, I get on well with my colleagues, my work doesn't DEFINE me but it is a huge part of who I am and my life. I love it. *@WorkPhobic* 10 hours a week is hardly much to moan about? Why don't you just quit then?

Being made redundant in my 30s and it taking me 4 months of hard slog every day to get another job cured me of thinking of work as an integral part of my life. I highly recommend struggling to pay your bills because no-one wants to employ you as a way to readjust thinking about work. It teaches you that whilst work is needed for wage slaves like most of us are, you have to find a way to exist and find value to life if you can't get work.

I quite like my job but still hate working.

Really I just want to be able to potter around doing my own thing on my own schedule!

Illustrating books is another good place to start getting into book writing and earning from home @Horehound. If you can draw at all. £200 for a double page spread in a cheap sticker book type affair (some of the artists of these things are not great accomplished masters yet... but cutting their teeth. You can also use IT to help). Then with high end painterly skills double page spreads can rise to £800 for children’s books.
Write your own and then get paid for illustration and words. I know someone who did this whilst in an office job she hated. Plus she sold greetings cards (her designs cheaply printed) online etc. By the time she was 30 she was established. She’s a household name now. Mortgage paid etc.

Sure, @dobidobidooo.

I am genuinely happy for those who have found a job that they enjoy and if people are in the position of hating what they do, then it's always worth trying to find something they, at least, hate less. But I do think that loving working - in principle - is a minority position.

Many of these postings could really have been written by me.

I have had two major careers librarianship and academia) both working with a client group and all client groups contain nobs and idiots. In between I went back to uni and re-qualified. That was probably the best part of my working life because it was up to me how hard I worked. I dont have a problem being told what to do by someone smarter and more experienced than myself. I DO have a problem being told what to do by knobheads. I dont suffer fools gladly.

My last employed job was academia. I had a lot of flexibility through working at home. I was also selling online part time as a hobby and as an income stream. When I retired from employed work in 2004 I became full time self employed. My various pensions provide me with a basic income but I like to enjoy my comforts as well.

Online selling (antiques and vintage via several sites) gives me plenty of flexibility and most of my customers are in the USA so different time zones for this night-owl. I seldom go to bed before 3 am and sometimes I just stay up all night and sleep through the next morning.

I still shut up shop for 3 months a year at Christmas, Easter and August. Yes some customers are nob-heads and potential scammers. All part of the fun.

@LittleTiger007

Illustrating books is another good place to start getting into book writing and earning from home *@Horehound*. If you can draw at all. £200 for a double page spread in a cheap sticker book type affair (some of the artists of these things are not great accomplished masters yet... but cutting their teeth. You can also use IT to help). Then with high end painterly skills double page spreads can rise to £800 for children’s books. Write your own and then get paid for illustration and words. I know someone who did this whilst in an office job she hated. Plus she sold greetings cards (her designs cheaply printed) online etc. By the time she was 30 she was established. She’s a household name now. Mortgage paid etc.

Oh this is inspiring. I could probably illustrate if I putt my mind to it! I'm Gona do some research thank you!

I have a highly paid, sole breadwinner, senior management level, intellectually-stimulating, good-for-society job, that I needed to get a very good level of education to do. My job is varied, I can wfh, and I'm senior enough I can e.g. take the kids for their swimming lessons in the middle of the day and then pick up work again afterwards. I am never bored at work.

But I still hate working. I don't have enough time to do my hobbies, I don't have time for my family, I can think of many many many other things I would much rather be doing other than working. I don't like the restricted holidays, I don't like being at someone's beck and call from 9 - 5 (allegedly).

I have a truly epic xls where I calculate all of my various pensions, how much they will be increase by each year (depending on whether the stock market returns 2%, 5% or 10% on my investments - that sort of epic xls!) and when precisely I would be able to stop work. I have lists of the places I want to visit (post Covid!), things I want to do, things I want to start to do etc etc.

And that's with a very fulfilling, challenging, good-levels-of-stress job, that's very highly paid. I decided very early on that if I was going to work for 40 odd years, then I flipping well was going to get paid well enough for it so I could enjoy the retirement part!

For most people work is a means to an end. It gives you a roof over your head and food to eat. If you enjoy it more than you hate it overall, then you're onto a winner in my view.

I stare at my screen 8 hours a day and just feel like I’m staring into the abyss.
Yep
I was on zoom call recently where a fairly senior staff member prefaced most of his remarks with "trust me" which made me think he is a person who cannot be trusted at all.

99% of meetings are about pointless shite and whatever the outcome is will make zero difference to anything. I don't even listen most of the time - there's no point.

Are you a narcissist whom thinks your ideas are better and doesn't like taking anything from anyone else. ?

@ThatOtherPoster

Could you have ADHD? That often goes along with a hatred of routine and having anxiety. Just a thought.

And possibly you’re just in the wrong job?

My DH spins this as "you're not employee material" 😁.

Dx of adhd in late 40's. I just get into trouble at work. 👍

I've got great education and skills to do loads of things.

No, I don't love work.

Theres a huge issue with telling kids to "follow their dreams" or "do what they love".

I'm not good enough at any of the things I love (or they are not valued by society) to make a living doing them. We have to teach young people to accept that for many or even most people, they won't necessarily spend their lives earning mega bucks to do something they love. They are more likely to be paid modestly to do something valuable they can tolerate.

I was lucky to come to this realisation fairly early, and realised anything is more tolerable if you are paid decently, work with good folk and have the work life balance you want. So now I focus on getting those things right and don't focus overly on the "content" of a role as it really doesnt matter.

Throwa I think you are me, complete with the pension xls

@Horehound And to all those who have gone self employed...what are you self employed as?

A gardener.

I can't stand the corporate world. I really struggle with office environments, having to sit at a desk or in meetings. So pre kids I did voluntary sector jobs that were varied and involved meeting a lot of people, casual dress code, generally lovely colleagues.

Then after kids I retrained and have been self-employed for about 4 years. It is the longest I have stayed in a job and I honestly love it. And I still enjoy doing my own garden in my spare time!

I also suspect I have ADHD. An active job suits me. I choose my own hours, I'm always learning, I meet lots of people but I'm not stuck in a room with them. I love the fresh air and the head space. And I like that my work makes an obvious and immediate difference - I get lots of positive feedback which is really motivating.

@Horehound those figures are from 15 yrs ago when my best friend was starting out... so out of date. If you have the commitment to work at it and don’t give up after some knock backs .... it’s a great life.

@Christmasfairy2020

Are you a narcissist whom thinks your ideas are better and doesn't like taking anything from anyone else. ?

Are you rude and jump to unwarranted conclusions?

I much prefer working to not, but I left my last job after 4 years as couldn’t bear it any more!!! I’m working v p/t now and trying to decide if I’m just going to see where it leads or look for a more structured role.
I know I never want to get up at stupid o clock for work again ie, pre 7am, I don’t particularly want to work f/t (haven’t since before kids). What I do like is a mix of wfh and office which I have done before in a freelance capacity. Freedom to set own hours but stimulation of being in an office without the shit politics.
I’m not mega ambitious but I wouldn’t want to sell myself too short either.

What I hate about my job (HCP) is how quickly the status quo can be upended.

I've been in this particular job, PT, for 15 years, now, and it's swung wildly from being 'okay'; good committed colleagues, even occasionally supported by management! Through to being surrounded by questionably qualified, largely uninterested, uninvolved fellow workers with a management, (every man-Jack of them in their first management job) bordering on vindictive such is their need to exercise their 'authority' over us.

I am sick to the back teeth of having to tolerate this.

Luckily, I have 2 years and 2.5 months left, if I don't get sacked for 'speaking truth to power' 😂 - that's when the youngest leaves uni; I'll be 60.

I've never loved my job, but I've rarely disliked it to the extent I do, now.

Finally found my people here!

Even though I’ve been fortunate and almost always had jobs, colleagues, workplaces and even careers I’ve mostly enjoyed, there was always a voice inside whispering that life shouldn’t be so regimented and struggled with selling the majority of my waking time for money. Being woken by the alarm early every day (when I’m a natural night owl), hurrying to get ready and arrive at work at the designated time went against my circadian rhythm.

Once there it often was fine as mentioned above. But then arriving home after a day at work feeling there was little time to spend time doing what I wanted to do (interests and hobbies). As a natural introvert I’m happy to spend lots of time alone and never get bored- in fact I have a list of hobbies I still want to get round to trying and a huge stack of books I want to read.

One of the worst aspects was accepting that I had only 4-5 weeks holiday time from work a year to travel. It seemed a bit like a trap and I craved more freedom than that especially having become used to long university holidays. Was this all there was to life, was I sentenced to working until state retirement age? The thought seemed very depressing.

Those feelings set in soon after securing my first FT job after graduating at age 22. On my lunch break one rainy day in that first job I found myself googling ‘early retirement’ expecting no real results but stumbled upon Early Retirement Extreme. It certainly was extreme but resonated strongly with me. From that point on I decided that until I had children (which I hoped would be about a decade later) I may as well go all in selling my time and invest as much as possible to have the option to not work again. So I did... worked FT plus several evenings self employed work, trained in a new career and worked several side hustles alongside it. Mostly work I enjoyed and suddenly it felt the means to an end and seeing my investments build up made it feel worthwhile.

I dropped down to 0.4 FTE after first baby and after the third stopped working. Youngest starts school in September but I have no plans to return to work. Honestly never get bored when youngest is at preschool in mornings and naps in the afternoons. I’d be interested in finding a way of earning a little in a fairly passive way but not being an employee again. DH still works and I can’t imagine him wanting to retire, and because I started invest so young into equities and property I have some income of my own through that.

A good book I’d recommend is Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robbins and Joe Dominguez (the original version published in the 1990s is apparently better than the updated version). Also explore the FIRE movement about retiring early- Mr Money Moustache website is good.